A caged bird

Hi, I don't know if anyone can relate to this. Following trauma in 2016 and other things that led to a deterioration in my mental health, I have been dependent in terms of not going out by myself etc. I also have autism and cannot speak on the phone or by video call and sometimes need my mum who is my carer to help me communicate. Severe mental illness has me locked in a cage. But here is the thing. I crave freedom. The big thing I want more than anything is to see the world, travel and go on animal car/wildlife conservation projects abroad. But the cage is locked firmly shut. I cannot just go and do the things I want to do and it is driving me up the wall, I am breaking, screaming inside, getting worse day by day. When I reach out to the mental health team all they say is that I am on the list for therapy, not giving me anything in the meantime. And if I had to choose between the best psychological therapy and getting out there and seeing the world I would choose the latter. I can't even go for a walk by myself so if no one else can come with me I am stuck in my room. I can't stand it any more and was wondering if anyone has had a similar experience.

I’m sorry you’re going through that. I can relate. I was attacked just before I found out I was pregnant, didn’t really deal with it and then had my baby and that’s all I focused on. Until I was needing to go out alone with a baby and out alone on my own and I confused the absence of being out alone with being healed from when I went though. When I first started to go out on my own, I booked a fitness class and I started to love going to them and did for weeks and then I came to the next fitness class and it was getting taught by a man and I had to leave. I literally went out the door and came home and cried. I found fitness classes with only females and built my confidence up through that to the point I just ran a half marathon in Manchester and was speaking to men and women and I didn’t feel afraid. Fitness is so great for the head and doing it in my own comfort built me up to a place I wish I was a few years back. X