I'm not really enjoying university..

I'm just about to be at uni for 6 months now, and I still feel so out of place. I've made friends with my flatmates and some course mates, so that isn't the issue. Its more like I miss my family, friends and boyfriend from home. I struggle a lot to leave my room for anything other than lectures, I feel anxiety when I need to shop for food and I feel like the city is so busy, I'm not used to this many people around. I live about 3.5 hours away from home so its not like I can travel back home a lot, specially since I'm also low on money while still job searching. I feel trapped here, I felt so much at peace when I visited home over the winter break, and after coming back to uni I've been struggling a lot more, I cry a lot normally but I feel so unhappy, like a small child who just wants to go back home. I don't know how to overcome these feelings, can anyone give some advice other than 'the feelings will pass'. Because I don't think they will just 'pass'.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

I can't really give advice, but I do wish to tell you you're not alone in this. I'm also a new student 6 hours away from home, but I'm on the extreme side of being introverted ("eww people" but on steroids) so I haven't made any friends at all, lol (not that I'm fussed, personally). The main hit for me is how far my accommodation is from university, making getting there so much of a chore so I skip way too often, and the fact I really, really miss my cat. She was the only reason I was able to get out of bed at home, to feed her fat, whiny #ss, and now I don't have any reason to get out of bed except my own wellbeing. So, I don't. Even as someone who hates having any type of relationship, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't unhappy and the move wasn't affecting me either. Hell, I even somewhat miss working, I miss my stupid coworkers so much I feel like an older brother who left their siblings despite not being one. I feel you. Also jesus christ the job market is bloody awful, I hope you're not suffering as much as I am

Thing is, feeling like a small child again is normal. You may be an adult in societies eyes, but you've never left home before; this is something you'll technically only experience once in your lifetime, just like all your one-and-only experiences that happened during your childhood, except you don't have family to guide you. For most people, it's a completely new life you're thrown into, so much so that I'd argue many people default to a more child-like mentality.

Please, please speak to your university advisor, student services, whatever is available to you about this. Trust me, they help students deal with this all the time, it is super common and nothing to be ashamed about. They will have some advice and perhaps more resources to help you deal with this and output your feelings healthily rather than seeking to eradicate them or ignoring them until pass. Possibly even speak to your doctor if your feelings and anxiety have started to affect you physically

One recommendation I'd give is finding something that connects to your home for you to look forward to. E.g. talk with your boyfriend and dedicate an evening or two during the week where you two play an online game together or whatever activity you both enjoy (important it's not just chatting/calling!) while on call, and make it a routine. Same evening/s every week (unless something important pops up, obviously)

Reply 2

LancashireRep4

Official Rep

12

Original post

by Anonymous

I'm just about to be at uni for 6 months now, and I still feel so out of place. I've made friends with my flatmates and some course mates, so that isn't the issue. Its more like I miss my family, friends and boyfriend from home. I struggle a lot to leave my room for anything other than lectures, I feel anxiety when I need to shop for food and I feel like the city is so busy, I'm not used to this many people around. I live about 3.5 hours away from home so its not like I can travel back home a lot, specially since I'm also low on money while still job searching. I feel trapped here, I felt so much at peace when I visited home over the winter break, and after coming back to uni I've been struggling a lot more, I cry a lot normally but I feel so unhappy, like a small child who just wants to go back home. I don't know how to overcome these feelings, can anyone give some advice other than 'the feelings will pass'. Because I don't think they will just 'pass'.

Hi Anom,

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

I've had a similar experience myself, even though life on campus was fine, during the winter break in my second year I just knew I needed to come home as it felt like the right decision. I now travel 3 hours on train to campus, and stay nearby for a couple days and travel back home afterwards. This was the best decision I've made, so I completely understand what you say when the feeling will not pass.

Firstly, always prioritise your wellbeing. Is there any way you could travel up a couple days a week and talk with your tutors about having a more compact timetable? Or alternatively agreeing on attending only certain days a week? If this is not an option, you could consider changing universities to be closer to home. If you decide this, I recommend approaching your university support about this so they could guide you through the process. I know many people who decided to change universities after their first year and are now much happier!

If you want to give the campus life a little bit more time, I recommend trying to strengthen your connections. This could be through arranging days out with flatmates, joining societies (this is always my top recommendation!) and trying to connect with classmates outside of the classroom, such as suggesting a meet-up for coffee.

I hope this helps, there are many people in a similar boat and I will always recommend prioritising your personal wellbeing. Please feel free to ask me any questions 😊,
-Sophia (University of Lancashire)

Reply 3

EssexStudentRep

Official Rep

14

Original post

by Anonymous

I'm just about to be at uni for 6 months now, and I still feel so out of place. I've made friends with my flatmates and some course mates, so that isn't the issue. Its more like I miss my family, friends and boyfriend from home. I struggle a lot to leave my room for anything other than lectures, I feel anxiety when I need to shop for food and I feel like the city is so busy, I'm not used to this many people around. I live about 3.5 hours away from home so its not like I can travel back home a lot, specially since I'm also low on money while still job searching. I feel trapped here, I felt so much at peace when I visited home over the winter break, and after coming back to uni I've been struggling a lot more, I cry a lot normally but I feel so unhappy, like a small child who just wants to go back home. I don't know how to overcome these feelings, can anyone give some advice other than 'the feelings will pass'. Because I don't think they will just 'pass'.

Hi @Anonymous👋

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way and in a stressful situation. The only advice I can suggest is to talk to your personal tutor about maybe making your timetable more flexible- perhaps online classes can be an option so you can work from home a bit as well? Talk to them about what they can do to help and reassure you and also make sure you talk to your family including your boyfriend perhaps everyday to help. Sorry I cannot be of much help.

Essex Student Rep- Lavanya 💜

Reply 4

Royal Holloway, University of London

Official Rep

13

Original post

by Anonymous

I'm just about to be at uni for 6 months now, and I still feel so out of place. I've made friends with my flatmates and some course mates, so that isn't the issue. Its more like I miss my family, friends and boyfriend from home. I struggle a lot to leave my room for anything other than lectures, I feel anxiety when I need to shop for food and I feel like the city is so busy, I'm not used to this many people around. I live about 3.5 hours away from home so its not like I can travel back home a lot, specially since I'm also low on money while still job searching. I feel trapped here, I felt so much at peace when I visited home over the winter break, and after coming back to uni I've been struggling a lot more, I cry a lot normally but I feel so unhappy, like a small child who just wants to go back home. I don't know how to overcome these feelings, can anyone give some advice other than 'the feelings will pass'. Because I don't think they will just 'pass'.

Hi there,

We're sorry to hear about this! We understand that University can be a big adjustment, and it’s completely normal to feel that way sometimes. There can be a lot of pressure both academically and personally, and it can take time to find your place. It might help to talk to someone about what’s making it hard right now, whether it’s the workload, the environment or something else.

We'd also recommend reaching out to a personal tutor, student support, or even a friend - this can make a big difference. You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way and we hope some of this helps! Feel free to ask us any questions if need be 🙂

Best wishes,
Royal Holloway, University of London Official Rep

Reply 5

hallamstudents

Official Rep

18

Original post

by Anonymous

I'm just about to be at uni for 6 months now, and I still feel so out of place. I've made friends with my flatmates and some course mates, so that isn't the issue. Its more like I miss my family, friends and boyfriend from home. I struggle a lot to leave my room for anything other than lectures, I feel anxiety when I need to shop for food and I feel like the city is so busy, I'm not used to this many people around. I live about 3.5 hours away from home so its not like I can travel back home a lot, specially since I'm also low on money while still job searching. I feel trapped here, I felt so much at peace when I visited home over the winter break, and after coming back to uni I've been struggling a lot more, I cry a lot normally but I feel so unhappy, like a small child who just wants to go back home. I don't know how to overcome these feelings, can anyone give some advice other than 'the feelings will pass'. Because I don't think they will just 'pass'.

Hi there,

I am sorry to hear that you have been feeling this way. Uni can be hard and I can completely emphasise with what you are saying about feeling homesick.

Here is some advice that I have which may help you out a bit with feeling this way:

•

Firstly, I always like to have a plan of when I will next be going home/seeing friends and family. It may not work for everyone, but for me it really helps to have a date in mind so I have something to look forward to, rather than feeling sad about being away from home. If it would help you it might be a good idea and then at least you know when it will be and you can try and distract yourself in between these times.

•

Similarly, I like to FaceTime my friends and family as much as I can. It helps me to feel like I am in the loop of what is happening at home and I don't feel as left out. I know these may sound silly but I was in your position in first year and little things like this did help me out quite a lot.

•

With things like food shopping, I find this easier when I have a set list and I know I can just get in and out as quickly as possible. It is probably worth trying to go at a time where you know it won't be as busy so you won't have to feel as overwhelmed.

•

I would also try and talk to some people at your uni about how you are feeling. It will really help and it is good to talk about how you feel.

Overall, your feelings are completely valid so don't feel like you are being silly or like a child at all. The best thing to do is try and distract yourself as much as possible and hopefully this will helped (it helped me).

I hope some of this helps,

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.

I'm not really enjoying university..

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