Prefect Application Help SLIGHTLY URGENT!

Hello folks. I have applied to become a prefect in my school and was typing up my letter when I came across a prefect applicationletter on tsr. I thought it would be a good idea if I get mine checked out on here as well. I didnt know which forum to post the thread in so I used this one. Please tell me if there are any mistakes, whatever they may be. ideally I would like to get s TSR mod to check this out. It had to be in by monday which is why I put urgent in the title.

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Dear Mr Ironside,
I am writing this letter in application for the position of Senior Prefect.

Over the past six years, Sutton Grammar has given me a great education, help when I needed it and as well as the academic benefits, I have become a much better person. This position is a vital part of the school system and also acts as a helping hand to the school community. This role is a leading demonstration of the school’s abilities and I feel I am as ready as ever to take on such responsibilities. As the current Deputy Youth MP of Sutton, I am faced with a similar task of addressing and solving problems within the youth community. Having addressed large crowds at numerous conferences regarding such issues, I am now a clearer and more confident communicator. These attributes, combined with my 3 years of being in the C.C.F (gaining invaluable teamwork and leadership skills) will help me manage large groups of people, whether it be outside the exam hall, on a stage or whilst preparing for parents evening.

A key point of the position is to assist the staff in running the school smoothly, whether it is policing the playground, managing detentions or maintaining order in the canteen queues. However, I know that there is a lot more to the position. A prefect is looked up to by younger pupils and is always there to set an example for others to follow. The role does not stop there either. In year ten I volunteered to be a covering prefect and over the course of this year, I helped with the Suttonian magazine and parents evening. From these experiences, I know that the title of a prefect is carried on outside of school hours as much is it is within. Therefore, I will utilise what I have learnt to become a successful prefect.

Helping students’ progress through school is perhaps the most important feature of a prefect’s duty. Work experience in a primary school and mentoring younger pupils over the course of the year has given me an insight into this vital role. I will assist whoever is in need, whether they're troubled by academic or personal problems, they need help in deciding their future, or simply are puzzled by their schoolwork.

It will be a delight to help the staff and pupils and it will be my way of giving something back. I am raring to go, ready to offer my service to the school with utmost pride and, in doing so, gain rewards that I will always treasure.

Thank you for your time.

Yours Sincerely,

[My signature]

Muhammad Usama Imran
12J

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Thank you very much for your time. Any constructive comments are higly appreciated.

PEACE!

Reply 1

Smiling...Rain

you have to apply to be a prefect?!

Reply 2

TeamBlueGravy

on mine i just spoke about how i'd help out, what i've done before skills etc... normal stuff. Just make sure it flows well and job done.

Reply 3

Mahia

I thought Sutton Grammar was for Girls. . .
Isn't Bishop Veseys the boys school?

Edit: Great Letter!

Reply 4

star333

Over the past six years, Sutton Grammar has given me a great education, help when I needed it and as well as the academic benefits, I have become a much better person.

I don't think you can judge this. It's also poor wording. Say something like "I have relished these oppurtinities and feel I have benefited from them hugely". Being a better person is a stupid thing to say because it doesn't mean anything. Also try doing ...given me a great education, and help when I needed it. As well as the academic benefits.... The sentence is otherwise clumsy.

This position is a vital part of the school system and also acts as a helping hand to the school community. This role is a leading demonstration of the school’s abilities and I feel I am as ready as ever to take on such responsibilities.

I'm sure they will lap up this ******** but you should realise that you will gain very little indeed from being a prefect. You will also realise that you have very few responsibilites, and even if you do they are menial jobs that seem to be worthless.

As the current Deputy Youth MP of Sutton, I am faced with a similar task of addressing and solving problems within the youth community. Having addressed large crowds at numerous conferences regarding such issues, I am now a clearer and more confident communicator. These attributes, combined with my 3 years of being in the C.C.F (gaining invaluable teamwork and leadership skills) will help me manage large groups of people, whether it be outside the exam hall, on a stage or whilst preparing for parents evening.

Try: ...more confident communicater. My experience in the CCF has provided me with invaluable teamwork and leadership skills. These attributes are no doubt desirable for the position of being a prefect, as I feel I will be able to carry out a wide variety of tasks required in this demanding position.

A key point of the position is to assist the staff in running the school smoothly, whether it is policing the playground, managing detentions or maintaining order in the canteen queues. However, I know that there is a lot more to the position. A prefect is looked up to by younger pupils and is always there to set an example for others to follow. The role does not stop there either. In year ten I volunteered to be a covering prefect and over the course of this year, I helped with the Suttonian magazine and parents evening. From these experiences, I know that the title of a prefect is carried on outside of school hours as much is it is within. Therefore, I will utilise what I have learnt to become a successful prefect.

Put this paragraph before what I just wrote. Delete the bold sentance.

Helping students’ progress through school is perhaps the most important feature of a prefect’s duty. Work experience in a primary school and mentoring younger pupils over the course of the year has given me an insight into this vital role. I will assist whoever is in need, whether they're troubled by academic or personal problems, they need help in deciding their future, or simply are puzzled by their schoolwork.

Again, put this all before. It helps the structure.

It will be a delight to help the staff and pupils and it will be my way of giving something back. I am raring to go, ready to offer my service to the school with utmost pride and, in doing so, gain rewards that I will always treasure.

I actually think this is quite weak. Try something like [i]I genuinely believe I would thrive in a position that will both challenge me and enrich me. I believe I am of the stature required to set an example to others and to carry out the requisite responsibilities involved in prefectship. I therefore invite you to seriously consider my application, and to offer me the opportunity of becoming a prefect.

Thank you for your time.

Yours Sincerely,

[My signature]

Muhammad Usama Imran
12J

You're not in a call centre. Don't use Thank you for your time unless you are excreting junk mail or are operating from such an institution in a spam-friendly country.

But most of all, realise that being a prefect is a massive waste of time. But it does help you in some areas. Like writing application letters.

Hope that helps

Reply 5

Rian1988

You have to ask to be a prefect? Our school asked us.

Reply 6

Myoclonic Jerk

The trickiest part of being a prefect is dealing with your own year group. Anyone can get a bunch of 13 year olds to behave, but what about your peers?

Reply 7

the_recruit

write in a mature style

Reply 8

ShadowBronze

I'm pretty sure that should get you in.

Funny though, in my school the main problem is finding enough students wanting to be prefects, lol

Reply 9

generalebriety

Ugh. This isn't urgent in the slightest, but I review stuff like this all the time, and I have little better to do. I'm giving this five minutes.

musama91

Dear Mr Ironside,
I am writing this letter in application for the position of Senior Prefect.

Over the past six years, Sutton Grammar has given me a great education, help when I needed it and as well as the academic benefits, I have become a much better person. (Yawn - stop being sycophantic.) This position is a vital part of the school system and also acts as a helping hand to the school community. This role is a leading demonstration of the school’s abilities (why are you telling him about the role you're applying for? I think he knows the role better than you do) and I feel I am as ready as ever to take on such responsibilities. As the current Deputy Youth MP of Sutton, I am faced with a similar task of addressing and solving problems within the youth community (sounds like a massive buzzword). Having addressed large crowds at numerous conferences regarding such issues (vague and washy - this almost sounds like a parody of itself), I am now a clearer and more confident communicator. These attributes, combined with my 3 years of being in the C.C.F (gaining invaluable teamwork and leadership skills) will help me manage large groups of people, whether it be outside the exam hall, on a stage or whilst preparing for parents evening (apostrophe please).

A key point of the position is to assist the staff in running the school smoothly, whether it is policing (!!) the playground, managing detentions or maintaining order in the canteen queues. However, I know that there is a lot more to the position. A prefect is looked up to by younger pupils and is always there to set an example for others to follow. The role does not stop there either. (Again, stop telling us about the role unless you're then going to go on to say something relevant about you.) In year ten I volunteered to be a covering prefect and over the course of this year, I helped with the Suttonian magazine and parents evening. From these experiences, I know that the title of a prefect is carried on outside of school hours as much is it is within. Therefore, I will utilise what I have learnt to become a successful prefect. (Again, this almost sounds like it's taking the piss out of itself.)

Helping students’ progress through school is perhaps the most important feature of a prefect’s duty. Work experience in a primary school and mentoring younger pupils over the course of the year has given me an insight into this vital role. I will assist whoever is in need (blech - you're applying for school prefect, not superhero), whether they're troubled by academic or personal problems, they need help in deciding their future, or simply are puzzled by their schoolwork.

It will be a delight (!) to help the staff and pupils and it will be my way of giving something back. I am raring to go, ready to offer my service to the school with utmost pride and, in doing so, gain rewards that I will always treasure. ("Obsequious" doesn't even cover it.)

Thank you for your time. (Thank you for holding, your call is important to us... say something less cheesy.)

Yours Sincerely,

[My signature]

Muhammad Usama Imran
12J

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Thank you very much for your time. (Roffle.) Any constructive comments are higly appreciated.

PEACE!

Reply 10

musama91

Thanks for all your comments! Helped a lot