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What constitutes cheating?

Mad Caddie

I was actually talking about this with my gf recently.

She gets quite a lot of attention from guys, especially when she is out, and she sometimes plays into this by flirting, and I'm OK with that. I think if she took it any further than just flirting, even just a kiss, I wouldn't be able to forgive her. Why? Just because would never be able to trust her again.

Having said that, I don't think she ever would because of who she is, and her own morals.

me and my bf have been discussing it too, had a big talk last week cos i always seem to say after a night 'oh i was talking to a random guy who...' and i don't think anything of it. but as he says he completely trusts me so it isn't really an issue (i think he was more annoyed that i get more attention than him, but i reckon that's just because girls generally do)

stephx

after we'd been going out a few weeks he casually mentioned he was off to dinner with his (female) friend that night and didn't seem to think anything to it. I was angry but let it go.

you're joking right? so he's basically not allowed friends who happen to be girls... i think i woudl actually split up/completely re-assess our relationship if my bf stopped me going out for dinner or a drink with a male friend; it shows how little he would trust

lou xxx

Reply 21

Diamontrina

Id say kissing. . . but then again flirting with intent is as bad

Reply 22

britishseapower

14

if I had a g/f I wouldn't even flirt with another girl let alone do the other stuff if it was my g/f flirting though I'm not sure if I would finish with her or not depends in what context it was done or how it was done e.t.c. I could probably forgive that but I think I would finish it if she kissed someone else or did anything else like that

Reply 23

remus

Cheating is not an action, but a state of mind. The action simply reproduces the state of mind in the outside world. If you have the desire to cheat, and you look at other people as if you would be interested in being more than a friend, that for me constitutes cheating. If, for example, i had a girlfriend who confessed she had been wanting to get intimate with someone, i would consider that cheating even though there is nothing physical.

Reply 24

kokopops

10

i dont see the problem with flirting with someone ... its a natural thing for people to do with other people they find attractive! kissing, that i find a problem and anything more ... BEHEADING! lol ... seriously though, kissing is forgiveable(sp?) coz it could be alcofrol or mixed up emotions, mistaking friends for something more! er...but 2nd, 3rd and 4th bases are not forgiveable ... for me anyway ...
lou p lou ... i agree ... if a boyfriend/girlfriend can't let their other half go out with a friend then theres a prob! ... called being too controlling! a guy and girl can be friends too and theres not always some ulterior motive!

Reply 25

kokopops

10

just read what i wrote and don't think it particulary makes sense ... so sorri!

Reply 26

remus

It made sense, just! I dont think flirting per se is wrong, i think wanting more out of flirting is the part that makes it wrong. Equally, i dont think a kiss is cheating as long as it is a kiss as friends and without the consideration for anything more. What do you think?

Reply 27

eurasianfeline

13

My ex cheated on me end of Aug last year. He bumped into one of my friends in a bar just a few days before she went to the states (she studies in a boarding school there) and she kept on flirting with him and asked him to dance with her and eventually they had sex that night. I found out on our 9 month anniversary. I broke up with him the next day. I was crying...but i know i had to cos there was no way i could be with him anymore after he'd done that to me. it was just too much.

and as for my friend...she never really felt sorry about it. she's never committed in a relationship so honestly she doesn't give much of a damn (she's changed a lot the past year). our friendship is kinda over now cos we are just too different. she goes out every night clubbing and sleeping around...but i just can't stand that. she smokes, drinks, take drugs etc...and those are the things i wouldn't do.

as for my ex...we didn't talk for about a month and then we became friends again. we still loved each other but i refused to be back with him. we were rather close friends and i eventually got over him, and i thought he was over me too cos he mentioned to me about this thai girl he kinda likes...but then as soon as he found out about my new bf 2 weeks ago...he started giving me so much **** and saying that i'm hurting him. he's been trying to get his friends to help him find my bf...and god knows what he wants to do. i just wish he would grow up.

Reply 28

remus

Unfortunately, and i say this as a heterosexual male, men tend to be very cryptic and generally annoying in relationships. I can only apologise for our behaviour! It seems to me like he wants you back, but his heart isnt truly in it. I may of course be wrong but thats what it seems.

Reply 29

kokopops

10

remus

It made sense, just! I dont think flirting per se is wrong, i think wanting more out of flirting is the part that makes it wrong. Equally, i dont think a kiss is cheating as long as it is a kiss as friends and without the consideration for anything more. What do you think?

if its a full on kiss then its cheating...but a kiss on the lips as friends would be ok with me! er...i kinda am not proud of myself, coz this guy i really liked kissed me even though he has a gf ... it was a huge mistake, we were both completely smashed so it was kinda brushed off, but it made me feel like ****! so ... i dnno ... its weird but i felt soo bad for his gf ... only thing that consoled me was that he himself said it wasnt my fault....dnno...weird to explain! (dont judge me) :frown:

Reply 30

NDGAARONDI

16

Flirting now but I guess it depends on what actually happens and the intention. Kissing is okay on the cheeks but on the lips might not be such a good idea.

Reply 31

remus

I agree with the kiss on lips as friends bit. Did his girlfriend find out? Annoyingly, the most moral thing you could do is to force him to tell her but i know few of us would do that, and maybe not even me (talk about hypocrit!). I have to confess to doing something similar but the girl i kissed was about to finish with her boyfriend. I think that makes it slightly better but i would still have rather not done it. I think any form of 'adultery', whether you are the aldulteror or the guilty accomplis, is best avoided.

On an interesting, philsophical, moral side note, adulterous sex with protection in marriage is not logically wrong. There is no logical reason the partner should mind. Man, i hate philosophy, it makes me feel so archaic and insignificant.

Reply 32

PurpleGecko

Hmm cheating, cheating. I guess I would consider cheating to be mental state as has been mentioned above. I suppose really anything that someone does that there partner wouldn't want them to do could be considered cheating, but i think perhaps it's better to thing of it as, doing something that you know you wouldn't want your partner to be doing to you.

I think then that this allows someone to be a bit flirty perhaps if they are still only early in a relationship providing that were there partner to be doing the same thing they wouldn't have a problem.

personally I wouldn't want to cheat because I have no desire too, I wouldn't wanna screw things up between my gf and I, but if i did want to cheat I guess i would just split with my partner. I mean if you want to cheat than for me you probably aren't 100% committed to the relationship, and maybe you should end it. equally if you are committed to the relationship then perhaps show some self control and don't cheat!

Reply 33

eurasianfeline

13

remus

Unfortunately, and i say this as a heterosexual male, men tend to be very cryptic and generally annoying in relationships. I can only apologise for our behaviour! It seems to me like he wants you back, but his heart isnt truly in it. I may of course be wrong but thats what it seems.

you don't need to apologise...it's not your fault!! i'm not going to sterotype all men are like him...cos i know there are people who are much more mature than my ex and won't do what he did to me. he keeps on saying how he wants me back and that i've hurt him so much for leaving him for another guy. but...i mean...he was the reason i left him in the first place...not my bf. sometimes he just drives me crazy with his endless ranting and b**ching.

Reply 34

remus

I can understand his feelings, although i dont agree with them. I, as a bloke, find that when i have a girlfriend it is very hard to not feel jealous of her seeing other men as friends. I think as men we all like to think we are the love fo your life and you should never want anyone else. This must be his feeling. If you let him rant for a bit he'll realise how absurd he is actually being!

Reply 35

Adhsur

15

covered farm wa

I wouldn't be happy if a boyfriend of mine flirted with someone else, but it's such an imprecise term that it's hard to say. I wouldn't consider it cheating, just a bit rude, especially if I was there.

I agree.

As for the "forgivable" part, I don't think I would be able to forgive anything like kissing... I think "forgive" is the wrong word anyway. It's more about whether you'd still feel comfortable about your partner wanting to kiss someone else. Something about them not being completely happy with you I think. And of course, if they weren't happy, I wouldn't want to "forgive" them for their sake as much as mine.

Reply 36

Hazza_CPFC

1

For me, cheating would be anything more than a kiss on the cheek. Flirting depends on who it's with and in what circumstances, eg jokey flirting with mutual friends is ok.

I'm so adamantly against cheating that I think I would find it difficult to forgive and I would under no circumstances do it myself. There are no excuses for it if you ask me :smile:

Reply 37

Mrs_F

15

Natalie Lane

All of those except flirting

Yep, I totally agree with you.

Reply 38

remus

Forgiveness is possible for anything as long as there is true repentence. Sorry to sound christian (since i am not), but it seems the only reasonable approach.

Reply 39

eurasianfeline

13

remus

I can understand his feelings, although i dont agree with them. I, as a bloke, find that when i have a girlfriend it is very hard to not feel jealous of her seeing other men as friends. I think as men we all like to think we are the love fo your life and you should never want anyone else. This must be his feeling. If you let him rant for a bit he'll realise how absurd he is actually being!

the other night he sent me 3 sms msgs b**ching...and i was rather hurt he was being so insensitive and immature that i phoned him. he refused to pick up and i sms-ed him to "pick up the damn phone". i called again and this time...i told him how **** he's been making me feel and everything...esp. with all the other problems i'm going through (which i won't go into detail about) and he just went silent...and then started asking if i'm feeling ok. god i just wanted to strangle him. it was as though he needed me to slap him on the face before he could wake up. but the next day he started b**hing again. *urgh*

What constitutes cheating?

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