Struggling making friends at University

2

First year business student. I've joined a good amount of societies and tried to go to as many events as possible but so far I've only really made one friend and I'm just struggling with if I should stay. I went through a similar phase at college (went to a different college after secondary) where I didn't find my friend group until 2nd term but how long should I keep trying before I admit that university might not be for me? I love my course don't get me wrong but I don't want to spend the next 4 years in a place where I don't fit in.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Ask yourself if you’ll regret giving up on the opportunity if you leave.

Do you have a plan for what you’d do if you leave? Would the financial investment so far without the degree be a major burden? Would you be moving back to a strong support system?

Remember building friendships takes time, is it worth giving up everything else you get being at uni for one aspect that might improve? Are there any connections you have you could build on to help you get to a place where you have the friendships you want.

Whether uni is right for you is a really big and personal decision, I would recommend thinking about:
What have you gained at Uni.
What would you lose by leaving.
What do you wish was different.
How can you change areas you are struggling with.
- if you are at the level you are considering dropping out maybe see if your uni’s well-being service has any advice or support.

Good luck with however you choose to move forward.

Reply 2

ethomsonshor

OP

2

Thank you, that really helps put things in perspective. I like my course and I think I would regret leaving just because of the social aspect. I'll hang in there. x

Reply 3

LJMUStudentReps

Official Rep

18

Original post

by ethomsonshor

First year business student. I've joined a good amount of societies and tried to go to as many events as possible but so far I've only really made one friend and I'm just struggling with if I should stay. I went through a similar phase at college (went to a different college after secondary) where I didn't find my friend group until 2nd term but how long should I keep trying before I admit that university might not be for me? I love my course don't get me wrong but I don't want to spend the next 4 years in a place where I don't fit in.

Hi @ethomsonshor

So sorry to hear that you have found yourself in this situation but please do not stress, it is a lot more common than you think. As mentioned, friendships do take time to build. They very rarely happen instantly!

I came to Liverpool not knowing a single person and I can admit it took me a little while to get to know people and make a friend group. Fast forward a year and a half and I have a group of mates that I am very close with and even share a house together! You are only in your first year and although I know it isn't nice to feel like you do not know many people or have many friends my best advice would be to just stick it out for abit longer and trust me you will find your people!

I would also suggest making the most of the unis facilities, they will have a well being team and if you are struggling with anything then they will be more than happy to help you. Usually you can book an appointment and have a sit down chat with someone which may be beneficial. Speak to family and friends from back home too, sometimes it is good to get these things off your chest by speaking to people you know and trust!

It will take time but it will be worth it in the end! Keep going and stay as positive as you can. Always remember though that it is your decision and people will respect whatever you decide to do!

Let me know if you have any other questions, I am more than happy to help!

Thanks, Matt 🙂
Official LJMU Student Rep

Reply 4

University of Salford Student Rep

Official Rep

13

Original post

by ethomsonshor

First year business student. I've joined a good amount of societies and tried to go to as many events as possible but so far I've only really made one friend and I'm just struggling with if I should stay. I went through a similar phase at college (went to a different college after secondary) where I didn't find my friend group until 2nd term but how long should I keep trying before I admit that university might not be for me? I love my course don't get me wrong but I don't want to spend the next 4 years in a place where I don't fit in.

Hey,

You’re really not alone in feeling like this, even though it can feel incredibly isolating when you look around and think everyone else has already found their people.

First of all, having even one proper friend a few months in is actually not a failure at all. A lot of friendships at uni are quite shallow at the start and only really turn into proper, close friendships later on once you’ve been through a bit more together. The fact that you went through something similar at college and it eventually worked out is a really good sign, it shows this isn’t you being bad at uni, it’s just how you take time to settle socially.

It’s also really normal for the first semester to be quite awkward and disappointing socially. Many people only really find their proper circle in second term or even second year, once courses get more settled and you start seeing the same people more regularly.

Since you love your course, that’s a big thing in favour of staying. Four years is a long time, yes, but the social side in first term or first year is not a good predictor of how the rest of uni will feel. The academic side and routine actually help a lot with building more natural friendships over time.

A few gentle, realistic things that sometimes help:

•

It’s okay if your social life is small. One or two solid people is genuinely enough for a lot of people.

•

Don’t assume everyone else is having an amazing time, a lot of people who look settled are also quietly struggling or feeling lonely.

•

If the loneliness is really getting heavy or affecting your mental health, it might be worth talking to student support or your personal tutor too, not because you’re failing, but because this is a really common thing they deal with.

Right now, it sounds much more like you’re in the normal “it hasn’t clicked yet” phase rather than “uni definitely isn’t for you”. You don’t need to decide your whole future based on how the first few months have gone. Things can still change a lot.

Good luck 😊
Arslan – University of Salford Student Representative

Reply 5

ARUStudents

Official Rep

14

Original post

by ethomsonshor

First year business student. I've joined a good amount of societies and tried to go to as many events as possible but so far I've only really made one friend and I'm just struggling with if I should stay. I went through a similar phase at college (went to a different college after secondary) where I didn't find my friend group until 2nd term but how long should I keep trying before I admit that university might not be for me? I love my course don't get me wrong but I don't want to spend the next 4 years in a place where I don't fit in.

Hey,

Thanks for sharing. This is very common, especially in the first few months of uni. Friendships usually don’t click right away, as people are still trying to get comfortable in new environments.

It’s good that you like your course, that part matters a lot. From what you said, you already went through something similar in college, and it shifted in second term. That’s not a coincidence, it’s usually people relaxing more, societies settling, and friendships becoming more natural, rather than forced.

My advice is to give yourself permission to reassess the situation after a full academic year, as by then you would’ve seen how the second term felt, had time for deeper friendships, and experienced your course properly. Also, a lot of people forget that uni isn’t supposed to be a perfect experience, especially in first year, where things are bound to be more uncomfortable, more messy, etc.

Best of luck, and don’t forget, you made a friend already! That’s a step forward!

Sabina :smile:

Reply 6

TeesRepChloe1

Official Rep

5

Original post

by ethomsonshor

First year business student. I've joined a good amount of societies and tried to go to as many events as possible but so far I've only really made one friend and I'm just struggling with if I should stay. I went through a similar phase at college (went to a different college after secondary) where I didn't find my friend group until 2nd term but how long should I keep trying before I admit that university might not be for me? I love my course don't get me wrong but I don't want to spend the next 4 years in a place where I don't fit in.

Hi, I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this, it’s a horrible position to be in and you’re definitely not alone. Just to share my experience, most of my uni friends didn’t come from my course at all. I met them through the students’ union, societies and clubs, plus things like quiz nights, karaoke nights and even studying in the library regularly. Seeing the same faces in relaxed, low-pressure settings over time really helped.

If you’re enjoying your course, I’d give it a bit more time before making any big decisions. The social side often takes longer to fall into place than people expect. 🙂

– Chloe ✮⋆˙
Official Student Representative, Teesside University

Reply 7

Malak - UOS

Official Rep

7

Hello,

I understand how frustrating it must feel to look ahead and feel like you have got 3 more years ahead of you, with only one friend.

However, every year you go through experiences that introduce you to new people, some may even be on your course. The important thing is not to feel discouraged, there isn’t a time limit on making friends, you make friends all thought your life.

The most important thing is to keep trying, there is so much more to look forward to in university, you are learning a topic in detail and earning a degree, which is admirable. Keep an open mind!

Wishing you luck. You got this!

Reply 8

hallamstudents

Official Rep

18

Original post

by ethomsonshor

First year business student. I've joined a good amount of societies and tried to go to as many events as possible but so far I've only really made one friend and I'm just struggling with if I should stay. I went through a similar phase at college (went to a different college after secondary) where I didn't find my friend group until 2nd term but how long should I keep trying before I admit that university might not be for me? I love my course don't get me wrong but I don't want to spend the next 4 years in a place where I don't fit in.

Hi there,

I am sorry to hear that you have been feeling this way. Uni can be difficult and I completely understand how you feel as I felt the exact same way in my first year of uni too. The best advice overall I can give is that it does get better and it got better for me when I was in my second year. Here are some ways that I ended up meeting people, just in case any of these help you out at all:

•

With the societies, I would recommend to try again in your second year (if you do decide to stay) as it might get better and I found this to be a good way of making friends. Lots of people join in their second or third years, so you won't be the only new person joining and if you decide you don't like it, you don't have to keep going!

•

I would also recommend seeing if your uni puts any events on, as these can be good ways of meeting people from your uni. I met a couple of people by going to some of these, and I even went to a couple on my own and got chatting to people while I was there.

•

I also made some friends on my course in second year by having more confidence to ask if anyone wanted to go out and do something, even if it was just going to the library! This worked well for me and I found it easier to meet people straight after uni, so see if anyone wants a coffee or lunch when you finish your lectures!

•

Also seeing if there are any clubs in the local area that are not associated with uni - I know lots of places have sports clubs, run clubs or just more general things such as coffee meet up groups and craft clubs. It may be worth having a look at some of these, just so you know some people in the area you live.

In general, I would suggest waiting it out based on my personal experience as I found friends in my second year. However, if you are really unhappy then it is a personal decision on whether you think you can stay or not so have a think about what is right for you.

If you are struggling at all, I really recommend reaching out to the support teams at your uni as they are there to help you and will be able to talk to you about how you are feeling and see if they can help you at all.

I hope things improve soon for you,

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.

Reply 9

Royal Holloway, University of London

Official Rep

13

Original post

by ethomsonshor

First year business student. I've joined a good amount of societies and tried to go to as many events as possible but so far I've only really made one friend and I'm just struggling with if I should stay. I went through a similar phase at college (went to a different college after secondary) where I didn't find my friend group until 2nd term but how long should I keep trying before I admit that university might not be for me? I love my course don't get me wrong but I don't want to spend the next 4 years in a place where I don't fit in.

Hi @ethomsonshor

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like you’re putting a lot of effort into getting involved, which is a really positive step and it’s completely normal to feel this way.

Settling in can take time, so try not to be too hard on yourself. It’s great that you enjoy your course as that’s a strong reason to keep going! Sometimes friendships form naturally through group projects or even just seeing the same faces regularly. You might find it helpful to talk to your personal tutor or the student wellbeing team, as they can offer support and connect you with others who might be feeling the same way.

Give yourself time - things often start to click once you’ve had a full term or two to find your rhythm!

Best wishes,
Royal Holloway, University of London Official Rep

Struggling making friends at University

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