So sick of my male friends
Is it normal to get sick of male friends? I have a few male friends and it's getting to the point that I don't want to go out with them any more. All we talk about is girls and dating, sports, work / studies and sometimes politics. It is so boring. The guys I know who are successful at dating show off all the time about what they've got up to, I haven't been on a date with a girl in ages and it always makes me feel small and I think it is intended as a way of putting me down. Everyone wants to be top dog as it were. My mates also behave badly a lot of the time. One constantly wants to go out for last orders at the pub and hit on girls (he told me that at the end of the night girls are waiting around to meet guys which I don't think is the case). This guy seems to absolutely love pubs but I find them pretty boring tbh. And then we went out to a club before Christmas and another one of them was chatting up almost every girl in sight and they all rejected him, I can't blame them though as he was pretty drunk. Then at the end of the night I got into a conversation with a very attractive girl who was just being chatty and didn't seem to mean anything by it (I think she started talking to me just to get rid of another guy who was pestering her), but my mate got crazy jealous of me and I saw him staring angrily at me, as if to say "how did he even get talking to her?" and he literally went home in an angry huff. Another guy recently made comments about my parents, he met them once when they were over at my houseshare visiting and he thought they were posh and had a go at me saying he didn't realize my family was so posh (I'm really not from a rich family at all, my parents went to uni though and his didn't). Every time we meet up it's just the same and people say find other friends but I increasingly find it's the same with every guy I know, just endless competition over girls and talking about sports and dating.
Reply 1
Hi, I think if it were me and I did not like my friends this much then I would slowly try to find new friends who match my wavelength. And no offence but your friends sound like *******s and I think they have a superior complex and genuinely cannot be happy for you. You deserve better friends, hope you find some💗
Make friends with gay men, then you have to actually find some other common interests other than dating and girls and sports 
Less flippantly realistically this is probably more an issue with your specific acquiantances and you not having much in common with them. So actually the above kind of applies in the sense of, find people (of whatever gender) who you have common interests in and activities that you like doing together, and then spoend time with them (and probably become friends with them over time) doing the things you collectively enjoy.
Don't just go out and do things you aren't interested in and have conversations that bore you purely for the sake of of other people
Less flippantly realistically this is probably more an issue with your specific acquiantances and you not having much in common with them. So actually the above kind of applies in the sense of, find people (of whatever gender) who you have common interests in and activities that you like doing together, and then spoend time with them (and probably become friends with them over time) doing the things you collectively enjoy.
Don't just go out and do things you aren't interested in and have conversations that bore you purely for the sake of of other people
Reply 3
"All we talk about is girls and dating, sports, work / studies and sometimes politics"
That covers everything of importance that's worth talking about, apart from health. In the UK we have a culture of focusing more on the curative side of health than the preventative. And if everyone appears to be in good health, that's covered quickly by a "How are you?"
After health, the next most important thing in life is romantic relationships.
Followed closely by money earning.
With hobbies, interests, leisure coming behind that.
It appears that it's not the topics. It's either your attitude to talking about them. Or the way they're talked about.
All of those topics can be talked about in an interesting or entertaining way or in a boring way.
Inject humour into the conversation, or go off on crazy tangents, or tell anecdotes with an emotional element and the conversation will be entertaining or interesting.
"The guys I know who are successful at dating show off all the time about what they've got up to,"
One man's amusing anecdote is another man's showing off.
"I haven't been on a date with a girl in ages and it always makes me feel small and I think it is intended as a way of putting me down."
Part of the reason for them telling you what they've been up to, may be to inspire you to go on more dates.
Have you told your friends how you feel when they talk about the romantic side of their lives? If you have, what was their response?
And if they want to flex their egos as a way to feel better about themselves, let them.
"Everyone wants to be top dog as it were."
Being competitive helps provide motivation for doing well in various aspects of our lives.
Let others think they're top dog. Whilst you, in a quietly confident way, do what it takes to have a great life.
Let other's boast. Whilst you generate your own inner self confidence and generally don't boast. The best leaders give credit to their team when things go well, and take the blame when things go wrong.
"One constantly wants to go out for last orders at the pub and hit on girls"
Sounds sensible to me. What with the romantic side of our lives being the 2nd most important thing in it.
When he finds love he will be less inclined to do the last orders thing.
"This guy seems to absolutely love pubs but I find them pretty boring tbh"
Pubs are what you make of them. They can be boring. Or they can be great social venues.
What places do you find interesting and fascinating?
"And then we went out to a club before Christmas and another one of them was chatting up almost every girl in sight and they all rejected him, I can't blame them though as he was pretty drunk."
Good for him for at least trying.
He either had extreme bad luck. Or his man to woman social skills have scope for a lot of improvement. As a friend you can point him towards good sources of information on Game. It's then up to him if he takes on board that information.
You on the other hand can study Game and go ahead and apply it - and then you will have a much higher success rate than someone with no Game.
Alcohol is a Group 1 Carcinogen. It does provide courage. However, even without the health risks, it's a pact with the devil.
It's better if you can go out, have fun, be sociable, whilst drinking nothing or at most 1 drink.
Aim to let others get drunk whilst you stay sober or almost sober AND you function well in that environment without the crutch of alcohol.
"Then at the end of the night I got into a conversation with a very attractive girl who was just being chatty and didn't seem to mean anything by it (I think she started talking to me just to get rid of another guy who was pestering her), but my mate got crazy jealous of me and I saw him staring angrily at me, as if to say "how did he even get talking to her?" and he literally went home in an angry huff."
Did you go home with her? Did you arrange to meet her again?
You could have a lot of conversational fun with the frame that she's like your bratty sister that you need to save from socially uncalibrated guys.
Let your friend get in a huff. You can tell him the anecdotes of how you and the girl got talking and the sorts of things you spoke about and what your impression of her was and how you felt during your conversation with her.
"Another guy recently made comments about my parents, he met them once when they were over at my houseshare visiting and he thought they were posh and had a go at me saying he didn't realize my family was so posh"
That's not having a go at you. You can't do anything about whose DNA you have.
It sounds more like a back-handed compliment than having a go at you.
And even if he was having a go at you, a good way to respond would be for you to misinterpret it as a compliment with a "Thank-you. That's very kind of you to say so." with a smile on your face.
It's fine for you to be the odd one out in your social circle.
The guy that talks about other stuff apart from girls and sports. The guy that goes off on crazy tangents.
It's fine for you to come across as the non-thirsty guy in your group when you go out with them. Women will be more drawn to you if you talk to them in the right kind of non-needy, non-desperate, non-outcome-dependant kind of way.
All in all your male friends sound like a sound enough bunch of guys.
Would they be loyal if you were in a crisis?
It sounds like you'd enjoy their company more if you chilled out, took them less seriously, and aimed to have the sort of conversations where you're all laughing so much that tears are streaming down your faces.
That covers everything of importance that's worth talking about, apart from health. In the UK we have a culture of focusing more on the curative side of health than the preventative. And if everyone appears to be in good health, that's covered quickly by a "How are you?"
After health, the next most important thing in life is romantic relationships.
Followed closely by money earning.
With hobbies, interests, leisure coming behind that.
It appears that it's not the topics. It's either your attitude to talking about them. Or the way they're talked about.
All of those topics can be talked about in an interesting or entertaining way or in a boring way.
Inject humour into the conversation, or go off on crazy tangents, or tell anecdotes with an emotional element and the conversation will be entertaining or interesting.
"The guys I know who are successful at dating show off all the time about what they've got up to,"
One man's amusing anecdote is another man's showing off.
"I haven't been on a date with a girl in ages and it always makes me feel small and I think it is intended as a way of putting me down."
Part of the reason for them telling you what they've been up to, may be to inspire you to go on more dates.
Have you told your friends how you feel when they talk about the romantic side of their lives? If you have, what was their response?
And if they want to flex their egos as a way to feel better about themselves, let them.
"Everyone wants to be top dog as it were."
Being competitive helps provide motivation for doing well in various aspects of our lives.
Let others think they're top dog. Whilst you, in a quietly confident way, do what it takes to have a great life.
Let other's boast. Whilst you generate your own inner self confidence and generally don't boast. The best leaders give credit to their team when things go well, and take the blame when things go wrong.
"One constantly wants to go out for last orders at the pub and hit on girls"
Sounds sensible to me. What with the romantic side of our lives being the 2nd most important thing in it.
When he finds love he will be less inclined to do the last orders thing.
"This guy seems to absolutely love pubs but I find them pretty boring tbh"
Pubs are what you make of them. They can be boring. Or they can be great social venues.
What places do you find interesting and fascinating?
"And then we went out to a club before Christmas and another one of them was chatting up almost every girl in sight and they all rejected him, I can't blame them though as he was pretty drunk."
Good for him for at least trying.
He either had extreme bad luck. Or his man to woman social skills have scope for a lot of improvement. As a friend you can point him towards good sources of information on Game. It's then up to him if he takes on board that information.
You on the other hand can study Game and go ahead and apply it - and then you will have a much higher success rate than someone with no Game.
Alcohol is a Group 1 Carcinogen. It does provide courage. However, even without the health risks, it's a pact with the devil.
It's better if you can go out, have fun, be sociable, whilst drinking nothing or at most 1 drink.
Aim to let others get drunk whilst you stay sober or almost sober AND you function well in that environment without the crutch of alcohol.
"Then at the end of the night I got into a conversation with a very attractive girl who was just being chatty and didn't seem to mean anything by it (I think she started talking to me just to get rid of another guy who was pestering her), but my mate got crazy jealous of me and I saw him staring angrily at me, as if to say "how did he even get talking to her?" and he literally went home in an angry huff."
Did you go home with her? Did you arrange to meet her again?
You could have a lot of conversational fun with the frame that she's like your bratty sister that you need to save from socially uncalibrated guys.
Let your friend get in a huff. You can tell him the anecdotes of how you and the girl got talking and the sorts of things you spoke about and what your impression of her was and how you felt during your conversation with her.
"Another guy recently made comments about my parents, he met them once when they were over at my houseshare visiting and he thought they were posh and had a go at me saying he didn't realize my family was so posh"
That's not having a go at you. You can't do anything about whose DNA you have.
It sounds more like a back-handed compliment than having a go at you.
And even if he was having a go at you, a good way to respond would be for you to misinterpret it as a compliment with a "Thank-you. That's very kind of you to say so." with a smile on your face.
It's fine for you to be the odd one out in your social circle.
The guy that talks about other stuff apart from girls and sports. The guy that goes off on crazy tangents.
It's fine for you to come across as the non-thirsty guy in your group when you go out with them. Women will be more drawn to you if you talk to them in the right kind of non-needy, non-desperate, non-outcome-dependant kind of way.
All in all your male friends sound like a sound enough bunch of guys.
Would they be loyal if you were in a crisis?
It sounds like you'd enjoy their company more if you chilled out, took them less seriously, and aimed to have the sort of conversations where you're all laughing so much that tears are streaming down your faces.
Reply 4
Original post
by AnonymousIs it normal to get sick of male friends? I have a few male friends and it's getting to the point that I don't want to go out with them any more. All we talk about is girls and dating, sports, work / studies and sometimes politics. It is so boring. The guys I know who are successful at dating show off all the time about what they've got up to, I haven't been on a date with a girl in ages and it always makes me feel small and I think it is intended as a way of putting me down. Everyone wants to be top dog as it were. My mates also behave badly a lot of the time. One constantly wants to go out for last orders at the pub and hit on girls (he told me that at the end of the night girls are waiting around to meet guys which I don't think is the case). This guy seems to absolutely love pubs but I find them pretty boring tbh. And then we went out to a club before Christmas and another one of them was chatting up almost every girl in sight and they all rejected him, I can't blame them though as he was pretty drunk. Then at the end of the night I got into a conversation with a very attractive girl who was just being chatty and didn't seem to mean anything by it (I think she started talking to me just to get rid of another guy who was pestering her), but my mate got crazy jealous of me and I saw him staring angrily at me, as if to say "how did he even get talking to her?" and he literally went home in an angry huff. Another guy recently made comments about my parents, he met them once when they were over at my houseshare visiting and he thought they were posh and had a go at me saying he didn't realize my family was so posh (I'm really not from a rich family at all, my parents went to uni though and his didn't). Every time we meet up it's just the same and people say find other friends but I increasingly find it's the same with every guy I know, just endless competition over girls and talking about sports and dating.
Reply 5
It just sounds like a dull group.
Reply 6
As an update, we went out again on new years and it turned out to be a pretty terrible night and I've decided to stop hanging out with them. Basically we ended up in a club and my mate who met my parents last year had another go at me, although this time it was worse. Basically, he had had a few beers and tried to hit on a girl. She got upset at his behaviour and went home early on her own looking shaken up. After that, at the end of the night as we were walking to the night bus he started on at me and said again that he didn't realise I was so posh and also started on at my clothes, my shoes and basically how boring I am. He then tried to batter me and this other guy had to stop him. If he hadn't been stopped I'm ngl I would probably be in hospital as he was drunk and absolutely furious. Basically I walked off and made my own way home. I am even more angry as I didn't say, but one of the reasons he met my parents was my mum who is a teacher gave him a character reference for a job he had last year, so I find it pretty upsetting really.
Reply 7
Sounds like the right decision. Just needless aggro.
Reply 8
Original post
by AnonymousAs an update, we went out again on new years and it turned out to be a pretty terrible night and I've decided to stop hanging out with them. Basically we ended up in a club and my mate who met my parents last year had another go at me, although this time it was worse. Basically, he had had a few beers and tried to hit on a girl. She got upset at his behaviour and went home early on her own looking shaken up. After that, at the end of the night as we were walking to the night bus he started on at me and said again that he didn't realise I was so posh and also started on at my clothes, my shoes and basically how boring I am. He then tried to batter me and this other guy had to stop him. If he hadn't been stopped I'm ngl I would probably be in hospital as he was drunk and absolutely furious. Basically I walked off and made my own way home. I am even more angry as I didn't say, but one of the reasons he met my parents was my mum who is a teacher gave him a character reference for a job he had last year, so I find it pretty upsetting really.
In short that's not a mate, that's someone who doesn't like you.
I've been through the same myself and it takes a bit of maturity and harsh lessons to finally understand that someone is literally not your friend at all, they're a bully who banters with you when they feel like it.
Reply 9
Original post
by AnonymousAs an update, we went out again on new years and it turned out to be a pretty terrible night and I've decided to stop hanging out with them. Basically we ended up in a club and my mate who met my parents last year had another go at me, although this time it was worse. Basically, he had had a few beers and tried to hit on a girl. She got upset at his behaviour and went home early on her own looking shaken up. After that, at the end of the night as we were walking to the night bus he started on at me and said again that he didn't realise I was so posh and also started on at my clothes, my shoes and basically how boring I am. He then tried to batter me and this other guy had to stop him. If he hadn't been stopped I'm ngl I would probably be in hospital as he was drunk and absolutely furious. Basically I walked off and made my own way home. I am even more angry as I didn't say, but one of the reasons he met my parents was my mum who is a teacher gave him a character reference for a job he had last year, so I find it pretty upsetting really.
You've done right.
He crossed a boundary when he went violent on you. There's 4 letter words for describing what he is.
Most men are a lot better than him.
The right group of friends will lift you up and enhance your life. They won't do you down.
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