Crush on a coworker, don't really know what to do
Hey there,
so basically my situation is that I'm crushing on one of my female coworkers, but she already has a boyfriend, yet almost throws herself at me almost every time I see her at work. Not literally, but when I look at her she's blushing, smiling from ear to ear, she always greets me by name, she keeps putting herself in situations to be closer to me, her voice and intonation is different when she talks to me and is just generally very affectionate. There even was a situation (We are working in a clothing store) where she tried on some clothes during her break and called for me in the fitting rome to help her with a zipper on a bra-type of top and opened the chamber in basically nothing, but her underwear for me to 'help' her.
I am not neccessarily the brightest when it comes to social cues and signs, but I can just see and feel that she's into me. She does that, but then also doesn't have a problem bringing her boyfriend around to work and work events and it actually starts to mess with my head.
Like even when she recently returned for some shopping the same day we already worked together, with her boyfriend in tow and I was still in, she made an effort to greet me yet again and her boyfriend even gave me a look.
I had several periods where I thought I was finally done with this whole thing, but whenever I retract she ultimately starts to reengage with me immediately, I can just feel how she notices immediately when I try to disengage myself emotionally from her and she's making attempts to bridge those gaps, but it never leads to anything and it starts making me miserable and snappy.
I try to ignore her and honestly sometimes behaved like an ******* towards her the last couple of days when she was actually really nice, because this whole situation is really getting to my head. I don't want to sound like a huge *******, but I'm bigger and probably conventionally more attractive than her boyfriend, so I don't know if she just likes to keep me on the back burner, if this is just some idle flirting for the sake of it, if she wants me to make some sort of move or what.
Making the wrong move could lead to a very embarrassing work situation and I don't really know what to do.
so basically my situation is that I'm crushing on one of my female coworkers, but she already has a boyfriend, yet almost throws herself at me almost every time I see her at work. Not literally, but when I look at her she's blushing, smiling from ear to ear, she always greets me by name, she keeps putting herself in situations to be closer to me, her voice and intonation is different when she talks to me and is just generally very affectionate. There even was a situation (We are working in a clothing store) where she tried on some clothes during her break and called for me in the fitting rome to help her with a zipper on a bra-type of top and opened the chamber in basically nothing, but her underwear for me to 'help' her.
I am not neccessarily the brightest when it comes to social cues and signs, but I can just see and feel that she's into me. She does that, but then also doesn't have a problem bringing her boyfriend around to work and work events and it actually starts to mess with my head.
Like even when she recently returned for some shopping the same day we already worked together, with her boyfriend in tow and I was still in, she made an effort to greet me yet again and her boyfriend even gave me a look.
I had several periods where I thought I was finally done with this whole thing, but whenever I retract she ultimately starts to reengage with me immediately, I can just feel how she notices immediately when I try to disengage myself emotionally from her and she's making attempts to bridge those gaps, but it never leads to anything and it starts making me miserable and snappy.
I try to ignore her and honestly sometimes behaved like an ******* towards her the last couple of days when she was actually really nice, because this whole situation is really getting to my head. I don't want to sound like a huge *******, but I'm bigger and probably conventionally more attractive than her boyfriend, so I don't know if she just likes to keep me on the back burner, if this is just some idle flirting for the sake of it, if she wants me to make some sort of move or what.
Making the wrong move could lead to a very embarrassing work situation and I don't really know what to do.
(edited 3 weeks ago)
Reply 1
It's only a clothes shop you're working in.
She's only 1 woman out of 4 billion on this planet.
You're taking your job and this woman far too seriously.
Why don't you just incorporate her and her boyfriend into your social circle outside of work?
How about you going into work every day in a good mood. And you maintaining that good mood throughout your shift?
And if you're unable to do that, how about you doing something else to earn money, apart from working in that particular shop?
How about your mood depending on you having a good self esteem and the expectation that good things will happen in your future? Both of which you self generate. So that your mood does not depend on the actions or inactions of this girl.
You can either make a move on this girl and accept the consequences.
Or you can see her as Garden of Eden forbidden fruit. A test of your discipline. A test which should be easy to pass when you remember how many other wonderful women there are out there.
She's only 1 woman out of 4 billion on this planet.
You're taking your job and this woman far too seriously.
Why don't you just incorporate her and her boyfriend into your social circle outside of work?
How about you going into work every day in a good mood. And you maintaining that good mood throughout your shift?
And if you're unable to do that, how about you doing something else to earn money, apart from working in that particular shop?
How about your mood depending on you having a good self esteem and the expectation that good things will happen in your future? Both of which you self generate. So that your mood does not depend on the actions or inactions of this girl.
You can either make a move on this girl and accept the consequences.
Or you can see her as Garden of Eden forbidden fruit. A test of your discipline. A test which should be easy to pass when you remember how many other wonderful women there are out there.
Reply 2
Original post
by Ross6578Hey there,
so basically my situation is that I'm crushing on one of my female coworkers, but she already has a boyfriend, yet almost throws herself at me almost every time I see her at work. Not literally, but when I look at her she's blushing, smiling from ear to ear, she always greets me by name, she keeps putting herself in situations to be closer to me, her voice and intonation is different when she talks to me and is just generally very affectionate. There even was a situation (We are working in a clothing store) where she tried on some clothes during her break and called for me in the fitting rome to help her with a zipper on a bra-type of top and opened the chamber in basically nothing, but her underwear for me to 'help' her.
I am not neccessarily the brightest when it comes to social cues and signs, but I can just see and feel that she's into me. She does that, but then also doesn't have a problem bringing her boyfriend around to work and work events and it actually starts to mess with my head.
Like even when she recently returned for some shopping the same day we already worked together, with her boyfriend in tow and I was still in, she made an effort to greet me yet again and her boyfriend even gave me a look.
I had several periods where I thought I was finally done with this whole thing, but whenever I retract she ultimately starts to reengage with me immediately, I can just feel how she notices immediately when I try to disengage myself emotionally from her and she's making attempts to bridge those gaps, but it never leads to anything and it starts making me miserable and snappy.
I try to ignore her and honestly sometimes behaved like an ******* towards her the last couple of days when she was actually really nice, because this whole situation is really getting to my head. I don't want to sound like a huge *******, but I'm bigger and probably conventionally more attractive than her boyfriend, so I don't know if she just likes to keep me on the back burner, if this is just some idle flirting for the sake of it, if she wants me to make some sort of move or what.
Making the wrong move could lead to a very embarrassing work situation and I don't really know what to do.
so basically my situation is that I'm crushing on one of my female coworkers, but she already has a boyfriend, yet almost throws herself at me almost every time I see her at work. Not literally, but when I look at her she's blushing, smiling from ear to ear, she always greets me by name, she keeps putting herself in situations to be closer to me, her voice and intonation is different when she talks to me and is just generally very affectionate. There even was a situation (We are working in a clothing store) where she tried on some clothes during her break and called for me in the fitting rome to help her with a zipper on a bra-type of top and opened the chamber in basically nothing, but her underwear for me to 'help' her.
I am not neccessarily the brightest when it comes to social cues and signs, but I can just see and feel that she's into me. She does that, but then also doesn't have a problem bringing her boyfriend around to work and work events and it actually starts to mess with my head.
Like even when she recently returned for some shopping the same day we already worked together, with her boyfriend in tow and I was still in, she made an effort to greet me yet again and her boyfriend even gave me a look.
I had several periods where I thought I was finally done with this whole thing, but whenever I retract she ultimately starts to reengage with me immediately, I can just feel how she notices immediately when I try to disengage myself emotionally from her and she's making attempts to bridge those gaps, but it never leads to anything and it starts making me miserable and snappy.
I try to ignore her and honestly sometimes behaved like an ******* towards her the last couple of days when she was actually really nice, because this whole situation is really getting to my head. I don't want to sound like a huge *******, but I'm bigger and probably conventionally more attractive than her boyfriend, so I don't know if she just likes to keep me on the back burner, if this is just some idle flirting for the sake of it, if she wants me to make some sort of move or what.
Making the wrong move could lead to a very embarrassing work situation and I don't really know what to do.
Sounds like a tough situation. I feel like as you were writing this you probably now what the right thing to do is. She’s in a relationship and doesn’t respect her boyfriend enough to be behaving this way towards you at work and in front of him. I’m not sure what it is that you’re looking for in terms of romantic relationships, whether you’re open to something casual or more serious but that’s what I believe everyone should be aiming for right? With that being said, she’s not the type of woman that you would be able to take seriously if this is how she conducts herself. I’m sure is very nice and sweet and to her maybe she feels as it what she’s doing is harmless, but it’s doing a lot more to you than she thinks. You have to disconnect yourself emotionally. She’s a co worker with a boyfriend and it will never be much more than that. If you respect yourself, you wouldn’t allow it. To avoid awkwardness, continue to be nice and say hello etc, but don’t entertain her cues. It’s only going to hurt you even further.
Original post
by Ross6578Hey there,
so basically my situation is that I'm crushing on one of my female coworkers, but she already has a boyfriend, yet almost throws herself at me almost every time I see her at work. Not literally, but when I look at her she's blushing, smiling from ear to ear, she always greets me by name, she keeps putting herself in situations to be closer to me, her voice and intonation is different when she talks to me and is just generally very affectionate. There even was a situation (We are working in a clothing store) where she tried on some clothes during her break and called for me in the fitting rome to help her with a zipper on a bra-type of top and opened the chamber in basically nothing, but her underwear for me to 'help' her.
I am not neccessarily the brightest when it comes to social cues and signs, but I can just see and feel that she's into me. She does that, but then also doesn't have a problem bringing her boyfriend around to work and work events and it actually starts to mess with my head.
Like even when she recently returned for some shopping the same day we already worked together, with her boyfriend in tow and I was still in, she made an effort to greet me yet again and her boyfriend even gave me a look.
I had several periods where I thought I was finally done with this whole thing, but whenever I retract she ultimately starts to reengage with me immediately, I can just feel how she notices immediately when I try to disengage myself emotionally from her and she's making attempts to bridge those gaps, but it never leads to anything and it starts making me miserable and snappy.
I try to ignore her and honestly sometimes behaved like an ******* towards her the last couple of days when she was actually really nice, because this whole situation is really getting to my head. I don't want to sound like a huge *******, but I'm bigger and probably conventionally more attractive than her boyfriend, so I don't know if she just likes to keep me on the back burner, if this is just some idle flirting for the sake of it, if she wants me to make some sort of move or what.
Making the wrong move could lead to a very embarrassing work situation and I don't really know what to do.
so basically my situation is that I'm crushing on one of my female coworkers, but she already has a boyfriend, yet almost throws herself at me almost every time I see her at work. Not literally, but when I look at her she's blushing, smiling from ear to ear, she always greets me by name, she keeps putting herself in situations to be closer to me, her voice and intonation is different when she talks to me and is just generally very affectionate. There even was a situation (We are working in a clothing store) where she tried on some clothes during her break and called for me in the fitting rome to help her with a zipper on a bra-type of top and opened the chamber in basically nothing, but her underwear for me to 'help' her.
I am not neccessarily the brightest when it comes to social cues and signs, but I can just see and feel that she's into me. She does that, but then also doesn't have a problem bringing her boyfriend around to work and work events and it actually starts to mess with my head.
Like even when she recently returned for some shopping the same day we already worked together, with her boyfriend in tow and I was still in, she made an effort to greet me yet again and her boyfriend even gave me a look.
I had several periods where I thought I was finally done with this whole thing, but whenever I retract she ultimately starts to reengage with me immediately, I can just feel how she notices immediately when I try to disengage myself emotionally from her and she's making attempts to bridge those gaps, but it never leads to anything and it starts making me miserable and snappy.
I try to ignore her and honestly sometimes behaved like an ******* towards her the last couple of days when she was actually really nice, because this whole situation is really getting to my head. I don't want to sound like a huge *******, but I'm bigger and probably conventionally more attractive than her boyfriend, so I don't know if she just likes to keep me on the back burner, if this is just some idle flirting for the sake of it, if she wants me to make some sort of move or what.
Making the wrong move could lead to a very embarrassing work situation and I don't really know what to do.
She has a boyfriend. She should not be flirting with you as well.
I would not react to her. Keep your distance. If you can stay out of her way/avoid her as much as you can then do that.
Do not be drawn back in.
In the end she will get the message.
Reply 4
She just sounds like a very flirty person. Whether she’d actually appreciate a move or not is unknowable.
However, given that it’s work related I would highly recommend not taking any action as it’s just potentially going to be a disaster.
However, given that it’s work related I would highly recommend not taking any action as it’s just potentially going to be a disaster.
Reply 5
Yeah obvious answer is you do nothing. If she is indeed trying to makes moves on you pretty much in from of her boyfriend, why on earth would you want her?
Reply 6
21
It’s hard to see this working out well. I would park it and look for something else, there is plenty more fish. If she does become single or make a move you can weigh it up again
Reply 7
Original post
by Ross6578Hey there,
so basically my situation is that I'm crushing on one of my female coworkers, but she already has a boyfriend, yet almost throws herself at me almost every time I see her at work. Not literally, but when I look at her she's blushing, smiling from ear to ear, she always greets me by name, she keeps putting herself in situations to be closer to me, her voice and intonation is different when she talks to me and is just generally very affectionate. There even was a situation (We are working in a clothing store) where she tried on some clothes during her break and called for me in the fitting rome to help her with a zipper on a bra-type of top and opened the chamber in basically nothing, but her underwear for me to 'help' her.
I am not neccessarily the brightest when it comes to social cues and signs, but I can just see and feel that she's into me. She does that, but then also doesn't have a problem bringing her boyfriend around to work and work events and it actually starts to mess with my head.
Like even when she recently returned for some shopping the same day we already worked together, with her boyfriend in tow and I was still in, she made an effort to greet me yet again and her boyfriend even gave me a look.
I had several periods where I thought I was finally done with this whole thing, but whenever I retract she ultimately starts to reengage with me immediately, I can just feel how she notices immediately when I try to disengage myself emotionally from her and she's making attempts to bridge those gaps, but it never leads to anything and it starts making me miserable and snappy.
I try to ignore her and honestly sometimes behaved like an ******* towards her the last couple of days when she was actually really nice, because this whole situation is really getting to my head. I don't want to sound like a huge *******, but I'm bigger and probably conventionally more attractive than her boyfriend, so I don't know if she just likes to keep me on the back burner, if this is just some idle flirting for the sake of it, if she wants me to make some sort of move or what.
Making the wrong move could lead to a very embarrassing work situation and I don't really know what to do.
so basically my situation is that I'm crushing on one of my female coworkers, but she already has a boyfriend, yet almost throws herself at me almost every time I see her at work. Not literally, but when I look at her she's blushing, smiling from ear to ear, she always greets me by name, she keeps putting herself in situations to be closer to me, her voice and intonation is different when she talks to me and is just generally very affectionate. There even was a situation (We are working in a clothing store) where she tried on some clothes during her break and called for me in the fitting rome to help her with a zipper on a bra-type of top and opened the chamber in basically nothing, but her underwear for me to 'help' her.
I am not neccessarily the brightest when it comes to social cues and signs, but I can just see and feel that she's into me. She does that, but then also doesn't have a problem bringing her boyfriend around to work and work events and it actually starts to mess with my head.
Like even when she recently returned for some shopping the same day we already worked together, with her boyfriend in tow and I was still in, she made an effort to greet me yet again and her boyfriend even gave me a look.
I had several periods where I thought I was finally done with this whole thing, but whenever I retract she ultimately starts to reengage with me immediately, I can just feel how she notices immediately when I try to disengage myself emotionally from her and she's making attempts to bridge those gaps, but it never leads to anything and it starts making me miserable and snappy.
I try to ignore her and honestly sometimes behaved like an ******* towards her the last couple of days when she was actually really nice, because this whole situation is really getting to my head. I don't want to sound like a huge *******, but I'm bigger and probably conventionally more attractive than her boyfriend, so I don't know if she just likes to keep me on the back burner, if this is just some idle flirting for the sake of it, if she wants me to make some sort of move or what.
Making the wrong move could lead to a very embarrassing work situation and I don't really know what to do.
She likes attention, you never know she may dump her boyfriend, her type usually do or have sneaky fun
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