Advice on uni selection for son who fell last summer and needs to pick himself up
I wanted to just run some stuff past some other parents.
My son did his A levels last summer and was predicted to do really well with 4 A*s in maths, further maths, chemistry and physics. He applied to some pretty good unis and was lucky enough to get offers to study maths at Oxford (A*A*A) and Durham (A*AA). As a result of only needing 3 A-levels he decided to drop chemistry and focus on his 3 strongest - M, FM and P.
He worked hard in the run up to his A levels but was super stressed when it came to the exams. He basically had mild panic attacks in one of each his maths and further maths papers and ended up with one really poor paper in both - in further maths he literally got 56% in one paper and low 90s in the other 2. He missed his A* by 4 marks out of 300 with an almost identical story in maths missing his A* by 5 marks out of 300.
We had the papers back and the marking was accurate. As a result he missed both Oxford and Durham. He has never missed an A* in any maths exam or mock except when it actually mattered. To say he was pole-axed is an understatement. He was and is desperately, desperately upset. He says it still makes him feel physically sick.
However much we tell him that AAA is a great set of results, he can only see the chances he missed.
He is now on an unexpected gap-year (and doing some cool stuff) with the intention of resitting both maths exams next June. He re-applied to Oxford more in hope than expectation and got rejected and is "on hold" at Bristol where he has a chance of an unconditional contextual offer, but after visiting Bristol a few times, he is really uncertain about Bristol as a city (I love it, but he was uncomfortable with the homelessness and open hard drug use). He has to submit all 5 UCAS choices by the middle of Jan and is really struggling to select the 3 unis to make up the final 5.
We need to get him to move past Oxford and focus on unis he has a chance of getting a place at. We're talking about a final set of:
1) Oxford (already applied rejected)
2) Durham (will need an A* on a retake)
3) Bristol (already submitted, on-hold - great rep, great course, may get an unconditional on the AAA he already has, but is really, really uncertain about the city itself)
4) Lancaster (lovely campus, good rep, may get unconditional with his AAA)
5) Exeter (again great campus, with a solid course, may get unconditional with his AAA)
He is desperate for an unconditional as he really doesn't want another unexpected gap-year.
If you've got this far thanks. Here are the questions:
Q1) Has anyone here got any 1st/2nd hand opinions on any of the universities or locations above (bar Oxford)?
Q2) Has anyone got any advice on how to get him to move on from screwing up his exams last summer and focus on enjoying whatever university experience lies ahead? What did they say to Gareth Southgate after he missed?
I thought being a parent would get easier as they got older. The issues are different, but it's exactly the same in that your heart aches for them when they hurt.
My son did his A levels last summer and was predicted to do really well with 4 A*s in maths, further maths, chemistry and physics. He applied to some pretty good unis and was lucky enough to get offers to study maths at Oxford (A*A*A) and Durham (A*AA). As a result of only needing 3 A-levels he decided to drop chemistry and focus on his 3 strongest - M, FM and P.
He worked hard in the run up to his A levels but was super stressed when it came to the exams. He basically had mild panic attacks in one of each his maths and further maths papers and ended up with one really poor paper in both - in further maths he literally got 56% in one paper and low 90s in the other 2. He missed his A* by 4 marks out of 300 with an almost identical story in maths missing his A* by 5 marks out of 300.
We had the papers back and the marking was accurate. As a result he missed both Oxford and Durham. He has never missed an A* in any maths exam or mock except when it actually mattered. To say he was pole-axed is an understatement. He was and is desperately, desperately upset. He says it still makes him feel physically sick.
However much we tell him that AAA is a great set of results, he can only see the chances he missed.
He is now on an unexpected gap-year (and doing some cool stuff) with the intention of resitting both maths exams next June. He re-applied to Oxford more in hope than expectation and got rejected and is "on hold" at Bristol where he has a chance of an unconditional contextual offer, but after visiting Bristol a few times, he is really uncertain about Bristol as a city (I love it, but he was uncomfortable with the homelessness and open hard drug use). He has to submit all 5 UCAS choices by the middle of Jan and is really struggling to select the 3 unis to make up the final 5.
We need to get him to move past Oxford and focus on unis he has a chance of getting a place at. We're talking about a final set of:
1) Oxford (already applied rejected)
2) Durham (will need an A* on a retake)
3) Bristol (already submitted, on-hold - great rep, great course, may get an unconditional on the AAA he already has, but is really, really uncertain about the city itself)
4) Lancaster (lovely campus, good rep, may get unconditional with his AAA)
5) Exeter (again great campus, with a solid course, may get unconditional with his AAA)
He is desperate for an unconditional as he really doesn't want another unexpected gap-year.
If you've got this far thanks. Here are the questions:
Q1) Has anyone here got any 1st/2nd hand opinions on any of the universities or locations above (bar Oxford)?
Q2) Has anyone got any advice on how to get him to move on from screwing up his exams last summer and focus on enjoying whatever university experience lies ahead? What did they say to Gareth Southgate after he missed?
I thought being a parent would get easier as they got older. The issues are different, but it's exactly the same in that your heart aches for them when they hurt.
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
I am sorry to hear of your son's setbacks and hope that he will be OK. You are of course right to say that AAA is a great set of results. The competition for places at the most selective universities is hard on young people.
My suggestion would be to choose a university which assesses degree candidates substantually through course work.
Perhaps not going to Oxford will turn out to be a benefit in your son's case because he might perhaps have a higher susceptibility to exam stress than some other students do, and Oxford is exam-heavy.
I hope that your son finds a place where he will thrive. He is plainly bright and studious and can shine at undergraduate level, with the possibility of postgraduate study to follow, should that be a path that interests him in due course.
Best wishes.
My suggestion would be to choose a university which assesses degree candidates substantually through course work.
Perhaps not going to Oxford will turn out to be a benefit in your son's case because he might perhaps have a higher susceptibility to exam stress than some other students do, and Oxford is exam-heavy.
I hope that your son finds a place where he will thrive. He is plainly bright and studious and can shine at undergraduate level, with the possibility of postgraduate study to follow, should that be a path that interests him in due course.
Best wishes.
Reply 2
1) If you’re unable to go to open days maybe look on the uni websites and see if they offer virtual open days, representatives on sites like unibuddy and virtual campus tours on YouTube or their own websites. That will give you a better idea of the uni hopefully 🙂
2) Has your son been able to sit any mocks since his last attempt at a levels? If he sits some mocks and uses them as an opportunity to practice using calming strategies this may make him feel more confident. With regards the mention of panic attacks, does he have an anxiety disorder or similar? If the panic attacks were a one off then it’s unlikely he would be elegible for accommodations like rest breaks but if theyre part of an anxiety disorder or similar he may be able to get accommodations for exams (eg: breaks during the exam, use of earplugs, a smaller room for exams if applicable)
2) Has your son been able to sit any mocks since his last attempt at a levels? If he sits some mocks and uses them as an opportunity to practice using calming strategies this may make him feel more confident. With regards the mention of panic attacks, does he have an anxiety disorder or similar? If the panic attacks were a one off then it’s unlikely he would be elegible for accommodations like rest breaks but if theyre part of an anxiety disorder or similar he may be able to get accommodations for exams (eg: breaks during the exam, use of earplugs, a smaller room for exams if applicable)
Reply 3
20
As above - a high-pressure RG Uni is probably not the right place for your son. Please do not underestimate the impact on someone feeling the need to constantly 'perform' in this sort of environment.
Lancaster is smaller, quieter, and more manageable - and still has an excellent academic reputation.
Lancaster is smaller, quieter, and more manageable - and still has an excellent academic reputation.
Reply 4
13
I studied maths at Bristol! Honestly, I think you might’ve visited the wrong areas if there’s a concern about homelessness & drug use. There are so many groups to get involved in, It’s a great city & he’ll find his people there. The accommodation in Stoke Bishop & Clifton has more of the student halls feel, similar to the colleges in Oxford.
Reply 5
9
Original post
by piehamI studied maths at Bristol! Honestly, I think you might’ve visited the wrong areas if there’s a concern about homelessness & drug use. There are so many groups to get involved in, It’s a great city & he’ll find his people there. The accommodation in Stoke Bishop & Clifton has more of the student halls feel, similar to the colleges in Oxford.
We tried hard to show him some of the positives. Walked through the old area around cornmarket, past the cathedral and college green then up to the campus and the lovely new maths building.
I think there is a large factor here that he had grown up in a small village in the countryside.
Personally I think he would grow to love it. But he also needs to be convinced.
Reply 6
Original post
by Hodders68I wanted to just run some stuff past some other parents.
My son did his A levels last summer and was predicted to do really well with 4 A*s in maths, further maths, chemistry and physics. He applied to some pretty good unis and was lucky enough to get offers to study maths at Oxford (A*A*A) and Durham (A*AA). As a result of only needing 3 A-levels he decided to drop chemistry and focus on his 3 strongest - M, FM and P.
He worked hard in the run up to his A levels but was super stressed when it came to the exams. He basically had mild panic attacks in one of each his maths and further maths papers and ended up with one really poor paper in both - in further maths he literally got 56% in one paper and low 90s in the other 2. He missed his A* by 4 marks out of 300 with an almost identical story in maths missing his A* by 5 marks out of 300.
We had the papers back and the marking was accurate. As a result he missed both Oxford and Durham. He has never missed an A* in any maths exam or mock except when it actually mattered. To say he was pole-axed is an understatement. He was and is desperately, desperately upset. He says it still makes him feel physically sick.
However much we tell him that AAA is a great set of results, he can only see the chances he missed.
He is now on an unexpected gap-year (and doing some cool stuff) with the intention of resitting both maths exams next June. He re-applied to Oxford more in hope than expectation and got rejected and is "on hold" at Bristol where he has a chance of an unconditional contextual offer, but after visiting Bristol a few times, he is really uncertain about Bristol as a city (I love it, but he was uncomfortable with the homelessness and open hard drug use). He has to submit all 5 UCAS choices by the middle of Jan and is really struggling to select the 3 unis to make up the final 5.
We need to get him to move past Oxford and focus on unis he has a chance of getting a place at. We're talking about a final set of:
1) Oxford (already applied rejected)
2) Durham (will need an A* on a retake)
3) Bristol (already submitted, on-hold - great rep, great course, may get an unconditional on the AAA he already has, but is really, really uncertain about the city itself)
4) Lancaster (lovely campus, good rep, may get unconditional with his AAA)
5) Exeter (again great campus, with a solid course, may get unconditional with his AAA)
He is desperate for an unconditional as he really doesn't want another unexpected gap-year.
If you've got this far thanks. Here are the questions:
Q1) Has anyone here got any 1st/2nd hand opinions on any of the universities or locations above (bar Oxford)?
Q2) Has anyone got any advice on how to get him to move on from screwing up his exams last summer and focus on enjoying whatever university experience lies ahead? What did they say to Gareth Southgate after he missed?
I thought being a parent would get easier as they got older. The issues are different, but it's exactly the same in that your heart aches for them when they hurt.
My son did his A levels last summer and was predicted to do really well with 4 A*s in maths, further maths, chemistry and physics. He applied to some pretty good unis and was lucky enough to get offers to study maths at Oxford (A*A*A) and Durham (A*AA). As a result of only needing 3 A-levels he decided to drop chemistry and focus on his 3 strongest - M, FM and P.
He worked hard in the run up to his A levels but was super stressed when it came to the exams. He basically had mild panic attacks in one of each his maths and further maths papers and ended up with one really poor paper in both - in further maths he literally got 56% in one paper and low 90s in the other 2. He missed his A* by 4 marks out of 300 with an almost identical story in maths missing his A* by 5 marks out of 300.
We had the papers back and the marking was accurate. As a result he missed both Oxford and Durham. He has never missed an A* in any maths exam or mock except when it actually mattered. To say he was pole-axed is an understatement. He was and is desperately, desperately upset. He says it still makes him feel physically sick.
However much we tell him that AAA is a great set of results, he can only see the chances he missed.
He is now on an unexpected gap-year (and doing some cool stuff) with the intention of resitting both maths exams next June. He re-applied to Oxford more in hope than expectation and got rejected and is "on hold" at Bristol where he has a chance of an unconditional contextual offer, but after visiting Bristol a few times, he is really uncertain about Bristol as a city (I love it, but he was uncomfortable with the homelessness and open hard drug use). He has to submit all 5 UCAS choices by the middle of Jan and is really struggling to select the 3 unis to make up the final 5.
We need to get him to move past Oxford and focus on unis he has a chance of getting a place at. We're talking about a final set of:
1) Oxford (already applied rejected)
2) Durham (will need an A* on a retake)
3) Bristol (already submitted, on-hold - great rep, great course, may get an unconditional on the AAA he already has, but is really, really uncertain about the city itself)
4) Lancaster (lovely campus, good rep, may get unconditional with his AAA)
5) Exeter (again great campus, with a solid course, may get unconditional with his AAA)
He is desperate for an unconditional as he really doesn't want another unexpected gap-year.
If you've got this far thanks. Here are the questions:
Q1) Has anyone here got any 1st/2nd hand opinions on any of the universities or locations above (bar Oxford)?
Q2) Has anyone got any advice on how to get him to move on from screwing up his exams last summer and focus on enjoying whatever university experience lies ahead? What did they say to Gareth Southgate after he missed?
I thought being a parent would get easier as they got older. The issues are different, but it's exactly the same in that your heart aches for them when they hurt.
This was me several years ago. I had a Cambridge offer (not for maths, however) and had a crisis during exam season and missed my required grades. Like your son, my grades were not “bad,” but I could have done so much better! I later then went to a lovely Russell Group university and did a different subject. Best decision I could have made. I rebuilt my confidence and it gave me a fresh start where I was no longer defined by my A-levels as my most recent qualifications. I then ended up at Oxford, where I am currently a faculty member doing research, teaching, and outreach work that I am immensely proud of. My advice, then, would be to go to a nice Russell Group and mourn what could have been; it won’t matter in a couple years anyway. Exeter is very nice from personal experience too!
Original post
by Hodders68I wanted to just run some stuff past some other parents.
My son did his A levels last summer and was predicted to do really well with 4 A*s in maths, further maths, chemistry and physics. He applied to some pretty good unis and was lucky enough to get offers to study maths at Oxford (A*A*A) and Durham (A*AA). As a result of only needing 3 A-levels he decided to drop chemistry and focus on his 3 strongest - M, FM and P.
He worked hard in the run up to his A levels but was super stressed when it came to the exams. He basically had mild panic attacks in one of each his maths and further maths papers and ended up with one really poor paper in both - in further maths he literally got 56% in one paper and low 90s in the other 2. He missed his A* by 4 marks out of 300 with an almost identical story in maths missing his A* by 5 marks out of 300.
We had the papers back and the marking was accurate. As a result he missed both Oxford and Durham. He has never missed an A* in any maths exam or mock except when it actually mattered. To say he was pole-axed is an understatement. He was and is desperately, desperately upset. He says it still makes him feel physically sick.
However much we tell him that AAA is a great set of results, he can only see the chances he missed.
He is now on an unexpected gap-year (and doing some cool stuff) with the intention of resitting both maths exams next June. He re-applied to Oxford more in hope than expectation and got rejected and is "on hold" at Bristol where he has a chance of an unconditional contextual offer, but after visiting Bristol a few times, he is really uncertain about Bristol as a city (I love it, but he was uncomfortable with the homelessness and open hard drug use). He has to submit all 5 UCAS choices by the middle of Jan and is really struggling to select the 3 unis to make up the final 5.
We need to get him to move past Oxford and focus on unis he has a chance of getting a place at. We're talking about a final set of:
1) Oxford (already applied rejected)
2) Durham (will need an A* on a retake)
3) Bristol (already submitted, on-hold - great rep, great course, may get an unconditional on the AAA he already has, but is really, really uncertain about the city itself)
4) Lancaster (lovely campus, good rep, may get unconditional with his AAA)
5) Exeter (again great campus, with a solid course, may get unconditional with his AAA)
He is desperate for an unconditional as he really doesn't want another unexpected gap-year.
If you've got this far thanks. Here are the questions:
Q1) Has anyone here got any 1st/2nd hand opinions on any of the universities or locations above (bar Oxford)?
Q2) Has anyone got any advice on how to get him to move on from screwing up his exams last summer and focus on enjoying whatever university experience lies ahead? What did they say to Gareth Southgate after he missed?
I thought being a parent would get easier as they got older. The issues are different, but it's exactly the same in that your heart aches for them when they hurt.
My son did his A levels last summer and was predicted to do really well with 4 A*s in maths, further maths, chemistry and physics. He applied to some pretty good unis and was lucky enough to get offers to study maths at Oxford (A*A*A) and Durham (A*AA). As a result of only needing 3 A-levels he decided to drop chemistry and focus on his 3 strongest - M, FM and P.
He worked hard in the run up to his A levels but was super stressed when it came to the exams. He basically had mild panic attacks in one of each his maths and further maths papers and ended up with one really poor paper in both - in further maths he literally got 56% in one paper and low 90s in the other 2. He missed his A* by 4 marks out of 300 with an almost identical story in maths missing his A* by 5 marks out of 300.
We had the papers back and the marking was accurate. As a result he missed both Oxford and Durham. He has never missed an A* in any maths exam or mock except when it actually mattered. To say he was pole-axed is an understatement. He was and is desperately, desperately upset. He says it still makes him feel physically sick.
However much we tell him that AAA is a great set of results, he can only see the chances he missed.
He is now on an unexpected gap-year (and doing some cool stuff) with the intention of resitting both maths exams next June. He re-applied to Oxford more in hope than expectation and got rejected and is "on hold" at Bristol where he has a chance of an unconditional contextual offer, but after visiting Bristol a few times, he is really uncertain about Bristol as a city (I love it, but he was uncomfortable with the homelessness and open hard drug use). He has to submit all 5 UCAS choices by the middle of Jan and is really struggling to select the 3 unis to make up the final 5.
We need to get him to move past Oxford and focus on unis he has a chance of getting a place at. We're talking about a final set of:
1) Oxford (already applied rejected)
2) Durham (will need an A* on a retake)
3) Bristol (already submitted, on-hold - great rep, great course, may get an unconditional on the AAA he already has, but is really, really uncertain about the city itself)
4) Lancaster (lovely campus, good rep, may get unconditional with his AAA)
5) Exeter (again great campus, with a solid course, may get unconditional with his AAA)
He is desperate for an unconditional as he really doesn't want another unexpected gap-year.
If you've got this far thanks. Here are the questions:
Q1) Has anyone here got any 1st/2nd hand opinions on any of the universities or locations above (bar Oxford)?
Q2) Has anyone got any advice on how to get him to move on from screwing up his exams last summer and focus on enjoying whatever university experience lies ahead? What did they say to Gareth Southgate after he missed?
I thought being a parent would get easier as they got older. The issues are different, but it's exactly the same in that your heart aches for them when they hurt.
Just a couple thoughts -
If he's not keen on having to have an unconditional officer, presumably he's not keen on retaking. I'd probably suggest moving away from that and focusing on the unis he currently meets requirements for, then he doesn't need to worry about doing exams again. Thus also taking Durham out of the mix.
Out of the choices listed, Bristol is very strong for maths. Conventionally it's often held to be the next best maths department after the Oxford/Cambridge/Imperial/Warwick tetrad. If he wanted to go to Oxbridge after graduating for a masters/PhD I imagine it's very possible to do so from Bristol. In principle from any of those unis but Bristol offers a much greater breadth and depth of options, so something to consider?
I would caution that, unfortunately homeless is pretty high across the UK. This is simply a part of city life. There are definitely a fair number of homeless people in Exeter for example (or certainly were when I was there, and given the cost of living crisis I can't see that the number is likely to have gone down). Likewise with drug use (I recall when I was at Exeter they tested the campus toilets and every single one had traces of cocaine...) - these are just experiences that are part of being in a city (even small ones like Exeter!). Just because it's happening doesn't mean he has to be involved though, and it's usually not too hard to avoid it
I'd say Exeter (for the main/Streatham campus) isn't really comparable to the other ones listed or the above for maths. It's ok as a regional pick if you're limited to the southwest but if you're not, there's probably other unis I'd suggest considering first. Also I personally had a rather poor experience Re: student support in terms of mental health issues and disabled student support while I was there, and have seen several other posters also had bad experiences with these/neurodivergence support while at the uni. Also when I was there they didn't have their own building or anything for example, honestly maths seemed kind of just an extra thing stuffed into the engineering building (I think they were up on the top floor?).
That said everyone I know who studied on the Exeter Cornwall campus seemed to love it there and several actually ended up staying in Cornwall long term for careers after graduating because they liked it so much! So the above doesn't necessarily apply to the course on that campus
I would however suggest looking at Loughborough - it's AAA and also a good maths department, and they have specific expertise in higher mathematical pedagogy too so the experience of learning maths at degree level might well be improved by this
It's also less city based I believe which may avoid some of the above if he's really resolutely against city living due to those factors mentioned before.Reply 8
20
And - please be careful about imposing your own ambitions on your son. I have been a part of the fallout from this sort of situation, and it isnt nice. Does your son actually want to go to Uni at all - and are you accepting of his views on this or just trying to 'persuade him' or 'convince him' because you want him to move on with his life. Think carefully about what is actually going on here.
Reply 9
Original post
by Hodders68I wanted to just run some stuff past some other parents.
My son did his A levels last summer and was predicted to do really well with 4 A*s in maths, further maths, chemistry and physics. He applied to some pretty good unis and was lucky enough to get offers to study maths at Oxford (A*A*A) and Durham (A*AA). As a result of only needing 3 A-levels he decided to drop chemistry and focus on his 3 strongest - M, FM and P.
He worked hard in the run up to his A levels but was super stressed when it came to the exams. He basically had mild panic attacks in one of each his maths and further maths papers and ended up with one really poor paper in both - in further maths he literally got 56% in one paper and low 90s in the other 2. He missed his A* by 4 marks out of 300 with an almost identical story in maths missing his A* by 5 marks out of 300.
We had the papers back and the marking was accurate. As a result he missed both Oxford and Durham. He has never missed an A* in any maths exam or mock except when it actually mattered. To say he was pole-axed is an understatement. He was and is desperately, desperately upset. He says it still makes him feel physically sick.
However much we tell him that AAA is a great set of results, he can only see the chances he missed.
He is now on an unexpected gap-year (and doing some cool stuff) with the intention of resitting both maths exams next June. He re-applied to Oxford more in hope than expectation and got rejected and is "on hold" at Bristol where he has a chance of an unconditional contextual offer, but after visiting Bristol a few times, he is really uncertain about Bristol as a city (I love it, but he was uncomfortable with the homelessness and open hard drug use). He has to submit all 5 UCAS choices by the middle of Jan and is really struggling to select the 3 unis to make up the final 5.
We need to get him to move past Oxford and focus on unis he has a chance of getting a place at. We're talking about a final set of:
1) Oxford (already applied rejected)
2) Durham (will need an A* on a retake)
3) Bristol (already submitted, on-hold - great rep, great course, may get an unconditional on the AAA he already has, but is really, really uncertain about the city itself)
4) Lancaster (lovely campus, good rep, may get unconditional with his AAA)
5) Exeter (again great campus, with a solid course, may get unconditional with his AAA)
He is desperate for an unconditional as he really doesn't want another unexpected gap-year.
If you've got this far thanks. Here are the questions:
Q1) Has anyone here got any 1st/2nd hand opinions on any of the universities or locations above (bar Oxford)?
Q2) Has anyone got any advice on how to get him to move on from screwing up his exams last summer and focus on enjoying whatever university experience lies ahead? What did they say to Gareth Southgate after he missed?
I thought being a parent would get easier as they got older. The issues are different, but it's exactly the same in that your heart aches for them when they hurt.
My son did his A levels last summer and was predicted to do really well with 4 A*s in maths, further maths, chemistry and physics. He applied to some pretty good unis and was lucky enough to get offers to study maths at Oxford (A*A*A) and Durham (A*AA). As a result of only needing 3 A-levels he decided to drop chemistry and focus on his 3 strongest - M, FM and P.
He worked hard in the run up to his A levels but was super stressed when it came to the exams. He basically had mild panic attacks in one of each his maths and further maths papers and ended up with one really poor paper in both - in further maths he literally got 56% in one paper and low 90s in the other 2. He missed his A* by 4 marks out of 300 with an almost identical story in maths missing his A* by 5 marks out of 300.
We had the papers back and the marking was accurate. As a result he missed both Oxford and Durham. He has never missed an A* in any maths exam or mock except when it actually mattered. To say he was pole-axed is an understatement. He was and is desperately, desperately upset. He says it still makes him feel physically sick.
However much we tell him that AAA is a great set of results, he can only see the chances he missed.
He is now on an unexpected gap-year (and doing some cool stuff) with the intention of resitting both maths exams next June. He re-applied to Oxford more in hope than expectation and got rejected and is "on hold" at Bristol where he has a chance of an unconditional contextual offer, but after visiting Bristol a few times, he is really uncertain about Bristol as a city (I love it, but he was uncomfortable with the homelessness and open hard drug use). He has to submit all 5 UCAS choices by the middle of Jan and is really struggling to select the 3 unis to make up the final 5.
We need to get him to move past Oxford and focus on unis he has a chance of getting a place at. We're talking about a final set of:
1) Oxford (already applied rejected)
2) Durham (will need an A* on a retake)
3) Bristol (already submitted, on-hold - great rep, great course, may get an unconditional on the AAA he already has, but is really, really uncertain about the city itself)
4) Lancaster (lovely campus, good rep, may get unconditional with his AAA)
5) Exeter (again great campus, with a solid course, may get unconditional with his AAA)
He is desperate for an unconditional as he really doesn't want another unexpected gap-year.
If you've got this far thanks. Here are the questions:
Q1) Has anyone here got any 1st/2nd hand opinions on any of the universities or locations above (bar Oxford)?
Q2) Has anyone got any advice on how to get him to move on from screwing up his exams last summer and focus on enjoying whatever university experience lies ahead? What did they say to Gareth Southgate after he missed?
I thought being a parent would get easier as they got older. The issues are different, but it's exactly the same in that your heart aches for them when they hurt.
Hi @Hodders68,
I’m really sorry your son (and you) have been through this. What you’ve described is honestly far more common than people admit, especially among very high-achieving students who put enormous pressure on themselves. AAA in Maths, Further Maths and Physics is an exceptional outcome, even if it doesn’t feel that way to him right now.
Speaking specifically from an Exeter perspective:
Q1: Exeter tends to be a really good fit for students who want a strong academic reputation without the intensity and pressure-cooker feel of somewhere like Oxford. Maths at Exeter is well regarded, well taught, and attracts a mix of very able students – including plenty who, like your son, narrowly missed Oxbridge or Durham. He absolutely would not be “the odd one out” academically.
The campus and city are often a big selling point for students who feel overwhelmed after a stressful period. Streatham Campus is green, calm, self-contained and genuinely beautiful. The city itself is smaller, cleaner, and generally feels safer and more manageable than some larger university cities. For students who are a bit burnt out or anxious, that environment can make a huge difference to settling in and rebuilding confidence.
Q2: This is the harder bit, and it’s honestly not something that can be rushed. From what you’ve written, your son didn’t “fail” academically – he had a stress response in a high-stakes environment. That’s not a reflection of his ability, intelligence, or future potential, but it feels personal because it happened on the day that mattered most.
What often helps students like him is reframing university not as a consolation prize for “what might have been”, but as a reset. Exeter, in particular, can be a place where students rediscover enjoyment in learning maths without feeling constantly measured against an Oxbridge standard. Many go on to achieve firsts, PhDs, top-tier graduate roles, and academic careers from Exeter – the door absolutely is not closed.
It’s also worth gently reminding him that universities don’t define careers nearly as much as they used to. Once he’s a year or two into a degree, no one will ask about missed A*s – they’ll care about what he does there. And the fact he’s doing interesting things on his gap year, is willing to resit, and is still aiming high says a lot about his resilience, even if he doesn’t feel it yet. He should use this time to understand his purpose beyond his grades - I also used to view my self worth by my grades and it takes some time to understand that they are only a very very small part of who you are.
In my opinion, Exeter looks like a very strong option that offers academic credibility, a supportive environment, and the chance to actually enjoy university. That combination can be far more powerful than prestige alone.
Hope this helps a little 🙂
Klaudia
University of Exeter Student Ambassador
Reply 10
20
Original post
by Hodders68I wanted to just run some stuff past some other parents.
My son did his A levels last summer and was predicted to do really well with 4 A*s in maths, further maths, chemistry and physics. He applied to some pretty good unis and was lucky enough to get offers to study maths at Oxford (A*A*A) and Durham (A*AA). As a result of only needing 3 A-levels he decided to drop chemistry and focus on his 3 strongest - M, FM and P.
He worked hard in the run up to his A levels but was super stressed when it came to the exams. He basically had mild panic attacks in one of each his maths and further maths papers and ended up with one really poor paper in both - in further maths he literally got 56% in one paper and low 90s in the other 2. He missed his A* by 4 marks out of 300 with an almost identical story in maths missing his A* by 5 marks out of 300.
We had the papers back and the marking was accurate. As a result he missed both Oxford and Durham. He has never missed an A* in any maths exam or mock except when it actually mattered. To say he was pole-axed is an understatement. He was and is desperately, desperately upset. He says it still makes him feel physically sick.
However much we tell him that AAA is a great set of results, he can only see the chances he missed.
He is now on an unexpected gap-year (and doing some cool stuff) with the intention of resitting both maths exams next June. He re-applied to Oxford more in hope than expectation and got rejected and is "on hold" at Bristol where he has a chance of an unconditional contextual offer, but after visiting Bristol a few times, he is really uncertain about Bristol as a city (I love it, but he was uncomfortable with the homelessness and open hard drug use). He has to submit all 5 UCAS choices by the middle of Jan and is really struggling to select the 3 unis to make up the final 5.
We need to get him to move past Oxford and focus on unis he has a chance of getting a place at. We're talking about a final set of:
1) Oxford (already applied rejected)
2) Durham (will need an A* on a retake)
3) Bristol (already submitted, on-hold - great rep, great course, may get an unconditional on the AAA he already has, but is really, really uncertain about the city itself)
4) Lancaster (lovely campus, good rep, may get unconditional with his AAA)
5) Exeter (again great campus, with a solid course, may get unconditional with his AAA)
He is desperate for an unconditional as he really doesn't want another unexpected gap-year.
If you've got this far thanks. Here are the questions:
Q1) Has anyone here got any 1st/2nd hand opinions on any of the universities or locations above (bar Oxford)?
Q2) Has anyone got any advice on how to get him to move on from screwing up his exams last summer and focus on enjoying whatever university experience lies ahead? What did they say to Gareth Southgate after he missed?
I thought being a parent would get easier as they got older. The issues are different, but it's exactly the same in that your heart aches for them when they hurt.
My son did his A levels last summer and was predicted to do really well with 4 A*s in maths, further maths, chemistry and physics. He applied to some pretty good unis and was lucky enough to get offers to study maths at Oxford (A*A*A) and Durham (A*AA). As a result of only needing 3 A-levels he decided to drop chemistry and focus on his 3 strongest - M, FM and P.
He worked hard in the run up to his A levels but was super stressed when it came to the exams. He basically had mild panic attacks in one of each his maths and further maths papers and ended up with one really poor paper in both - in further maths he literally got 56% in one paper and low 90s in the other 2. He missed his A* by 4 marks out of 300 with an almost identical story in maths missing his A* by 5 marks out of 300.
We had the papers back and the marking was accurate. As a result he missed both Oxford and Durham. He has never missed an A* in any maths exam or mock except when it actually mattered. To say he was pole-axed is an understatement. He was and is desperately, desperately upset. He says it still makes him feel physically sick.
However much we tell him that AAA is a great set of results, he can only see the chances he missed.
He is now on an unexpected gap-year (and doing some cool stuff) with the intention of resitting both maths exams next June. He re-applied to Oxford more in hope than expectation and got rejected and is "on hold" at Bristol where he has a chance of an unconditional contextual offer, but after visiting Bristol a few times, he is really uncertain about Bristol as a city (I love it, but he was uncomfortable with the homelessness and open hard drug use). He has to submit all 5 UCAS choices by the middle of Jan and is really struggling to select the 3 unis to make up the final 5.
We need to get him to move past Oxford and focus on unis he has a chance of getting a place at. We're talking about a final set of:
1) Oxford (already applied rejected)
2) Durham (will need an A* on a retake)
3) Bristol (already submitted, on-hold - great rep, great course, may get an unconditional on the AAA he already has, but is really, really uncertain about the city itself)
4) Lancaster (lovely campus, good rep, may get unconditional with his AAA)
5) Exeter (again great campus, with a solid course, may get unconditional with his AAA)
He is desperate for an unconditional as he really doesn't want another unexpected gap-year.
If you've got this far thanks. Here are the questions:
Q1) Has anyone here got any 1st/2nd hand opinions on any of the universities or locations above (bar Oxford)?
Q2) Has anyone got any advice on how to get him to move on from screwing up his exams last summer and focus on enjoying whatever university experience lies ahead? What did they say to Gareth Southgate after he missed?
I thought being a parent would get easier as they got older. The issues are different, but it's exactly the same in that your heart aches for them when they hurt.
Southhampton
Bath
Nottingham
One nephew went to Southampton for Maths and he loved it so much he barely came home.We
met his many friends at his wedding and they seemed a fun,delightful bunch who remained closr after leaving.
Son's friend,a shock Cambridge reject as former head boy and golden boy of school also enjoyed his time there as a medic.
Bath is well thought of for maths and a bit less insular than Bristol being a campus uni.Also AAA.
Another nephew went to Nottingham for Maths.Beautiful campus.Do not get hung up on RG unis for undergrad.It is irrelevant.
In general I would say high achievers do tend to be hard hit by disappoinntment.They are not used to it
Maybe forgetting retakes and working or travelling might be better in terms of putting A level grades and their importance into perspective.My brother was a trader up in the city.He was not particularly academic and had lived his life sandwiched between two very bright sisters As a trader he was highly successful and said the fact that he was not a perfectionist and used to things not always working out was his greatest advantage over his more academic peets.I do think there is something in this.
Your son will get over this when he actually moves on to the next chapter in his life away from A levels.
Really feel for you as a parent but from personal experience there is more than one road to contentment.Also know how difficult clever sons can make it to persuade them of this.Sometimes other family members and friends can have more impact at this stage in their lives.All the best.
Reply 11
Original post
by Hodders68We tried hard to show him some of the positives. Walked through the old area around cornmarket, past the cathedral and college green then up to the campus and the lovely new maths building.
I think there is a large factor here that he had grown up in a small village in the countryside.
Personally I think he would grow to love it. But he also needs to be convinced.
I think there is a large factor here that he had grown up in a small village in the countryside.
Personally I think he would grow to love it. But he also needs to be convinced.
I think he would enjoy Exeter more than Bristol - such a lovely campus - very green.
This is inside one of the student buildings
Reply 12
Original post
by Hodders68We tried hard to show him some of the positives. Walked through the old area around cornmarket, past the cathedral and college green then up to the campus and the lovely new maths building.
I think there is a large factor here that he had grown up in a small village in the countryside.
Personally I think he would grow to love it. But he also needs to be convinced.
I think there is a large factor here that he had grown up in a small village in the countryside.
Personally I think he would grow to love it. But he also needs to be convinced.
Hi!
I am really sorry about the setbacks that happened, the whole process of applying, choosing and starting uni can be extremely stressful. It would be better and easier to transition into a calmer area like Durham, Lancaster, or Exeter. Bristol is academically good but it is understandable if he feels overwhelmed since it is a big vibrant city. Once he starts university he will learn to enjoy the present, remind him that in a few years time, his a-level results will not important, as employers look at university degrees instead 🤗
•
Sarah (Kingston Rep)
Reply 13
9
Original post
by Kingston SarahHi!
I am really sorry about the setbacks that happened, the whole process of applying, choosing and starting uni can be extremely stressful. It would be better and easier to transition into a calmer area like Durham, Lancaster, or Exeter. Bristol is academically good but it is understandable if he feels overwhelmed since it is a big vibrant city. Once he starts university he will learn to enjoy the present, remind him that in a few years time, his a-level results will not important, as employers look at university degrees instead 🤗
I am really sorry about the setbacks that happened, the whole process of applying, choosing and starting uni can be extremely stressful. It would be better and easier to transition into a calmer area like Durham, Lancaster, or Exeter. Bristol is academically good but it is understandable if he feels overwhelmed since it is a big vibrant city. Once he starts university he will learn to enjoy the present, remind him that in a few years time, his a-level results will not important, as employers look at university degrees instead 🤗
•
Sarah (Kingston Rep)
The points you make certainly resonate.
He is still ambitious and wants an academically challenging course. Of the unis he is looking at Bristol and Durham would be the best regarded, but Durham would require retakes in order to get the A* he needs (his MAT/TMUA are good enough he gets a 1 grade lower offer).
I think he really wants an unconditional from either Bristol or Lancaster as they are both well regarded courses and would give him some certainly - he was really upset by the "I'm going to Oxford/Durham" - open an envelope - "no I'm not" experience.
Once he has an unconditional as insurance, he will feel a lot less stressed by retakes and any uncertainly about his firm choice.
Really appreciate all the comments here, it's been really useful to read them all.
Reply 14
20
Original post
by Hodders68The points you make certainly resonate.
He is still ambitious and wants an academically challenging course. Of the unis he is looking at Bristol and Durham would be the best regarded, but Durham would require retakes in order to get the A* he needs (his MAT/TMUA are good enough he gets a 1 grade lower offer).
I think he really wants an unconditional from either Bristol or Lancaster as they are both well regarded courses and would give him some certainly - he was really upset by the "I'm going to Oxford/Durham" - open an envelope - "no I'm not" experience.
Once he has an unconditional as insurance, he will feel a lot less stressed by retakes and any uncertainly about his firm choice.
Really appreciate all the comments here, it's been really useful to read them all.
He is still ambitious and wants an academically challenging course. Of the unis he is looking at Bristol and Durham would be the best regarded, but Durham would require retakes in order to get the A* he needs (his MAT/TMUA are good enough he gets a 1 grade lower offer).
I think he really wants an unconditional from either Bristol or Lancaster as they are both well regarded courses and would give him some certainly - he was really upset by the "I'm going to Oxford/Durham" - open an envelope - "no I'm not" experience.
Once he has an unconditional as insurance, he will feel a lot less stressed by retakes and any uncertainly about his firm choice.
Really appreciate all the comments here, it's been really useful to read them all.
Southampton typical entry is AAA so good unconditional option.
Reply 15
Original post
by Hodders68The points you make certainly resonate.
He is still ambitious and wants an academically challenging course. Of the unis he is looking at Bristol and Durham would be the best regarded, but Durham would require retakes in order to get the A* he needs (his MAT/TMUA are good enough he gets a 1 grade lower offer).
I think he really wants an unconditional from either Bristol or Lancaster as they are both well regarded courses and would give him some certainly - he was really upset by the "I'm going to Oxford/Durham" - open an envelope - "no I'm not" experience.
Once he has an unconditional as insurance, he will feel a lot less stressed by retakes and any uncertainly about his firm choice.
Really appreciate all the comments here, it's been really useful to read them all.
He is still ambitious and wants an academically challenging course. Of the unis he is looking at Bristol and Durham would be the best regarded, but Durham would require retakes in order to get the A* he needs (his MAT/TMUA are good enough he gets a 1 grade lower offer).
I think he really wants an unconditional from either Bristol or Lancaster as they are both well regarded courses and would give him some certainly - he was really upset by the "I'm going to Oxford/Durham" - open an envelope - "no I'm not" experience.
Once he has an unconditional as insurance, he will feel a lot less stressed by retakes and any uncertainly about his firm choice.
Really appreciate all the comments here, it's been really useful to read them all.
I think Exeter is a better fit than Durham or Bristol - this is based on my ex-students current experience.
Durham is not rated for Maths really and Bath is better than Bristol now.
Reply 16
Original post
by Hodders68I wanted to just run some stuff past some other parents.
My son did his A levels last summer and was predicted to do really well with 4 A*s in maths, further maths, chemistry and physics. He applied to some pretty good unis and was lucky enough to get offers to study maths at Oxford (A*A*A) and Durham (A*AA). As a result of only needing 3 A-levels he decided to drop chemistry and focus on his 3 strongest - M, FM and P.
He worked hard in the run up to his A levels but was super stressed when it came to the exams. He basically had mild panic attacks in one of each his maths and further maths papers and ended up with one really poor paper in both - in further maths he literally got 56% in one paper and low 90s in the other 2. He missed his A* by 4 marks out of 300 with an almost identical story in maths missing his A* by 5 marks out of 300.
We had the papers back and the marking was accurate. As a result he missed both Oxford and Durham. He has never missed an A* in any maths exam or mock except when it actually mattered. To say he was pole-axed is an understatement. He was and is desperately, desperately upset. He says it still makes him feel physically sick.
However much we tell him that AAA is a great set of results, he can only see the chances he missed.
He is now on an unexpected gap-year (and doing some cool stuff) with the intention of resitting both maths exams next June. He re-applied to Oxford more in hope than expectation and got rejected and is "on hold" at Bristol where he has a chance of an unconditional contextual offer, but after visiting Bristol a few times, he is really uncertain about Bristol as a city (I love it, but he was uncomfortable with the homelessness and open hard drug use). He has to submit all 5 UCAS choices by the middle of Jan and is really struggling to select the 3 unis to make up the final 5.
We need to get him to move past Oxford and focus on unis he has a chance of getting a place at. We're talking about a final set of:
1) Oxford (already applied rejected)
2) Durham (will need an A* on a retake)
3) Bristol (already submitted, on-hold - great rep, great course, may get an unconditional on the AAA he already has, but is really, really uncertain about the city itself)
4) Lancaster (lovely campus, good rep, may get unconditional with his AAA)
5) Exeter (again great campus, with a solid course, may get unconditional with his AAA)
He is desperate for an unconditional as he really doesn't want another unexpected gap-year.
If you've got this far thanks. Here are the questions:
Q1) Has anyone here got any 1st/2nd hand opinions on any of the universities or locations above (bar Oxford)?
Q2) Has anyone got any advice on how to get him to move on from screwing up his exams last summer and focus on enjoying whatever university experience lies ahead? What did they say to Gareth Southgate after he missed?
I thought being a parent would get easier as they got older. The issues are different, but it's exactly the same in that your heart aches for them when they hurt.
My son did his A levels last summer and was predicted to do really well with 4 A*s in maths, further maths, chemistry and physics. He applied to some pretty good unis and was lucky enough to get offers to study maths at Oxford (A*A*A) and Durham (A*AA). As a result of only needing 3 A-levels he decided to drop chemistry and focus on his 3 strongest - M, FM and P.
He worked hard in the run up to his A levels but was super stressed when it came to the exams. He basically had mild panic attacks in one of each his maths and further maths papers and ended up with one really poor paper in both - in further maths he literally got 56% in one paper and low 90s in the other 2. He missed his A* by 4 marks out of 300 with an almost identical story in maths missing his A* by 5 marks out of 300.
We had the papers back and the marking was accurate. As a result he missed both Oxford and Durham. He has never missed an A* in any maths exam or mock except when it actually mattered. To say he was pole-axed is an understatement. He was and is desperately, desperately upset. He says it still makes him feel physically sick.
However much we tell him that AAA is a great set of results, he can only see the chances he missed.
He is now on an unexpected gap-year (and doing some cool stuff) with the intention of resitting both maths exams next June. He re-applied to Oxford more in hope than expectation and got rejected and is "on hold" at Bristol where he has a chance of an unconditional contextual offer, but after visiting Bristol a few times, he is really uncertain about Bristol as a city (I love it, but he was uncomfortable with the homelessness and open hard drug use). He has to submit all 5 UCAS choices by the middle of Jan and is really struggling to select the 3 unis to make up the final 5.
We need to get him to move past Oxford and focus on unis he has a chance of getting a place at. We're talking about a final set of:
1) Oxford (already applied rejected)
2) Durham (will need an A* on a retake)
3) Bristol (already submitted, on-hold - great rep, great course, may get an unconditional on the AAA he already has, but is really, really uncertain about the city itself)
4) Lancaster (lovely campus, good rep, may get unconditional with his AAA)
5) Exeter (again great campus, with a solid course, may get unconditional with his AAA)
He is desperate for an unconditional as he really doesn't want another unexpected gap-year.
If you've got this far thanks. Here are the questions:
Q1) Has anyone here got any 1st/2nd hand opinions on any of the universities or locations above (bar Oxford)?
Q2) Has anyone got any advice on how to get him to move on from screwing up his exams last summer and focus on enjoying whatever university experience lies ahead? What did they say to Gareth Southgate after he missed?
I thought being a parent would get easier as they got older. The issues are different, but it's exactly the same in that your heart aches for them when they hurt.
What is his career objective, as that might help him decide?
Reply 17
13
Original post
by Muttley79I think Exeter is a better fit than Durham or Bristol - this is based on my ex-students current experience.
Durham is not rated for Maths really and Bath is better than Bristol now.
Durham is not rated for Maths really and Bath is better than Bristol now.
I swear all the unis you’ve mentioned are ranked very similarly in terms of the maths course, or at least not enough to make a difference. I had offers from both Durham & Exeter; they’re pretty much the exact same in terms of great societies, green space, no nightlife, course content. In my opinion, the collegiate system at Durham would fit better for someone who liked the vibe of Oxford student life.
Reply 18
Original post
by piehamI swear all the unis you’ve mentioned are ranked very similarly in terms of the maths course, or at least not enough to make a difference. I had offers from both Durham & Exeter; they’re pretty much the exact same in terms of great societies, green space, no nightlife, course content. In my opinion, the collegiate system at Durham would fit better for someone who liked the vibe of Oxford student life.
Well, I disagree - I would not recommend Durham for Maths. I don't think anyone should use League tables as they are mathematically flawed and cannot be replicated.
Re the collegiate system - Exeter halls have a college vibe and they have a tutorial system too.
(edited 3 weeks ago)
Reply 19
Original post
by Hodders68I wanted to just run some stuff past some other parents.
My son did his A levels last summer and was predicted to do really well with 4 A*s in maths, further maths, chemistry and physics. He applied to some pretty good unis and was lucky enough to get offers to study maths at Oxford (A*A*A) and Durham (A*AA). As a result of only needing 3 A-levels he decided to drop chemistry and focus on his 3 strongest - M, FM and P.
He worked hard in the run up to his A levels but was super stressed when it came to the exams. He basically had mild panic attacks in one of each his maths and further maths papers and ended up with one really poor paper in both - in further maths he literally got 56% in one paper and low 90s in the other 2. He missed his A* by 4 marks out of 300 with an almost identical story in maths missing his A* by 5 marks out of 300.
We had the papers back and the marking was accurate. As a result he missed both Oxford and Durham. He has never missed an A* in any maths exam or mock except when it actually mattered. To say he was pole-axed is an understatement. He was and is desperately, desperately upset. He says it still makes him feel physically sick.
However much we tell him that AAA is a great set of results, he can only see the chances he missed.
He is now on an unexpected gap-year (and doing some cool stuff) with the intention of resitting both maths exams next June. He re-applied to Oxford more in hope than expectation and got rejected and is "on hold" at Bristol where he has a chance of an unconditional contextual offer, but after visiting Bristol a few times, he is really uncertain about Bristol as a city (I love it, but he was uncomfortable with the homelessness and open hard drug use). He has to submit all 5 UCAS choices by the middle of Jan and is really struggling to select the 3 unis to make up the final 5.
We need to get him to move past Oxford and focus on unis he has a chance of getting a place at. We're talking about a final set of:
1) Oxford (already applied rejected)
2) Durham (will need an A* on a retake)
3) Bristol (already submitted, on-hold - great rep, great course, may get an unconditional on the AAA he already has, but is really, really uncertain about the city itself)
4) Lancaster (lovely campus, good rep, may get unconditional with his AAA)
5) Exeter (again great campus, with a solid course, may get unconditional with his AAA)
He is desperate for an unconditional as he really doesn't want another unexpected gap-year.
If you've got this far thanks. Here are the questions:
Q1) Has anyone here got any 1st/2nd hand opinions on any of the universities or locations above (bar Oxford)?
Q2) Has anyone got any advice on how to get him to move on from screwing up his exams last summer and focus on enjoying whatever university experience lies ahead? What did they say to Gareth Southgate after he missed?
I thought being a parent would get easier as they got older. The issues are different, but it's exactly the same in that your heart aches for them when they hurt.
My son did his A levels last summer and was predicted to do really well with 4 A*s in maths, further maths, chemistry and physics. He applied to some pretty good unis and was lucky enough to get offers to study maths at Oxford (A*A*A) and Durham (A*AA). As a result of only needing 3 A-levels he decided to drop chemistry and focus on his 3 strongest - M, FM and P.
He worked hard in the run up to his A levels but was super stressed when it came to the exams. He basically had mild panic attacks in one of each his maths and further maths papers and ended up with one really poor paper in both - in further maths he literally got 56% in one paper and low 90s in the other 2. He missed his A* by 4 marks out of 300 with an almost identical story in maths missing his A* by 5 marks out of 300.
We had the papers back and the marking was accurate. As a result he missed both Oxford and Durham. He has never missed an A* in any maths exam or mock except when it actually mattered. To say he was pole-axed is an understatement. He was and is desperately, desperately upset. He says it still makes him feel physically sick.
However much we tell him that AAA is a great set of results, he can only see the chances he missed.
He is now on an unexpected gap-year (and doing some cool stuff) with the intention of resitting both maths exams next June. He re-applied to Oxford more in hope than expectation and got rejected and is "on hold" at Bristol where he has a chance of an unconditional contextual offer, but after visiting Bristol a few times, he is really uncertain about Bristol as a city (I love it, but he was uncomfortable with the homelessness and open hard drug use). He has to submit all 5 UCAS choices by the middle of Jan and is really struggling to select the 3 unis to make up the final 5.
We need to get him to move past Oxford and focus on unis he has a chance of getting a place at. We're talking about a final set of:
1) Oxford (already applied rejected)
2) Durham (will need an A* on a retake)
3) Bristol (already submitted, on-hold - great rep, great course, may get an unconditional on the AAA he already has, but is really, really uncertain about the city itself)
4) Lancaster (lovely campus, good rep, may get unconditional with his AAA)
5) Exeter (again great campus, with a solid course, may get unconditional with his AAA)
He is desperate for an unconditional as he really doesn't want another unexpected gap-year.
If you've got this far thanks. Here are the questions:
Q1) Has anyone here got any 1st/2nd hand opinions on any of the universities or locations above (bar Oxford)?
Q2) Has anyone got any advice on how to get him to move on from screwing up his exams last summer and focus on enjoying whatever university experience lies ahead? What did they say to Gareth Southgate after he missed?
I thought being a parent would get easier as they got older. The issues are different, but it's exactly the same in that your heart aches for them when they hurt.
Heyy @Hodders68 ,
I’m really sorry to hear that your son fell short of achieving what he wants. Similarly I also fell short of my expected grades and ended up going to my insured uni and the least to say was I was devastated and had a good cry on results day. I’m sure, like my parents, you felt completely helpless watching him go through that. Nevertheless, AAA is an amazing grade.
While I can’t speak much about the other universities, I sure can give you some insight into Lancaster. You mentioned briefly that your son was uncomfortable with the homelessness and drug use in Bristol, I can assure you that due to the nature of Lancaster University being away from the main city (about 20 minutes by bus), it is very safe and well contained, which many students (and parents) find reassuring. One thing to note is that out of the Universities listed, Lancaster is one of the smaller universities. This can make the transition back into university life easier, especially for a student returning after a gap year who may need a bit of time to readjust. More importantly, this can translate to smaller seminar groups and more personalised support from lecturers, making it easier to get help and guidance throughout their degree.
This smaller campus setting also creates a very strong community feel which is reinforced through Lancaster’s collegiate system. Lancaster is one of only a small number of universities in the UK that follows a collegiate system, alongside places like Oxford and Cambridge. Given that your son was drawn to Oxford, this structure might be especially appealing.
One thing I would suggest to help him move on is to gently start introducing him to what his next university chapter could look like. That might mean visiting the university and the surrounding town so he can begin to picture himself living and studying there next year. Speaking to students who are currently on the course can also be incredibly helpful in shifting the focus forward. At Lancaster, we have a Unibuddy platform, which allows prospective students to chat directly with current Maths students. It’s a great way to get an authentic, honest insight into the course, workload, teaching style, assessments, and what day to day life is really like. Hearing from the students might help him to see there is more to look forward to!
Lastly, Lancaster is placed quite highly for Maths in the rankings:
•
10th for Mathematics in the Times and Sunday Times Good University Guide (2026)
•
11th for Mathematics in The Complete University Guide (2026)
And most importantly, Lancaster is known for being quite flexible with their entry requirements. Plenty of students (myself included) were accepted even if they were slightly below the stated requirements for their course. Given that your son is understandably keen to secure an unconditional offer and avoid the uncertainty of an additional gap year, this flexibility could be a real advantage.
I hope this has all been helpful and feel free to reach out if you have any questions~
Rachel
Lancaster University Student Ambassador
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