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trouble breaking up

I broke up with my boyfriend last thursday, but he's having trouble letting go, and frankly I don't know what to do. On Friday I foolishly met him in the park to 'talk' and ended up saying I would probaly get back together with him but wanted a week to think about it. Then I went on holiday for a week and came to the conclusion that I was OK, didn't need him and could move on. I text him saying this then turned my phone off. I got back today, and he phoned my house. THen came over, totally distraught and threatening to kill himslef. Obviously I couldn't let him leave so I made him come in and talk, and eventually agreed he couldd have a week to try to change my mind. But the thing is I don't want to be with him, I've felt like this for about 9months and fianlly broke free. It just isn't working anymore. However, how do I get him to see this? I didn't want to give him the week because I know I'm not going to feel any different and i will end up hurting him again. He has this hold over me which means he can persuade me against my own feelings. I just don't know what to do. Please help! (Sorry for the long post.)

Reply 1

swishmasta

did he have that "hold" over you from the start? and is that how you got together? or did you have real feelings for him from the start?

Reply 2

Wild Thing

11

getting dumped is really hard to accept :s:

give him so time :frown:

Reply 3

hazzie1

OP

1

swishmasta

did he have that "hold" over you from the start? and is that how you got together? or did you have real feelings for him from the start?

um, I guess so actually. He's left me a few times and that resulted in me begging for us to get back together so I can't really blame him. I did have real feelings, but we got together when we were 14, and needless to say 3 years later I'm a very different person

Reply 4

marychrist

9

Does he suffer from depression or has he been suicidal before? If not, he's probably trying to guilt trip you into staying with him which is totally wrong and unfair. You need to be firm with him, and if he comes over or calls you threatening to kill himself again, tell him you don't need to be forced into a relationship out of guilt or sympathy; you've changed considerably since you got together three years ago and after nine months of thinking this way, you'd rather just be friends.

Reply 5

Harv616

9

lol oh how i love guys like him

"GET BACK WITH ME OR I WILL KILL MYSELF!!!" yeh sure, emotional blackmail anyone?

anyway he will not leave you alone now since you said you would probably get back with him. You need to tell him that it will never happen, or he will keep trying. If he doesnt stop after that just tell him to f*** off. And if that doesnt work, break off all contact.

Reply 6

rachplatt

2

If you realistically think he would do something rash, then you will have to handle it differently. If you think he's just being overdramatic to guilt you into getting back together, don't listen to him, don't give him a week, just tell him the truth now. 9 months is long enough for you to have made the right decision and it's understandable that you will have both grown into different people between the ages of 14 and 17. In time he will be grateful for your honesty but you might have to leave him to sulk for a while before you can be friends again. good luck x

Reply 7

lou p lou

2

maybe give one of his friends a call, tell them that he's not taking it very well and could probably do with a night out with the lads to help cheer him up a bit/help him move on

lou xxx

Reply 8

frost105

14

Contact him again and basically say that you dont want to be with him. Telling him you'll think about it is leading him on and him telling you he'll kil himself is emotional blackmail. Cut all contact with hiim and leave him to it.

Reply 9

magiccarpet

2

yea, get out of it now. the longer u stay with him, the harder it'll be when u do leave him.
tell his mates/parents/your parents so they keep an eye out in case he does anything.
meanwhile give him a hug and say lets just be friends

Reply 10

happydinosaur

15

If he is using emotional blackmail to try and keep you I would advise telling him and then cutting off all contact, phone off, screen your calls that kind of thing...

Try telling him that he is making you unhappy and if he really loved you that much he would let you go so you can be happy and that you want him to be happy too..

Reply 11

hazzie1

OP

1

thanks so much everyone, I'm glad that you all think he's not worth it. Basically thats how I feel, but its so hard when someone is emotionally blackmailing you and you don't know if something COULD happen. But you are all right, and I will do all the things you said!

trouble breaking up

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