Basically I was bullied by two guys when i first started secondary school. And then two years ago I was bullied again, but by a girl. The younger incidents have never left my mind, but by the time the incidents with the girl happened, I'd brought myself to believe what she'd said anyway so it didnt hurt me as much.
Anyway its developed into BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) involving my face and stomach, as well as a slight eating disorder.
Some examples:
* I work at a private school and can't go into the area where the kids are for fear they'll stare and laugh at me, I always end up doing a much harder job that takes hours longer, but by myself in the staff area, so i can work an get it done alone.
*I Paid 700 pounds to go to Tenerife last christmas with two girls..but only went in the pool one, and not in the sea at all, with them as I didn't want them to see me because I looked fat.
*I have an obsession with looking in mirrors -i have to look in more than one to try an get a different image. I just want to see myself how other people see me. I'm tired of crying at my own reflection when I'm really low.
To my friends im a really social person- i have loads of friends and i do get lots of male attention, but none of them really know whats going on, except one guy. He's like my best friend and knows everything.
Recently he advised I see a doctor as it's not going away, if anything its getting worse. I've realised there is an issue- I really want to sort it, I'm just scared of addressing it.
He's said he will come to the doctors with me if i book an appointment for next week. I've written everything down in a notebook as i know i cant talk aloud about it, or I'll just break down.
But am i just making a fuss? Because really i know it sounds like nothing is wrong, am i just being silly?
And should i ask my mom to read the notebook before she goes?
I just don't want her to tell my Dad.. we don't get on too well, despite all living together as one happy family.. I dont want him thinking any lower of me than he already does.
Please help