Struggling socially post uni
Not sure if this is the best place to post this but whatever.
Anyway I finished my degree in 2024 and struggled making friends at uni since it was quite small and never really interacted with anyone outside my course, and didn’t really feel likeminded with those on it. I’m almost 23 now with no friends in the city (Bristol) and it’s really killing me knowing I could’ve studied something different at a bigger uni with more opportunities to meet people, which especially hit me when I came across nearby uni societies and even college-like apprenticeships that would be right up my street, but my uni just didn’t have that.
Long story short it didn't affect me at the time and for a year or so afterwards but is really hitting me hard now, feel like I ****ed myself over and don’t know how to meet people my age with the same interests, I’m really depressed as a result to be honest and don't know what the **** to do.
Does anyone have any advice?
Anyway I finished my degree in 2024 and struggled making friends at uni since it was quite small and never really interacted with anyone outside my course, and didn’t really feel likeminded with those on it. I’m almost 23 now with no friends in the city (Bristol) and it’s really killing me knowing I could’ve studied something different at a bigger uni with more opportunities to meet people, which especially hit me when I came across nearby uni societies and even college-like apprenticeships that would be right up my street, but my uni just didn’t have that.
Long story short it didn't affect me at the time and for a year or so afterwards but is really hitting me hard now, feel like I ****ed myself over and don’t know how to meet people my age with the same interests, I’m really depressed as a result to be honest and don't know what the **** to do.
Does anyone have any advice?
Reply 1
Original post
by SkinnyJeanManNot sure if this is the best place to post this but whatever.
Anyway I finished my degree in 2024 and struggled making friends at uni since it was quite small and never really interacted with anyone outside my course, and didn’t really feel likeminded with those on it. I’m almost 23 now with no friends in the city (Bristol) and it’s really killing me knowing I could’ve studied something different at a bigger uni with more opportunities to meet people, which especially hit me when I came across nearby uni societies and even college-like apprenticeships that would be right up my street, but my uni just didn’t have that.
Long story short it didn't affect me at the time and for a year or so afterwards but is really hitting me hard now, feel like I ****ed myself over and don’t know how to meet people my age with the same interests, I’m really depressed as a result to be honest and don't know what the **** to do.
Does anyone have any advice?
Anyway I finished my degree in 2024 and struggled making friends at uni since it was quite small and never really interacted with anyone outside my course, and didn’t really feel likeminded with those on it. I’m almost 23 now with no friends in the city (Bristol) and it’s really killing me knowing I could’ve studied something different at a bigger uni with more opportunities to meet people, which especially hit me when I came across nearby uni societies and even college-like apprenticeships that would be right up my street, but my uni just didn’t have that.
Long story short it didn't affect me at the time and for a year or so afterwards but is really hitting me hard now, feel like I ****ed myself over and don’t know how to meet people my age with the same interests, I’m really depressed as a result to be honest and don't know what the **** to do.
Does anyone have any advice?
Adults don't tend to have friends in the same way that children do. Children live in structures like school and clubs where they keep being offered/put in to group situations. Combined with the fact they are all developing personalities by learning from these social situations, what they understand as friendships are more like habituated socialization. By the time they are adults, and have gone off to Uni, started careers or whatever, they have their own personalities, interests, needs etc and they have to work much harder to strike up meaningful relationships.
Adult friendships, if they haven't survived graduation etc tend to be a) much fewer in number, and b) found in common interests, so either at work, or by joining a sports team, club, society, charity etc. So join an interest group of some sort, that's where you will find people with the same interests as you. But don't expect the same 'gang of mates' that you had in your teenage years, adults tend have too many different schedules and priorities to make that work most of the time.
Reply 2
Original post
by threeportdriftAdults don't tend to have friends in the same way that children do. Children live in structures like school and clubs where they keep being offered/put in to group situations. Combined with the fact they are all developing personalities by learning from these social situations, what they understand as friendships are more like habituated socialization. By the time they are adults, and have gone off to Uni, started careers or whatever, they have their own personalities, interests, needs etc and they have to work much harder to strike up meaningful relationships.
Adult friendships, if they haven't survived graduation etc tend to be a) much fewer in number, and b) found in common interests, so either at work, or by joining a sports team, club, society, charity etc. So join an interest group of some sort, that's where you will find people with the same interests as you. But don't expect the same 'gang of mates' that you had in your teenage years, adults tend have too many different schedules and priorities to make that work most of the time.
Adult friendships, if they haven't survived graduation etc tend to be a) much fewer in number, and b) found in common interests, so either at work, or by joining a sports team, club, society, charity etc. So join an interest group of some sort, that's where you will find people with the same interests as you. But don't expect the same 'gang of mates' that you had in your teenage years, adults tend have too many different schedules and priorities to make that work most of the time.
I think you're misunderstanding if you think my issue is thinking adult friendships are the same. Like you said, finding people with the same interests is key - and I didn't get any of that at Uni and think I totally could've if I chose to study a different subject/in a different place (i'm not talking solely about classes but also due to societies and extra curricular stuff). What few interests I've found IRL are all difficult if not impossible to find groups for with people my own age, it feels like I should've studied them instead in order to find people with the same interests because the subject IS the interest (specifically I'm interested in computing and (astro)physics).
No offence intended but this is really not it, feels like kind of an insulting response to me.
Reply 3
20
What are your hobbies?
Reply 4
Original post
by Kathy89What are your hobbies?
Most of em are digital, I produce electronic music as a hobby (though like I said studied that and I didn't make any social connections). Also programming and tech. Tech is probably my biggest interest and I've been looking for tech and IT apprenticeships recently. These are both kinda **** for meeting people imo.
I also have an interest in astronomy (my one IRL interest) + parts of space physics which is definitely something I'd want to study at some point. I've already been to some local events about astronomy and space physics and that's something that has made me wish I studied it instead or at least gave them a look in previously, plus at local events for adults I don't tend to meet anyone around my own age which kinda sucks.
Reply 5
20
You can look for online astronomy clubs and start talking to people there. Same with music.
Once you know them online you can arrange a meeting in some very public place.
Once you know them online you can arrange a meeting in some very public place.
(edited 1 month ago)
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