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Venting...

Maybe I'm just being dramatic and all, but I really need help. You see, I have gotten a couple of my UCAS offers; university of Exeter, university of Kent, and university of Goldsmiths, university of London, and recently also got the KCL IFP offer. I know they aren't anything spectacular, but I mean, I'm still quite happy with my current offers, plus I'm still waiting on Liverpool and Birmingham. But that's not the point. The issue is my parents. I don't know what happened, but they somehow want me to apply to the University of Warwick (keep in mind my predicted grades are nothing special, hence why I couldn't apply to KCL through UCAS). They recently hired someone to help with the Warwick application, which I still don't know how that's going to work, considering the deadline has passed, and the only way I can apply is if I give up all my other offers. Keep in mind I'm still waiting on two more from UCAS. The thing is, I don't want to go to Warwick. I've never wanted to go to Warwick, which is why I didn't apply to it before the UCAS priority deadline. But for some reason, it's so hard for my parents to understand that. And to make matters worse, they're really moving on with this application, and for the program that they want me to apply to in the university, I need a portfolio, a video and another essay done before I can be considered. I don't have time for that! Mocks are on their way in less than 3 weeks, and after that, official exams have practically begun. I just wish they'd understand me, you know? My top choice is to accept the offer for KCL's IFP, but I don't think I'd be able to do that now. Plus, they're threatening to reject the IFP offer if I don't cooperate with them on the Warwick application. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I thought I'd be able to get a say in this decision since it impacts me directly, since I'd be the one going to the university, but it feels like I'm just in the background again? I know they just want the best for me, but what's the point of them paying someone to apply me to a university that I'm not going to enjoy. I keep trying to reason with them, but it seems like every time I try to be reasonable, I always end up in tears, and none of us are able to understand each other. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do....

Reply 1

Honestly, I had the same issue with my parents and it would cause issues every time i'd explain it was too late. I get how you feel but in my experience I hated it, but I had to ignore. Just think, its you going to uni, not them. Its your future! Follow your heart!!!

Reply 2

Original post
by Anonymous
Maybe I'm just being dramatic and all, but I really need help. You see, I have gotten a couple of my UCAS offers; university of Exeter, university of Kent, and university of Goldsmiths, university of London, and recently also got the KCL IFP offer. I know they aren't anything spectacular, but I mean, I'm still quite happy with my current offers, plus I'm still waiting on Liverpool and Birmingham. But that's not the point. The issue is my parents. I don't know what happened, but they somehow want me to apply to the University of Warwick (keep in mind my predicted grades are nothing special, hence why I couldn't apply to KCL through UCAS). They recently hired someone to help with the Warwick application, which I still don't know how that's going to work, considering the deadline has passed, and the only way I can apply is if I give up all my other offers. Keep in mind I'm still waiting on two more from UCAS. The thing is, I don't want to go to Warwick. I've never wanted to go to Warwick, which is why I didn't apply to it before the UCAS priority deadline. But for some reason, it's so hard for my parents to understand that. And to make matters worse, they're really moving on with this application, and for the program that they want me to apply to in the university, I need a portfolio, a video and another essay done before I can be considered. I don't have time for that! Mocks are on their way in less than 3 weeks, and after that, official exams have practically begun. I just wish they'd understand me, you know? My top choice is to accept the offer for KCL's IFP, but I don't think I'd be able to do that now. Plus, they're threatening to reject the IFP offer if I don't cooperate with them on the Warwick application. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I thought I'd be able to get a say in this decision since it impacts me directly, since I'd be the one going to the university, but it feels like I'm just in the background again? I know they just want the best for me, but what's the point of them paying someone to apply me to a university that I'm not going to enjoy. I keep trying to reason with them, but it seems like every time I try to be reasonable, I always end up in tears, and none of us are able to understand each other. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do....

If explaining to them directly doesn’t work, you might be able to contact the university directly? I’m sure they will be able to sort something out, especially if it is the university that you want to go to. But in the meantime, make sure you are still happy with the current choices you’re making. Remember, this is what you are passionate about, not your parents. If they don’t understand you, that’s their fault.
Even if the Warwick course is still accepting applications, the only way to apply now is to decline all your current choices and use Extra which begins on the 26th of Feb.

You need to explain to them that if you do this, solely to apply to a reasonably competitive course, you run the real risk of either having no offers and resorting to clearing or taking a gap year. And all that would be for the possibility of getting an offer from a uni you don’t want to go to.

I should also note that even if you got an offer from Warwick via Extra, you wouldn’t have the option of picking an insurance choice, which further increases the risk.

When talking to them I would try and understand where their fixation with Warwick has come from. Has someone they know gone there and done well? A degree from Warwick isn’t a golden ticket, especially if you are unhappy three.

To succeed you need to be happy and motivated, not forced to forgo all the applications you’ve made so far. That’s what I would try and express to them.

Another option is to call Warwick and ask whether that course is closed to applications. If it is then the discussion is over, they are wasting time and money on this advisor.

Reply 4

Original post
by Admit-One
Even if the Warwick course is still accepting applications, the only way to apply now is to decline all your current choices and use Extra which begins on the 26th of Feb.
You need to explain to them that if you do this, solely to apply to a reasonably competitive course, you run the real risk of either having no offers and resorting to clearing or taking a gap year. And all that would be for the possibility of getting an offer from a uni you don’t want to go to.
I should also note that even if you got an offer from Warwick via Extra, you wouldn’t have the option of picking an insurance choice, which further increases the risk.
When talking to them I would try and understand where their fixation with Warwick has come from. Has someone they know gone there and done well? A degree from Warwick isn’t a golden ticket, especially if you are unhappy three.
To succeed you need to be happy and motivated, not forced to forgo all the applications you’ve made so far. That’s what I would try and express to them.
Another option is to call Warwick and ask whether that course is closed to applications. If it is then the discussion is over, they are wasting time and money on this advisor.

My mom went there for her postgrad study and said she loved it. The daughter of the educational consultant hired also went there, coincidentally for the same subject I want to pursue in university, and, according to the consultant, her daughter received a job offer from CNN. I think the reason they want this is that, aside from my mom's and the consultant's experience, I think my parents are terrified of accepting the King's IFP offer. I mean, I think that's what is happening, but I'm not so sure. All I know is that they'd see an offer from Warwick as a better option than the King's IFP offer. But of course I don't want to go to Warwick at all. My dream university is KCL. But I'll definitely try the methods you've mentioned. Thanks for the advice!

Reply 5

I would suggest talking to your school's university councilor so they can explain the situation to your parents. They might be more open to advice from an experienced professional.

Reply 6

Original post
by Lourencia101
I would suggest talking to your school's university councilor so they can explain the situation to your parents. They might be more open to advice from an experienced professional.

I was thinking of doing this as well. It's just that my parents have told me not to tell the school until they are sure that the whole Warwick application thing will work, which I heavily doubt.
Original post
by Anonymous
My mom went there for her postgrad study and said she loved it. The daughter of the educational consultant hired also went there, coincidentally for the same subject I want to pursue in university, and, according to the consultant, her daughter received a job offer from CNN. I think the reason they want this is that, aside from my mom's and the consultant's experience, I think my parents are terrified of accepting the King's IFP offer. I mean, I think that's what is happening, but I'm not so sure. All I know is that they'd see an offer from Warwick as a better option than the King's IFP offer. But of course I don't want to go to Warwick at all. My dream university is KCL. But I'll definitely try the methods you've mentioned. Thanks for the advice!

Another tack: Ask your Mum whether she was were excited about going to Warwick. Did she research the uni and love the look of it? Was it one of the first decisions she got to make as a young adult? Because none of things are true for you, and this was a decision you were looking forward to making.

Kings is a good uni, explain what research you've done and what you like about it. Not everyone wants to live on a campus uni near Coventry for 3 years :smile: (Although as an aside, maybe they think that's better - less distractions and safer from their POV).

Reply 8

I’m so sad to read your story.
It’s your life, not theirs.
Parents trying to live their lives through their children is a form of abuse.
Please make sure they don’t have access to yourUCAS, if so change the password. So only you can accept or decline.
The deadline has passed. You have selected what you want.
It sounds very controlling.

I would talk to your school.
Then maybe have a meeting with school, you and parents. Say you have made your decision and you feel pressured into the Warwick. If you had wanted it you would have applied before the deadline.

I think you need help. Someone who can help you advocate for what you want.

I agree with above poster. Ask your mum if she felt excited, if she got to choose etc. say you need to feel that too and it’s your choice.

Also tell them that the pressure they putting you under will affect your actual exams. You need a clear mind and not worrying about them and their wants and needs.

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