The Student Room Group

Crazy library situation !!!HELP!!!

Hello everybody and thanks for taking your time reading this.

Currently I study in the same library everyday, from monday to friday.

Initially I sat in a certain room, but after a couple weeks I changed room and got in another room with plenty seats and plugs to charge phone, that's where things started getting "special".

A girl chose to sit next to me with 1 seat of distance (probably to not disturb me) even when the room was empty with plenty seats available (in the morning there's not much "traffic":wink:, I used to make multiple times eye contact with this girl before all this seating things and now we basically "50 inches away" so I felt kinda "strange".

I must admit I felt curiosity in her, not love (I'm not kidding, probably due to the fact that I don't even know her name I couldn't feel much more than curiosity) but a kind of curiosity into knowing her, yeah.

After a couple times of sitting 1 seat away I told her (embarassingly) that she could've had a seat next to me (the plug in her previous seat was closer to me anyways so by getting closer she would've had the plug right there), ofc said this both for simpathy but also cause at first I really thought she cared only about the plug (despite still thinking "damn why she still chooses this seat?":wink:.

The issue is...she continued seating next to me for 2-3 weeks, I was happy and cool with that, and I'd say the same for her.

We had very few interactions, sometimes I offered her a gum but she kindly rejected, outside of the library we never talked, me too I always felt embarassed or scared to talk to her so I always acted "cool" or stood just serious.

But I continued asking myself...why would she sit next to me, even when there's a lot of rooms in the library AND the same room had plenty other seats available without having to stand next to a random guy (also empty seats had plugs).

As said 2-3 weeks went on like this, on the 3rd week I even started holding that seat for her (I usually got there before her).

So I thought of a proposal to make to her, to understand if she actually has a simpathy for me or she just thinks "a stupid library guy is holding my seat" or if she just didn't have an issue sitting next to a stranger (but again, with plenty seats, what's the point?)As said, the library opens from monday to friday but NOT on weekends, on weekends we never met apart from the UNI restaurant, because I went to a different library from hers but we basically crossed paths in the restaurant, that was the only thing.

So I was thinking, to make things clear and eventually switch place myself, ask her to come to my library on saturday, a library that she never went to on saturdays, so she would've had to change her routine place just cause of me and apparently cause I would've held her a seat.I was expecting a "No thanks", just like when I offered a gum.

Or a "No I study elsewhere", or any reply to make me understand that nah she really wasn't into it like that, and I'm being honest by saying that I expected a NO reply, cause really I never fell in such a situation so I couldn't believe it frfr.

So I was ready for the "No" so next monday I would've changed seat and left her alone so I would'nt have had to make her feel uncomfortable or anything (as much as I was curious into knowing her, with no mutual feeling, then peace and that was it).

So the 3rd week of sitting next to each other I asked her, on a friday late afternoon, "Do I have to keep your seat for tomorrow at my library (""library name"" that she knew)", well, after a couple seconds of thinking she accepted.I was "flabbergasted", the only reply I would've not expected actually came in, she agreed to holding her seat, in the library that she never went to on saturdays, so she would've had to change her usual spot just because of a seat holding, it would've NOT meant that she loves me of course, but that AT LEAST she felt good with me or anything similar.

She had 10000 options to say no, and she chose the only 1 to say YES.

Here's the tragedy:- right after her agreement, I went to the bathroom, I was about to leave and go home (it was late), her friend came, she usually goes around with her friend everywhere, but when I asked that her girl friend was not around.

She probably discussed with her I don't know about what (maybe about the change), but when I came back she told me that she changed mind and that she's actually going to her usual saturday library, I knew that library as a name but never been there and barely knew what it looked like, I asked her as a counter response where it was and what time did it open, she replied, and after a thinking face I shut my mouth and took my jacket, said "have a nice evening" and left.

I left thinking "well, she changed mind, I'll see her again monday and peace...nothing crazy".

Monday came, got in the usual seat, but she was nowhere to be seen, only to discover she totally changed seat and "distanced herself" from me....

I was, again, "flabberasted" feeling bad for making her change seat, self accusing myself of being the cause....now when we cross paths in the library there's a strange tension....

I really don't know what to think....help?

- She thinks I got offended by my change of mind?
- She was expecting for me to come there at her library?
- She was not really interested? (then why all these weeks seating and even accepting my proposal?)

Help!

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Reply 1

There's a strange psychology that goes on with a proportion of women.

They place themselves in situations where they get noticed by men. Thy may also do things to make themselves more eye-catching. Such as getting a snazzy hair-do, putting on make-up, wearing glamorous clothes.

And when a man makes a move on them their default reaction is to reject them.

There are ways to minimise the chances of getting rejected. But even then, with any individual woman, there is no certainty of a positive reaction from her and acceptance of an offer to spend more time with you.
Which is fine. If you as a man have deployed good man to woman social skills you should give yourself a pat on the back. And carry on interacting with women and sooner, rather than later you'll find someone with whom you click.

It'd take a thick book or a series of videos to cover how to maximise the chances of being accepted.

One general guideline is to break the ice without hesitating. So that you should have broken the ice as soon as she sat down next to you.
Having a pre-opener of "Hi" said in a positive, cheerful, firm, easy to hear voice is fine. With you then having a set of pre-prepared follow ups depending on how she reacts.

Another guideline is to take the lead in getting her to a different environment to the one you first meet her at. EG from the library suggest going to a cafe for a coffee and chat, or the canteen for a bite to eat and a chat.

Another guideline is to use disqualifiers to put her at ease early on in the interaction.
EG "I usually go for blondes (if she's brunette), but there's something about you that's making me curious"
EG "I don't believe you! (when she's told you something, anything, even if it's blindingly obvious that what she said is true) ...Nah, you're making this up!"
EG "You and I are not going to get along. (said in a light-hearted way in response to her revealing something, such as what she's studying or where in the world she comes from)"

When her friend turned up that was your cue to talk to the friend. Something like "Hi so you're (say the library girl's name) friend! She seems nice but I'm not sure about her. What can you tell me about her?... Or at least what can you tell me about her within the bounds of us not really knowing each other yet?"

The inviting her to sit next to you, closer to the power outlet was a good move.

As a small tip it's better to ask her for gum or water than it is for you to offer gum to her. And don't chew gum in the library. Chew it outside or not at all.

When you see her next term or see her friend or both of them, say hi and try to engage them in a fun, flirty, teasing way (for the first couple of minutes) before transitioning to a more comfort building tone to the conversation (eg by you telling an anecdote that reveals something about you where you include how you felt as the anecdote was happening and what you learned from it).

Reply 2

Damn, idk what that friend said, maybe reminded her that you are a stranger or something and the girl got scared because initially she did accept, but then again she doesn't know you and she's going to a different library, maybe just say 'hey im sorry about asking you for Saturday, I thought I might like to get to know you, I didn't mean to make anything weird' to this she may be like 'oh yeah no problem, sorry I was confused or something' maybe try offering her 'would you like to sit with me again like before' she may say yes or no, but whats the harm, either she stays where she is or she moves back and if she moves back then you know you can start slowly to having some small talk maybe getting a drink after the library and talking. IDK if this is good advice but what I'm saying is be brave, apologise and then ask her if she wants to sit with you again. She may have just moved because she's scared, just try it and see what happens, good luck

Reply 3

Original post
by Dunnig Kruger
There's a strange psychology that goes on with a proportion of women.
They place themselves in situations where they get noticed by men. Thy may also do things to make themselves more eye-catching. Such as getting a snazzy hair-do, putting on make-up, wearing glamorous clothes.
And when a man makes a move on them their default reaction is to reject them.
There are ways to minimise the chances of getting rejected. But even then, with any individual woman, there is no certainty of a positive reaction from her and acceptance of an offer to spend more time with you.
Which is fine. If you as a man have deployed good man to woman social skills you should give yourself a pat on the back. And carry on interacting with women and sooner, rather than later you'll find someone with whom you click.
It'd take a thick book or a series of videos to cover how to maximise the chances of being accepted.
One general guideline is to break the ice without hesitating. So that you should have broken the ice as soon as she sat down next to you.
Having a pre-opener of "Hi" said in a positive, cheerful, firm, easy to hear voice is fine. With you then having a set of pre-prepared follow ups depending on how she reacts.
Another guideline is to take the lead in getting her to a different environment to the one you first meet her at. EG from the library suggest going to a cafe for a coffee and chat, or the canteen for a bite to eat and a chat.
Another guideline is to use disqualifiers to put her at ease early on in the interaction.
EG "I usually go for blondes (if she's brunette), but there's something about you that's making me curious"
EG "I don't believe you! (when she's told you something, anything, even if it's blindingly obvious that what she said is true) ...Nah, you're making this up!"
EG "You and I are not going to get along. (said in a light-hearted way in response to her revealing something, such as what she's studying or where in the world she comes from)"
When her friend turned up that was your cue to talk to the friend. Something like "Hi so you're (say the library girl's name) friend! She seems nice but I'm not sure about her. What can you tell me about her?... Or at least what can you tell me about her within the bounds of us not really knowing each other yet?"
The inviting her to sit next to you, closer to the power outlet was a good move.
As a small tip it's better to ask her for gum or water than it is for you to offer gum to her. And don't chew gum in the library. Chew it outside or not at all.
When you see her next term or see her friend or both of them, say hi and try to engage them in a fun, flirty, teasing way (for the first couple of minutes) before transitioning to a more comfort building tone to the conversation (eg by you telling an anecdote that reveals something about you where you include how you felt as the anecdote was happening and what you learned from it).

I'm a girl myself, with your disqualifies, if a guy I didn't really know said 'I usually go for blondes, but something about you makes me curious' I would genuinely tihnk what the hell. I dont really like the psychology idea in itself, I tihnk life is life and don't try to preplan or study women's interactions, I think it makes it feel forced and that if she doesn't follow this script you made up in your head it complicates things. Me personally I dont like any of these disqualifies, and also there is no difference in offering gum or asking for it, I tihnk its best to offer it, its kind, why the hell would you ask her for gum if you already have it, this doesn't make sense to me, I think its scripted and unnatural. I don't mean to come off as attacking what you say so sorry if it comes off that way, I just think for human interaction, the best way is natural. Also talking to the friend is weird, the friend will tell the girl, find it out from the girl, dont do this indirect stuff its nonsense. Personally I say speak to the girl, apologise and say you didn't mean to make it weird, something casual, then let her speak and offer her the seat back next to you, if she accepts then gradually have some more small talk and eventually invite her for a drink maybe after the library, but whatever you do don't try to analyse every action or overthink it, go in confident and see what happens

Reply 4

Libraries are notorious for seeing people you fancy and for what might have been feelings. I think you probably miss read the situation and the offer of another library is a bit unusual. I would have started with trying to get chatting

Reply 5

Original post
by LisaPerera
I'm a girl myself, with your disqualifies, if a guy I didn't really know said 'I usually go for blondes, but something about you makes me curious' I would genuinely tihnk what the hell. I dont really like the psychology idea in itself, I tihnk life is life and don't try to preplan or study women's interactions, I think it makes it feel forced and that if she doesn't follow this script you made up in your head it complicates things. Me personally I dont like any of these disqualifies, and also there is no difference in offering gum or asking for it, I tihnk its best to offer it, its kind, why the hell would you ask her for gum if you already have it, this doesn't make sense to me, I think its scripted and unnatural. I don't mean to come off as attacking what you say so sorry if it comes off that way, I just think for human interaction, the best way is natural. Also talking to the friend is weird, the friend will tell the girl, find it out from the girl, dont do this indirect stuff its nonsense. Personally I say speak to the girl, apologise and say you didn't mean to make it weird, something casual, then let her speak and offer her the seat back next to you, if she accepts then gradually have some more small talk and eventually invite her for a drink maybe after the library, but whatever you do don't try to analyse every action or overthink it, go in confident and see what happens

Hey Lisa, first of all thanks for the reply, I really appreciate and I mean it.

The goal of my post is yeah, more to understand what could've happened, but also to make it clear that there was an interest/simpathy by her too, you're a girl, would you sit next to a guy even with an empty library? Unless it's full ofc, you wouldn't right? So you would sit only if you feel comfortable standing next to him.

About what to do now, yeah, it's been almost 2 months since that friday, as said, now everytime we cross paths it looks strange, there was embarassment before when seating together, just imagine now haha.

Absolutely agree about the friend thing, at first I thought about it, to talk to her friend, but just because I had a doubt she had a boyfriend (so to prevent any misunderstanding), but I came to the conclusion that, no taken girl would sit nxt to a random guy, so talking to her friend would only make things worse and worse.

Yeah, I will try to talk to her, maybe in a funny way like "Sooo...when we going back to the old seats?" or acting as if nothing bad really happened.

And finally, I'm not mad at her, I actually felt bad cause it might've caused her stress, of course now I have way more thoughts about "what if she actually came that saturday?", probably her friend told her that I'm still a stranger and that maybe the library is less handy than the usual one?

Again, it wasn't a problem really, the fact that she accepted my proposal was enough for me to understand that AT LEAST she didn't hate me or find me as an average guy but rather felt some simpathy too, Lisa you would feel the same right? Otherwise you would've just said "Nah thanks"/"No I don't go there" or anything to say "no" politely (just like when I offered a gum or anything)

Reply 6

Original post
by LisaPerera
Damn, idk what that friend said, maybe reminded her that you are a stranger or something and the girl got scared because initially she did accept, but then again she doesn't know you and she's going to a different library, maybe just say 'hey im sorry about asking you for Saturday, I thought I might like to get to know you, I didn't mean to make anything weird' to this she may be like 'oh yeah no problem, sorry I was confused or something' maybe try offering her 'would you like to sit with me again like before' she may say yes or no, but whats the harm, either she stays where she is or she moves back and if she moves back then you know you can start slowly to having some small talk maybe getting a drink after the library and talking. IDK if this is good advice but what I'm saying is be brave, apologise and then ask her if she wants to sit with you again. She may have just moved because she's scared, just try it and see what happens, good luck

Reply to your other reply, can we at least settle on the fact that, given all this data, she had an interest/curiosity too? Like...too many things confirming this and especially the fact that she accepted my proposal of my library on saturdays

Reply 7

She didn’t accept your proposal. She was momentarily fazed and put on the spot and when allowed some reflection time gave the real answer. The fact she has now distanced herself is also an answer and a clear indication not to come on to her again
(edited 2 months ago)

Reply 8

Original post
by Anonymous
Hey Lisa, first of all thanks for the reply, I really appreciate and I mean it.
The goal of my post is yeah, more to understand what could've happened, but also to make it clear that there was an interest/simpathy by her too, you're a girl, would you sit next to a guy even with an empty library? Unless it's full ofc, you wouldn't right? So you would sit only if you feel comfortable standing next to him.
About what to do now, yeah, it's been almost 2 months since that friday, as said, now everytime we cross paths it looks strange, there was embarassment before when seating together, just imagine now haha.
Absolutely agree about the friend thing, at first I thought about it, to talk to her friend, but just because I had a doubt she had a boyfriend (so to prevent any misunderstanding), but I came to the conclusion that, no taken girl would sit nxt to a random guy, so talking to her friend would only make things worse and worse.
Yeah, I will try to talk to her, maybe in a funny way like "Sooo...when we going back to the old seats?" or acting as if nothing bad really happened.
And finally, I'm not mad at her, I actually felt bad cause it might've caused her stress, of course now I have way more thoughts about "what if she actually came that saturday?", probably her friend told her that I'm still a stranger and that maybe the library is less handy than the usual one?
Again, it wasn't a problem really, the fact that she accepted my proposal was enough for me to understand that AT LEAST she didn't hate me or find me as an average guy but rather felt some simpathy too, Lisa you would feel the same right? Otherwise you would've just said "Nah thanks"/"No I don't go there" or anything to say "no" politely (just like when I offered a gum or anything)

I think there was an interest/ sympathy or just feeling a bit comfortable sitting there. I personally would not sit next to a random guy at the library unless for in your case, we had been sitting for a while then I would, I wouldn't sit next to a random guy unless I was single too, but she may have, so if you do get to talking do ask just in case. Since it has been a while now, the apologising may come off a bit late.
I would not talk to the friend, do it directly to her, instead of getting others involved when its not needed.
But yeah, try talk to her again invite her to the old seat if she says yes then try to get to know her first, take your time, dont rush her.
I dont think she dislikes you or anything, maybe just more cautious that she doesn't know you.
but yeah good luck

Reply 9

She probably felt maybe awkward and overwhelmed.
the best thing to do would be to maybe during your studying, say to her your grabbing a coffee and what will she have it just get it without asking
break the ice, and when it feels less awkward between you two, tell her it's your mums, sisters or just friends birthday and you are unsure of what to get and that could be fun and more loghthearted

Reply 10

Original post
by Zarek
She didn’t accept your proposal. She was momentarily fazed and put on the spot and when allowed some reflection time gave the real answer. The fact she has now distanced herself is also an answer and a clear indication not to come on to her again

Hey Zarek. First of all thanks for the reply I do really appreciate anyone taking time on this matter.

I tried myself finding excuses for this, basically not being interested...but then you think:

She chose the seat next to me even when other seats where empty

She continued for multiple weeks, even when I offered her gums (2-3 times in diff days, its not like she felt tested, she kindly rejected and that was it but she continued sitting there)

My question, as much as it couldve been unexpected, was still related to studying and seats "should I keep the seat at my library tomorrow" ---> "well yes keep it"


But apart from all this, like, how can you genuinely explain the seating thing...I would never seat next to a girl unless I felt a bare minimum interested to her...like fr
Some people are creatures of habit, or might pick a regular seat for any number of practical reasons. In of itself, it doesn’t mean anything.

Reply 12

Original post
by Anonymous
Hey Zarek. First of all thanks for the reply I do really appreciate anyone taking time on this matter.
I tried myself finding excuses for this, basically not being interested...but then you think:

She chose the seat next to me even when other seats where empty

She continued for multiple weeks, even when I offered her gums (2-3 times in diff days, its not like she felt tested, she kindly rejected and that was it but she continued sitting there)

My question, as much as it couldve been unexpected, was still related to studying and seats "should I keep the seat at my library tomorrow" ---> "well yes keep it"


But apart from all this, like, how can you genuinely explain the seating thing...I would never seat next to a girl unless I felt a bare minimum interested to her...like fr

My interpretation is that she felt comfortable sharing study space with you, collaborating with the power etc, but wasn’t romantically interested. Trying to find a relationship is full of this type of misstep and unpleasant surprise, I wouldn’t worry too much, just take any leaning

Reply 13

Original post
by Zarek
My interpretation is that she felt comfortable sharing study space with you, collaborating with the power etc, but wasn’t romantically interested. Trying to find a relationship is full of this type of misstep and unpleasant surprise, I wouldn’t worry too much, just take any leaning

yeah but I neither felt romantical, cause even if she would've came we probably would've said "good morning" to each other (for the first time) but then continued studying like usual you feel me?

OFC she seen this request like something excessive maybe? Maybe she accepted out of respect / not making me feel bad?

You see how I try to think too like that, but then go back into thinking that she sat, for weeks straight, next to me, even with a lot of other seats that have the identical specs, it's not even about having a different visual, it's just lines one in front of the other you feel me?

That's why it's crazy, and again, everything was friendly, like basically building a friendship:

never asked her for a coffee

never talked to her outside

always while and for studying

we always crossed paths outside but never smiled or salute, nothing, personally I always felt tension in doin that (maybe same for her)

just asked her to come to my library (after weeks and weeks of sitting, not 3 days)


Basically too many things that make it hard to understand, If I'd had to take a bet, I would say that she just was not interested (and God knows why she sat there and accepted)...but after that I'd bet on the fact that she thinks I got offended or sum (again, we not even saluted each other, outside we acted as if we where strangers crossing paths while 3 mins later we where sitting next to each other like nothing, and again, I never tried moves outside, always felt shy and tension to do the first step)

Reply 14

Original post
by LisaPerera
I think there was an interest/ sympathy or just feeling a bit comfortable sitting there. I personally would not sit next to a random guy at the library unless for in your case, we had been sitting for a while then I would, I wouldn't sit next to a random guy unless I was single too, but she may have, so if you do get to talking do ask just in case. Since it has been a while now, the apologising may come off a bit late.
I would not talk to the friend, do it directly to her, instead of getting others involved when its not needed.
But yeah, try talk to her again invite her to the old seat if she says yes then try to get to know her first, take your time, dont rush her.
I dont think she dislikes you or anything, maybe just more cautious that she doesn't know you.
but yeah good luck

Hey Lisa, thanks again.
At first I tried to find a "girls only forum" to understand if it's normal for a girl to move like that with no interest, but I seem to understand that it's pretty unusual (unless, again, it's for a mutual interest in each other), right?

Outside library we NEVER talked (before the seat change), as much as I've crossed paths multiple times...but I always felt shy and of course tension, so I can't say if she felt the same or not cause at least from me there was never a "try".

I will try to talk to her in Jan, try to excuse myself for the disturb caused in that question, so I will finally close this chapter (again, I don't expect her to say "my love finally you came" hahaha but more to clarify and get her to not feel uncomfortable/awkward anymore)

Reply 15

Original post
by Anonymous
yeah but I neither felt romantical, cause even if she would've came we probably would've said "good morning" to each other (for the first time) but then continued studying like usual you feel me?
OFC she seen this request like something excessive maybe? Maybe she accepted out of respect / not making me feel bad?
You see how I try to think too like that, but then go back into thinking that she sat, for weeks straight, next to me, even with a lot of other seats that have the identical specs, it's not even about having a different visual, it's just lines one in front of the other you feel me?
That's why it's crazy, and again, everything was friendly, like basically building a friendship:

never asked her for a coffee

never talked to her outside

always while and for studying

we always crossed paths outside but never smiled or salute, nothing, personally I always felt tension in doin that (maybe same for her)

just asked her to come to my library (after weeks and weeks of sitting, not 3 days)


Basically too many things that make it hard to understand, If I'd had to take a bet, I would say that she just was not interested (and God knows why she sat there and accepted)...but after that I'd bet on the fact that she thinks I got offended or sum (again, we not even saluted each other, outside we acted as if we where strangers crossing paths while 3 mins later we where sitting next to each other like nothing, and again, I never tried moves outside, always felt shy and tension to do the first step)
I don’t think it is hard to understand. The ambiguous date request of another library out of nowhere could come across as manipulative or even concerning. You just need to take it calmly and move on.

Reply 16

Original post
by LisaPerera
I'm a girl myself, with your disqualifies, if a guy I didn't really know said 'I usually go for blondes, but something about you makes me curious' I would genuinely tihnk what the hell. I dont really like the psychology idea in itself, I tihnk life is life and don't try to preplan or study women's interactions, I think it makes it feel forced and that if she doesn't follow this script you made up in your head it complicates things. Me personally I dont like any of these disqualifies, and also there is no difference in offering gum or asking for it, I tihnk its best to offer it, its kind, why the hell would you ask her for gum if you already have it, this doesn't make sense to me, I think its scripted and unnatural. I don't mean to come off as attacking what you say so sorry if it comes off that way, I just think for human interaction, the best way is natural. Also talking to the friend is weird, the friend will tell the girl, find it out from the girl, dont do this indirect stuff its nonsense. Personally I say speak to the girl, apologise and say you didn't mean to make it weird, something casual, then let her speak and offer her the seat back next to you, if she accepts then gradually have some more small talk and eventually invite her for a drink maybe after the library, but whatever you do don't try to analyse every action or overthink it, go in confident and see what happens

1.

There's a huge difference between sitting behind a computer or mobile phone and reading about Game and being there in person and having a man speaking with you, where the man is either deploying no Game or deploying good Game.

2.

Game is a game with more chance than Chess and more skill than Monopoly. There will be some women where being a complete and utter Typical Nice Guy would work better than deploying good Game. However, when it comes to the most desirable women, the ones that are really worth forming a relationship with and staying in a relationship, good Game will make success many times more likely than Typical Nice Guy behaviour.

3.

The advice I gave in my previous post was based on my own personal experience, as well as the experience of my entire social circle, as well as the experience of 10 leading data coaches: who are guys that have dedicated years to going out and interacting with women and teaching others how to do so. We're talking about the cumulative wisdom of something like 20,000 to 100,000 interactions. This is wisdom gained from starting out in our dating lives and all of us being unsuccessful. And then working out what tends to work well and what doesn't. With us working this out at the coalface, through meeting women and interacting with them. I got rejected over 100 times before I made the breakthrough and got accepted by 1 woman. Since then I've been learning about man to woman social skills as a perpetual ongoing thing.

4.

For my participation in this thread, my aim is to pave the way for the original poster to get competent at man to woman social skills quicker than I did.

5.

It's fine to say something that makes a woman think "What the Hell?" Emotional spikes are fine. That's far better than her thinking "This guy is hitting on me" with her keeping her natural defences up.

6.

It's not just the words of disqualifiers, it's how they're said, the tone of voice, the emotional foundation of the man saying them. A disqualifier said in a robot like voice by someone taking the interaction seriously works much less well than someone saying it in a cheeky humour type way that's primarily having fun and being light-hearted.

7.

"I tihnk life is life and don't try to preplan or study women's interactions," One definition of madness is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Studying women's interactions avoids that form of madness.

8.

"I think it makes it feel forced and that if she doesn't follow this script you made up in your head it complicates things." What script made up in whose head? There is no script made up in my head, nor in the original poster's head, nor in the heads of leading dating coaches. What we're talking about is principles derived from what works in the real world with real women in real interactions.

9.

Interactions are more fun if the woman responds in an unexpected way. Any man with the right internal emotional foundation will embrace unexpected responses.

10.

"there is no difference in offering gum or asking for it, I tihnk its best to offer it, its kind, why the hell would you ask her for gum if you already have it, this doesn't make sense to me, I think its scripted and unnatural." Offering gum is supplicating. Asking for gum or water is giving her a compliance test. If she complies that's a good sign. If she doesn't comply that's fine too. We as humans tend to fall in love with people that we do things for, more than we fall in love with people that do things for us. There's also the "buyer-seller dynamic" where the man will come across as more attractive if he introduces an element of "Are you good enough for me?". Instead of doing the Typical Nice Guy thing of just trying to convince the woman that he's good enough for her.

11.

"why the hell would you ask her for gum if you already have it, this doesn't make sense to me," Simple answer: don't carry gum. Or ask for something else you don't have, such as water, or a pen, or pencil, or some paper. It's called flipping the script. In all those old Hollywood movies you see the man offering a cigarette or a drink etc - so much so that the automatic reaction for a woman being offered gum by a man is that he's trying to hit on her.

12.

"I think its scripted and unnatural." What's the definition of scripted and unnatural? It could be argued that what the original poster did was more scripted and unnatural than what I'd advise him to do. For example, breaking the ice with her the first time she sat down near him is more natural than him sitting there saying nothing to her. And asking her for something is just as natural as offering her gum. He will come across as a more attractive man if he asks her for something than if he offers her something. So it makes sense to ask for something.

13.

EG he asks her for some gum. She says she doesn't have any. He responds with "Oh, you look like the sort of person that carries gum." in a jokey teasing way. This is likely to lead to a more natural interaction than him offering gum.

14.

Every fully functional person has multiple modes of operating depending on what the situation is. Advising someone to be natural is very incomplete advice, because what natural are you talking about for what situation? It's much better to advise what form of natural the person should be for what situation.

15.

Making eye contact with someone multiple times without breaking the ice with them is one form of natural. Breaking the ice with them the first time eye contact is made is another form of natural. The breaking the ice without delay is a better form of natural for that situation.

16.

"Also talking to the friend is weird, the friend will tell the girl, find it out from the girl, dont do this indirect stuff its nonsense." Nope nope, nope nope nope nope! Not talking to the friend is a LOT weirder than talking to her. They are all at a university campus. A university is one big wide loosely knit social circle. It's normal to speak to anyone and everyone on campus. And seeing as these 2 women are like "Me and My Shadow", chances are the original poster will start talking to the friend whilst the library girl is there too (which is fine and can be a very fun interaction). On top of that it's just plain weird and anti-social to not talk to Library Girl's friends.

17.

It's an important principle of Game to win over the on-scene friends of anyone you're interested in. Who is going to have more influence over Library Girl? Her shadow-like friend or this guy she's been sitting next to in the library? Therefore it's vital to win over Shadow-Friend so that she's good-mouthing the original poster instead of bad-mouthing him. We're talking simple social intelligence and awareness here.

18.

"Personally I say speak to the girl, apologise and say you didn't mean to make it weird, something casual," Apologise for what? What has the original poster done that was wrong? Would the apology be sincere and honest? Or would it be a bit of insincere, dishonest attempted manipulation? Attempting to manipulate her into liking him more by saying this in an effort to convince her what a nice guy he is?

19.

The original poster should NOT apologise. He should NOT say that he didn't mean to make it weird. He should speak to her in an attractive way the next time they see each other. Dan Bacon is one leading dating coach that has load of youtube videos on how to speak with women in an attractive way.

20.

"if she accepts then gradually have some more small talk and eventually invite her for a drink maybe after the library," What type of small talk? The sort of small talk your grandmother would come out with? Or the sort of small talk an attractive interesting man would come out with? Eventually? Going for a drink and a chat with her is no big deal. The original poster isn't even convinced that she's the right sort of woman for him. Why make it into a bigger deal than it is? He should take the lead in moving the 2 of them to a different location for a chat the next time he sees her. No strings attached. No big deal.

21.

"but whatever you do don't try to analyse every action or overthink it, go in confident and see what happens" That is great advice! To which I'd add, it's better to be competent than confident.

Reply 17

Looks clear she is not interested in you

Reply 18

Original post
by Goth Girl Mel
Looks clear she is not interested in you

But it wouldn't be clear why all this seating next to me hahaha, literally, and again, I myself never tried anything else, never offered a coffee, never even saluted her outside the library despite multiple chances to, but as said, we always acted as if we where complete strangers

Reply 19

Original post
by Anonymous
But it wouldn't be clear why all this seating next to me hahaha, literally, and again, I myself never tried anything else, never offered a coffee, never even saluted her outside the library despite multiple chances to, but as said, we always acted as if we where complete strangers

Listen she doesn't want you

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