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Can't sleep with my boyfriend

Anon because I don't want to upset my boyfriend.

Here's the issue. Whenever I stay at my boyfriend's or he comes over to mine for the night, I literally get hardly any sleep. Obviously we stay up late, but it's more than once we do decide to sleep, I'm pretty much awake most of the night. I have no idea what it is. There's nothing in particular keeping me awake. I feel comfortable, temperature seems fine, I just am awake. Then the next day I will always be SO tired and won't be able to function properly at college/work. I'll just get real tired around mid-day and not recover.

Does anyone have any suggestions to try and improve this? i love spending the night with him, so I don't want to just stop, but I don't want this to negatively effect me in everyday work.

Reply 1

letsdothetimewarpagain

19

If you are sharing a bed it maybe the fact that you aren't use to sharing a bed with someone, which will get better soon. Don't give up on spending the night together for a while yet. :-)

Reply 2

bexicle89

14

Maybe you're not just used to the surroundings. Sometimes I can't get to sleep at my boyfs but when I was younger I found it very hard to sleep at a different house to my own. You need to calm down and either tire yourself out in the day or suggest sleeping on a different surface like the couch or something but obviously tell him because you're feeling insomniac otherwise he could take it to heart.

Getting to sleep is purely psychological, up until a few years ago I had terrible trouble getting to sleep when i moved house etc but I learnt to slowly pause my mind and not think of anything and get comfortable, now I can even go to sleep if I'm not tired.

Reply 3

Jinxy

17

your just not used to it thats all it will get easier in time :smile:

Reply 4

suicidal_dream

1

LOL i'm totally like that, its taken me ages to relax enough when he's in the bed with me.

Its frustrating but it does get better =]

Reply 5

tom_tom_tom

18

I used to be very aware of the fact someone else was in my bed and felt like they were slightly encrouching on my personal space so would get very aware of them. Its got better in time, as i think it will for you, you just need to get used to it :smile:

Reply 6

elldee

1

You're not in your cosy, familiar bed, plus you're probably subconsciously aware of him there and you end up being aware of his every movement and yours. As in, you probably don't like the idea of snoring, or dribbling, or pulling the cover off him, or breathing bed breath on him etc. It's normal. And, it's also something you have to get used to, once it's the norm, you have not choice but to accept that all the above are probably going to happen especially later in life e.g. being married :smile:

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks everyone.
It does happen when he's at mine too, so it's not just that I'm not used to *his* bed. That said, we both have single beds which probably doesn't help matters!!!
I guess I'll just hope it starts to improve soon, and that I'm not a walking zombie for the rest of this relationship :wink:

Reply 8

smellslikemarmite

14

I used to be like that, you're probably just not used to sharing a bed with someone, plus the whole single bed situation might be a bit restricting.
If I really really can't sleep I normally take an antihistamine (not the one-a-day kind) and that makes me nice and drowsy.

Reply 9

*Joanna*

12

Double beds are far better for this! I found sharing a single bed with my boyfriend tricky- he steals the duvet and I like to be able to have my own space- but a double bed gives the best of both worlds, we can snuggle up but then I can move later!

I agree with the person who said you might be self conscious- how long have you known your boyfriend? It gets easier with time, as you get more used to totally relaxing in one another's company. You need to talk to him and explain that it's nothing he's done and you love staying over but it's taking a toll on your work. Maybe restrict to days you don't have lectures or something?

Reply 10

francescarella

18

get a double bed. problem solved :proud:

Reply 11

Andy08

I get this. I've got a king sized bed that i'll share with a mate or something but we'll have different covers and i'm usually horribly drunk and I sleep fine. But minus the alchohol and a cover, plus a girlfriend and I can hardly sleep :tongue:

it's weird lol.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

*Joanna*

I agree with the person who said you might be self conscious- how long have you known your boyfriend? It gets easier with time, as you get more used to totally relaxing in one another's company. You need to talk to him and explain that it's nothing he's done and you love staying over but it's taking a toll on your work. Maybe restrict to days you don't have lectures or something?

I think I'm fairly comfortable and relaxed with him. Don't really worry about all the messy bits.

Sadly between us we have to be at lectures by 9 or 10 every day Monday - Friday (which means waking up earlier) and don't always get to spend weekends together cause we're both away a lot for various reasons :frown:

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

francescarella

get a double bed. problem solved :proud:

Er...slightly expensive/impossible option considering we're in Halls at uni.

Reply 14

beccaarr

12

I used to be the same with my ex. After a while I got used to it. In the end, I slept better when sharing with him than I did in my bed on my own!

Reply 15

yodude888

16

Wow! I'm the opposite, I fall asleep so much more quickly when I'm sleeping next to someone

Reply 16

*Star*Guitar*

17

Yeah neither me nor the boyf get any sleep in my single bed in halls. Not even in the double bed at his parent's house! Which is why I got him to get a king-size bed at his apartment, and thats the only bed i get any sleep in when he's there. Plus, it is something to adjust to if you've never shared before - I felt that way.

Reply 17

Hollandaise_Sauce

5

i used to be like that (with my gf).

you get used to it. Distance urself with 0 contact if the bed size permits...

Reply 18

staticrhubarb

11

Ah I had this with my ex, couldn't actually sleep through the night because we were sharing a single bed in halls. Don't know what to tell you, other than a double bed would solve the problem. Obviously impossible in halls....hotel?

Reply 19

Geraldthegoat

21

Maybe you’re just not used to sharing a bed or something like that, just put your phone aside and force yourself to sleep.

Can't sleep with my boyfriend

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