How to stop beating myself up for not be successful enough
Hi, this may seem like a ridiculous question to some, but I keep getting into the mentality that I havn't done enough and that I'm not ambitious enough. I was reading a case today (I'm a law student), and a professor I had met before was being cited, and I don't know why, but it made me really anxious and upset. I kept on thinking over and over again, your not that kind of person, you'll never get there or even close, you're just average. I guess I'm just obsessed with being number one. I'm not a vain person, I don't actually think I deserve to be the best. I just feel like I've failed when I'm not. My self esteem is so dependent on accomplishing things and it's making me incredibly anxious and insecure.
Can anyone who's gone through this give me any tips to get out of this mentality?
Can anyone who's gone through this give me any tips to get out of this mentality?
Reply 1
Original post
by hkkcl27Hi, this may seem like a ridiculous question to some, but I keep getting into the mentality that I havn't done enough and that I'm not ambitious enough. I was reading a case today (I'm a law student), and a professor I had met before was being cited, and I don't know why, but it made me really anxious and upset. I kept on thinking over and over again, your not that kind of person, you'll never get there or even close, you're just average. I guess I'm just obsessed with being number one. I'm not a vain person, I don't actually think I deserve to be the best. I just feel like I've failed when I'm not. My self esteem is so dependent on accomplishing things and it's making me incredibly anxious and insecure.
Can anyone who's gone through this give me any tips to get out of this mentality?
Can anyone who's gone through this give me any tips to get out of this mentality?
Hi,
You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way, imposter syndrome at university is so common. It’s important to remember that the people you compare yourself to are often further along in their journey, and it took them time to get there.
Try to remind yourself that your worth isn’t defined by constant achievements. Progress, effort, and learning all count, even if they don’t always feel as visible. If your self-esteem is tied closely to accomplishments, it can really help to build balance by investing time in things outside of academics too.
If these thoughts are becoming overwhelming, reaching out to someone you trust or using your university’s wellbeing or counselling services can make a big difference. You’re doing better than you think, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
Wishing you all the best,
Tayba
Student Rep
Reply 2
hkkcl27
OP
2
Original post
by LJMUStudentRepsHi,
You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way, imposter syndrome at university is so common. It’s important to remember that the people you compare yourself to are often further along in their journey, and it took them time to get there.
Try to remind yourself that your worth isn’t defined by constant achievements. Progress, effort, and learning all count, even if they don’t always feel as visible. If your self-esteem is tied closely to accomplishments, it can really help to build balance by investing time in things outside of academics too.
If these thoughts are becoming overwhelming, reaching out to someone you trust or using your university’s wellbeing or counselling services can make a big difference. You’re doing better than you think, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
Wishing you all the best,
Tayba
Student Rep
You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way, imposter syndrome at university is so common. It’s important to remember that the people you compare yourself to are often further along in their journey, and it took them time to get there.
Try to remind yourself that your worth isn’t defined by constant achievements. Progress, effort, and learning all count, even if they don’t always feel as visible. If your self-esteem is tied closely to accomplishments, it can really help to build balance by investing time in things outside of academics too.
If these thoughts are becoming overwhelming, reaching out to someone you trust or using your university’s wellbeing or counselling services can make a big difference. You’re doing better than you think, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
Wishing you all the best,
Tayba
Student Rep
Thank you Tayba this was v helpful!!
Reply 3
Original post
by hkkcl27Hi, this may seem like a ridiculous question to some, but I keep getting into the mentality that I havn't done enough and that I'm not ambitious enough. I was reading a case today (I'm a law student), and a professor I had met before was being cited, and I don't know why, but it made me really anxious and upset. I kept on thinking over and over again, your not that kind of person, you'll never get there or even close, you're just average. I guess I'm just obsessed with being number one. I'm not a vain person, I don't actually think I deserve to be the best. I just feel like I've failed when I'm not. My self esteem is so dependent on accomplishing things and it's making me incredibly anxious and insecure.
Can anyone who's gone through this give me any tips to get out of this mentality?
Can anyone who's gone through this give me any tips to get out of this mentality?
I’ve personally experienced this and it definitely feels incredibly awful, especially when I realised that life really loves to throw curveballs XD
I think in general, just by looking back on the things you have accomplished so far, that will help with realising how far you have actually come! I’ve always struggled with trying to be first all the time, just to end up getting quite “low” scores and believing I have failed. Yet again though, you are already a law student! That is an accomplishment in itself! Even if your ambition pushes you to be the very best, just remember that you are trying your hardest no matter what!
Reply 4
Just look at the cabinet ministers and prime ministers we've had over the last 10 years. How many of them that you'd rate as above average?
I'm struggling to think of any that I'd rate as above average.
Just look at the most popular "restaurant" chains. Are there any of them that you'd rate as offering above average food?
Look at the world's most popular operating system. Would you rate that as above average?
Etc, etc etc.
Good marketing trumps actual product or person quality.
If there's any areas you should focus on to get good at: they're how to market yourself, with this including your social skills.
And - even more important - you should focus on getting good at doing what you reasonably can to preserve your mental and physical health. Good basic life philosophy. An ability to laugh at your own misfortunes. Discipline in avoiding "pact with the devil" addictions, such as smoking and gambling. Good nutrition. Physical activity levels.
Because it's better to have good health in a mediocre job in a mediocre house than it is to have chronically bad health as a billionaire.
And it's better to compare yourself to your former self. Than it is to compare yourself to others. With the aim being for you to get better at you being you. Which you should do naturally as you gain more experience.
If you had a 5 year old child and they came to you and said that they felt really anxious and upset because they'd never be as good as a certain person, how would you respond?
What you should do now is to talk to yourself in the same way as you'd talk to a child of yours with the same issue.
I'm struggling to think of any that I'd rate as above average.
Just look at the most popular "restaurant" chains. Are there any of them that you'd rate as offering above average food?
Look at the world's most popular operating system. Would you rate that as above average?
Etc, etc etc.
Good marketing trumps actual product or person quality.
If there's any areas you should focus on to get good at: they're how to market yourself, with this including your social skills.
And - even more important - you should focus on getting good at doing what you reasonably can to preserve your mental and physical health. Good basic life philosophy. An ability to laugh at your own misfortunes. Discipline in avoiding "pact with the devil" addictions, such as smoking and gambling. Good nutrition. Physical activity levels.
Because it's better to have good health in a mediocre job in a mediocre house than it is to have chronically bad health as a billionaire.
And it's better to compare yourself to your former self. Than it is to compare yourself to others. With the aim being for you to get better at you being you. Which you should do naturally as you gain more experience.
If you had a 5 year old child and they came to you and said that they felt really anxious and upset because they'd never be as good as a certain person, how would you respond?
What you should do now is to talk to yourself in the same way as you'd talk to a child of yours with the same issue.
Reply 5
A psychologist helped me with this. In my case, it was connected to low self-esteem. When I started working through my issues with a therapist, I realized that I should try changing jobs. After I did, I understood that there are healthy teams where you can truly feel comfortable and supported. My boss recently read this and now we have more benefits, which has also positively influenced my motivation. Honestly, it’s really great. I wish you the strength to work through your own challenges and feel more confident.
(edited 1 month ago)
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