Did anyone change (in your eyes) after you rejected or dumped them? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#1
I am in a desperately urgent situation that will require pages and kilobytes of text to write in detail, but you will be of greatest help if you could simply recollect and share some of your experiences. I would like to understand which behaviors and conditions can lead to a positive outcome.

I am aware it is a very very fragile question, but I will appreciate your every experience.

Have you personally ever turned your negative impression of someone into a positive one, especially if you used to be romantically involved with this person, but then rejected or dumped them (e.g. because you realized they were immature)?

Another way I could ask the question is:
Did anyone whom you rejected or dumped change over time and/or become mature and/or achieve the traits they didn't have when you rejected or dumped them? And, as a consequence, also changed your opinion of them?

I am not asking whether you got back together (though that would be a nice story to hear, if it really happened). Simply, whether in some way your impressions/opinion of them changed over time. And how/why it happened
quote
reply
Jazmine
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#2
Report 9 years ago
#2
I haven't dumped anyone in my life (as I'm with the only boyfriend I've ever had right now =P).

But, I've rejected many a person in my life (sadly). And there was one of my friends who changed the most that I recognised.

He liked me for about seven years or something, he's a REALLY shy person - he literally cannot speak in front of strangers or people he doesn't know too well - and he finally plucked up the courage to ask me out. I said No, then about a week later (hadn't seen him during this time), his confidence was THROUGH THE ROOF! He was no longer shy, he could speak to strangers and he was very talkative and socialable.

I was amazed! Very happy for him too. 'Part from he kept trying to make me jealous or something talking about girls who had flirted with him or he could of had threesomes with, etc. Ha ha, it was the way he'd say it.. in the end, it got so irritating I never spoke to him again.

But, I'm sure he's having a blast in life. Whatever happened to him, it was the best thing ever! It was just amazing 'cause he was really low after I said No that day, so to see him so happy was great. =)
0
quote
reply
MittenKrust
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#3
Report 9 years ago
#3
(Original post by Jazmine)
I haven't dumped anyone in my life (as I'm with the only boyfriend I've ever had right now =P).

But, I've rejected many a person in my life (sadly). And there was one of my friends who changed the most that I recognised.

He liked me for about seven years or something, he's a REALLY shy person - he literally cannot speak in front of strangers or people he doesn't know too well - and he finally plucked up the courage to ask me out. I said No, then about a week later (hadn't seen him during this time), his confidence was THROUGH THE ROOF! He was no longer shy, he could speak to strangers and he was very talkative and socialable.

I was amazed! Very happy for him too. 'Part from he kept trying to make me jealous or something talking about girls who had flirted with him or he could of had threesomes with, etc. Ha ha, it was the way he'd say it.. in the end, it got so irritating I never spoke to him again.

But, I'm sure he's having a blast in life. Whatever happened to him, it was the best thing ever! It was just amazing 'cause he was really low after I said No that day, so to see him so happy was great. =)
That reminds me of when I first left home at 17, I was always shy and had low self esteem then went clubbing for first time ever and this older girl(prob 19 or 20) whispered in my ear how she liked me and I was a great dancer, and I was thinking "yeah im gonna lose my virginity" lol but my flatmates who were the sort of guys who could be male models, all muscles, got hair done at salons, used beauty products got jealous and butted in as they fancied her and she said she wasnt interested in them so they decided we should leave and it was only around 12.45 at night and the club closed at 3am and we were only there 30 minutes!

For the next few weeks I was buzzing then one day had a single thought of doubt and went back to the way I was.
0
quote
reply
hanna118212
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#4
Report 9 years ago
#4
When I broke up with my first boyfriend, he snapped and told me I couldn't break up with him, I couldn't do it to him. He then began sending me abusive texts telling me I was a whore.
He followed me home and would scream abuse at me, and I tried to keep things on a friendly level, even buying him a gift when I went on holiday, which he threw at me.
In the end my parents had to intervene. Bloody terrible, he was so shy, you would never have thought it.
0
quote
reply
enigma373
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#5
Report 9 years ago
#5
YES! I dumped a guy and only a few months after I dumped him he was the hottest piece of ass I had seen in a long time, I don't know how he did it. Maybe plastic surgery... but I ended up ******* him and dumping him again.
0
quote
reply
FlyingIsis
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#6
Report 9 years ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
I am in a desperately urgent situation that will require pages and kilobytes of text to write in detail, but you will be of greatest help if you could simply recollect and share some of your experiences. I would like to understand which behaviors and conditions can lead to a positive outcome.

I am aware it is a very very fragile question, but I will appreciate your every experience.

Have you personally ever turned your negative impression of someone into a positive one, especially if you used to be romantically involved with this person, but then rejected or dumped them (e.g. because you realized they were immature)?

Another way I could ask the question is:
Did anyone whom you rejected or dumped change over time and/or become mature and/or achieve the traits they didn't have when you rejected or dumped them? And, as a consequence, also changed your opinion of them?

I am not asking whether you got back together (though that would be a nice story to hear, if it really happened). Simply, whether in some way your impressions/opinion of them changed over time. And how/why it happened
So you're essentially asking if people change over time? The answer to which is yes of course. Whether you personally recognise that change is up to you - only if you are open to the possibility of change in yourslef can you recognise it in others.
0
quote
reply
Anonymous #2
#7
Report 9 years ago
#7
i dumped someone cause i actually never liked that person to start of with (wasn't really phisically attracted either).....
just after we broke up, i was happy and really relieved......but about half a year later or so, i suddenly realised that i actually really liked that person and was physically attracted to that person (unlike before).!!!!!.......
it was terrible at first and i really regretted my decission, but i got over it now so im ok...
quote
reply
Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#8
Anon2: Would you give it a try with that person again (if that person gave you a chance)?

FlyingIsis: I am more interested in knowing how the people who dumped/rejected someone recognize this change in those whom they dumped/rejected. :-)
quote
reply
Jennybean
Badges: 12
Rep:
?
#9
Report 9 years ago
#9
No, whenever I've broken up with someone for their behaviour they've promised to change to win me back, but it's never ever happened. At the very best they change on a fantastically temporary basis before reverting straight back to their old habits as soon as they think they have me.
0
quote
reply
BigScouser
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#10
Report 9 years ago
#10
I've not felt that way about someone I've rejected but I have changed my view on someone after they dumped me because they messed with my head and knew what they were doing. Destroyed any trust I had in any girl.
0
quote
reply
death.drop
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#11
Report 9 years ago
#11
my ex was an arse all the way through our relationship then cheated on me with his bigger breasted step sister. a very messy breakup ensued and I ended up actually hating him. (he did the dumping)

a couple of years on and he's changed a huge amount. we're good friends now, but i've since rejected him. Although he's done everything he can to get back with me I've just moved on.

don't know if it's entirely relevant but there you go.
0
quote
reply
Anonymous #3
#12
Report 9 years ago
#12
Mm, I dont like how the dynamic changes between someone and you when you break up. Obviously its going to change, and you arent as close. But its almost you become, one step away from friends- not quite friends. And I find that odd after being so close to someone.

Also, Im one of those annoying people who dont realise how much they like someone until they are gone. Just recently a guy I dated, suggested we leave it as friends- because I was being half arsed about it tbh, he said "it didnt feel right". And now I regret it, because I really realise how much I like him still. And its not just a case of wanting what u cant have. Sometimes you dont realise what you've got til its gone....and thats really causing me big regret at the moment.
quote
reply
Not Invented Yet
Badges: 12
Rep:
?
#13
Report 9 years ago
#13
Not for the better, no.
0
quote
reply
Beckiemort
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#14
Report 9 years ago
#14
For me breaking up with him made me realize how immature he actually was. And now to top it all off he is now dating my (at one point) best friend, which my other friends see as a ploy to get back at me for dumping him. Oh and after I dumped him I found out he lied to me, so it just reassured me that I made the right choice.

Sorry for being of no use.
0
quote
reply
Anonymous #4
#15
Report 9 years ago
#15
I feel like changing myself for the better, not for myself, but to kinda get back at my ex for ending it. Sounds bad and it just isn't me, but thats what happens
quote
reply
caroline147
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#16
Report 9 years ago
#16
Got back together with my ex after 5 months apart. He'd worked through some of his issues, and it definitely made me see him in a new light.
0
quote
reply
Anonymous #1
#17
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#17
caroline147,
May I kindly ask you a few more details :-) I like these positive stories!!!
What did he do during these 5 months? Were you still in contact or were you "no contact"?
Could you tell even very vaguely what kind of issues they were, and how he worked through them?

Thanks a lot
quote
reply
pixiebot
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#18
Report 9 years ago
#18
god yes, he went from supersuper clingy to being really mean and spiteful...
0
quote
reply
Anonymous #1
#19
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#19
(Original post by Anonymous)
But its almost you become, one step away from friends- not quite friends. And I find that odd after being so close to someone.
I totally agree, Anon3. I think this is caused by either
- one of the ex's being scared that the other will try to get romantically involved again (usually the one who dumped)
- the one who dumped, being scared that he/she will get hurt by even further rejection

Honestly, I think we should learn to get past these fears and still value the people for the time spent together... and who they can still be for us in future.

However, I wonder how to make this clear to the other party... :-)
quote
reply
Floofy
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#20
Report 9 years ago
#20
I haven't noticed much of a change, really.

At least, not negative ones.
0
quote
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Were you ever put in isolation at school?

Yes (170)
26.94%
No (461)
73.06%

Watched Threads

View All