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Kimmie
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#1
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Hey! I was just reading the thread about how do guys impress girls, and it got me pondering do guys ever have true feelings for their girlfriend? Im talking about those in serious relationships.It's just that I broke up with my ex over 6 months ago and I was wondering that the stuff he told me was actually not what he was really feeling.Im with a new guy now, whos so much more sensitive than the last, but im just a lil confused!It's hard to explain, but guys out there (and gals)-
do you mean what you tell your girlfriend?Ta peeps! :confused:
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theone
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Of course guys have true feelings - we're not inhuman Whether we tell them or not is another thing
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Samantha **
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Yeah, of course they do Kimmie. I'm in a relationship which has lasted 2 & 1/4 years so far (don't forget the 1/4 lol), and I'm 100% certain that my boyfriend's feelings are "real", as you term it!

I think you've just had a bad dose of men. Don't forget that girls can sometimes be just as bad. Also - I don't know how old you are, but it is a fact that boys mature later than girls. So if you're still quite a young teenager, that could be a factor!

I think you have to trust your new boyfriend's words. Trust is the essence of any loving relationship, and you could ruin this one if you are paranoid. What I think you should do is talk to your new boyfriend, and explain how your ex hurt you, and how you're worried that men might not mean things when they tell them their feelings. If he is sensitive as you say, I'm sure he'll quickly reassure you and you'll feel much better - and by confiding in him, your relationship will improve. Don't keep things to yourself.

If you ever want to AIM/MSN/ICQ/E-mail me, you're very welcome to!
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Kimmie
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#4
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Thanx peeps!Urgh, i cant believe my ex has got me thinking thoughts like these!I do trust my new boyfriend,it's a long story but it's like we're meant to be together.I hope my ex is a one off and that theres no other like him. I do feel sorry for his new gal though i hope he appriecates her more tha he did me.
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Saintsin
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(Original post by Kimmie)
Hey! I was just reading the thread about how do guys impress girls, and it got me pondering do guys ever have true feelings for their girlfriend? Im talking about those in serious relationships.It's just that I broke up with my ex over 6 months ago and I was wondering that the stuff he told me was actually not what he was really feeling.Im with a new guy now, whos so much more sensitive than the last, but im just a lil confused!It's hard to explain, but guys out there (and gals)-
do you mean what you tell your girlfriend?Ta peeps! :confused:
Men have feelings too but different, in the end we are basically the same as any other male in the animal world just with some intelligence and human ethics, males can't override their own instincs of just liking 1 female, it is preprogramed on the male mind to be with as many females as it can, this dosent mean that we a are going to do it automatically or cheat all the time, but its basically how we think and not show the same behaviour as a female mind works. Notice in the animal kingdom males allways impress females to have sex then move to another one, well human males are the same but we are separated by ethical and stronger emotions than animals.
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nabzp
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Course they have feelings...maybe it's because guys r generally not as open as girls and so when they do finally pour out their feelings to u, it seems a bit strange.
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nikk
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(Original post by Saintsin)
Men have feelings too but different, in the end we are basically the same as any other male in the animal world just with some intelligence and human ethics, males can't override their own instincs of just liking 1 female, it is preprogramed on the male mind to be with as many females as it can, this dosent mean that we a are going to do it automatically or cheat all the time, but its basically how we think and not show the same behaviour as a female mind works. Notice in the animal kingdom males allways impress females to have sex then move to another one, well human males are the same but we are separated by ethical and stronger emotions than animals.
I completely disagree....I have feelings for one girl and one only and would do anything in the world for her. I dont find anyone else in the slightest bit attractive apart from her.
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theone
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(Original post by NikNak)
I completely disagree....I have feelings for one girl and one only and would do anything in the world for her. I dont find anyone else in the slightest bit attractive apart from her.
But surely there must be many other people, even if you don't know them, that look similar - I'm not saying they're the same personality, but same appearance...
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Kimmie
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So do I take it that guys may mean what they say at the time, but it's not set in stone?Like with promises that they don't keep? :confused:
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theone
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(Original post by Kimmie)
So do I take it that guys may mean what they say at the time, but it's not set in stone?Like with promises that they don't keep? :confused:
I think only the person thats listening can truly tell whether someones telling the truth, but if people say something honestly, that doesn't change in time IMHO.
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nikk
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(Original post by theone)
But surely there must be many other people, even if you don't know them, that look similar - I'm not saying they're the same personality, but same appearance...
Thats just it...initially the attraction is physical, but i adore her because of who she is as a person - her appearance, her personality, her habits, the funny things she says - the whole package. Even if there was someone how looked very similar i wouldnt be interested because love is about more than just appearance.

Certainly in my case, i definately mean what i say and although sometimes I may not be brilliant at showing all my emotions, they are definately there and completely real.
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Saintsin
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(Original post by NikNak)
I completely disagree....I have feelings for one girl and one only and would do anything in the world for her. I dont find anyone else in the slightest bit attractive apart from her.
everybody falls into the trap one day or another. one thing is thinking about it and the other is doing it. i can bet there hasent been a single day that you havent though of having sex with a diferent partner, now they are your instincs setting in, the only thing that keeps you at bay is the ethics and the human emotions.
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Kimmie
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#13
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(Original post by Saintsin)
everybody falls into the trap one day or another. one thing is thinking about it and the other is doing it. i can bet there hasent been a single day that you havent though of having sex with a diferent partner, now they are your instincs setting in, the only thing that keeps you at bay is the ethics and the human emotions.
You make it sound like an ever raging battle between biology and emotions.
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nikk
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(Original post by Kimmie)
You make it sound like an ever raging battle between biology and emotions.
It's not a battle at all for me...i know who i want and am completely happy with that...no one else matters...
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Kimmie
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(Original post by NikNak)
It's not a battle at all for me...i know who i want and am completely happy with that...no one else matters...
I have to say,i rather the thought of that than the idea that men are programmed to sleep around!
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nikk
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(Original post by Kimmie)
I have to say,i rather the thought of that than the idea that men are programmed to sleep around!
No one is programmed to do anything, it's just that everyone is different. Some people do sleep around and arnt really looking for a relationship whereas others are commited to just one person.

At the end of the day you have got to trust whoever you are with - if you dont trust them then theres no point - sure by blindly trusting them you may be setting yourself up for being hurt but if you dont show trust, the relationship isnt going to go far anyway.
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nabzp
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i have to agree with the trust bit. the more u distrust someone the worse it'd be. if u in ur mind believe ur bf is honest n loves u, he - being a decent guy - shud c this n that inceases the love even more.
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Kimmie
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#18
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(Original post by NikNak)
No one is programmed to do anything, it's just that everyone is different. Some people do sleep around and arnt really looking for a relationship whereas others are commited to just one person.

At the end of the day you have got to trust whoever you are with - if you dont trust them then theres no point - sure by blindly trusting them you may be setting yourself up for being hurt but if you dont show trust, the relationship isnt going to go far anyway.
I trust the guy I'm with now 100%. I just feel let down by my ex.I know I shouldn't because it's in the past and all, but I can't understand some peoples motives to hurt others or make them feel guilty for no reason.It's probablly just because i'm not a guy and like what was said before, girls are more open about their feelings.
It's reasuring to see guys who are commited to their gf though!
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nikk
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(Original post by Kimmie)
I trust the guy I'm with now 100%. I just feel let down by my ex.I know I shouldn't because it's in the past and all, but I can't understand some peoples motives to hurt others or make them feel guilty for no reason.It's probablly just because i'm not a guy and like what was said before, girls are more open about their feelings.
It's reasuring to see guys who are commited to their gf though!
I dont think it is just a guy thing - i have been really let down and hurt by some of my ex's - its just how some people are. You just have to keep trying until you find the right person. Good luck with everything kimmie.
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rIcHrD
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#20
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The battle between morality/ethics and emotion... a very interesting way of looking at it. Personally though, I think Saintsin is partly right, that the biological tendency exists. In reality though I think it gets pretty much erased and replaced by the society's model of behaviour, except of course if you're in a culture encouraging male polygamy.

As to the question, do guys have real feelings... well of course! Whether they express them or not is a different matter though and probably where the difficulties arise.
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