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How long would you leave it??
in your opinion how long is an 'acceptable' time for you to sleep with someone? Do you think its bad or that it would last if you slept with someone on the first date?
just wondering
just wondering
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I'm sure there has been a thread similar to this before.
It ended up that it totally depends on the individual person as to when they feel ready and comfortable in their relationship. I waited a month with my current boyfriend who I have been with for over 2 years now. I also had a relationship that lasted 6 months before and I never had sex at all during that time. It just depends on how comfortable you are at the time of the relationship and other factors.
It ended up that it totally depends on the individual person as to when they feel ready and comfortable in their relationship. I waited a month with my current boyfriend who I have been with for over 2 years now. I also had a relationship that lasted 6 months before and I never had sex at all during that time. It just depends on how comfortable you are at the time of the relationship and other factors.
Reply 3
Sarky
I slept with my boyfriend on our first date...but i had known him for a long time. We've been together nearly three years now. It depends on what you feel comfortable with.
I slept with my boyfriend on our first date...but i had known him for a long time. We've been together nearly three years now. It depends on what you feel comfortable with.
liar lol
Reply 5
rupz84
in your opinion how long is an 'acceptable' time for you to sleep with someone? Do you think its bad or that it would last if you slept with someone on the first date?
just wondering
just wondering
It totally depends on you and your situation. There isn't a right or a wrong time. Depends on how comfortable you feel with the guy.
There has already been a thread about this not long ago. You might wanna search for it rupz84, see what people said there!
Reply 6
I remember once reading a survey of men and the vast majority said they wouldn't have much respect for any girl who slept with them on the first date. But it does all depend, because if you've been friends for a while before going out or whatever then it's completely different to someone you only met a week previously. I'd say, with a friend you should wait a couple of weeks, an aquaintance maybe a month or so and with a stranger then a few months? If you're aged under-18 though, I'd say double all of the above.
Reply 7
Angel_Cake
I remember once reading a survey of men and the vast majority said they wouldn't have much respect for any girl who slept with them on the first date.
When blokes are asked this question the immediate "date" that comes to mind is pulling some random munter in a club and dragging her back to your cave for a ding dong. In reality the situation is different, if you've known a girl for a long time before the relationship the sex can start often straight away. Personally I think it is always better to get to know someone before you sleep with them.
Reply 8
Angel_Cake
I remember once reading a survey of men and the vast majority said they wouldn't have much respect for any girl who slept with them on the first date.
I should hope they lose respect for themselves as well, cause surely the girl isn't the only one having sex.
You're not on about your flatmate are you????
Either way it's not adviced to sleep with guys before marriage anyway - call it old-fashioned - but it saves yourself a lot of hurt if it doesn't work out. Of course it does depend on how much meaning having sex with that guy held for you. If it was something really special - then defo no way cus if you two end up breaking up, what you'd have given him would mean it's harder for you in every way and it'll hurt lots more. And anyway leaving it til marriage ensures that the guy is committed to you and worth you giving it to him
I'm treating sex as a private and very special thing here btw.
If it's just a fling - then why do it? - it's pointless and sex should be special.
Either way it's not adviced to sleep with guys before marriage anyway - call it old-fashioned - but it saves yourself a lot of hurt if it doesn't work out. Of course it does depend on how much meaning having sex with that guy held for you. If it was something really special - then defo no way cus if you two end up breaking up, what you'd have given him would mean it's harder for you in every way and it'll hurt lots more. And anyway leaving it til marriage ensures that the guy is committed to you and worth you giving it to him
I'm treating sex as a private and very special thing here btw.If it's just a fling - then why do it? - it's pointless and sex should be special.
Sarky
Changing the subject slightly, but i see having sex and making love as different. People shouldn't be made to feel guilty about having sex.
Changing the subject slightly, but i see having sex and making love as different. People shouldn't be made to feel guilty about having sex.
I totally agree. You could have a quick fling with someone and really enjoy the sex but it not really mean much, and then you can be in love with someone and wait for the perfect setting before you make love and it be really special and meaningful.
If people like to have flings and enjoy the sex then so be it, and if people prefer relationships then also so be it.
It always depends on the individual person, and others shouldn't judge a person for the way they are.
They are the same act. What you're on about is what I posted - is it sex with someone special - in which case you're making love - or is it just a fling, which is just casual sex.
I won't "condemn" people who have sex - some/most of them probably had it because it was special to them. It's still not adviced though and still doesn't make it good. No guilt isn't good it's destructive - feeling "guilty" isn't the way about it! - but they will just have to take the responsibility and consequences of their actions, and in some cases it could be a scar for life - emotionally, mentally - if the relationship ends up not going well. In the end you're the one who has to choose and if you choose to expose yourself to an unneeded risk of getting hurt, then I suppose it's your choice isn't it? I think it's horrible though if two people slept together and for one it was a special thing and for another it was a "bit of fun" - that'd be the worst... and unless you're sure your partner is committed - that's one of the risks. Even if they think they're committed, and believe it and are genuine - it still may not be the case.
I won't "condemn" people who have sex - some/most of them probably had it because it was special to them. It's still not adviced though and still doesn't make it good. No guilt isn't good it's destructive - feeling "guilty" isn't the way about it! - but they will just have to take the responsibility and consequences of their actions, and in some cases it could be a scar for life - emotionally, mentally - if the relationship ends up not going well. In the end you're the one who has to choose and if you choose to expose yourself to an unneeded risk of getting hurt, then I suppose it's your choice isn't it? I think it's horrible though if two people slept together and for one it was a special thing and for another it was a "bit of fun" - that'd be the worst... and unless you're sure your partner is committed - that's one of the risks. Even if they think they're committed, and believe it and are genuine - it still may not be the case.
irisng
They are the same act. What you're on about is what I posted - is it sex with someone special - in which case you're making love - or is it just a fling, which is just casual sex.
I won't "condemn" people who have sex - some/most of them probably had it because it was special to them. It's still not adviced though and still doesn't make it good. No guilt isn't good it's destructive - feeling "guilty" isn't the way about it! - but they will just have to take the responsibility and consequences of their actions, and in some cases it could be a scar for life - emotionally, mentally - if the relationship ends up not going well. In the end you're the one who has to choose and if you choose to expose yourself to an unneeded risk of getting hurt, then I suppose it's your choice isn't it? I think it's horrible though if two people slept together and for one it was a special thing and for another it was a "bit of fun" - that'd be the worst... and unless you're sure your partner is committed - that's one of the risks. Even if they think they're committed, and believe it and are genuine - it still may not be the case.
I won't "condemn" people who have sex - some/most of them probably had it because it was special to them. It's still not adviced though and still doesn't make it good. No guilt isn't good it's destructive - feeling "guilty" isn't the way about it! - but they will just have to take the responsibility and consequences of their actions, and in some cases it could be a scar for life - emotionally, mentally - if the relationship ends up not going well. In the end you're the one who has to choose and if you choose to expose yourself to an unneeded risk of getting hurt, then I suppose it's your choice isn't it? I think it's horrible though if two people slept together and for one it was a special thing and for another it was a "bit of fun" - that'd be the worst... and unless you're sure your partner is committed - that's one of the risks. Even if they think they're committed, and believe it and are genuine - it still may not be the case.
But people shouldn't feel guilty for having sex. If they are going to feel guilty afterwards then they are obviously not emotionally ready to be having sex.
For many people both men and women sex is a bit of fun until they do find someone they are really madly in love with and then that takes sex to and emotional level as well as just a physical level. To me although sex and making love is the same act, the difference is that sex is physical whereas making love is also emotional. That's just me though.
lynseyweth
But people shouldn't feel guilty for having sex. If they are going to feel guilty afterwards then they are obviously not emotionally ready to be having sex.
For many people both men and women sex is a bit of fun until they do find someone they are really madly in love with and then that takes sex to and emotional level as well as just a physical level. To me although sex and making love is the same act, the difference is that sex is physical whereas making love is also emotional. That's just me though.
For many people both men and women sex is a bit of fun until they do find someone they are really madly in love with and then that takes sex to and emotional level as well as just a physical level. To me although sex and making love is the same act, the difference is that sex is physical whereas making love is also emotional. That's just me though.
LOL honestly - I never said you should feel "guilty" - I said feeling gulity is bad for you! - I'm just saying, you open yourself up for a lot more hurt if you had sex with someone and then it doesn't work out - and that risk is really unneeded.
And that's the thing - nowadays for too many people sex is just a bit of fun - but it's not. Your body is a private thing and you give it to someone special - not any random guy who wants a physical bit of fun. Sex is a special act and should be respected - not treated as a game and "just fun." If you did it with someone who was reeeeally special to you, then I can understand cus even if I think it's wrong, it wasn't meaningless. But sex as just a bit of a fling - that I really do not think is right... I dunno - to me, giving yourself to someone is a sacred thing, sex is - or should be - an act of love.
irisng
LOL honestly - I never said you should feel "guilty" - I said feeling gulity is bad for you! - I'm just saying, you open yourself up for a lot more hurt if you had sex with someone and then it doesn't work out - and that risk is really unneeded.
And that's the thing - nowadays for too many people sex is just a bit of fun - but it's not. Your body is a private thing and you give it to someone special - not any random guy who wants a physical bit of fun. Sex is a special act and should be respected - not treated as a game and "just fun." If you did it with someone who was reeeeally special to you, then I can understand cus even if I think it's wrong, it wasn't meaningless. But sex as just a bit of a fling - that I really do not think is right... I dunno - to me, giving yourself to someone is a sacred thing, sex is - or should be - an act of love.
And that's the thing - nowadays for too many people sex is just a bit of fun - but it's not. Your body is a private thing and you give it to someone special - not any random guy who wants a physical bit of fun. Sex is a special act and should be respected - not treated as a game and "just fun." If you did it with someone who was reeeeally special to you, then I can understand cus even if I think it's wrong, it wasn't meaningless. But sex as just a bit of a fling - that I really do not think is right... I dunno - to me, giving yourself to someone is a sacred thing, sex is - or should be - an act of love.
The way I see it, there are three things wrong with this attitude:
1. "nowadays for too many people sex is just a bit of fun - but it's not". Yes, it is. If it wasn't fun, people wouldn't do it. It is designed to be fun.
2. You seem to base your opinion on the assumption that men are just out for fun and will do anything to get it. While this may be the case with some men, it's by no means universal.
3. You also assume that women are powerless to defend themselves against these fiends, and that by having sex they are 'giving themselves'. This is rubbish. Women are just as sexually savvy as men - they know the score, and they know what they're getting themselves into when they embark on a sexual relationship (at least, they know as much as men do). Why are men never referred to as having 'given their body' when they have sex?! Again, you assume that women are subservient beings, there for the 'taking', and men are the only active participants.
Sex may be a private, special act to you, and it is in most long-term relationships. But, as long as people take precautions against disease and pregnancy, what harm are they doing by having sex before marriage?
irisng
LOL honestly - I never said you should feel "guilty" - I said feeling gulity is bad for you! - I'm just saying, you open yourself up for a lot more hurt if you had sex with someone and then it doesn't work out - and that risk is really unneeded.
And that's the thing - nowadays for too many people sex is just a bit of fun - but it's not. Your body is a private thing and you give it to someone special - not any random guy who wants a physical bit of fun. Sex is a special act and should be respected - not treated as a game and "just fun." If you did it with someone who was reeeeally special to you, then I can understand cus even if I think it's wrong, it wasn't meaningless. But sex as just a bit of a fling - that I really do not think is right... I dunno - to me, giving yourself to someone is a sacred thing, sex is - or should be - an act of love.
And that's the thing - nowadays for too many people sex is just a bit of fun - but it's not. Your body is a private thing and you give it to someone special - not any random guy who wants a physical bit of fun. Sex is a special act and should be respected - not treated as a game and "just fun." If you did it with someone who was reeeeally special to you, then I can understand cus even if I think it's wrong, it wasn't meaningless. But sex as just a bit of a fling - that I really do not think is right... I dunno - to me, giving yourself to someone is a sacred thing, sex is - or should be - an act of love.
So what did you mean about the guilty thing? Where did it come from if you didn't mean about sex?
Every person has different views on sex and you obviously have strong views that you shouldn't have sex with people unless totally committed whereas many people like to have flings and just sleep about. (I don't particularly agree with that myself - but if people choose to do it then so be it).
You are right about opening yourself up to more hurt if you have sex but really you are only going to get really hurt if you are in love with the person. If you are just having casual sex then you don't always get emotionally attached and therefore would not get hurt as much.
It is the individuals choice as to whether or not they do have sex and they know the risks that are involved such as getting hurt, so it's up to the person if they want to take that risk.
lynseyweth
You are right about opening yourself up to more hurt if you have sex but really you are only going to get really hurt if you are in love with the person. If you are just having casual sex then you don't always get emotionally attached and therefore would not get hurt as much.
You are right about opening yourself up to more hurt if you have sex but really you are only going to get really hurt if you are in love with the person. If you are just having casual sex then you don't always get emotionally attached and therefore would not get hurt as much.
Quite right. Also, you can't go through life never doing anything because you're afraid of getting hurt. As long as you make your choices sensibly and assertively, and don't get pushed into doing anything you're uncomfortable with, you'd be wise to take a certain amount of risk.
rupz84
in your opinion how long is an 'acceptable' time for you to sleep with someone? Do you think its bad or that it would last if you slept with someone on the first date?
just wondering
just wondering
few months or more probably. at least until you are together for a sufficient period to show your commitment
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