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    #1

    Hey, just looking for a bit of advice and to vent basically. Got my first proper girlfriend at the minute, been with her for about 4 months now, met up at uni etc, I'm a virgin, she isn't and I get the impression she has a fair bit of experience. Anyways the first time we tried to have sex I just lost my erection as soon as it came to the sex part and it's just something that I just kept thinking about to the point of we've now tried to have sex 5 or 6 times now and every single time I lose my erection when I actually insert it so to speak and it just literally is the worse feeling in the world. We do other stuff, oral etc all the time and I'm totally fine with all of that its just as soon as it comes to the sex part it just disappears straight away, its the most frustrating thing ever. My girlfriend seems to be ok which is cool, obviously it frustrates her etc but thats fair enough, however she said to me last week that I should just go do it someone else then come back to her when I've got over the first hurdle so to speak. I know physically I'm fine I just get nervous and its so frustrating because I really want to and shes just so attractive, its nothing at all to do with her, I just so bad want to get out of this rut. It's so strange as well because I'm so laidback and things don't usually phase me at all so to have this problem is just horrible coupled with the fact I care for my girlfriend so much and hate to mess her and her feelings around with all of this. Any advice or whatever would be cool, cheers.
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    I care for my girlfriend so much and hate to mess her and her feelings around with all of this.
    You need to stop focusing on this to start with, you're panicking yourself and it's going to make your situation worse. You have to calm yourself down wrt sex...maybe let her take the lead?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey, just looking for a bit of advice and to vent basically. Got my first proper girlfriend at the minute, been with her for about 4 months now, met up at uni etc, I'm a virgin, she isn't and I get the impression she has a fair bit of experience. Anyways the first time we tried to have sex I just lost my erection as soon as it came to the sex part and it's just something that I just kept thinking about to the point of we've now tried to have sex 5 or 6 times now and every single time I lose my erection when I actually insert it so to speak and it just literally is the worse feeling in the world. We do other stuff, oral etc all the time and I'm totally fine with all of that its just as soon as it comes to the sex part it just disappears straight away, its the most frustrating thing ever. My girlfriend seems to be ok which is cool, obviously it frustrates her etc but thats fair enough, however she said to me last week that I should just go do it someone else then come back to her when I've got over the first hurdle so to speak. I know physically I'm fine I just get nervous and its so frustrating because I really want to and shes just so attractive, its nothing at all to do with her, I just so bad want to get out of this rut. It's so strange as well because I'm so laidback and things don't usually phase me at all so to have this problem is just horrible coupled with the fact I care for my girlfriend so much and hate to mess her and her feelings around with all of this. Any advice or whatever would be cool, cheers.
    I'm SURE she didn't mean that. She was probably just trying to be supportive and helpful... in her own quirky way.

    I've heard of this happening to guys, and sometimes it takes multiple retakes until 'Peter' finally starts co-operating.

    Just keep trying. And I'm sure your girlfriend is flattered! In this situation it's actually quite a complement, in a backwards kind of way. ^_^
    • #2
    #2

    Hey man,

    I was (until very recently) in the exact same situation as you. I started uni in september, and had only had crappy short relationships where we fooled around. I was a virgin when i started uni, but had done pretty much everything but.
    Anyways cut a long story short, I met an amazing girl who is now my girlfriend of two months. When we first started doing the usual fooling around, it was fine. Lets call 'him' herbert. Herbert could always make an appearance and perform, and it was great. When we started talking about sex, she asked if i had done it before, and stupidly i said yes as i wasn't sure how she was going to take it. Realising how awkward this could turn out, i decided to come clean and tell her, and she didn't mind at all even though she has had a few serious relationships and is by no means inexperienced.
    Anyways, the first time we went to do it, we had both had abit to drink, and it was really intimate and great, and I had no trouble getting herbert (god thats a **** name), to do his thing. However, when it went to getting a johhny out, he totally dissappeared without me even realising until i looked down. This was ******* embarassing, and she looked kinda upset, and i made it totally clear that it wasn't her, and we had a drunken arguement about it and i stormed off to my flat. She called me 5 mins later saying sorry for how she reacted, and how she wasn't annoyed or anything, so I went back up and we ended up having sex with no problem at all.
    I put it down to alcohol being the reason why herbert didnt perform. However the next few times we went to do it, us both being sober, I could get it up for the initial fooling around part no problem, but whenever i reached for the clunge sacks it dissappeared. This was mainly due to the fact that i was nervous about cumming too fast, or being **** in bed. I could tell it was kinda getting to her but she would never say it was because she didn't want to upset me. Anyways, i looked up performance anxiety on the net, and read a few articles and tips, and text her saying I have found the problem, and that she just needs to be paitent. She was fine with that, which made me much more relaxed. I never get the problem anymore
    Anyway I just realised I have written more than i have more my Uni coursework so basically, you just need to relax. Talk to her about it more, make sure you highlight that its nothing to do with her, and the next time you go to do it, just don't think about it all. If you do, your blocking out all the sexual thoughts not thinking about how gorgeous she is etc. It may take a few attempts, but aslong as shes paitent, you will be fine, and once you have done it a few times your confidence will build up and you wont suffer from it again, trust me.

    Hope this wall of text helps
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    If you speak to her about it openly and honestly and she's understanding, that should help you a lot. Don't be scared of telling her that it's not her fault or anything to do with her, if it's cause you're just worried that you won't be good, say that, however silly you'll feel saying it she'll feel better for knowing, which will make you feel better about it too.
    • #3
    #3

    I'm in exactly the same situation.

    I'm a virgin, with my first proper gf, been together for 6 months. At about 4 months we had about a month of 'everything but', which was brilliant, then decided we were ready for sex. The first time, foreplay was fine and I was perfectly hard, then when it came to put the condom on my erection just dissapeared. So quickly I didn't even have chance to put it on. I wasn't expecting it at all and probably came from worrying too much about finishing too quickly.

    I was obviously dissapointed, but she was fine about it. We've tried a further 3 times now and each time i've been fine up until reaching for the condom, when the realization of 'what if it happens again' hits me, even though I try my hardest (no pun intended :p: ) not to, my erection just disappears. We talked about it properly the last time it happened and she's been amazing about it. So that's made me feel a bit better. Then I felt bad because she pointed out 'it's just as frustrating for me as it is you'.

    I just feel generally a bit down because it's at the back of my mind, and ill occasionally think about it at random times in the day, even when i'm not with her.

    I know the key is to relax, and the 4th time i really thought that I was relaxing, even so much that id forgotten about my worries. Reach for condom - and it went again.

    So gonna try again tommorow, hopefully ill get there this time. I'm sure the first time I 'get in' the problem will go away, so the only issue is actually 'getting in' so to speak.
    • #2
    #2

    'it's just as frustrating for me as it is you'.
    Thats exactly what my gf said to me, and it really doesn't help matters at all. You just have to relax, don't think about it, just go with the flow and take in all those sexual thoughts!

    From anon user #2
 
 
 
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