Not happy

I've never felt happy and always felt as though life is meant to be that way and recently have struggled with mental health or socially a long time, friends too and wheb i take care of myself everything seems fine but i dread going to school especially since my course isnt interesting and even throughout school finding motivation was so tiring and difficult but i dont know if things are meant to be this way and quitting the course makes me feel so guilty bdcause everyone says i can do anything but ive dtsrted this niw and life isnt essy so maybe ill regret it later and maybe i hsve to swallow the bitter pill and make friends gdt therapy and keep going anyway but im so stressed and unhappy and clearly have issues which are starting to be resolved and ive felt so sure i want to quit for so long but now it comed to taking the decision im bscking out if i could talk to someone about thid un depth i would really appreicate it im so unsure of everytbing ub life right now even life itsemf i jeep playing the mtntal heslth and chikdhood trsums card and feel so hesrf snd hsooy everytime someone like smasrtians hesrs me out snd i frel do light but psrt of me want to believe i csn be hsppy snd the other psrt tells me it usbt true sndnlife us mesbt to ve depresding mundsne abd boring and not fun, ive normslised it sndni know uve told myself thinfs to sccept itnand normalise it snd nrgstive self tslk but i belive in a higher power and this is the life uve been givdn and its whst u deserve when imnso close tonfdtting help im rehecting it all like ive always been rehectdd snd lesrn tonlive on theblittle things, sll the colour and flavour has been suckdd awsy and in so terrified ti sdmit it uts not in my fsmikies culture to accept these things but instead of forcefully keep going and im one of the first to break free from it and say this isnt okay i have to accelt this reality first but i keep defying the reality and feel so much pressure to make a decision and i havent done any assignments and submission is this week snd i havent been doing any uni work becsuse i could barely take care of my mental and physical health and keep focusing on friends so i feel like its all my own dilly dallying and i deserve this lsst minute pressure snd maybe it was all drama all onf so i dont have to be at uni but i tried despite feeling this wsy i dont know if i should just try hsrder snd keep going anyway through the mundane but when i peserevered it didnt change i feel like a little kid - also i have possible adhd, and i have ocd, just saying these things makes my heart drop it all feels like a dream bad or good, im so scared of dropping the act that im fine and being a good kid and student, i feel like im taking advantage of support by being a stubborn child abd even more scared of what my parents especially mum will say