What To Do About The Ex Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#1
i'm sorry if this gets a bit long guys :o:

my ex and i broke up in september after being together about a year and a half, although we once broke up briefly during that time. it was mainly to do with us being long distance that he ended it, but he was really horrible about it at the time, blaming it on everything except the distance, including me 'leading on' a male friend who'd tried to kiss me, when i hadn't, and for 'not being there' when his uncle died. i WAS there. i was on holiday when it happened and spent a ridiculous amount of time worrying about him and calling and texting every chance i got.

we didn't speak for a while after we broke up. but eventually we started talking again and he explained that he made up those excuses because he'd spent so long reassuring me that the distance would never overcome our relationship. i was so hurt by him breaking up with me and although we're friends, i don't think i'll ever be able to fully forgive him for it.

but now he wants me back. he keeps coming to visit me and staying for a week at a time, telling me he loves me and that he'll do anything for me. this makes him sound like an arse, but i do still love him. i enjoy spending time with him. buuut. guys, i dunno what to do. i don't feel the same about him anymore, i'm pretty sure i'm not in love with him still. when he visits, we kiss and cuddle and have sex like a couple, although it's secret from people who know us (my decision). i don't want to lead him on and he knows full well i'm not sure what i want. but he's pressuring me by visiting so often. and because he stays with a family member when he visits me, it's not like i can tell him not to come.

i do want to be with him. but i just think too much has changed now and i don't think it'll work. but he's completely in love with me and i can see that. he's so pressuring without meaning to be. when i'm with him i think about him completely differently to when i'm not. and because he was my first love i can't really imagine being with anyone else. i've been out with guys since the break up but nothing serious. my thoughts are getting a bit jumbled up now so i'll stop. i'm hoping an outsiders perspective might help. feel free to ask any questions if summats not clear :o:
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Hygeia
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#2
Report 9 years ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
i'm sorry if this gets a bit long guys :o:

my ex and i broke up in september after being together about a year and a half, although we once broke up briefly during that time. it was mainly to do with us being long distance that he ended it, but he was really horrible about it at the time, blaming it on everything except the distance, including me 'leading on' a male friend who'd tried to kiss me, when i hadn't, and for 'not being there' when his uncle died. i WAS there. i was on holiday when it happened and spent a ridiculous amount of time worrying about him and calling and texting every chance i got.

we didn't speak for a while after we broke up. but eventually we started talking again and he explained that he made up those excuses because he'd spent so long reassuring me that the distance would never overcome our relationship. i was so hurt by him breaking up with me and although we're friends, i don't think i'll ever be able to fully forgive him for it.

but now he wants me back. he keeps coming to visit me and staying for a week at a time, telling me he loves me and that he'll do anything for me. this makes him sound like an arse, but i do still love him. i enjoy spending time with him. buuut. guys, i dunno what to do. i don't feel the same about him anymore, i'm pretty sure i'm not in love with him still. when he visits, we kiss and cuddle and have sex like a couple, although it's secret from people who know us (my decision). i don't want to lead him on and he knows full well i'm not sure what i want. but he's pressuring me by visiting so often. and because he stays with a family member when he visits me, it's not like i can tell him not to come.

i do want to be with him. but i just think too much has changed now and i don't think it'll work. but he's completely in love with me and i can see that. he's so pressuring without meaning to be. when i'm with him i think about him completely differently to when i'm not. and because he was my first love i can't really imagine being with anyone else. i've been out with guys since the break up but nothing serious. my thoughts are getting a bit jumbled up now so i'll stop. i'm hoping an outsiders perspective might help. feel free to ask any questions if summats not clear :o:
I've highlighted a few bits of what you've said which kind of show me how confused you are about this - you say you still love him, then you say you don't - i think you need to try and work out exactly how you feel about him (preferably while you're away from him as you've said that makes a difference, and trying to avoid the kissing/cuddling etc so you can think a bit more clearly)

would you still be long distance if you got back together? If so, might the same problem reoccur?

You say that he's pressuring you and that you don't think it will work - do you think that might be your answer?

I don't know if any of that will be useful, but it is from an outsiders perspective so i hope it will help a bit
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Anonymous #2
#3
Report 9 years ago
#3
I've been there, except i was the ex
No contact was the only way I could even attempt to get over it. Sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear, but its best for both of you in the long run I think.
Hope it works out
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#4
(Original post by kate0904)
I've highlighted a few bits of what you've said which kind of show me how confused you are about this - you say you still love him, then you say you don't - i think you need to try and work out exactly how you feel about him (preferably while you're away from him as you've said that makes a difference, and trying to avoid the kissing/cuddling etc so you can think a bit more clearly)

would you still be long distance if you got back together? If so, might the same problem reoccur?

You say that he's pressuring you and that you don't think it will work - do you think that might be your answer?

I don't know if any of that will be useful, but it is from an outsiders perspective so i hope it will help a bit
i guess i mean that whilst i love him and care about him alot, i'm not in love with him if that makes sense? i really do think i need time and space but it's my birthday this weekend and he's planned to come up tonight until next friday. i didn't really have a say in it, he just told me that's when he's coming up.
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nicky_innit
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#5
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You said that you didn't want to lead him on...yet your doing all couple things, including having sex, with him?
You better make up your mind fast, because you are probably confusing the hell out of him.

Simple question with one simple answer: Do you want him?
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squeak
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#6
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#6
you broke up yet you're still kissing and cuddling and having sex? jesus cut contact, stop being a push over, you know full well you can stop him visiting you.

if you still love him, think about the reasons you broke up? if you still love him then go back out with him. if you don't lose contact.
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allthetime
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#7
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How is letting him stay with you for a week at a time and having sex with him not leading him on?
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blinkbelle
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#8
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Leave it be. There are so many other people in the world who you could be happy with, without you and your ex's history! Move on xx
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Hygeia
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#9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i guess i mean that whilst i love him and care about him alot, i'm not in love with him if that makes sense? i really do think i need time and space but it's my birthday this weekend and he's planned to come up tonight until next friday. i didn't really have a say in it, he just told me that's when he's coming up.
The loving him but not being 'in love' with him makes perfect sense to me and tells me that even if you're not intentionally leading him on, the things you're doing with him are more than just as a friend and are probably giving him the wrong impression.

It's your birthday, which means that you should have a choice over what goes on - so be firm with him - if you don't want to spend all the time with him, then make that clear to him. (if he's staying with someone else, and didn't give you a choice, then he can't really complain :p:)

I think you need to tell him you need the space for a start and don't let him pressure you into anything.
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