Are these kids really alkies or just posers?

12

Just before Christmas I realized I had a pretty severe booze problem. It started in my final years at Cambridge when I became president of a drinking society. I was knocking back huge quantities of beer and wine at least twice a week during term time and drinking leisurely most other days with friends in the college bar and pubs. But because it was all part of the "social" scene I didn't think twice, even though my parents were getting worried.

As most of my friends left to work in the City and I remained in academia it got worse, as I turned to the bottle to relieve boredom. I actually cut down on the days I drank, but started drinking more and more often on my own in front of the TV, and drinking the day after a big session on the town to relieve the monster hangovers. The benders just got heavier and lasted longer. I also nurtured a taste for Scotch and later Bourbon.

But despite my very heavy drinking and increasingly obvious problem drinker traits, I'm very reluctant to call myself an alcoholic. I know an alky doesn't need to be a bum in rags, and a lot of alkies reach what AA call a "high bottom". Also, a couple of my uncles used to go out every night to the local pub throughout the 70s and get through 6 pints and 8 doubles a night. They developed similar drinking habits to me, abstained for an extended period, and both are now happily married with families and drink moderately. One is even a guest preacher at a village church in the Lake District. What's more, I could stop for weeks and months at a time--something my alcoholic associates (and many binge drinkers I know from back home) cannot do.

While I knew I might benefit from talking to other people who wanted to cut out drinking for a significant period of time, I felt almost embarrassed going to AA. Not because I think their service isn't valuable. On the contrary, I think they do a great job, and if I truly was dependent on alcohol for everyday functioning I wouldn't think twice about going to their meetings. But as someone who isn't dependent, I felt as though I would be trivializing the problems of the true alcoholics in the room.

Then last night I decided, **** it, I've got nothing else to do but go out drinking or go to AA, so I opted for the latter. I called the regional center and they suggested a youth group in Hollywood. So I drove up there and the car park was heaving, with young people everywhere. It was like watching an episode of The Hills. All of the very expensive cars were immaculate (don't real alkies crash their cars?). When I walked through the gate, all the men had huge muscles, gleaming white teeth, and a cocky demeanor, while the girls were perfectly tanned, bleached blonde, wearing designer dresses, painful heels, sunglasses at night.

I don't mean to say recovered alkies cannot look a million dollars, but some of these people looked about 18, so even by the wildest estimates they could only have had about 6 years drinking and recovery. Nobody let on to how much they were putting away at the height of their addictions, but the waif-like frames of the girls and toned and slender physiques of the men suggested I was knocking back more before noon some days.

I really like these kids. They're fun to talk to, gregarious, and have a positive outlook on life. But I'm not sure if they're really the kind of people I can relate to with regards drinking. But it seems the only other options are going to the middle of the hood, talking to born-again gangstaz, or going to meetings in the OC with rich housewives banging on about their other lover (Chardonnay) of 20 years.

I've been sober now since Dec 16, and I know I can make it the rest of the year on my own. But I worry that I'll just go back to my old ways when I try moderate drinking. That's why groups which seek to get to the root of alcohol problems seem like a good option. Am I being too hard on these kids or do you think there is a trend among youths to big up their alcohol use and pretend to need rehab. Who's being inconsiderate here?

Reply 1

muscledog

1

Alcoholism is a self-defined condition. So if they say they're alcoholics, they are. Not that you can gain much from them if their stories are completely different though, so you're right in one respect.

Reply 2

siobhan21

1

Well done you for quiting
:smile:

Reply 3

scutt

1

You all have one thing in common, a desire to quit drinking. Maybe they're not all alcoholics in the classic understanding of the word, but if a support group is what they need to fulfill their desire to stay sober, I certainly couldn't find a reason to criticise them for it.

I would suggest, however, perhaps looking for other groups. If you are based in Hollywood there must be a large collection of centres? I'd believe your best success would come in an area where you are truly comfortable and able to connect with the stories of your fellow group members, and take them seriously. You do not want to belittle your own problem by comparing it to someone who you believe may not have a serious problem. Equally, these people deserve their fellow group members to take what they consider to be a serious problem seriously.

Congratulations, and good luck.

Reply 4

bret

OP

12

I spoke to the AA man at the center and he said the youth group would be perfect. The others tend to consist of people who have nothing in common at all with me and/or have problems way more severe than mine. My ex-girlfriend was on up to 3 bottles of wine a day and as far as I know hasn't cut back. Her drinking appears to be way more extreme than these kids', but she never considered herself and alky, just a heavy drinker. I think maybe it's just one of those subjective and culturally contingent terms that you either accept or don't accept. I probably don't at the moment, and I don't want it to get to the point where I am dependent.

Reply 5

horrorboy

president of a drinking society?? lol whats this now!

Reply 6

bret

OP

12

horrorboy

president of a drinking society?? lol whats this now!

An Oxbridge society whose members' sole aim is to get horrendously drunk, cause mayhem and have sex with members of ladies (and I use that term loosely--no pun) drinking societies, should you still be able to get wood after a couple of bottles of wine, loads of pints and shots.

Are these kids really alkies or just posers?

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