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The Official Joke Thread
I've had an idea. Post jokes here, but not replies, so we've got a thread just to read jokes on.
Reply 1
trigtrig
OP
Three blondes were in the wood when they came across a set of tracks.
The first blonde said "looks like some sort of animal has been here". "I agree", said the second blonde "a vole, maybe?" "Don't be silly, they're far to big for that, i'd say a badger or something" said the first. "Or a fox" said the third.
They were still arguing about it when the train ran them over.
The first blonde said "looks like some sort of animal has been here". "I agree", said the second blonde "a vole, maybe?" "Don't be silly, they're far to big for that, i'd say a badger or something" said the first. "Or a fox" said the third.
They were still arguing about it when the train ran them over.
Reply 2
20
trigtrig
Three blondes were in the wood when they came across a set of tracks.
The first blonde said "looks like some sort of animal has been here". "I agree", said the second blonde "a vole, maybe?" "Don't be silly, they're far to big for that, i'd say a badger or something" said the first. "Or a fox" said the third.
They were still arguing about it when the train ran them over.
The first blonde said "looks like some sort of animal has been here". "I agree", said the second blonde "a vole, maybe?" "Don't be silly, they're far to big for that, i'd say a badger or something" said the first. "Or a fox" said the third.
They were still arguing about it when the train ran them over.
looks like they were bad trackers
Reply 3
trigtrig
OP
lil penguin kid
looks like they were bad trackers
can we not have replies please
Reply 4
17
trigtrig
can we not have replies please
ok then
Reply 5
20
trigtrig
can we not have replies please
im terribly sorry, it wont happen again.
Reply 6
12
This has been done before.
But now, I have to tell a joke. Damn. Ah, well. The world's longest joke:
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are working on a bridge, and it's time for lunch. The three sit down, and open their lunchboxes.
"****" says the Englishman. "I get these cheese sandwiches everyday, and I'm sick of them. If I get these tomorrow... hell, I'm going to kill myself".
The Scotsman opens his lunchbox next, and comes to much the same conclusion. "I'm sick of ham sandwiches. If I ever get these again, I'm jumping off this bridge".
The Irishman opens his box, and looks horrified himself. "If I ever get cress sandwiches again..." he exclaims.
The next day comes, and they're back at the bridge. Lunch again. The Englishman opens his lunchbox, and realises his promise.
"Cheese sandwiches... bugger". And promptly jumps off the bridge.
The Scotsman opens his own lunch, and sees that his time is also up. "Ham sandwiches, again. Goodbye, cruel world."
The Irishman opens his: cress sandwiches. He gets up, and throws himself off the bridge.
It's a week later, at the funerals, and three wives are extremely confused.
"I don't get it", says the wife of the Englishman. "There was no need for it to come to this. If he didn't like cheese, he just should've said... why did he do it? Why?"
The Scotsman's wife echoes similar sentiments. "I don't understand it... why didn't he just say he didn't like ham? It's not something to kill yourself over".
The Irishman's wife looks the most confused. "I really don't get it", she says:
"Paddy always made his own sandwiches!".
But now, I have to tell a joke. Damn. Ah, well. The world's longest joke:
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are working on a bridge, and it's time for lunch. The three sit down, and open their lunchboxes.
"****" says the Englishman. "I get these cheese sandwiches everyday, and I'm sick of them. If I get these tomorrow... hell, I'm going to kill myself".
The Scotsman opens his lunchbox next, and comes to much the same conclusion. "I'm sick of ham sandwiches. If I ever get these again, I'm jumping off this bridge".
The Irishman opens his box, and looks horrified himself. "If I ever get cress sandwiches again..." he exclaims.
The next day comes, and they're back at the bridge. Lunch again. The Englishman opens his lunchbox, and realises his promise.
"Cheese sandwiches... bugger". And promptly jumps off the bridge.
The Scotsman opens his own lunch, and sees that his time is also up. "Ham sandwiches, again. Goodbye, cruel world."
The Irishman opens his: cress sandwiches. He gets up, and throws himself off the bridge.
It's a week later, at the funerals, and three wives are extremely confused.
"I don't get it", says the wife of the Englishman. "There was no need for it to come to this. If he didn't like cheese, he just should've said... why did he do it? Why?"
The Scotsman's wife echoes similar sentiments. "I don't understand it... why didn't he just say he didn't like ham? It's not something to kill yourself over".
The Irishman's wife looks the most confused. "I really don't get it", she says:
"Paddy always made his own sandwiches!".
Reply 7
A blind man is standing at a bus stop, when a dog pees over his legs. The blind man starts stroking the dog. An old lady says to him, "excuse me, that dog just peed over you, why are you stroking him?"
The man replied "I'm not stroking him, i'm feeling for his arse so I can kick him!"
The man replied "I'm not stroking him, i'm feeling for his arse so I can kick him!"
Reply 8
A guy walks past a mental hospital and hears a moaning voice "13.......13.......13.........13" the man looked over to the hospital and saw a hole in the wall, he looked through the hole and gets poked in the eye. The moaning voice then groaned '14.........14.........14.......14.'
Reply 9
Apparently they're naming a school in Liverpool after Ken Bigley. They're currently advertising for a Head.
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