Does going to different universities mean the end of a relationship?

Does going to different universities mean the end of a relationship?

Me and my girlfriend are extremely close and we are so well suited to one another. Unfortunately we are going to different universities and although we both believe it can work we know that it is going to be difficult.

I am going to Cambridge and she is going to Loughborough so we are only about an hour and a half a way by trains (which fortunately run regularly). The terms at Cambridge are only 8 weeks long so I will be there in total for under half of the year, the rest of the time I will literally be on her doorstep as I live in Leicester and can drive. We also plan to spend as many weekends together as possible.

Is anyone in the same situation as me and are there people who have succeeded? I'm so worried about losing her because what we have is so special.

Any advice would be appreciated

Thanks
David

Reply 1

Zurich

9

People make relationships work every day while separated by more distance and time than that.

It's not definitely going to end, but it's not definitely going to work out. It depends on how much you mean to each other, how hard you work at it.... and a lot of luck.

Reply 2

Mr White

7

Yes. The maximum distance love can travel is 19 miles.

Reply 3

caffecooki

10

i think it's just important to remember that at this age the huge majority of people aren't with the person they will be for the rest of their lives. therefore it would be wrong to compromise and either not go to uni, or go to the same one for this reason alone.
just remember then that you are making the right choices in the way foreward, and if your relationship is to last, it probably will :smile:

one of my friends started uni last year, and is still with his girlfriend, over 6 months later :biggrin:

i doubt it will last

yes can i say, its hard to stay together over such a distance. even if its not far, unless u make sure to see each other twice a week at least, youll greadually drift apart. cos its such a change, new flat, neew mates, new lifestyle, meeting lots and lots of new and possibly attractive people. id give it until xmas.

and most girls at uni go round saying 'sorry i have a bf at hiome'. but i can count the guys on one hand who say the same about their girl.

dont worry bout it and dont break up now cos of it. just let things take their course, but acccept that it will be hard, but that even if u break up there's alot of hotties at uhni :wink:

Reply 6

TakemetoAvalon

1

davidkunzmann

Does going to different universities mean the end of a relationship?

Me and my girlfriend are extremely close and we are so well suited to one another. Unfortunately we are going to different universities and although we both believe it can work we know that it is going to be difficult.

I am going to Cambridge and she is going to Loughborough so we are only about an hour and a half a way by trains (which fortunately run regularly). The terms at Cambridge are only 8 weeks long so I will be there in total for under half of the year, the rest of the time I will literally be on her doorstep as I live in Leicester and can drive. We also plan to spend as many weekends together as possible.

Is anyone in the same situation as me and are there people who have succeeded? I'm so worried about losing her because what we have is so special.

Any advice would be appreciated

Thanks
David

Ahh.......... do you really think you want to be with the same person forever?? Move on, I'm sure you will find someone. You will both meet new people, and although you might seem close now, do you really think you'll hold the same opinion in, say, december?

Reply 7

Little Kitten

You do have to be careful and seriously assess how much you love this girl. One and a half hours each way may not seem like a lot, but once you start working at Cambridge, unless you really keep on top of things going backwards and forwards all the time will really wear you out. Plus it might mean that your uni social lives will suffer if you're forever running backwards and forwards and not having so much time to spend with new friends.

If you can do it and trust each other not to go off behind each other's backs then all power to you, love is a wonderful thing. Just make sure you both know what you're getting yourselves in to.

Reply 8

Mark_KK

10

Thousands of different people at uni along with cheap alcohol.

Regardless of any promises and love vows made the chances of your loved one getting shitfaced and shagging someone are high, especially if they are quite attractive.

I was very surprise at how quickly many long term relationships ended once people got to uni. I was also surpirsed that out of nearly 1500 people in halls I think that there are less then 15 girls that I would describe as fit :smile:

. Out of 150 + on my course there are probably only 2 or 3 really hot ones.

Some of my female friends have complained about lack of good looking lads, and yes - I am an oil painting :biggrin:

Reply 9

Wild Thing

11

hey david!!

of course it can work!! its workign for me and we live in different country! as long as you both are commited to eachother theres NO reason it shouldnt work!!!!

:smile:

Reply 10

Tyler Durden

17

It works when if both people in the relationship want it to work. Simple as that in my opinion. Lack of commitment is what would cause problems. As soon as one person is no longer sure they want to do it they will start looking elsewhere, they will make less effort to see their partner and they will stop giving the other person a reason to stay involved.

Reply 11

wanderlusted

Mr White

Yes. The maximum distance love can travel is 19 miles.

Reply 12

ThePants999

14

Our relationship is Oxford to Aberystwyth. It's fine.

Reply 13

naivesincerity

2

theres no reason why you shouldnt keep it going, you are in cambs less than half the year, and you say you are very close, so why not?

Reply 14

dazednconfused

It is possible, and I know people who are making it work, but let me warn you, it is really hard. I sounded exactly like you this time last year. I was convinced that if anyone could do it it was me and my boyf (we'd been together 3 years and were unbelievably close). It didn't work, though. I didn't run off and cheat on him, I just acquired a new world view and a need to be independent and just be 'me' for a bit. What you have now is great, so enjoy it, but you can't ever know how much uni will change you until you're there. I changed too much and didn't want to put the work in any more.

Plenty of people have made it work I'm sure - that's just my experience, and I wish you lots of luck.

Reply 15

_poptart_

2

Dont worry whether it will last or not, the best thing to do is to try it out and see. If after a couple of months both of you are still happy the fine. But prepare yourself for the fact that one of you may inevitably decide they want a new life without the pressure of a long distance relationship.
I personally only think they can last, but ONLY if you both want it to.

Reply 16

LostRiot

14

If you both really want it to last, it will.

At the end of the day, if you split up you probably wern't going to go that far anyway.

If you last through uni, i'll buy a hat. :smile:

Reply 17

Tyler Durden

17

Dunno why there are two of this thread... but there are.

So this is what I wrote in the other one:
It works when if both people in the relationship want it to work. Simple as that in my opinion. Lack of commitment is what would cause problems. As soon as one person is no longer sure they want to do it they will start looking elsewhere, they will make less effort to see their partner and they will stop giving the other person a reason to stay involved.

Reply 18

RetiredAccount89

18

davidkunzmann

Does going to different universities mean the end of a relationship?

Me and my girlfriend are extremely close and we are so well suited to one another. Unfortunately we are going to different universities and although we both believe it can work we know that it is going to be difficult.

I am going to Cambridge and she is going to Loughborough so we are only about an hour and a half a way by trains (which fortunately run regularly). The terms at Cambridge are only 8 weeks long so I will be there in total for under half of the year, the rest of the time I will literally be on her doorstep as I live in Leicester and can drive. We also plan to spend as many weekends together as possible.

Is anyone in the same situation as me and are there people who have succeeded? I'm so worried about losing her because what we have is so special.

Any advice would be appreciated

Thanks
David

i know some people who basically fall apart after just a few weeks of long distance, and i know others who stayed together for years long distance. Each relationship is different, and basically you HAVE to give it a go, or you'll regret it for the rest of your life. And in your situation 'long distance' is not actually that long. If you both make it through the first few weeks of uni without ANY regrets (ie not wishing you were single) then you will be set for some time to come i should think.

Reply 19

kateington

It didn't work for me

Does going to different universities mean the end of a relationship?

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