Advice

15

I’m 17F and made an online friend who is 19M from a different European country. I lied and told him I was 19 because I didn’t feel comfortable sharing my real age online and I was taught by my parents not to share personal info online. Also I didn’t expect to become good friends as friendships aren’t my strong suit and it’s my first online friendship. I feel bad, I’m not sure what to do? If I should tell him my age or just tell the truth. We just talk about basic/kid things like mlb, zootopia 2, languages and culture; not anything deep or flirty. Sometimes we just tease eachother and joke around but nothing deep ig. What should I do? I feel bad for lying but I’m also scared that I’ll loose this friendship too :frown:

( I don’t have any friends irl so I feel very lonely :frown:

(

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Original post

by N1c0l3z

I’m 17F and made an online friend who is 19M from a different European country. I lied and told him I was 19 because I didn’t feel comfortable sharing my real age online and I was taught by my parents not to share personal info online. Also I didn’t expect to become good friends as friendships aren’t my strong suit and it’s my first online friendship. I feel bad, I’m not sure what to do? If I should tell him my age or just tell the truth. We just talk about basic/kid things like mlb, zootopia 2, languages and culture; not anything deep or flirty. Sometimes we just tease eachother and joke around but nothing deep ig. What should I do? I feel bad for lying but I’m also scared that I’ll loose this friendship too :frown:

( I don’t have any friends irl so I feel very lonely :frown:

(

If you don't feel comfortable sharing your age then don't, since you have mentioned that you only talk about not "deep" stuff, I feel there isn't such a big safeguarding issue. but regardless do keep alert. Is there anything specific that makes you feel or suspect you would "loose this friendship"?

Reply 2

N1c0l3z

OP

15

Original post

by Anonymous

If you don't feel comfortable sharing your age then don't, since you have mentioned that you only talk about not "deep" stuff, I feel there isn't such a big safeguarding issue. but regardless do keep alert. Is there anything specific that makes you feel or suspect you would "loose this friendship"?

Well friendships are built on trust and honesty so I feel bad that I’m lying about basic stuff life age. So I worry that he wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore bc I lied but I think that’s a bit of a stretch.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post

by N1c0l3z

Well friendships are built on trust and honesty so I feel bad that I’m lying about basic stuff life age. So I worry that he wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore bc I lied but I think that’s a bit of a stretch.

Well you certainly seemed to have made a decision then. Its just that online friendships tend not to be the most open and that's fine. If you do feel guilty then it is best to be direct with him.

Reply 4

N1c0l3z

OP

15

Original post

by Anonymous

Well you certainly seemed to have made a decision then. Its just that online friendships tend not to be the most open and that's fine. If you do feel guilty then it is best to be direct with him.

What would you suggest doing?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Hard to say without know much about either of you, full context and more importantly the level of trust between you.
From what I can understand, to simplify, you are stuck between discomfort with revealing your age and guilt of not wanting to lie.

I suggest you could consider reasons why you feel uncomfortable with revealing your age (privacy, safeguarding etc. and also state the obvious: you are underage and he is an adult (although I do get you have said its not "deep")) and weigh it up against reasons to wanting to be truthful. But online friendships do differ to real life ones in the fact they allow you the benefit to be more distanced and less open.

Realistically you have 2 routes:

1.

If you don't plan to take this into real life , in the long term or meet him and if this friendship stays purely casual, it’s mostly fine. Unless affecting your friendship, you could maintain current conditions.

2.

Or You could tell him your actual age so he could consider too, where to adjust boundaries if needed and to be fair on both of you. An age gap of 17 and 19 is not inherently wrong and I think its unlikely to destroy a friendship. And may relieve the stress.

Ultimately this is just some advise to consider from someone who knows not an awful lot on the context. What you choose to do is up to you, but its worth considering both long term and also your own privacy.