Problems over ex Watch

Devilrabbit
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#1
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
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Okay first the back story, I was going out with this girl for about 3 years from when i was 15 to when i was 18, foolishly we got engaged, (yes i know a stupid move) and a couple of months ago, abit over a month after i started uni, she broke up with me. Now, although i would expect to be hurt by this, i'm far worse mainly because of the way she chose to do it.

After over 3 years she came to my halls, without any warning, i wasnt even awake, her ringing the bell woke me up, came into my room without saying a word and started grabbing all her stuff that she had in my room, i asked her what she was doing, she said nothing. I suddenly realised what was going on and asked her, 'are you breaking up with me?', she simply nodded and came over to me handing me a note....Barely able to cope i asked her to leave because i didn't want to end up shouting at her, when i realised she'd already made the decision.

So i read the note and it was completely ambiguous giving no clear reason as to why she broke up with me at all, it was out of no where, she had never even told me she had a problem with the relationship and had been happy as ever when we'd been seeing each other, although she did always have trouble talking about problems as she was afraid of confrontation.

However, this is not it, a few days later, one of my best friends called me up and told me that in a drunken night, they'd slept together the night before, i simply hung up, i felt even more betrayed. Since then i've heard more and more about her and even her friends describe her as on a 'path to destruction', even her best friend of more than 10 years talks to me still and is firmly on my side, saying she's lost nearly all respect for her.

So after that long introduction my problem is that despite it being nearly 3 months ago, i can't stop thinking about her, i don't want her back, the thought of it disgusts me, especially considering the way she treated me, but i worry about her and have gone as far as distancing myself from my old school friends and just seeing my new friends from uni to avoid the chance of bumping into her, but even removing every trace of her from my life has done nothing.

I simply don't know what to do, it feels as if i can't move on, yet that's all i want, is it just something i have to give time? i've talked to her once since but that only made it worse as she simply agreed that she'd been completely in the wrong, she even said she didn't know why she'd acted in such a way. So tsr, i apologise for this ridiculously long post and ask kindly for any advice you may give, thanks if you managed to read all this!
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cam28
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ok first of all shes a complete ***** for doing that to you,
Long relashionships takes so long to get over but you will get over it.
It just takes time and also your worth more.
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SuicideCommando
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At the time I can see why you were upset with it..
But now, after finding this information out, it's giving you so much reason to get over her, OP.

I'm sorry to hear about it all. -hug-.
Maybe it's time to go out and meet some new people?
And don't keep asking her friends or people that know her about what she's done, because it's going to end up with feelings flooding back in.

Time will tell if you get over her. My chances are that eventually, you will. x
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Agzorns
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Just wait out the hurt.
You'll learn from what she did. You'll realise the tell-tale signs which should have been obvious at the time.
Not that You're at all to blame for it though! It's just that love has rose tinted glasses.
You may be heartbroken about it forever - but theres always someone else out there.

To quote a rather infamous film....

"Just keep swimming..."
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Mr. MadMonkey
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Nothing can say that hasn't been repeated on TSR hundreds of times before really.

Go out, get incredibly drunk, and sleep with as many random strangers as you can.

Or I suppose if you want good advice, you could just go out meet a load of new people and hope you find someone or something else to keep your mind off of her.
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Devilrabbit
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Report Thread starter 9 years ago
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Thanks for the responses guys, it's what i've been thinking but it is nice to have that affirmation I do try to meet new people but i find myself feeling alot less confident, hopefully time will heal that!

(Original post by SuicideCommando)
don't keep asking her friends or people that know her about what she's done, because it's going to end up with feelings flooding back in.
See that's the problem, i don't actively ask what she's doing, but my old group of school friends aren't the nicest of people (the group is basically built on *****ing, status and popularity stunts), so they all feel the need to ***** about what she's done to me every time i see them, which is why i've tried to distance myself from that old group, but i still bump into them from time to time. Its like impossible for me to avoid hearing about her!

Also sorry to add more to this, but i know for a fact she doesn't enjoy drum and bass, which is my passion, she always used to complain when i asked if we could go to a dnb club and on the times she agreed to she'd act in a foul mood all night, despite saying she loved the music. Yet now we've broken up, she's constantly going to dnb nights that i love, is she just doing this to get to me? it's all too confusing >.<

Thanks for the responses so far guys!
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SuicideCommando
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(Original post by Devilrabbit)
Thanks for the responses guys, it's what i've been thinking but it is nice to have that affirmation I do try to meet new people but i find myself feeling alot less confident, hopefully time will heal that!

See that's the problem, i don't actively ask what she's doing, but my old group of school friends aren't the nicest of people (the group is basically built on *****ing, status and popularity stunts), so they all feel the need to ***** about what she's done to me every time i see them, which is why i've tried to distance myself from that old group, but i still bump into them from time to time. Its like impossible for me to avoid hearing about her!

Also sorry to add more to this, but i know for a fact she doesn't enjoy drum and bass, which is my passion, she always used to complain when i asked if we could go to a dnb club and on the times she agreed to she'd act in a foul mood all night, despite saying she loved the music. Yet now we've broken up, she's constantly going to dnb nights that i love, is she just doing this to get to me? it's all too confusing >.<

Thanks for the responses so far guys!
Could they not just be bringing all that up 'cos there's nothing else to say? Next time you see them, focus on something that they've done.. stop making yourself the vulnerable one!

Who does she go to the DnB gigs with? She could just be going to them for something to do, the people's she with etc. I very much doubt she's doing it to spite you, because I try and avoid my ex's, despite whether I was the one that broke up with them, or not..

Tbh, you should be feeling more confident.
You've got rid of this girl that treated you like utter crap behind your back..
Your the better man for not doing what she did to you.
Respect.
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Devilrabbit
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(Original post by SuicideCommando)
Could they not just be bringing all that up 'cos there's nothing else to say? Next time you see them, focus on something that they've done.. stop making yourself the vulnerable one!
Sadly not the case, i'm a very chatty person (usually too chatty!) they just always bring it up at some point, its just the type of people they are, they enjoying *****ing and i think they think i'll be willing to ***** about her.

Who does she go to the DnB gigs with? She could just be going to them for something to do, the people's she with etc.
She generally goes with one or two of her friends, i don't understand why though because we live in London its not like they are the only nights on and her friends aren't big dnb fans either, i don't see why she doesn't go to house nights as i know she loves house music and London has some of the best house nights in the country! You are probably right though, i may be looking too much into her actions/obsessing over them. Thanks for your support!
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SuicideCommando
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(Original post by Devilrabbit)
Sadly not the case, i'm a very chatty person (usually too chatty!) they just always bring it up at some point, its just the type of people they are, they enjoying *****ing and i think they think i'll be willing to ***** about her.



She generally goes with one or two of her friends, i don't understand why though because we live in London its not like they are the only nights on and her friends aren't big dnb fans either, i don't see why she doesn't go to house nights as i know she loves house music and London has some of the best house nights in the country! You are probably right though, i may be looking too much into her actions/obsessing over them. Thanks for your support!
You're a very chatty person but not feeling very confident? Shhh, go put yourself out there.

It may have been 3 years, OP, but you didn't love her. You loved the persona she put forward. She wasn't who you thought she was, move on. Easier said than done but you know fulwell it's not impossible.
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