Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 11 years ago
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Anon or delete please!

I'm female and have been with my current boyfriend for about 6 months, been sexually involved for 4 months. I've never orgasmed although there's been lots of oral and fingering and sex etc. (as you can imagine in 4 months).

The thing is, i don't think it's that i can't orgasm - more than i won't. I want it to happen and i think it starts to (feeling starts getting much more intense, feeling like a tension building up through my whole body etc.) and it just feels like it's too much. You know? Like I completely genuinely can't take it so I stop him.

The crazy thing is that I want to orgasm and he certainly wants me to and it understandably a little frustrated by the situation. Please tell me i'm not the only one to have experienced this, and does anybody have any advice on how i can change this vicious cycle?
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Peki
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#2
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Can you do it on your own? I know the feeling. Lots of practise helps. On your own if that's easier. Have you tried being a wee bit tipsy?
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Anonymous #1
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Thank you for the replies. I haven't been able to on my own but the thing is i've never really tried. I don't know what it is, I'm in no way a prude when it comes to sex etc. but masturbation isn't really for me, it just doesn't do it for me i guess. I've tried it a fair few times but it's nothing compared to actually being with somebody.

In regards to the physical - do people who can't orgasm actually have the feeling of you know "this is it, it's about to happen"? Sorry if that's silly but i really don't know.
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KayleeLand
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I've had this before and I think its to do with not being fully able to let yourself go with the other person yet. You need to be able to be a bit more selfish in acheiving your own needs sexually.

Masterbation will help though, it will let you know that you can do it when no-ones there. If, however you can't do it on your own, then imo this hints at a deeper pyschological problem with intimacy and orgasm.
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Mango24
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#5
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Try doing it youself first, i agree with the person who said something about being sexually selfish, its the only way xx
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cazamatazz
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About that 'wall' you hit- when the feeling just gets too intense. You've just got to work through it. Completely let go. Just keep doing whatever you're doing (or whatever your partner is doing) and your body, generally speaking, will do the rest for you.

I speak from experience- I didn't orgasm until one day when I was so tired I just let go, and since then, I haven't had that particular problem at all.
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Anonymous #2
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im exactly the same as you OP, im 19 and been with my bf for about 4 months and we've been having sex for about 3 months and ive never ***. I havent even orgasmed on my own before as like you said, masturbation isnt really for me I love my bf, and the sex is great but i never *** which is really annoying for me and for him as well i guess which makes me feel crap. I think my issues more psychological though, i would love for my bf to make me come but im scared about completely letting go.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
but masturbation isn't really for me, it just doesn't do it for me i guess.
The you are doing it wrong my love.

Try it different ways on your own, you don't necessarily have to finger yourself, I personally don't find that pleasurable either. Try it through your clothes to start as well, much nicer feeling.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by cazamatazz)
About that 'wall' you hit- when the feeling just gets too intense. You've just got to work through it. Completely let go. Just keep doing whatever you're doing (or whatever your partner is doing) and your body, generally speaking, will do the rest for you.

I speak from experience- I didn't orgasm until one day when I was so tired I just let go, and since then, I haven't had that particular problem at all.
Thank you, it's good to know that I'm not the only one. It's just totally different than anything else i've ever experienced but tbh i did think i'd be over this by now.

I will experiment more with masturbation to see if that helps but when I say it's not really for me, I just mean that it doesn't compare at all to the intimacy of being with my boyfriend you know? I don't think think that really amounts to making this more of a psychological problem?

Anyone have any other advice? It's starting to really frustrate me!
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fleur de lis
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I agree with most of what everyone else has said here. Also just to say that it's actually not that uncommon, so don't feel that you're weird or anything. Another thing to try would be to take things a bit slower - build up very slowly, starting with a back massage/lots of kissing/other intimate stuff that you enjoy and will relax you so that by the time you get to the point where at the moment it's getting too much, you're relaxed and feel more able to let go.
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Tazzy
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(Original post by daniel_williams)
, she has this weird obsession that she is going to urinate if she does.
That's probably because she's about to female ejaculate, just before hand you get a sensation that you need to pee. She needs to learn to tell the difference and not to be scared (:


OP, when your thinking about it, it's not gna happen as easily. You need to completely relax, trust him, and either not think about anything or, think of something totally random that doesn't involve orgasms, then it'll happen. After once or twice you'll not even think about it.
Trying it if your a little tipsy is also a very good suggestion because you're more likely to just go with the flow (so to speak).
I really do suggest you try it on your own though? I know it might seem a bit, awkward as you say you don't particualarly get much from masturbation but give it a try i reckon.
The only other thing i can think of is telling him not to listen when you ask him to stop, but like... having a different word to say if it really is too much, because at the moment your natural reaction is to ask him to stop, so maybe beforehand say to him only to stop if you say "________" (insert word)... get me ?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Tazzy)
That's probably because she's about to female ejaculate, just before hand you get a sensation that you need to pee. She needs to learn to tell the difference and not to be scared (:


OP, when your thinking about it, it's not gna happen as easily. You need to completely relax, trust him, and either not think about anything or, think of something totally random that doesn't involve orgasms, then it'll happen. After once or twice you'll not even think about it.
Trying it if your a little tipsy is also a very good suggestion because you're more likely to just go with the flow (so to speak).
I really do suggest you try it on your own though? I know it might seem a bit, awkward as you say you don't particualarly get much from masturbation but give it a try i reckon.
The only other thing i can think of is telling him not to listen when you ask him to stop, but like... having a different word to say if it really is too much, because at the moment your natural reaction is to ask him to stop, so maybe beforehand say to him only to stop if you say "________" (insert word)... get me ?
That is actually a really good idea. And good advice I will definately try this as well as the slow build up thing. That's seems like a great idea too
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alixxxxxx1
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#13
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i get this with oral because ive kicked a boy in the face before and i think its just made me scared im going to do it again.
why not try getting on top of him so your in control x
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Hispanic-Impressions
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#14
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I've had this problem for.. years.
I'm fine on my own but as soon as there's another party involved I get self-conscious and can't relax.
Blergh. It's so annoying.
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Crunchy Nutty
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#15
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#15
I know how you feel. I can orgasm really easily when I'm by myself, but when I'm with my boyfriend I just can't. I'm totally relaxed around him so it's not that I'm tense or anything. It always feels so good, but then it almost gets too good and I have to stop him. It's like it'll build up and up in my body but then it just can't release itself in a climax. Oh I don't know...
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Anonymous #4
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Snap! I'm exactly the same OP. Great responses everyone
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Anonymous #5
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Sorry to drag this old thread up but it came up when I googled.

I've never had sex or been intimate with anyone. I tried using my fingers to masturbate with very little effect even though I was quite turned on.

So I used the shower head, whilst sat down, I finally hit a spot where I felt something, I'm not sure if I could call it pleasurable, after a few seconds it kept getting too intense, I felt all weird and like I was losing control and both my legs went really weak so I stopped immediately. I kept trying but the feelings kept scaring me and I can't say any of them were pleasurable, in fact it made me feel a little nauseous, just scary and its completely put me off if that is what sex feels like? Was I just too sensitive with where I was touching which made it too intense? What's wrong with me, I didn't feel any pleasure at all from anything I did.

Sorry I sound insane but I'm just looking for reassurance.... I'm 18 years old by the way.
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Anonymous #6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Sorry to drag this old thread up but it came up when I googled.

I've never had sex or been intimate with anyone. I tried using my fingers to masturbate with very little effect even though I was quite turned on.

So I used the shower head, whilst sat down, I finally hit a spot where I felt something, I'm not sure if I could call it pleasurable, after a few seconds it kept getting too intense, I felt all weird and like I was losing control and both my legs went really weak so I stopped immediately. I kept trying but the feelings kept scaring me and I can't say any of them were pleasurable, in fact it made me feel a little nauseous, just scary and its completely put me off if that is what sex feels like? Was I just too sensitive with where I was touching which made it too intense? What's wrong with me, I didn't feel any pleasure at all from anything I did.

Sorry I sound insane but I'm just looking for reassurance.... I'm 18 years old by the way.
Hey, I've done this as well but I actually really enjoy it haha. The thing is, (even though I've not had sex), the feeling you get from the showerhead is nothing like what you will get off a person - the shower is strong and continuoous whereas a partner would react to your body movements and it would just feel different doing something intimate with an actual person as opposed to an inanimate object. Basically, none of the orgasms I have ever had from my boyfriend have felt like those from a showerhead, after I got with my boyfriend I stopped using the shower in fact cos I didn't see the point as what he was doing was THAT much better.

So don't worry about that. Also, shower will stimulate your clitoris and sex would be your G spot inside you.
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Andrii
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Anon or delete please!

I'm female and have been with my current boyfriend for about 6 months, been sexually involved for 4 months. I've never orgasmed although there's been lots of oral and fingering and sex etc. (as you can imagine in 4 months).

The thing is, i don't think it's that i can't orgasm - more than i won't. I want it to happen and i think it starts to (feeling starts getting much more intense, feeling like a tension building up through my whole body etc.) and it just feels like it's too much. You know? Like I completely genuinely can't take it so I stop him.

The crazy thing is that I want to orgasm and he certainly wants me to and it understandably a little frustrated by the situation. Please tell me i'm not the only one to have experienced this, and does anybody have any advice on how i can change this vicious cycle?
Practice makes perfect :p: Gradually you'll get used to it... you really need to let go and go with it Have you tried masturbating? It will help you get to know your own body better and feel more comfortable with the feelings you get!
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rosielovesmitchell
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(Original post by Anonymous)

I want it to happen and i think it starts to (feeling starts getting much more intense, feeling like a tension building up through my whole body etc.) and it just feels like it's too much. You know? Like I completely genuinely can't take it so I stop him.
I used to do this; i've been with my boyfriend nearly 9 months now and during the firt 3 or 4 months i stopped him when i got the feeling cos i wasn't sure what it was and well, i was kinda embarassed
I still am but i spose i got used to it.. Soo allowed him to do it..
Like another person said, try drinking alcohol first, nothing serious maybe just a can/bottle or two, depending on what you like..
Don't drink so you're drunk, but just so you're all floozy haha

It'll raise your confidence, if this doesn't work then just try it in the dark?
The dark usually makes the atmosphere a little less tense and relaxed!
Good lucck x
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