Secret Relationships

Has anyone ever been in a secret relationship before? either that it was just kept a secret (no cheating involved) or that whoever you were in a secret relationship had a "significant other" and you were the bit on the side being kept a secret?

I just read some stuff about how it's seen as exciting at first but people in secret relationships are unhappier about it in contrast to public ones.

If you are or have been in a secret relationship why was it kept secret?

I have had experiences with these before... they seemed fun at first but the secrecy thing got old and then I started to think that I wasn't good enough to be his public girlfriend... no cheating involved... to begin with he wanted to keep it a secret and I did too because I thought my friends would find it weird (since we were really close friends and we didnt want them to act differently or make a big deal because it was a bit casual) but after a while I felt weird I couldnt tell anyone or confide in anyone and he became really distant so I just felt like I was alone with these feelings, being unable to express them to my close friends or to him cause he acted more cold... after a while I was wondering why it was a secret, the excitment of it being so exclusive just wore off and having to lie to my friends became a hassle.... the colder he acted added to the feeling of not being able to tell anyone about wheteher I was upset about soemthing (the usual bitching to ur best friend about how ur boyfriend has upset u or soemthing like that) intensified it and I ended up provoking argument just so he would show some emotion... kind of ruined our friendship too... which is a shame cause he was a really good friend , but after a while I thought it seemed so much like booty call that I tried to detatch from it but everytime he would call me to meet up I would drop everything and go without hessitation because I cared about him so much, as a friend and as a boyfriend... just felt like i was in limbo the whole time unsure of where we stood etc..yeah not a good experience.

I was in a secret 'on-off' relationship for about 9 months...he didn't want anyone to know even though I was perfectly happy to let people know. At first I was like oh this is fun and exciting. But it was terrible. I don't necessarily regret the relationship but the secret thing ruined my year, I was so unhappy because of it.

I did tell a few of my closest friends and they hated the guy because of all the drama he caused. I was so stupid about it. I know exactly what you mean though, how you start to feel like he thinks you're not good enough to be a 'public' gf yeah? Made me really paranoid and even though I liked him a lot I ended up hating him for it. He knew I was unhappy about it but still refused (he was scared of his parents)

I now refuse to be secretive about relationships. If you're with someone they should be proud of it and not make you feel like theyre ashamed of you. Chin up about the whole thing, you feel so much better when you're rid of the whole drama. Are you still really upset about the relationship or getting over it? Either way, no one deserves to feel that crappy. Better people who are proud to be with you will come along.

secret. Sounds interesting. I think I might get a secret girlfriend.

Im in one right now..and have been for two years! The thing is we've became best friends and now hes not wanting a 'relationship' but being friends doesnt work either :/ we end up carrying on like normal so its abit of a tricky situation. I too drop everything to see him and really love him..either way I cant win =[ because calling it off hurts and i miss him to much. argh life lol

I dont speak to the guy much anymore which I think is a shame cause he did make a good friend... just a crap "somewhat boyfriend". On top of it I had lost my virginity to him... so if anything that made me more attatched and harder to get over... but I'm glad to say I'm free of it now, and learned from it.

Thanks for sharing your story, it's always nicer to know that other people go through similar things. Secret relationships = crap. haha
x

Ergh, I had that exact same problem and it ate me up from the inside. He'd just blank me in sixth form and places like that, and in other situations I felt very much used. It was alright at first, but after a while you begin to feel like you're not good enough for him to tell his friends about you. What intensified my annoyance however was the fact that he was part of the stereotypical 'popular' crowd, and so the conclusion of me not being good enough was the easiest to come to.

Sad thing is, even now after all that rubbish he put me through I'd still drop everything to go and see him if he ever bothered to ask. But no, I wasn't happy at all in that situation - and I don't understand how anyone can be.

i think a relationship that begins under those circumstances & stays like that for too long is doomed quite frankly

THat sounds all too familiarr. The guy I had one with was a close friend of mine but he was in the year above me (I was still in school and he was in 6th form) and he had become friends with the "popular indie crowd" there whom I was not aquainted with at all... Like when we were alone it was fine, it seemed like normal... then we'd walk into town and he'd see his friends and I just felt so insignificant... or times when I'd bump into him while he was with his friends he'd act completely like nothing was going on at all... and I understood it was a secret but I kept wondering "why does it have to be? are you ashemed to tell your friends that you're in a relationship with me?"... and he wouldnt act happy to see me much or anything. before we started seeing eachother I could go up to him when I saw hima nd act all excited and happy to see him and he would too but then when the secret relationship came about it's like I had to act like we werent even good friends or it was like i wasnt keeping it on the down low... it got annoying.... I just felt like he didnt care about me whenever id see him in public and I'd want so badly to just kiss him on the cheek or cuddle him, hold his hand and stuff cause i loved him so much but it's like I wasnt ALLOWED to... then he'd have a completely different personality when we were alone and I'd get so confused. It was just like I had to keep an act on and not be myself.