feeling lonely and bored at uni
I'm in first year and have struggled to make a solid group of friends or even just A friend to be honest. I've got people to live with next year but rarely see them as they are busy, or don't reach out much and idk what to do. i feel guilty that i'm wasting this opportunity of being at uni and also don't want my parents to know that i'm feeling lonely like this as it makes me feel guilty given that they've paid for a lot of me being here.
Original post
by AnonymousI'm in first year and have struggled to make a solid group of friends or even just A friend to be honest. I've got people to live with next year but rarely see them as they are busy, or don't reach out much and idk what to do. i feel guilty that i'm wasting this opportunity of being at uni and also don't want my parents to know that i'm feeling lonely like this as it makes me feel guilty given that they've paid for a lot of me being here.
It can be really hard. I certainly struggled during my first year of uni, for a good chunk of it I was more friendly with people rather than actually having friends, and I spent many evenings alone in my room being bored to death and feeling very lonely indeed.
I think it's OK to tell your parents or someone that you're feeling lonely. It's not easy living on your own for the first time and people are generally very understanding. But also, it's important to understand that developing friendships takes time. My own friendship circle really didn't come together properly until the second semester of year 1, and it was a lot of effort even then to build those relationships. But it paid off. Also, usual advice to put yourself out there applies - go to student societies, events, go to your lectures a little bit early and strike a conversation with your classmates... something, somewhere, eventually, will work. Good luck and hope you're feeling OK
Reply 2
Original post
by Scotland YardIt can be really hard. I certainly struggled during my first year of uni, for a good chunk of it I was more friendly with people rather than actually having friends, and I spent many evenings alone in my room being bored to death and feeling very lonely indeed.
I think it's OK to tell your parents or someone that you're feeling lonely. It's not easy living on your own for the first time and people are generally very understanding. But also, it's important to understand that developing friendships takes time. My own friendship circle really didn't come together properly until the second semester of year 1, and it was a lot of effort even then to build those relationships. But it paid off. Also, usual advice to put yourself out there applies - go to student societies, events, go to your lectures a little bit early and strike a conversation with your classmates... something, somewhere, eventually, will work. Good luck and hope you're feeling OK
I think it's OK to tell your parents or someone that you're feeling lonely. It's not easy living on your own for the first time and people are generally very understanding. But also, it's important to understand that developing friendships takes time. My own friendship circle really didn't come together properly until the second semester of year 1, and it was a lot of effort even then to build those relationships. But it paid off. Also, usual advice to put yourself out there applies - go to student societies, events, go to your lectures a little bit early and strike a conversation with your classmates... something, somewhere, eventually, will work. Good luck and hope you're feeling OK
hey thanks for the reply it means a lot😄
Reply 3
Original post
by AnonymousI'm in first year and have struggled to make a solid group of friends or even just A friend to be honest. I've got people to live with next year but rarely see them as they are busy, or don't reach out much and idk what to do. i feel guilty that i'm wasting this opportunity of being at uni and also don't want my parents to know that i'm feeling lonely like this as it makes me feel guilty given that they've paid for a lot of me being here.
Hey there,
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Making friends can be a tough at times but keep persevering as you'll find your friends soon! I didn't have much of a friendship group until my second year where I got more involved in societies as my cohort can be considered quite antisocial due to evil COVID era. Societies helped me meet weekly with people and form bonds! Don't stick to just one either, come along to multiple and have a go. Force yourself to say hi to new people too, the hardest part is always starting the convo but after that it gets a lot easier.
Don't feel guilty, University is an experience and an education that is lifelong! It's brilliant you already have people to live with next year, many struggle to find this. Do join society chats, special interest groups and even perhaps try out some socials, not every Uni social is full of drinking! For example at Staffs, we have Karaoke Tuesdays and everyone loves to make friends over a fun song, regardless of your singing ability...
Do reach out to your Uni wellbeing team too if you're feeling lonely, they may have even more support and resources to help you! Do update us on how it goes and wish you all the best.
Aura (Uni of Staffs Student Rep, Comp Sci)
Reply 4
Original post
by AnonymousI'm in first year and have struggled to make a solid group of friends or even just A friend to be honest. I've got people to live with next year but rarely see them as they are busy, or don't reach out much and idk what to do. i feel guilty that i'm wasting this opportunity of being at uni and also don't want my parents to know that i'm feeling lonely like this as it makes me feel guilty given that they've paid for a lot of me being here.
Hi, I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this, first year can honestly be so much harder than people make it look. A lot of people don’t find their “solid group” straight away, even if it seems like everyone else has.
I made most of my friends through uni societies because you’re around people with similar interests, which takes some of the pressure off. It can feel awkward going alone, but so many people are in the same position. I also found just asking people on my course to go to the library or study together really helped, sometimes friendships start from something small like that.
And please don’t feel guilty about your parents. Feeling lonely doesn’t mean you’re wasting the opportunity, adjusting to uni is a big thing, and it’s okay to find it hard. You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way!
At my uni we have a student wellbeing/support team and the Students’ Union runs loads of events and smaller social groups, it might be worth checking if yours has something similar? A lot of universities also offer things like peer mentoring or buddy schemes for students who feel isolated. 🙂
-Chloe
Reply 5
Original post
by AnonymousI'm in first year and have struggled to make a solid group of friends or even just A friend to be honest. I've got people to live with next year but rarely see them as they are busy, or don't reach out much and idk what to do. i feel guilty that i'm wasting this opportunity of being at uni and also don't want my parents to know that i'm feeling lonely like this as it makes me feel guilty given that they've paid for a lot of me being here.
Hey,
I hear you completely. Feeling lonely in your first year is such a heavy weight to carry, especially when you feel like you’re "wasting" an opportunity. Please be kind to yourself; making real friends takes time, and it is important to remember that it differs for everyone. While it might come easily for some people, it can be really difficult for others, and you are definitely not alone in feeling this way.
Here is some advice to help you feel a bit more connected:
•
Low-Pressure Socials: Since you already have people to live with next year, try asking just one of them to grab a coffee or study together; one-on-one time is often much easier than trying to keep up with a whole group.
•
Explore Societies: It is never too late to join a club! Finding a society based on a hobby takes the pressure off "forced" socialising and gives you something fun to look forward to.
•
Be Honest: You don't have to tell your parents everything, but sharing a little of how you feel can take the pressure off the guilt you're carrying.
•
Wellbeing Support: If you're feeling low, please reach out to the wellbeing team; they speak to students in your exact position every day and are experts at helping you navigate these feelings.
Hope this helps!😊
Rachel
(Third Year)
Undergraduate Multimedia Journalism
Reply 6
Original post
by AnonymousI'm in first year and have struggled to make a solid group of friends or even just A friend to be honest. I've got people to live with next year but rarely see them as they are busy, or don't reach out much and idk what to do. i feel guilty that i'm wasting this opportunity of being at uni and also don't want my parents to know that i'm feeling lonely like this as it makes me feel guilty given that they've paid for a lot of me being here.
Hi there,
Just to add on to the amazing advice everyone has given, making strong friendships takes time and it is common to find it challenging to feel a sense of belonging in the first year.
I was in a similar situation too, and it was not only until towards the end of my 2nd year where I started to form closer connections and got more comfortable with people in the course. Joining a society or taking on some part-time work at uni also helps, as it exposes you to more people outside of just your faculty 😗 It's okay to feel lonely and it is also definitely okay to talk to others about it 😊
Take it one step at a time and don't be too hard on yourself 😚
Wishing the best of luck in your journey at university!
Zhi En
(Kingston Student Reps.)
Reply 7
Original post
by AnonymousI'm in first year and have struggled to make a solid group of friends or even just A friend to be honest. I've got people to live with next year but rarely see them as they are busy, or don't reach out much and idk what to do. i feel guilty that i'm wasting this opportunity of being at uni and also don't want my parents to know that i'm feeling lonely like this as it makes me feel guilty given that they've paid for a lot of me being here.
I’m really glad you posted this because so many people feel this and just don’t say it…
First of all, please don’t feel guilty about telling your parents you’re lonely. You genuinely have nothing to feel guilty for. They would 100% rather you talk to them than sit there suffering in silence. No parent pays for their child to go to uni thinking I hope they never tell me if they’re struggling. They want you okay. Feeling lonely doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful or wasting anything.
Also… staying connected to people from home is so important. Sometimes there’s this pressure to move on and build a whole new life, but keeping in touch with existing friendships can really help tackle that loneliness. Even regular calls or little voice notes can make you feel grounded and remind you that you do have solid connections.
Making new friends at uni can honestly take longer than people admit. Not everyone settles in straight away and finds their people in week one. I didn’t feel like I had solid friendships until close to the end of my first year. I hung out with people, had people to sit with in lectures, but real friendships take time and effort to build. Shared experiences, little in-jokes, actually getting to know each other… that doesn’t happen overnight.
If you’re finding that you’re always the one reaching out and it’s not being reciprocated, it’s okay to leave that energy where it is. Sometimes chasing people who aren’t giving much back just makes you feel worse and drains time you could spend investing elsewhere. The right friendships won’t feel like you’re constantly proving your worth.
In terms of practical stuff… societies are honestly such a good way to meet people because you’ve already got a shared interest. Even going to a few different ones just to try them out can widen your circle. Uni events, course socials, volunteering, part-time jobs… anything that puts you around the same people regularly helps. Repeated exposure is what builds familiarity, and familiarity is what turns into friendship.
And if you’re really struggling, please consider reaching out to the uni wellbeing team. That’s literally what they’re there for. You don’t have to be in crisis to use them. Loneliness is heavy and it deserves support.
You’re not wasting your uni experience just because you haven’t found your people yet. First year can be weirdly transitional. A lot of people are still figuring out who they click with. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed socially or that this is how it’ll stay.
You’re not behind. You’re not ungrateful. You’re just human… and friendships just take a little time to build. Don’t give up just yet! You’ve got this!!
Good luck! Sophie 🙂
Original post
by AnonymousI'm in first year and have struggled to make a solid group of friends or even just A friend to be honest. I've got people to live with next year but rarely see them as they are busy, or don't reach out much and idk what to do. i feel guilty that i'm wasting this opportunity of being at uni and also don't want my parents to know that i'm feeling lonely like this as it makes me feel guilty given that they've paid for a lot of me being here.
Hi there,
How you're feeling is totally valid and I understand that it is hard to reach out. Even reaching out on here is a great step though and I hope you can see from the replies you get and other feeds on this site that there is lots of support out there to help 💝 I appreciate why you might not want to speak to your parents but if you feel able then I'm sure they would want to support you, especially if you explain what you have said on here, they may not completely understand but they may want to at least try 😊
If you're managing to get to lectures and stay involved with your studies then you're already smashing the key thing you're at uni for. Everything else is extra perks along the way and won't always look the same for everyone. You're only in your first year with lots more to come and lots more people to meet. I personally found my closest friendships in my later years and only really felt like I was forming them stronger bonds late second year and third. I met lots of fab people in first year but felt it took a while to find those I had things in common with and felt close to. I believe this can be quite common from what I hear from others too!
Keep your head up and keep trying to put yourself out there, although I understand it's not always easy. You'll have a new house soon and you may get closer to your new friends, either way you've got a great new home to invite any new friends round to and your own space 😄 I'm sure you've heard about joining societies and I really do recommend this, it's a sure way to meet new people and share a common interest, orrr try a new thing and use it as an ice breaker to get to know others. For me, I found people I really gelled with through different work experiences and I think this is a good way to meet others with similar attitudes to you - read emails from your uni, keep a look out for any opportunities and put your name forward if you can. You never know what's around the corner and you may be surprised where you find those strong friendships.
You've got this ☺️
Becky
University of Salford Student Rep
Reply 9
Original post
by AnonymousI'm in first year and have struggled to make a solid group of friends or even just A friend to be honest. I've got people to live with next year but rarely see them as they are busy, or don't reach out much and idk what to do. i feel guilty that i'm wasting this opportunity of being at uni and also don't want my parents to know that i'm feeling lonely like this as it makes me feel guilty given that they've paid for a lot of me being here.
Hey,
I just want to say first that what you’re feeling is a lot more common than people admit. Uni can look super social from the outside, but not everyone instantly finds “their people” in first year.
I’m an international student, and most of my closest friends are back home, so I understand how lonely it can feel sometimes. It doesn’t mean you’re doing uni wrong or wasting the experience. Everyone’s timeline is different.
Honestly, being on your own at times isn’t always a bad thing. It can give you space to grow, figure yourself out, and build confidence independently. That doesn’t mean isolating yourself, just not being too hard on yourself for not having a solid group yet.
If you’re looking to meet people, joining societies or activities you’re genuinely interested in can really help. It’s much easier to connect with like minded people when you already share something in common. Even small things like study groups, gym classes, volunteering, or part time work can lead to more natural friendships.
And please don’t feel guilty about your parents. Loneliness doesn’t cancel out the value of your education or the opportunity you’ve been given. You’re still learning, growing, and building your future, even if socially it feels slow right now.
Good friendships take time. It’s not a race. The right people usually come when you least expect it. Be patient with yourself and keep putting yourself out there bit by bit. You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way.
Wishing you all the best!
Lily
Reply 10
Original post
by AnonymousI'm in first year and have struggled to make a solid group of friends or even just A friend to be honest. I've got people to live with next year but rarely see them as they are busy, or don't reach out much and idk what to do. i feel guilty that i'm wasting this opportunity of being at uni and also don't want my parents to know that i'm feeling lonely like this as it makes me feel guilty given that they've paid for a lot of me being here.
Hi there,
I am sorry to hear that you have been feeling this way, it can be really tricky when you feel like this and I understand how you are feeling.
Firstly, don't feel guilty or like you can't tell anyone. I am sure your parents would want to know how you are feeling and if you are feeling sad they would want to know so just tell them how you feel if you want to speak to them about it.
If you don't want to speak to them, maybe think about speaking to the student support team at your uni as they will be there to help you and will want to know if you are struggling so that they can help. Have a look at how you would make an appointment and think about making one so that you can talk to them about how you are feeling as it might help you to feel better.
If you wanted to meet some more people, here is how I have met people that I am now friends with at uni:
•
Joining societies is a great way of meeting lots of new people and doing something that you enjoy at the same time so have a look and see if there are any you would like.
•
See if your SU puts events on as these are good ways of meeting people.
•
Have a look on social media as you can sometimes find people on here that you otherwise wouldn't and it is a good way of meeting people.
I hope some of this helps,
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Reply 11
Original post
by AnonymousI'm in first year and have struggled to make a solid group of friends or even just A friend to be honest. I've got people to live with next year but rarely see them as they are busy, or don't reach out much and idk what to do. i feel guilty that i'm wasting this opportunity of being at uni and also don't want my parents to know that i'm feeling lonely like this as it makes me feel guilty given that they've paid for a lot of me being here.
Just wanted to say you're definitely not alone in feeling this way: first year can be so much harder than people let on, especially when it comes to making friends. It's really tough when you've got people to live with but don't actually see them much, and that guilt on top of everything just makes it worse. I struggled in first year as well, despite having my family close-ish to me.
Please try not to be so hard on yourself though. You're not wasting anything. University isn't just about having a solid friend group by October—it's a whole adjustment, and for some people it takes longer to find their people, and that's completely okay.
Try to join a society, or a club that meets regularly, even if it feels a bit awkward at first. Sometimes the best friendships come from just showing up to the same place weekly until things click. And honestly, lots of people are feeling lonelier than they let on, you might be surprised.
As for your parents, it's understandable you don't want to worry them, but you're allowed to struggle even when people have supported you. If you can, reach out to someone at uni like a wellbeing advisor, they surely see this situation all the time. Just one person who gets it can make all the difference. Be kind to yourself, you're doing better than you think.
Best of luck,
Malak
Reply 12
Original post
by AnonymousI'm in first year and have struggled to make a solid group of friends or even just A friend to be honest. I've got people to live with next year but rarely see them as they are busy, or don't reach out much and idk what to do. i feel guilty that i'm wasting this opportunity of being at uni and also don't want my parents to know that i'm feeling lonely like this as it makes me feel guilty given that they've paid for a lot of me being here.
Hello! First of all, do not feel guilty for this - sometimes socialising can be difficult, I honestly understand it as I'm quite an anxious person myself! My first thought would be asking: does your University have societies? If so, get to know them and if any align with you, this is your best gateway to make friends with similar interests/aspirations as you! 🙂
Alongside this, if you university hosts any social events, do not hesitate to go to them! A lot of people are a lot more willing to make friends than you think, and I find University is a lot less judgemental than say Secondary as everyone has matured a lot more to be a lot more accepting!
Lastly, do not be afraid to be yourself, dress in a style you really like, if there's any merch you have - wear it! People tend to approach others that display their same interests, as it's an easy way to start a conversation. Don't be afraid to look out for this on others as well as you may just find yourself a new friend.
Alongside this, don't be afraid to reach out to people - you said that people don't reach out much but they may just be busy or shy to ask themselves, bridging this might allow them to ask you next time, and if not don't worry! University has a lot of students, and you will find people to be friends with. But please also do not be afraid to be open with your parents about this, as they might have advice and could provide more support to help you feel that you're not alone.
Best of luck with this! I'm sure it'll be okay, you've absolutely got this <3
•
Staffs Rep Vera 🤍
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