Life help lol

Ever since I was little, I dreamed of becoming a paramedic. I wanted that as a career so bad. In my GCSEs I tried so hard in sciences so I could do it for A level and got a 9 in biology. I picked my A levels around doing paramedic science at uni. Biology, psychology, and media. I even picked media for no other reason than I knew it would be easier so I’d have extra time to revise for biology so I’d do extra well.
Biology A level ruined me. It truly destroyed my confidence and made me realise I’ll never be good or smart enough, no matter how hard I try. I’d get A*s and As in media and psych and straight Es in biology. I’d stay up all night revising, I’d come home from the library at 2 am and get screamed at by my parents. I extensively researched and spent money on trying to find the most effective ways of revision; active recall, memorising mark schemes, every past paper to ever exist. But I never did better than an E.
My teacher called my mum and told her I might as well drop it, and rolled her eyes when I came into lesson and said I wanted to try one more time. I was constantly picked on every lesson by my teachers. Her face was discussed by me when I couldn’t answer a question.
My face would burn red every lesson and my heart would beat so hard in my chest every biology lesson I had in year 13 and I could never stop it. My face would burn when I’d see her in the hallways even.
I also lost my friends because I was so distant and started self-harming. I truly, to my core, felt humiliated to be there. Everyone else was doing so much better and I just couldn’t even focus on lessons because of how ashamed I felt. What’s the point of living. I know I’m a dramatic ****er rn, but that’s how I felt.
When it came to applying to uni I didn’t know what I would do with myself. I applied to *****y unis to do psychology because what else should I do with myself. Ended up getting ABD. D is the highest grade I’ve ever gotten in biology, I was almost proud of myself.
Anyways, now I’m at a lowkey *****y uni doing psychology and it’s alright I guess, I like the uni experience. But I just can’t get it out of my head that this isn’t what I really want. I don’t think I could try A level bio again or anything similar because I just get such bad anxiety even at the thought of it. I just wish I was good enough to be a paramedic and now I just don’t know what to do . Do I just accept it is what it is and continue with my psych degree or try again.

Ever since I was little, I dreamed of becoming a paramedic. I wanted that as a career so bad. In my GCSEs I tried so hard in sciences so I could do it for A level and got a 9 in biology. I picked my A levels around doing paramedic science at uni. Biology, psychology, and media. I even picked media for no other reason than I knew it would be easier so I’d have extra time to revise for biology so I’d do extra well.
Biology A level ruined me. It truly destroyed my confidence and made me realise I’ll never be good or smart enough, no matter how hard I try. I’d get A*s and As in media and psych and straight Es in biology. I’d stay up all night revising, I’d come home from the library at 2 am and get screamed at by my parents. I extensively researched and spent money on trying to find the most effective ways of revision; active recall, memorising mark schemes, every past paper to ever exist. But I never did better than an E.
My teacher called my mum and told her I might as well drop it, and rolled her eyes when I came into lesson and said I wanted to try one more time. I was constantly picked on every lesson by my teachers. Her face was discussed by me when I couldn’t answer a question.
My face would burn red every lesson and my heart would beat so hard in my chest every biology lesson I had in year 13 and I could never stop it. My face would burn when I’d see her in the hallways even.
I also lost my friends because I was so distant and started self-harming. I truly, to my core, felt humiliated to be there. Everyone else was doing so much better and I just couldn’t even focus on lessons because of how ashamed I felt. What’s the point of living. I know I’m a dramatic ****er rn, but that’s how I felt.
When it came to applying to uni I didn’t know what I would do with myself. I applied to *****y unis to do psychology because what else should I do with myself. Ended up getting ABD. D is the highest grade I’ve ever gotten in biology, I was almost proud of myself.
Anyways, now I’m at a lowkey *****y uni doing psychology and it’s alright I guess, I like the uni experience. But I just can’t get it out of my head that this isn’t what I really want. I don’t think I could try A level bio again or anything similar because I just get such bad anxiety even at the thought of it. I just wish I was good enough to be a paramedic and now I just don’t know what to do . Do I just accept it is what it is and continue with my psych degree or try again.

Hello,

I am really sorry you're going through this. It's truly heartbreaking to not be able to live your childhood dream. There are other ways into paramedic, if you're already in the midst of your psychology degree, there is a MSc pre-registration paramedical science degree that helps you qualify as a normal paramedic but in 2 years if you already have a BSc degree. This way you can apply using your GCSEs and your psychology undergraduate degree. Another way is the apprenticeship route, although I believe it's 4 years instead of 3, and it is funded so you will not be in additional debt! 😀

-Sarah (Kingston Rep)

Ever since I was little, I dreamed of becoming a paramedic. I wanted that as a career so bad. In my GCSEs I tried so hard in sciences so I could do it for A level and got a 9 in biology. I picked my A levels around doing paramedic science at uni. Biology, psychology, and media. I even picked media for no other reason than I knew it would be easier so I’d have extra time to revise for biology so I’d do extra well.
Biology A level ruined me. It truly destroyed my confidence and made me realise I’ll never be good or smart enough, no matter how hard I try. I’d get A*s and As in media and psych and straight Es in biology. I’d stay up all night revising, I’d come home from the library at 2 am and get screamed at by my parents. I extensively researched and spent money on trying to find the most effective ways of revision; active recall, memorising mark schemes, every past paper to ever exist. But I never did better than an E.
My teacher called my mum and told her I might as well drop it, and rolled her eyes when I came into lesson and said I wanted to try one more time. I was constantly picked on every lesson by my teachers. Her face was discussed by me when I couldn’t answer a question.
My face would burn red every lesson and my heart would beat so hard in my chest every biology lesson I had in year 13 and I could never stop it. My face would burn when I’d see her in the hallways even.
I also lost my friends because I was so distant and started self-harming. I truly, to my core, felt humiliated to be there. Everyone else was doing so much better and I just couldn’t even focus on lessons because of how ashamed I felt. What’s the point of living. I know I’m a dramatic ****er rn, but that’s how I felt.
When it came to applying to uni I didn’t know what I would do with myself. I applied to *****y unis to do psychology because what else should I do with myself. Ended up getting ABD. D is the highest grade I’ve ever gotten in biology, I was almost proud of myself.
Anyways, now I’m at a lowkey *****y uni doing psychology and it’s alright I guess, I like the uni experience. But I just can’t get it out of my head that this isn’t what I really want. I don’t think I could try A level bio again or anything similar because I just get such bad anxiety even at the thought of it. I just wish I was good enough to be a paramedic and now I just don’t know what to do . Do I just accept it is what it is and continue with my psych degree or try again.