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Thinking of telling my friend I'm a lesbian so he'll stop being attracted to me

Basically I recently found out that my friend had a crush on me. A big crush. For a LONG time. And honestly its beginning to get uncomfortable because I don't feel that way about him at all and I've tried telling him a few times but it felt like it wasn't really clocking for him.

I miss being treated like a normal human being and him not being infatuated with everything I do. I feel infantilised during most of the conversations we've had and I just want to be able to talk to him maturely and be respected for my voice. Not just because being associated with me makes him feel so 'cool' or something.

Anyway it seems like he's finally realised its not gonna happen but if not I might just tell him I'm a lesbian. Obviously my only concern with this is having to maintain the lie. Especially if it somehow makes its way back to my parents because that would disturb the peace in my household. Also if I develop feelings for a guy he'd probably end up finding out, which of course wouldn't be good.

Anyway what do you guys think this is just an ad-hock idea I know its stupid but a part of me is tempted. I know he'd believe it and honestly I don't think I could keep being friends with him if this continues. I don't want to lose him but at the same time I want to/need to pull away from some of this enmeshment because its making me depressed and overwhelmed.

Reply 1

It’s clearly bonkers as it is not true and will come to light when you start dating someone else. Better just to lay it on the line that you don’t fancy him and only want to be friends. If he can’t handle this, and often it’s difficult, bite the bullet and tell him you don’t want to be in contact. Or get a highly possessive boyfriend

Reply 2

Original post
by Anonymous
Basically I recently found out that my friend had a crush on me. A big crush. For a LONG time. And honestly its beginning to get uncomfortable because I don't feel that way about him at all and I've tried telling him a few times but it felt like it wasn't really clocking for him.
I miss being treated like a normal human being and him not being infatuated with everything I do. I feel infantilised during most of the conversations we've had and I just want to be able to talk to him maturely and be respected for my voice. Not just because being associated with me makes him feel so 'cool' or something.
Anyway it seems like he's finally realised its not gonna happen but if not I might just tell him I'm a lesbian. Obviously my only concern with this is having to maintain the lie. Especially if it somehow makes its way back to my parents because that would disturb the peace in my household. Also if I develop feelings for a guy he'd probably end up finding out, which of course wouldn't be good.
Anyway what do you guys think this is just an ad-hock idea I know its stupid but a part of me is tempted. I know he'd believe it and honestly I don't think I could keep being friends with him if this continues. I don't want to lose him but at the same time I want to/need to pull away from some of this enmeshment because its making me depressed and overwhelmed.

I'm sorry to say this but now is the time to put your foot down and give no fucxs. If this guy was a real friend he'd cool off and take your words. However hes putting you in a tough place. Your health is wayy more important than this.
Lying is okay in some circumstances. This is not one. It will backfire on you and when **** hits the fan, you'll be blamed.

Reply 3

I can see why you would do this, but just be blunt and tell him you do not like him in that way

Reply 4

If you can't be straight with guy why even bother being friends? He'll be pretty hurt/angry when he finds out the truth.
(edited 2 months ago)
I would say for 90% of infatuated young guys, if you tell them that you’re a lesbian, their internal monologue will be “well, that’s technically not a no, I’ll just play the waiting game”. IE. Never underestimate their patience and ability to hear what they want to hear.

As with the replies above, just be honest and unambiguous.

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