2 Year Relationship of Betrayal, In Need of Brutally Honest Advice
Hello Everyone, I’ve ended a two-year relationship with a woman who repeatedly betrayed me, and I’m fully aware there’s no fixing it. I’m not asking whether I should stay — I already know the answer. I’m asking for your analytical, brutally honest breakdown of where I misplayed, her behavior, and the lessons I should extract from this situation. I know this is long, but I’ve included all relevant context so you can give a proper analysis.
For context, I’ve always done well with women and never struggled with attraction or dating. I’ve lived a player lifestyle in the past and consider myself fairly experienced when it comes to understanding female nature, which is partly why I tolerated this situation longer than I should have.
I dated a woman for about two years. She’s in her early 20s and I’m in my late 20s. From the beginning, there were multiple red flags. Before I knew her, she had repeatedly kissed Jason, a “friend” of mine, in clubs and had sexual history with him. He later told me he didn’t care about her, was fine with me seeing her, and even encouraged it. When we first started dating, she was also involved with another guy (she claims nothing happened, but he claims he slept with her), and she had prior involvement with other men as well. Early on, I didn’t take her seriously and knew she wasn’t wife material (extremely high Snapchat score, a promiscuous reputation) — but she was fun and genuinely pleasant to be around.
Overall, I maintained a calm, masculine frame. That said, there were moments where I was playful and goofy when we were joking around, which I was aware could slightly reduce attraction, but as far as I could tell, attraction remained solid.
After around 4–5 months of casual dating, she pushed for exclusivity with an ultimatum. I initially rejected it. I knew she was for the streets and had no intention of taking her seriously long-term. I eventually agreed mainly to keep things simple and because I enjoyed her company, fully believing I wouldn’t emotionally invest. Over time, however, I did get pulled into the relationship properly and was completely loyal once we were official, largely because I was content and no longer interested in aimlessly dealing with other women.
As the relationship progressed, she told me she loved me and became very attached, even borderline obsessive, while repeatedly engaging in behavior I wasn’t okay with: interacting with an ex on social media, frequent clubbing (including after-parties at other men’s houses, which she claims were innocent), provocative and suggestive posts online, dressing revealingly in public (once drawing verbal abuse from a woman shouting insults from a car), and flirting with other men. It’s also worth noting that she works in nightlife, so she is constantly surrounded by male attention, alcohol, and validation. On one occasion, I caught her holding hands with another man in a nightclub smoking area. Another time,*I also briefly saw a photo on her phone of her in a club with another guy. When I asked to see it, she immediately deleted it and claimed it was innocent — she said she just panicked and apologized for deleting it.*Each time I confronted her, she apologized and promised change, but the pattern continued.
Early on, I often warned other men about women like her, yet I fell into the same trap — enjoying her company while ignoring the clear signs she was not to be taken seriously.
Early in the official relationship, she admitted she had slept with a different ex during the period when we were casually dating (in the beginning). At one point, she even greeted him in a store while I was with her and described him as “just someone from university,” only for me to later find out he was her ex. I broke up with her, but she begged for another chance and I gave it, fully aware trust was gone and there was no real future. During arguments or periods of silence, she repeatedly re-added and deleted this same ex on social media, later admitting she did it to “provoke a reaction” even though I had to mostly find this out for myself. She later demanded I remove my ex from Instagram — someone I hadn’t spoken to in five years — which I refused out of principle.
During another incident, while angry that I wouldn’t remove my ex, she booked a girls’ trip to Ibiza despite knowing I wasn’t okay with it. She went anyway. At that point, even a close friend named Simon and I were laughing at how disloyal the situation had become. She insisted she didn’t cheat, but I’m not naive. While there, she got a tattoo with a provocative message in an intimate place on her body and posted it publicly.
The final incident happened a couple of months ago. I unexpectedly ran into her during a large, crowded nightclub event and caught her kissing Jason — the same “friend” she had previously been sexual with before we were dating. I confronted them. Immediately afterward, I was assaulted by a group of random men and struck in the head. Following the assault, bouncers removed me from the club. Despite this, my girlfriend stayed inside and did not leave with me.
When the club closed shortly after, I saw her and Jason standing together outside again. She cried, begged, and claimed he had simply followed her out.
At that point, Jason told nearby police that he felt threatened by me and implied my girlfriend was unsafe. Based on this false accusation, police arrested me despite me being completely innocent. I spent the night in jail and was later released without charge. Police apologized and acknowledged I should never have been arrested.
Moments after I was taken away, Simon witnessed my girlfriend and Jason still standing together outside. When they noticed they were being watched, they split up to avoid suspicion, then regrouped roughly ten minutes later outside a nearby Burger King. From there, my girlfriend went back to her place with him, where sexual activity occurred while I was still in jail.
I only found out about this later after Jason bragged to a mutual friend, who then told me. When confronted, she confessed and claimed she was “waiting for the right time” to tell me.
Afterward, she cried for weeks, begged me to forgive her, expressed regret, promised to change, and blamed her actions on being drunk, upset, and on me not removing my ex when she asked. She claimed she hated him, loved me, and would never lie or betray me again.
I have explicitly ended the relationship, but I have continued to sleep with her occasionally since then. I’m fully aware I shouldn’t be doing this and that she doesn’t deserve any form of my attention, even sexual. I didn’t attend her Christmas or birthday celebrations, which she’s using as justification to be upset. She has since attempted to issue further ultimatums, saying she won’t continue seeing me unless I give her “direction” or consider taking her back if she can supposedly prove loyalty over time — despite continuing to sleep with me anyway. She has also repeatedly insisted that she is going to change regardless of whether I take her back, claiming she wants to change for herself and prove she’s different. However, since making these promises, she has already contradicted them through her actions — continuing to engage with men in nightclub settings, posting provocative and suggestive content online, dressing revealingly in public, being present in the same venues as the guy she cheated with, and maintaining a nightlife-heavy social life. While she claims “nothing else has happened” and that she’s being transparent, her actions still don’t align with her words.*
For clarity, she claims intercourse did not occur with Jason at her place, though sexual activity did — a distinction I don’t personally consider meaningful. Multiple men have also claimed to have been with her in the past before I knew her, though she denies most of these claims, which I now treat as irrelevant. I won’t pretend this situation didn’t affect me emotionally — it did.
I’ll be honest — disengaging fully has been less clean than I expected. I’m single, but I haven’t fully acted like it. I talk and flirt with other women, but I’ve noticed I’m holding back from taking things further. Rationally, I understand there’s no obligation remaining. Because of how badly she betrayed me, I assumed detaching would be easy, which is why I continued sleeping with her after the breakup with the mindset that I could also see other women. I now recognise that maintaining this dynamic is delaying a clean break, even though I knew better from the start.
Even now, she continues to act incredibly attracted to me. She has expressed that she would take me back in a heartbeat and it’s evident she still loves me, despite her repeated betrayals and the fact I’ve ended the relationship. She graduates from university later this year, and there’s a high chance that she will move out of the city or even the country if we’re no longer together.
I’m not looking for validation. I want a full, unfiltered analysis. Tell me where I misplayed despite knowing better, your perspective on this type of woman and her behavior, and the key lessons to extract from this. Don’t hold back — I want the raw truth.
Additionally, I’d appreciate your perspective on the dangers of continuing to sleep with her post-breakup, the psychological and frame-related consequences, and how I can fully disengage and avoid being pulled back into this dynamic.
Thanks in advance
For context, I’ve always done well with women and never struggled with attraction or dating. I’ve lived a player lifestyle in the past and consider myself fairly experienced when it comes to understanding female nature, which is partly why I tolerated this situation longer than I should have.
I dated a woman for about two years. She’s in her early 20s and I’m in my late 20s. From the beginning, there were multiple red flags. Before I knew her, she had repeatedly kissed Jason, a “friend” of mine, in clubs and had sexual history with him. He later told me he didn’t care about her, was fine with me seeing her, and even encouraged it. When we first started dating, she was also involved with another guy (she claims nothing happened, but he claims he slept with her), and she had prior involvement with other men as well. Early on, I didn’t take her seriously and knew she wasn’t wife material (extremely high Snapchat score, a promiscuous reputation) — but she was fun and genuinely pleasant to be around.
Overall, I maintained a calm, masculine frame. That said, there were moments where I was playful and goofy when we were joking around, which I was aware could slightly reduce attraction, but as far as I could tell, attraction remained solid.
After around 4–5 months of casual dating, she pushed for exclusivity with an ultimatum. I initially rejected it. I knew she was for the streets and had no intention of taking her seriously long-term. I eventually agreed mainly to keep things simple and because I enjoyed her company, fully believing I wouldn’t emotionally invest. Over time, however, I did get pulled into the relationship properly and was completely loyal once we were official, largely because I was content and no longer interested in aimlessly dealing with other women.
As the relationship progressed, she told me she loved me and became very attached, even borderline obsessive, while repeatedly engaging in behavior I wasn’t okay with: interacting with an ex on social media, frequent clubbing (including after-parties at other men’s houses, which she claims were innocent), provocative and suggestive posts online, dressing revealingly in public (once drawing verbal abuse from a woman shouting insults from a car), and flirting with other men. It’s also worth noting that she works in nightlife, so she is constantly surrounded by male attention, alcohol, and validation. On one occasion, I caught her holding hands with another man in a nightclub smoking area. Another time,*I also briefly saw a photo on her phone of her in a club with another guy. When I asked to see it, she immediately deleted it and claimed it was innocent — she said she just panicked and apologized for deleting it.*Each time I confronted her, she apologized and promised change, but the pattern continued.
Early on, I often warned other men about women like her, yet I fell into the same trap — enjoying her company while ignoring the clear signs she was not to be taken seriously.
Early in the official relationship, she admitted she had slept with a different ex during the period when we were casually dating (in the beginning). At one point, she even greeted him in a store while I was with her and described him as “just someone from university,” only for me to later find out he was her ex. I broke up with her, but she begged for another chance and I gave it, fully aware trust was gone and there was no real future. During arguments or periods of silence, she repeatedly re-added and deleted this same ex on social media, later admitting she did it to “provoke a reaction” even though I had to mostly find this out for myself. She later demanded I remove my ex from Instagram — someone I hadn’t spoken to in five years — which I refused out of principle.
During another incident, while angry that I wouldn’t remove my ex, she booked a girls’ trip to Ibiza despite knowing I wasn’t okay with it. She went anyway. At that point, even a close friend named Simon and I were laughing at how disloyal the situation had become. She insisted she didn’t cheat, but I’m not naive. While there, she got a tattoo with a provocative message in an intimate place on her body and posted it publicly.
The final incident happened a couple of months ago. I unexpectedly ran into her during a large, crowded nightclub event and caught her kissing Jason — the same “friend” she had previously been sexual with before we were dating. I confronted them. Immediately afterward, I was assaulted by a group of random men and struck in the head. Following the assault, bouncers removed me from the club. Despite this, my girlfriend stayed inside and did not leave with me.
When the club closed shortly after, I saw her and Jason standing together outside again. She cried, begged, and claimed he had simply followed her out.
At that point, Jason told nearby police that he felt threatened by me and implied my girlfriend was unsafe. Based on this false accusation, police arrested me despite me being completely innocent. I spent the night in jail and was later released without charge. Police apologized and acknowledged I should never have been arrested.
Moments after I was taken away, Simon witnessed my girlfriend and Jason still standing together outside. When they noticed they were being watched, they split up to avoid suspicion, then regrouped roughly ten minutes later outside a nearby Burger King. From there, my girlfriend went back to her place with him, where sexual activity occurred while I was still in jail.
I only found out about this later after Jason bragged to a mutual friend, who then told me. When confronted, she confessed and claimed she was “waiting for the right time” to tell me.
Afterward, she cried for weeks, begged me to forgive her, expressed regret, promised to change, and blamed her actions on being drunk, upset, and on me not removing my ex when she asked. She claimed she hated him, loved me, and would never lie or betray me again.
I have explicitly ended the relationship, but I have continued to sleep with her occasionally since then. I’m fully aware I shouldn’t be doing this and that she doesn’t deserve any form of my attention, even sexual. I didn’t attend her Christmas or birthday celebrations, which she’s using as justification to be upset. She has since attempted to issue further ultimatums, saying she won’t continue seeing me unless I give her “direction” or consider taking her back if she can supposedly prove loyalty over time — despite continuing to sleep with me anyway. She has also repeatedly insisted that she is going to change regardless of whether I take her back, claiming she wants to change for herself and prove she’s different. However, since making these promises, she has already contradicted them through her actions — continuing to engage with men in nightclub settings, posting provocative and suggestive content online, dressing revealingly in public, being present in the same venues as the guy she cheated with, and maintaining a nightlife-heavy social life. While she claims “nothing else has happened” and that she’s being transparent, her actions still don’t align with her words.*
For clarity, she claims intercourse did not occur with Jason at her place, though sexual activity did — a distinction I don’t personally consider meaningful. Multiple men have also claimed to have been with her in the past before I knew her, though she denies most of these claims, which I now treat as irrelevant. I won’t pretend this situation didn’t affect me emotionally — it did.
I’ll be honest — disengaging fully has been less clean than I expected. I’m single, but I haven’t fully acted like it. I talk and flirt with other women, but I’ve noticed I’m holding back from taking things further. Rationally, I understand there’s no obligation remaining. Because of how badly she betrayed me, I assumed detaching would be easy, which is why I continued sleeping with her after the breakup with the mindset that I could also see other women. I now recognise that maintaining this dynamic is delaying a clean break, even though I knew better from the start.
Even now, she continues to act incredibly attracted to me. She has expressed that she would take me back in a heartbeat and it’s evident she still loves me, despite her repeated betrayals and the fact I’ve ended the relationship. She graduates from university later this year, and there’s a high chance that she will move out of the city or even the country if we’re no longer together.
I’m not looking for validation. I want a full, unfiltered analysis. Tell me where I misplayed despite knowing better, your perspective on this type of woman and her behavior, and the key lessons to extract from this. Don’t hold back — I want the raw truth.
Additionally, I’d appreciate your perspective on the dangers of continuing to sleep with her post-breakup, the psychological and frame-related consequences, and how I can fully disengage and avoid being pulled back into this dynamic.
Thanks in advance
Reply 1
Being playful and goofy generally increases attraction. When it's sprinkled liberally into your conversations. It becomes unattractive when you become a non-stop, dancing monkey, comedian - all jokes and no substance.
How would she have perceived your reaction to her:
interacting with an ex on social media,
frequent clubbing (including after-parties at other men’s houses, which she claims were innocent),
provocative and suggestive posts online,
dressing revealingly in public (once drawing verbal abuse from a woman shouting insults from a car),
and flirting with other men?
If you got angry or upset with her over any of those things, that would have reduced her attraction to you.
There are times when you should enforce boundaries.
However, for most, or all of them from that list you should either tolerate or move on. Because that's the kind of girl she is.
If overall, she - or any other woman - is worth staying with, stay with her and tolerate the things about her that you don't like. Nobody's perfect.
If overall she's not worth staying with, then move on. As soon as you conveniently can. Because there's millions of women out there that are worth staying with.
I can't comment on her nightlife job, as that's too vague a description. Some jobs would be no big deal. Whilst other jobs would be the sort where you should go into a relationship with her with your eyes wide open.
Did you get a copy of the police body worn videos etc, and did you get good professional advice on whether you can make a compensation claim for unlawful arrest?
What's with the arguments and silences? How often and how big were the arguments and silences? When she went silent on you, how did you handle that?
It sounds to me that your biggest issue was not being selective enough. And you then falling into the sunken cost fallacy.
There's at least one incident in your opening post, where if any girlfriend did that to me, I'd immediately dump her and have nothing more to do with her.
Women like her can calm down and settle down with one guy. Or they may never do so. Or they may only do so when they get to 40 or 50 years old.
The biggest danger in sleeping with her now is that she's a huge sexually transmitted disease risk!
How would she have perceived your reaction to her:
interacting with an ex on social media,
frequent clubbing (including after-parties at other men’s houses, which she claims were innocent),
provocative and suggestive posts online,
dressing revealingly in public (once drawing verbal abuse from a woman shouting insults from a car),
and flirting with other men?
If you got angry or upset with her over any of those things, that would have reduced her attraction to you.
There are times when you should enforce boundaries.
However, for most, or all of them from that list you should either tolerate or move on. Because that's the kind of girl she is.
If overall, she - or any other woman - is worth staying with, stay with her and tolerate the things about her that you don't like. Nobody's perfect.
If overall she's not worth staying with, then move on. As soon as you conveniently can. Because there's millions of women out there that are worth staying with.
I can't comment on her nightlife job, as that's too vague a description. Some jobs would be no big deal. Whilst other jobs would be the sort where you should go into a relationship with her with your eyes wide open.
Did you get a copy of the police body worn videos etc, and did you get good professional advice on whether you can make a compensation claim for unlawful arrest?
What's with the arguments and silences? How often and how big were the arguments and silences? When she went silent on you, how did you handle that?
It sounds to me that your biggest issue was not being selective enough. And you then falling into the sunken cost fallacy.
There's at least one incident in your opening post, where if any girlfriend did that to me, I'd immediately dump her and have nothing more to do with her.
Women like her can calm down and settle down with one guy. Or they may never do so. Or they may only do so when they get to 40 or 50 years old.
The biggest danger in sleeping with her now is that she's a huge sexually transmitted disease risk!
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