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Lonely study exchange

So yeah, as mentioned in the title, I'm experiencing a lot of loneliness while on study exchange in Finland. I'm here since late August and I'm staying till the end of May.

I came here with a girl from my home university that I met a couple of months prior, and although I thought we were getting along quite well, she kind of stopped talking to me and focused only on the new people she met here and lives with. It does make me a bit sad but I know I did nothing wrong and some people are just like that.

I obviously met a ton of people here, at the beginning especially. Everyone was hanging out with everyone trying to meet new people and I made some great memories, but I don't seem to be able to connect with anyone to actually keep in touch. It's not just here, I don't connect with a lot of people in general. I don't think there's anything wrong with that but it does make me upset seeing other people here making groups of friends, having people to hang out with etc. while I don't seem to be able to do the same thing. Most of the events organised by the university here are parties, and I'm not a party person at all, especially if I'm supposed to go on my own.

I made one proper friend last term, she's great, but unfortunately she was staying here only till December. We keep in touch and chat quite often, we have plans to see each other when we can. I'm super grateful for her and I do believe that this friendship will last. I know that quality is more important than quantity, but somehow I can't stop feeling like there is something wrong with me. I don't mind being alone and doing things alone, but then why do I still feel like there is something wrong with me for not being able to make friends? I tried connecting with my housemates, but we just don't click. We're polite and have an occasional chat here and there but that's about it.

Did anyone else here have similar experiences? I would really appreciate if you could share those or any other thoughts you might have :smile:

Reply 1

Original post
by j3lly_f1sh
So yeah, as mentioned in the title, I'm experiencing a lot of loneliness while on study exchange in Finland. I'm here since late August and I'm staying till the end of May.
I came here with a girl from my home university that I met a couple of months prior, and although I thought we were getting along quite well, she kind of stopped talking to me and focused only on the new people she met here and lives with. It does make me a bit sad but I know I did nothing wrong and some people are just like that.
I obviously met a ton of people here, at the beginning especially. Everyone was hanging out with everyone trying to meet new people and I made some great memories, but I don't seem to be able to connect with anyone to actually keep in touch. It's not just here, I don't connect with a lot of people in general. I don't think there's anything wrong with that but it does make me upset seeing other people here making groups of friends, having people to hang out with etc. while I don't seem to be able to do the same thing. Most of the events organised by the university here are parties, and I'm not a party person at all, especially if I'm supposed to go on my own.
I made one proper friend last term, she's great, but unfortunately she was staying here only till December. We keep in touch and chat quite often, we have plans to see each other when we can. I'm super grateful for her and I do believe that this friendship will last. I know that quality is more important than quantity, but somehow I can't stop feeling like there is something wrong with me. I don't mind being alone and doing things alone, but then why do I still feel like there is something wrong with me for not being able to make friends? I tried connecting with my housemates, but we just don't click. We're polite and have an occasional chat here and there but that's about it.
Did anyone else here have similar experiences? I would really appreciate if you could share those or any other thoughts you might have :smile:

Hey there,
Sorry to hear that you are struggling to connect with others. I too aren't a fan of parties so it was hard to make friends in my first year that way. I found a lot of my community through Clubs and Societies. Have you had a moment to check out what your University may offer you in terms of those?

The events they host vary widely on the type of society. Sports will have regularly meetups for training, games societies will have gaming sessions, societies that focus on multi-culture will often have fun get-togethers to introduce you to new foods, media and traditions and academic societies are more in line with upskilling workshops. These relaxed spaces are a lot easier to make friends in as they actively look to build their circle. Alternatively, have a look to see if there are any international student forums, servers or chats that you can join.

Do not feel like you are doing anything wrong as it is normal at University to only find your friends over time. I found my community towards the end of my second year. If you are feeling worried, do also talk to your University wellbeing team! At times, you can make friends in the weirdest places such as Uni bars, it's key to just keep talking and getting to know people.

Do update us on how things are getting along and hope you find some meaningful connection,
Aura (Uni of Staffs)

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