The Student Room Group

I feel old and I'm only 17!

I feel like so far I have wasted my teenage years away. I have never been very social at all, I'm a complete introvert and only have a few friends and they're not that close.
I feel like I've missed out on all the early teenage experiences and consequently am socially clueless. I have never had a boyfriend, or even really been friends with a boy. I don't know whether the reason is because I'm really unattractive or because people find me extremely unapproachable (probably a mixture of the two). I haven't really kissed a guy either, the only time I came close was when my sister took me to a club a few weeks ago and a few guys tried to but I sort of froze and turned my head before it became a full make-out.
That was also the first time I've gotten drunk, which I know is a way later age than most people do, which although it was stupid, did make me alot more confident and kind of happy for once, lol :rolleyes:

Basically I feel like 17 is way too old to be a complete beginner to social stuff. I don't go out alot with my friends, or go out at all actually. I only go shopping when I need to and obviously I go to college. I would like a job but I don't feel confident enough to get one. I know I should just get up and do it but I feel like I just can't. I had depression a few years ago aswell as anxiety problems and I still have occasional problems with it now.

I don't really know what I'm asking here, but I just feel way too old to be so inexperienced with life and people I guess. I really need to have a better outlook on life but I just don't know how. Sorry if this doesn't make sense :s-smilie:

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Reply 1

I wouldn't worry too much, I was exactly the same at your age... it was only when I hit 18, I first got drunk, made lots of new friends, had my first bf.
You just gotta put yourself out there a bit.. go clubbing bit more often and get a job!! I know its hard but it wil help with your confidence a lot!

Reply 2

Wow...same, really. :|
Except my not-so-close friends are boys =]

Reply 3

Eveyone tells me that a lot of great social experiences can happen at uni! so if you're applying you can look forward to that and sort of starting afresh.

Reply 4

Anonymous
I feel like so far I have wasted my teenage years away. I have never been very social at all, I'm a complete introvert and only have a few friends and they're not that close.
I feel like I've missed out on all the early teenage experiences and consequently am socially clueless. I have never had a boyfriend, or even really been friends with a boy. I don't know whether the reason is because I'm really unattractive or because people find me extremely unapproachable (probably a mixture of the two). I haven't really kissed a guy either, the only time I came close was when my sister took me to a club a few weeks ago and a few guys tried to but I sort of froze and turned my head before it became a full make-out.
That was also the first time I've gotten drunk, which I know is a way later age than most people do, which although it was stupid, did make me alot more confident and kind of happy for once, lol :rolleyes:

Basically I feel like 17 is way too old to be a complete beginner to social stuff. I don't go out alot with my friends, or go out at all actually. I only go shopping when I need to and obviously I go to college. I would like a job but I don't feel confident enough to get one. I know I should just get up and do it but I feel like I just can't. I had depression a few years ago aswell as anxiety problems and I still have occasional problems with it now.

I don't really know what I'm asking here, but I just feel way too old to be so inexperienced with life and people I guess. I really need to have a better outlook on life but I just don't know how. Sorry if this doesn't make sense :s-smilie:





You're exactly the same as me(except the fact that i am 16, though im turning 17 in febuary)
i've never been out with friends, or ever had close friends, the few friends i did have abondoned me. i started college this year but with no avail, still no social life of good friends
i havent done anything in my teenage years also, i feel like i'm wasting the best years of my life.
Never gotten drunk, gone out with friends or gone to a house party, i was stuck at home on new years eve becuase i had no one to go out with.

i don't know if its me, if peopl automatically dislike me, or its just how people are in london, i'm socially inept.


:frown:

PM me if you need any support.
Im worse off then you. way worse off. i've done nothing. no social milestones reached.
:frown:

Reply 5

Deyn_08
You're exactly the same as me(except the fact that i am 16, though im turning 17 in febuary)
i've never been out with friends, or ever had close friends, the few friends i did have abondoned me. i started college this year but with no avail, still no social life of good friends
i havent done anything in my teenage years also, i feel like i'm wasting the best years of my life.
Never gotten drunk, gone out with friends or gone to a house party, i was stuck at home on new years eve becuase i had no one to go out with.

i don't know if its me, if peopl automatically dislike me, or its just how people are in london, i'm socially inept.


:frown:

PM me if you need any support.
Im worse off then you. way worse off. i've done nothing. no social milestones reached.
:frown:

That's shockingly similar to me, except I'm 17 (turn 18 this february), and in 2nd year of college.

Reply 6

Hey hey, don't think like that!

Seriously, that is a dangerous spiral to go down - you are only 17, you have another good 10 years to go on the youth side of your life, and there is plenty of time to get into the whole swing of the social scene.

There are no definitive cures and guide one can follow to lead themselves out of the situation, but I'll try and suggest some things you can do which could help.

I think first thing you need to is to build up on self confidence, which is easier said than done. Try and edge yourself to do some simple things, ie, talk to your classmates more, try and engage in a deeper level of conversation with them rather than just your daily classroom talk (ie, did anything fun this weekend?, up to much recently?). Get in touch with your current friends, even if they aren't that close, and ask them to hang out - go shopping, film, see a play, whatever takes your fancy.

I'm not sure if this helps at all, but watch some stuff like One Tree hill, OC, Gossip Girl, general teenage shows - for two reasons. One, maybe you could just pick up on some hints on the general social convention and how to act etc, and secondly they are decent conversation breakers (you seen the new Heroes recently? etc).

Join some societies, very simple ones, like maybe a film group or a discussion group. Find similar minded people, that likes *you* for whole you already are, rather than those who like you because of superficial reasons like your looks. Maybe you find it could help joining a social networking site for exposure to meet more people, ie Facebook.

And realise that you are about to turn 18 - and if you already don't - GO OUT! Clubs, Bars, lots of places open up to you when you are 18, and approach them with some confidence and self belief, and you could make some new friends, take their number, ask if they'd like to go out next week (boy or girl) - don't rush into a relationship (unless you really feel its right, take your time).

Drink a bit, you have less inhibitions and you are more talkative, but drink responsibily. You could even do simple stuff like find someone nearby you on TSR that's interesting, talk to them for some advice, meetup etc etc (but be careful, of course).

That's just a random blurge of advice, but take them with a pinch of salt because they are really hit and miss things (some would find they'd work, some would say a waste of time), but they are just some personal advice. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM.

Hope that helps :smile:

Reply 7

......seriously?


:colonhash:


Instead of regretting make the most of what you have?

Reply 8

Enjoy it while you still are only 17, before you know it, you will be getting near 30.

Reply 9

You'd be surprised how many people are in the same boat and even older.
Theres no time like the present to start.
My best friend at university never did anything untill university, and although he hasnt had a girlfriend in the 2 years we've been pals, his had some fantastic clubbing experiances, and we regularly throw house parties together.
Don't thorw yourself into the deep end at once, but start going up with people more. Even if its your family, or find friends in a similar position.
The more you go out, the more confident ya get, n the more likely you are to have 'the teenager social experiance'.

Reply 10

Anonymous
I feel like so far I have wasted my teenage years away. I have never been very social at all, I'm a complete introvert and only have a few friends and they're not that close.
I feel like I've missed out on all the early teenage experiences and consequently am socially clueless. I have never had a boyfriend, or even really been friends with a boy. I don't know whether the reason is because I'm really unattractive or because people find me extremely unapproachable (probably a mixture of the two). I haven't really kissed a guy either, the only time I came close was when my sister took me to a club a few weeks ago and a few guys tried to but I sort of froze and turned my head before it became a full make-out.
That was also the first time I've gotten drunk, which I know is a way later age than most people do, which although it was stupid, did make me alot more confident and kind of happy for once, lol :rolleyes:

Basically I feel like 17 is way too old to be a complete beginner to social stuff. I don't go out alot with my friends, or go out at all actually. I only go shopping when I need to and obviously I go to college. I would like a job but I don't feel confident enough to get one. I know I should just get up and do it but I feel like I just can't. I had depression a few years ago aswell as anxiety problems and I still have occasional problems with it now.

I don't really know what I'm asking here, but I just feel way too old to be so inexperienced with life and people I guess. I really need to have a better outlook on life but I just don't know how. Sorry if this doesn't make sense :s-smilie:



Don't worry about it :smile: alot of people feel the same way but just choose not to express it on fear of being ridiculed. and people our age who do brag about it ''went clubbing last night, :santa2::santa2::santa2::santa2: was SO cash'' more than half the time theyll be blowing things wayyy out of proportion just to try and make themselves just cool. its becoming more of a trend to see who can go out at the earliest age and get served/ have sex etc, i mean theres a place near my school where loads of people go and there are like 2nd years coming in and its like '' . . . . wow, just go home''
despite doing :santa2::santa2::santa2::santa2: like this anyway, id like to think the real beginners experience is when we head off to uni :smile:

tl:dr = youve still go loads of time and alot more people feel the way you do, but just keep it locked up :biggrin:

Reply 11

Hi ! I'm french and I feel exactly the same so it's an universal problem !!
(first of all please forgive me for my poor english ..)
I'm 17 ( 18 in june) and I just feel so lonely ! I don't have real friends, I don't go to real parties ... when I see and realise my life I'm asking myself : it's supposed to be this, my life ? The best part of the life ? I'm just so boring ...all the time ... I'm living my life "by procuration" (i don't know if this expression exists in english, but in french it does) watching TV programmes like gossip girl, grey's anatomy or films like twilight and over teenage movies ... and it isn't good for me at all! After watching it I just cry ... because I know that my life will never be like that ... I know it's only a movie and it's made for poor teenage girls lol but it's like that ... I realised that my life just sucks and I think I'll never be happy and self-confident . Well i've done with this self-therapy lol but I just wanted to say that you're not alone and i think we have to do some efforts... well don't hesitate to pm me if you want some support ...

ps: I'm so happy to not be the only one who has this feeling ! It prooves that maybe I'm not so crazy !!!

Reply 12

try not to let your anxieties and depression rule your life. you don't wan them to win, i can tell that from your thread.
So you should probably talk to some friends or your family about how you really want to move but don't know how to go about it as you don't feel that you can.
It seems your sister might be sympathetic and might help you out on the social side. if you explain it to her she might introduce you slowly to her group of friend and not just throw you in the deep end. and if you can't trust your sister, who can you trust?
I think your parents might be able to help you out on the job side too.

Reply 13

Get a job that has similar aged people, you'll make more friends, have more nights out meet different people. You'll never progress if you don't raise your chances sort thing.

Reply 14

You don't feel old you feel unfulfilled.

If you really feel old, then you are stupid.

If you feel unfulfilled, take the advice of posts #7 and #8

Reply 15

HA OP I understand! I was 17 a while ago, and instead of being excited I felt MEH IM OLD.

ive never kissed, gone on a date or even held hands witht he opposite sex..

ah well had to grow up sometime

Reply 16

Jon7
Hey hey, don't think like that!

Seriously, that is a dangerous spiral to go down - you are only 17, you have another good 10 years to go on the youth side of your life, and there is plenty of time to get into the whole swing of the social scene.

There are no definitive cures and guide one can follow to lead themselves out of the situation, but I'll try and suggest some things you can do which could help.

I think first thing you need to is to build up on self confidence, which is easier said than done. Try and edge yourself to do some simple things, ie, talk to your classmates more, try and engage in a deeper level of conversation with them rather than just your daily classroom talk (ie, did anything fun this weekend?, up to much recently?). Get in touch with your current friends, even if they aren't that close, and ask them to hang out - go shopping, film, see a play, whatever takes your fancy.

I'm not sure if this helps at all, but watch some stuff like One Tree hill, OC, Gossip Girl, general teenage shows - for two reasons. One, maybe you could just pick up on some hints on the general social convention and how to act etc, and secondly they are decent conversation breakers (you seen the new Heroes recently? etc).

Join some societies, very simple ones, like maybe a film group or a discussion group. Find similar minded people, that likes *you* for whole you already are, rather than those who like you because of superficial reasons like your looks. Maybe you find it could help joining a social networking site for exposure to meet more people, ie Facebook.

And realise that you are about to turn 18 - and if you already don't - GO OUT! Clubs, Bars, lots of places open up to you when you are 18, and approach them with some confidence and self belief, and you could make some new friends, take their number, ask if they'd like to go out next week (boy or girl) - don't rush into a relationship (unless you really feel its right, take your time).

Drink a bit, you have less inhibitions and you are more talkative, but drink responsibily. You could even do simple stuff like find someone nearby you on TSR that's interesting, talk to them for some advice, meetup etc etc (but be careful, of course).

That's just a random blurge of advice, but take them with a pinch of salt because they are really hit and miss things (some would find they'd work, some would say a waste of time), but they are just some personal advice. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM.

Hope that helps :smile:


Tbph I think that to some extent it may be those programmes, OC, skins etc, that lead to this kind of thinking, because they glomorise the kind of social side of the teenage life, so people who are a bit socially introverted and haven"t done all that-the heavy drinking, clubbing, sex and drugs feel a bit like they"re missing out on something they should be doing or have done. So I would actually avoid watching those programmes OP. (Apart from that I agree with everything you said Jon7:smile:)


I"m the same rilli, not that bad, but rilli don"t go out very much partly because I"m not rilli that kind of person, but mostly because I"m not that confident. If I had more confidence I imagine I would make more friends and go out more, as some of the friends I have go out with people I don"t know that well/don"t like. But tbh it doesn"t rilli bother me much at all, it"ll probs pick up at uni anyway... The reason I give the advice in 1st para is because the only time I wasn"t happy with how everything was going was weirdly when I started watching Skins. I dunno why, but I guess that"s the most glamorising mental teenager life programme out there and I just thought ahh this is :santa2::santa2::santa2::santa2: should be doing that.

Tbh tho yeh just go out more, try and become more confident, not easy (I :santa2::santa2::santa2::santa2::santa2::santa2::santa2: know) etc, but yeh also at uni you"re surrounded by ppl ur age, and have a lot of opportunity to sort of start afresh any week you choose lol:smile:so yeh I think consider that an opportunity.

Sorry that post is too long.
Peace out xx

Just a thought

Reply 17

Thanks for the replies guys :smile: It'd reassuring to know that I'm not the only one out there that feels like this.

Reply 18

my job depresses me more,

Reply 19

There's no such thing as 'can't' in a social context

Hop to it