Join in on our 'Guess the Rep' Competition! >>

Ex-flat mate

I'm going to be as brief as possible, but I'd really appreciate some advice on this.

During my whole time at uni I lived with this girl; first year in halls, second year the two of us and another girl, third year just the two of us. We always said we were just friends, albeit very good ones, and, although people thought we were a couple and sometimes took the piss, we always avoided flirting...in fact, in a year, it only really came close to something stupid happening...we both knew we couldn't let anything happen living under the same roof.

We have now both moved out- I'm living with a mate from school and she is at home (typical end of uni arrangements). I was miserable when we went our separate ways, but we emailed a couple of times a week over the summer and I thought things would be fine...maybe meet up once every couple of weeks (we are both very lazy so more would be a hassle!).

Since her birthday in September, when I suggested she stay over (to which she said, yes, no, yes, no, yes and, finally when her friends were with her, no!), I've seen her twice. The first time was cool, but the second time she turned up at the restaurant and didn't eat anything and then left after just a couple of hours (usually we'd talk for hours).

Since then I haven't seen her. She texted on Christmas Eve and on my birthday and when some film we both like was on so I don't think she's forgotten about me. She called in January, I missed the call so phoned back 20 minutes later and left a message saying we should catch up and since then I've heard nothing.

I've entertained the idea she hates me, which I know is not true, so I think she may fancy me and not know how to act...I stupidly sent some jewerely for her 21st and I think she may have got the wrong idea...at the time I just wanted to give her something nice for her birthday after all the presents she bought for me over the years.

Finally, her body language is really odd...one minute she is really relaxed and kicking back, the next she is tense and weird.

I sent her an email after the meal she didn't eat at (the last time I saw her) to ask what was up and that she wasn't her usual self, etc. and she just said everything was cool.

It clearly isn't.

What do I do?

Joe.

Reply 1

kokopops

i can see its really hard for you, like even if theres nothing more, you seemed to have lost a really good friendship....
er question, did you both go out with other people while youve been friends and while you were living with each other?
if you did, how did u both react around each others bf/gf?

Reply 2

joebudden

Thanks for the quick reply.

She was pretty much my best friend...we used to tell each other pretty much everything and I was friends with her sister as well. Now I haven't had even a text or email from her for two months.

I was going out with a long-termer through the first and about half of the second year. I then had some downtime (!) and went out with a girl in the third year, but it only lasted a couple of months. She didn't really make any comment and seemed to like both of them. One interesting thing is that when I got together with the third year girl we were on a group holiday and my ex-flatmate got drunk and pulled this really minging guy and has regretted it ever since.

She has been single through uni and, worringly, her sister refers to me as 'loverboy' and all her friends seem to take the piss out of her- making comments like, 'oh, when are you and Chris going to get married'. Last time this happened, we both laughed it off and she just said 'we'd drive each other mad' which made me think she might have been thinking about it.

I just want my friend back how she was!!

Reply 3

F. Poste

I think you should try again- tell her you didn't believe her, that you want her to be your friend again and talk things through :smile:

It's worth a try..

Reply 4

kokopops

im only first year, but me and this guy were way close and then he started going out with this girl and everythings gone distant, he never spends time with anyone but her!
er...not helping tho...her sister probably knows more than anyone about her NOW ... and her girlie friends will know stuff too ... maybe its come to the stage where she can't tell you stuff because its about you... u get me?! her sis calling you 'loverboy' does kind of suggest that she has feelings for you or she has done in the past ....
any particular reason she lived at home for 3rd year...like has she said?

Reply 5

joebudden

As soon as I finish my exams I am going to pester her until she finally agrees to meet me and we can talk it through- you're right, the situation cannot get any worse than it is now.

She didn't live at home during third year, we lived together, but she is at home now because uni is over. I'm doing postgrad stuff so I'm living with mates.

I think I've concluded she has feelings for me, I just don't know what to do about. There have been plenty of situations where I have been really into a girl, but I don't run away from it...I'd try and spend more time with them to see if anything is going to happen. The only thing I can think is that she's tried/though the jewerly was me saying let's go out/and now she doesn't want to be just friends.

Reply 6

kokopops

think u need to maybe, even before exams send her a few texts, maybe just a quick phone call to say hi and how u doing ...etc? and then after exams dont stop til u speak
hope it goes well...

Reply 7

joebudden

My exams finish on Thursday so I'll be chasing her after that

Thanks for your advice x

Reply 8

Ariel4

just email her or text her or something, say that youre worried because shes not being acting normally and ask her whats up. it doesnt sound like youve done anything wrong for her to be ignoring you. and as for the jewellry i doubt she took it the wrong way, if a guy who was my friend bought me jewellry i know i wouldnt think he fancied me cos of it, id just be pleased that i had some nice new jewellry! it sounds like you two were good friends, just talk to her, see what she says and whatever way things turn out its not worth worryin about.

oh, and do you like her as more than a friend? :wink:

Reply 9

kokopops

joe, did you say your jewellery gift was a way of telling her you like her more than as just a friend?

Reply 10

joebudden

Cool- I've bought jewelry for close female friends before and it's never been a problem...I mean, you've got to celebrate your 21st in style!!

I like her just as a friend.

Joe

Reply 11

Makavelli_07

Run all the way to her house.

Then when you turn up you can say you've ran all the way there, and you're not leaving until you sort things out. :biggrin:

That sort of thing always works in the movies.

Reply 12

Mad_Monkey59

she thinks that now you've moved out you want to bang her, because you don't live together anymore, thats why she feels awkward because she thinks about it too, and doesn't want to lose you as a friend.

OR

She has found a b/f, and because she doesn't see you as much you have kind of drifted away from her priorities... in which case there isn't much you can do apart from move really close to her, or get her drunk and find out whether she wants it, or whether she is just being an arse or perhaps try to make her jealous.

Its life people drift apart, it sucks but it happens bro.

Reply 13

Ariel4

joebudden

Cool- I've bought jewelry for close female friends before and it's never been a problem...I mean, you've got to celebrate your 21st in style!!

I like her just as a friend.

Joe

well thats ok then, you have nothing to worry about. just explain things to her, shell understand. i expect that its nothing and shes just been busy.