Cannot concentrate on my A-Levels due to persistant anxiety in Year 13.
For nearly an entire year, I have been chronically anxious about a video of me saying "yeah u dirty f-ing n***a" with my face in, being released. A video I take full accountability of my stupidity and disgusting vocabulary being showcased within when I was 15.
The guy who has ownership of the video had threatened me on August 2024 - months after the video had been obtained in April 2024 - joking around with the video. He was an 'old friend' who I used to admire, but the fact he held this against me despite him using the word all the time himself is annoying.
Since then, for 8 months onwards, I am/was petrified as not only could this really impact me in school e.g. being beaten up or rushed for this (FYI this is taken seriously in the UK). Most importantly, this video portrays myself as a racist idiot.
On the bright side, the stress disappeared after a lengthy 8 months of worry, I did well in my exams and am predicted A* and As for my exams. This was during a 4 month plus period of less stress and forgetting about the video. This has equipped me with the tools to apply to top universities for Politics and International Relations - I love these two. This is the final year of my academics before I go to university as I'm in High School or Sixth Form (as we call it in the UK), meaning the pressure is on. But I fret the video will ruin it all.
Conclusion: All I do is think about this video which distracts me from being able to fulfill my opportunity from getting into one of the best universities in the country. I will do ANYTHING for this dumb video to be deleted, I am thinking about contacting the video holder I can't live with this confusion its really killing me.
I don't even look in the mirror anymore as stress has ruined my face I am so mad.
The guy who has ownership of the video had threatened me on August 2024 - months after the video had been obtained in April 2024 - joking around with the video. He was an 'old friend' who I used to admire, but the fact he held this against me despite him using the word all the time himself is annoying.
Since then, for 8 months onwards, I am/was petrified as not only could this really impact me in school e.g. being beaten up or rushed for this (FYI this is taken seriously in the UK). Most importantly, this video portrays myself as a racist idiot.
On the bright side, the stress disappeared after a lengthy 8 months of worry, I did well in my exams and am predicted A* and As for my exams. This was during a 4 month plus period of less stress and forgetting about the video. This has equipped me with the tools to apply to top universities for Politics and International Relations - I love these two. This is the final year of my academics before I go to university as I'm in High School or Sixth Form (as we call it in the UK), meaning the pressure is on. But I fret the video will ruin it all.
Conclusion: All I do is think about this video which distracts me from being able to fulfill my opportunity from getting into one of the best universities in the country. I will do ANYTHING for this dumb video to be deleted, I am thinking about contacting the video holder I can't live with this confusion its really killing me.
I don't even look in the mirror anymore as stress has ruined my face I am so mad.
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