Things I want to get off my chest
I am aware that this is available to likely anyone. I know the possibility of receiving backlash and hate, but this is simply something that I would like to talk about that has been weighing on me quite heavily for quite some time.
I do not like a lot of aspects of my life. I am in high school, thankfully I live comfortably, but the environment I was raised in from my incredibly old dad truly makes me despise him and my mother for bringing me into this world. He is currently sick and everytime he coughs or sneezes, he makes the loudest noise on purpose, acts incredibly frail, is always asleep, makes the couch or bed he was laying on smell like his sweat, and declares us to make him so many things every second of everyday. I am the oldest daughter, and I am in highschool, so I often try to volunteer to do these things for him in order to not only calm my annoyance, but today after making him tea 10 minutes before I had to leave for school, making the grocery list, making my brother breakfast, telling him what my sister takes to school for lunch, and after school making him tea and lunch, he proceeds to tell me I am lazy and do not help around the house. It makes me severely emotional and on the verge of tears in genuine frustration; I do the laundry, I warm up and sometimes cook lunch for me and my siblings, I wash the dishes, I put away the dishes, I clean up the messes he makes, I study, I do my homework. After waking up every few minutes from his naps he says 'can you do this?' or 'can you do that' and I think I immediately say yes or even declare for me to do it because it gives me a sense of control that he takes away from me everyday. He woke up at 6 pm and asked for something after I washed, peeled, and cut 4 kiwis for him, and he began to say that I'm lazy and he's busting my ass for me and my sister and brother. I've been aware since the fourth grade that my dad and his parenting is not normal and beneficial, and infact more harmful to my mental health, and though I acknowledge this completely, I still cannot remind myself of this in the moments of him belittling me and instead face him, seconds away from bawling. I am sorry for saying this for so long, but he genuinely has done so much in the few years that I need to genuinely let it out uncut. I apologize for the structure. I just needed to vent.
I do not like a lot of aspects of my life. I am in high school, thankfully I live comfortably, but the environment I was raised in from my incredibly old dad truly makes me despise him and my mother for bringing me into this world. He is currently sick and everytime he coughs or sneezes, he makes the loudest noise on purpose, acts incredibly frail, is always asleep, makes the couch or bed he was laying on smell like his sweat, and declares us to make him so many things every second of everyday. I am the oldest daughter, and I am in highschool, so I often try to volunteer to do these things for him in order to not only calm my annoyance, but today after making him tea 10 minutes before I had to leave for school, making the grocery list, making my brother breakfast, telling him what my sister takes to school for lunch, and after school making him tea and lunch, he proceeds to tell me I am lazy and do not help around the house. It makes me severely emotional and on the verge of tears in genuine frustration; I do the laundry, I warm up and sometimes cook lunch for me and my siblings, I wash the dishes, I put away the dishes, I clean up the messes he makes, I study, I do my homework. After waking up every few minutes from his naps he says 'can you do this?' or 'can you do that' and I think I immediately say yes or even declare for me to do it because it gives me a sense of control that he takes away from me everyday. He woke up at 6 pm and asked for something after I washed, peeled, and cut 4 kiwis for him, and he began to say that I'm lazy and he's busting my ass for me and my sister and brother. I've been aware since the fourth grade that my dad and his parenting is not normal and beneficial, and infact more harmful to my mental health, and though I acknowledge this completely, I still cannot remind myself of this in the moments of him belittling me and instead face him, seconds away from bawling. I am sorry for saying this for so long, but he genuinely has done so much in the few years that I need to genuinely let it out uncut. I apologize for the structure. I just needed to vent.
Reply 1
im sorry you feel like and i hope things get better for you, you will be in my prayers
Reply 2
Has your father been formally diagnosed?
It sounds like he may have a form of dementia.
There are many possible causes of dementia. The commonest is the same mechanism that causes heart disease. A clogging up of blood vessels. With dietary lifestyle being a major risk factor for the onset of these conditions.
It's great that you're feeding him delicious and healthy kiwis.
Tea is great too. Especially if it's green and served without sugar nor milk nor cream.
Understanding what's going on with him medically should help you to understand why he's so mean to you.
If he doesn't have dementia, it's possible that he may be on some medication that's contributing to his grumpiness.
Or he may be in a chronic bad mood because of some underlying condition he has that he's not happy about.
I'm prepared to give people a lot more slack if there's some medical factor to their nasty behaviour.
The Christmas holiday would be a great time for you to borrow a good book on nutrition from your local library and to read that. Or for you to watch a few videos on nutrition. The Nutrition Facts.org website has an index whereby you can search for videos on depression or dementia etc. The Viva Longevity! youtube channel has a lot of well put together videos too.
As Jimmy Carr said:
"You can't have a life that's comfortable AND character building"
What you're going through now is a temporary thing. Your father might be close to passing away. Or he could last for quite a few years to come. You will have an easy opportunity to leave home at the age of 18.
There is light at the end of your tunnel.
It's important that you generate as much of your own self-esteem as you can. Keep reminding yourself what a great daughter and sister you really are.
Do not bother qualifying, nor justifying nor explaining yourself when your dad (or anyone else) starts picking on you. Try instead to have a stronger frame than he does. For example by shrugging your shoulders, saying nothing, or saying whatever you want to say about a different subject and carrying on doing whatever it was you were doing.
There's no point in arguing with crazy. There's no point in arguing with evil.
Make it so that you primarily live for your own approval. If you've done what you reasonably can to study well and to support the rest of your family then you should go to be a content person - regardless of what anyone else says or thinks about you.
If it gets to the stage where it's too much, you can always contact social services or your family GP and explain the situation.
It could be that your father's condition gets to the stage where a nursing home is the best place for him, because his care needs are too high for him to remain in the family home.
Talking to other members of your family or close friends or possibly a trusted adult such as the student welfare person at your school may help. Especially if they're supportive and keep reminding you what a good person you are.
Also, as a little aside, it's worth double checking that he's receiving as much money as he's entitled to for his disabilities. As this is all money to be put towards his care and the family needs.
It sounds like he may have a form of dementia.
There are many possible causes of dementia. The commonest is the same mechanism that causes heart disease. A clogging up of blood vessels. With dietary lifestyle being a major risk factor for the onset of these conditions.
It's great that you're feeding him delicious and healthy kiwis.
Tea is great too. Especially if it's green and served without sugar nor milk nor cream.
Understanding what's going on with him medically should help you to understand why he's so mean to you.
If he doesn't have dementia, it's possible that he may be on some medication that's contributing to his grumpiness.
Or he may be in a chronic bad mood because of some underlying condition he has that he's not happy about.
I'm prepared to give people a lot more slack if there's some medical factor to their nasty behaviour.
The Christmas holiday would be a great time for you to borrow a good book on nutrition from your local library and to read that. Or for you to watch a few videos on nutrition. The Nutrition Facts.org website has an index whereby you can search for videos on depression or dementia etc. The Viva Longevity! youtube channel has a lot of well put together videos too.
As Jimmy Carr said:
"You can't have a life that's comfortable AND character building"
What you're going through now is a temporary thing. Your father might be close to passing away. Or he could last for quite a few years to come. You will have an easy opportunity to leave home at the age of 18.
There is light at the end of your tunnel.
It's important that you generate as much of your own self-esteem as you can. Keep reminding yourself what a great daughter and sister you really are.
Do not bother qualifying, nor justifying nor explaining yourself when your dad (or anyone else) starts picking on you. Try instead to have a stronger frame than he does. For example by shrugging your shoulders, saying nothing, or saying whatever you want to say about a different subject and carrying on doing whatever it was you were doing.
There's no point in arguing with crazy. There's no point in arguing with evil.
Make it so that you primarily live for your own approval. If you've done what you reasonably can to study well and to support the rest of your family then you should go to be a content person - regardless of what anyone else says or thinks about you.
If it gets to the stage where it's too much, you can always contact social services or your family GP and explain the situation.
It could be that your father's condition gets to the stage where a nursing home is the best place for him, because his care needs are too high for him to remain in the family home.
Talking to other members of your family or close friends or possibly a trusted adult such as the student welfare person at your school may help. Especially if they're supportive and keep reminding you what a good person you are.
Also, as a little aside, it's worth double checking that he's receiving as much money as he's entitled to for his disabilities. As this is all money to be put towards his care and the family needs.
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