can anyone mark or give me a score on my answer to language paper 2 question 5 aqa?

can anyone mark or give me a score on my answer to language paper 2 question 5 aqa?
‘Holidays don’t need to be faraway and expensive. They just need to give people a break
from everyday life and the chance to relax.’
Write an article for a magazine in which you argue your point of view on this statement.
Holidays: a step to a greater mindset
Relaxation, peace, tranquillity. The offer is yours.
Holidays don’t have to be faraway and expensive. Simple as that. It can simply be a trip to your local beach. What price comes with that? The decision ultimately lies with you. Just something to take the edge off. You deserve a break. It is something we all recognise. Picture yourself, ebulliently resting your feet against the copious sand. Sounds like a dream. But honestly – it could be a reality.
Mental Health Impact
Holidays aren’t just for pleasure – it also acts as mental health therapy. Ineffable. Proven by the UK mental health organisation to “increase moods by up to 20%, leaving people happier when they get back to work”. It sounds completely quixotic; as work is viewed as draining and tiresome. However, one holiday could evidently change that. It kindly offers you a chance to feel a sense of tranquility; happiness. A single despondent mood can be turned upside down. Too much stress without a break can lead to death, literally. Just imagine, your future self, lugubrious. Therefore, it’s absolutely vital to take a break overseas.
New Experiences
The sun, a special mad yellow like an omelette. Or, perhaps, a chilling, yet cooling day, snowflakes gracefully dancing on your hand. That smile as stiff as frozen fish, gone. The waves being a constant heartbeat telling you there is still more to life. It opens doors to new cultures, experiences, one-of-a-kind journeys that are definitely not ubiquitous. Quoted by John Smith, “out of all holidays, the only one I remember is the one where I met my wife”. This quite perfunctorily provides evidence that holidays aren’t just for new experiences; you can meet the love of your life. Your life. If that isn’t good enough, picture yourself. Feet splashing against the waves whom vociferously express their opinions. Nights like this are young, the way an actual person is young. Sunsets falling through the western sky, the colour of blood through a fistful of water. An open door to opportunities. Sure to allow a wave of warmth to spread through you.
Downsides
Indeed, holidays come with a cost. It’s not just going on a 12 hour flight to Canada and not paying a ‘penny’. Prices are indeed ‘rising’ with each flight, as Elton John previously stated, “even though I have the money I can't afford but to only go on one holiday a year”, I have to admit - that is devastating. However this still does not act as a restriction. Not every holiday has to be ‘far’ and expensive. Of course not. Don’t let a heavy cloud of sorrow hang above your head. Yes, you. Restrict despair seeping into every corner of your mind. Holidays can be more than cheap if you make it. Just a 1 hour drive to your local seaside – it really does cost nothing. It’s hardly even far in distance.
A final reflection
Therefore, I won't urge you. Because you should know better to make the right decision. Holidays are all a person needs to secure their happiness. It really is. Life-long impacts at a cost of nothing. The choice ultimately lies with you.