, I used to make multiple times eye contact with this girl before all this seating things and now we basically "50 inches away" so I felt kinda "strange".
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She chose the seat next to me even when other seats where empty
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She continued for multiple weeks, even when I offered her gums (2-3 times in diff days, its not like she felt tested, she kindly rejected and that was it but she continued sitting there)
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My question, as much as it couldve been unexpected, was still related to studying and seats "should I keep the seat at my library tomorrow" ---> "well yes keep it"
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Reply 12
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She chose the seat next to me even when other seats where empty
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She continued for multiple weeks, even when I offered her gums (2-3 times in diff days, its not like she felt tested, she kindly rejected and that was it but she continued sitting there)
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My question, as much as it couldve been unexpected, was still related to studying and seats "should I keep the seat at my library tomorrow" ---> "well yes keep it"
Reply 13
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never asked her for a coffee
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never talked to her outside
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always while and for studying
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we always crossed paths outside but never smiled or salute, nothing, personally I always felt tension in doin that (maybe same for her)
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just asked her to come to my library (after weeks and weeks of sitting, not 3 days)
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Reply 15
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never asked her for a coffee
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never talked to her outside
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always while and for studying
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we always crossed paths outside but never smiled or salute, nothing, personally I always felt tension in doin that (maybe same for her)
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just asked her to come to my library (after weeks and weeks of sitting, not 3 days)
Reply 16
1.
There's a huge difference between sitting behind a computer or mobile phone and reading about Game and being there in person and having a man speaking with you, where the man is either deploying no Game or deploying good Game.
2.
Game is a game with more chance than Chess and more skill than Monopoly. There will be some women where being a complete and utter Typical Nice Guy would work better than deploying good Game. However, when it comes to the most desirable women, the ones that are really worth forming a relationship with and staying in a relationship, good Game will make success many times more likely than Typical Nice Guy behaviour.
3.
The advice I gave in my previous post was based on my own personal experience, as well as the experience of my entire social circle, as well as the experience of 10 leading data coaches: who are guys that have dedicated years to going out and interacting with women and teaching others how to do so. We're talking about the cumulative wisdom of something like 20,000 to 100,000 interactions. This is wisdom gained from starting out in our dating lives and all of us being unsuccessful. And then working out what tends to work well and what doesn't. With us working this out at the coalface, through meeting women and interacting with them. I got rejected over 100 times before I made the breakthrough and got accepted by 1 woman. Since then I've been learning about man to woman social skills as a perpetual ongoing thing.
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For my participation in this thread, my aim is to pave the way for the original poster to get competent at man to woman social skills quicker than I did.
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It's fine to say something that makes a woman think "What the Hell?" Emotional spikes are fine. That's far better than her thinking "This guy is hitting on me" with her keeping her natural defences up.
6.
It's not just the words of disqualifiers, it's how they're said, the tone of voice, the emotional foundation of the man saying them. A disqualifier said in a robot like voice by someone taking the interaction seriously works much less well than someone saying it in a cheeky humour type way that's primarily having fun and being light-hearted.
7.
"I tihnk life is life and don't try to preplan or study women's interactions," One definition of madness is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Studying women's interactions avoids that form of madness.
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"I think it makes it feel forced and that if she doesn't follow this script you made up in your head it complicates things." What script made up in whose head? There is no script made up in my head, nor in the original poster's head, nor in the heads of leading dating coaches. What we're talking about is principles derived from what works in the real world with real women in real interactions.
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Interactions are more fun if the woman responds in an unexpected way. Any man with the right internal emotional foundation will embrace unexpected responses.
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"there is no difference in offering gum or asking for it, I tihnk its best to offer it, its kind, why the hell would you ask her for gum if you already have it, this doesn't make sense to me, I think its scripted and unnatural." Offering gum is supplicating. Asking for gum or water is giving her a compliance test. If she complies that's a good sign. If she doesn't comply that's fine too. We as humans tend to fall in love with people that we do things for, more than we fall in love with people that do things for us. There's also the "buyer-seller dynamic" where the man will come across as more attractive if he introduces an element of "Are you good enough for me?". Instead of doing the Typical Nice Guy thing of just trying to convince the woman that he's good enough for her.
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"why the hell would you ask her for gum if you already have it, this doesn't make sense to me," Simple answer: don't carry gum. Or ask for something else you don't have, such as water, or a pen, or pencil, or some paper. It's called flipping the script. In all those old Hollywood movies you see the man offering a cigarette or a drink etc - so much so that the automatic reaction for a woman being offered gum by a man is that he's trying to hit on her.
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"I think its scripted and unnatural." What's the definition of scripted and unnatural? It could be argued that what the original poster did was more scripted and unnatural than what I'd advise him to do. For example, breaking the ice with her the first time she sat down near him is more natural than him sitting there saying nothing to her. And asking her for something is just as natural as offering her gum. He will come across as a more attractive man if he asks her for something than if he offers her something. So it makes sense to ask for something.
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EG he asks her for some gum. She says she doesn't have any. He responds with "Oh, you look like the sort of person that carries gum." in a jokey teasing way. This is likely to lead to a more natural interaction than him offering gum.
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Every fully functional person has multiple modes of operating depending on what the situation is. Advising someone to be natural is very incomplete advice, because what natural are you talking about for what situation? It's much better to advise what form of natural the person should be for what situation.
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Making eye contact with someone multiple times without breaking the ice with them is one form of natural. Breaking the ice with them the first time eye contact is made is another form of natural. The breaking the ice without delay is a better form of natural for that situation.
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"Also talking to the friend is weird, the friend will tell the girl, find it out from the girl, dont do this indirect stuff its nonsense." Nope nope, nope nope nope nope! Not talking to the friend is a LOT weirder than talking to her. They are all at a university campus. A university is one big wide loosely knit social circle. It's normal to speak to anyone and everyone on campus. And seeing as these 2 women are like "Me and My Shadow", chances are the original poster will start talking to the friend whilst the library girl is there too (which is fine and can be a very fun interaction). On top of that it's just plain weird and anti-social to not talk to Library Girl's friends.
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It's an important principle of Game to win over the on-scene friends of anyone you're interested in. Who is going to have more influence over Library Girl? Her shadow-like friend or this guy she's been sitting next to in the library? Therefore it's vital to win over Shadow-Friend so that she's good-mouthing the original poster instead of bad-mouthing him. We're talking simple social intelligence and awareness here.
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"Personally I say speak to the girl, apologise and say you didn't mean to make it weird, something casual," Apologise for what? What has the original poster done that was wrong? Would the apology be sincere and honest? Or would it be a bit of insincere, dishonest attempted manipulation? Attempting to manipulate her into liking him more by saying this in an effort to convince her what a nice guy he is?
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The original poster should NOT apologise. He should NOT say that he didn't mean to make it weird. He should speak to her in an attractive way the next time they see each other. Dan Bacon is one leading dating coach that has load of youtube videos on how to speak with women in an attractive way.
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"if she accepts then gradually have some more small talk and eventually invite her for a drink maybe after the library," What type of small talk? The sort of small talk your grandmother would come out with? Or the sort of small talk an attractive interesting man would come out with? Eventually? Going for a drink and a chat with her is no big deal. The original poster isn't even convinced that she's the right sort of woman for him. Why make it into a bigger deal than it is? He should take the lead in moving the 2 of them to a different location for a chat the next time he sees her. No strings attached. No big deal.
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"but whatever you do don't try to analyse every action or overthink it, go in confident and see what happens" That is great advice! To which I'd add, it's better to be competent than confident.
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