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Nothing going for me /o\
In short ive been feeling terrible lately and these feelings are amplified when im on my own, even more so on the typical "social nights" of friday and saturday when i always end up sitting in my room on my own devoid from contact with others my age. I sit with my computer on and my phone out, wishing for someone to contact me, knowing full well that nothing ever comes. I have no real proper friends who i can trust or rely on for a bit of socialising, and i rarely go out, simply because i have nothing to do / noone to go with. Similarly there is noone i can just phone up to see if they fancy doing something spontaneously.
The only thing that i possibly ever had in terms of a positive attribute was my intelligence, but i recently failed my uni exams so now im even without that /o\ I'd go as far as saying that im even tempted to leave my uni course. I cant seem to connect with anyone there and end up spending any time in between class on my own. The most extreme scenario was me sitting in the wintery cold weather on my own in the local park eating my lunch because i had noone to go with for lunch and felt too embarrassed to sit in somewhere in fear of being seen on my own.
I do work part time and have done so in the same place for 2 years, but its a similar thing. I have made no real friends from it. Hobby wise i have nothing, there is just nothing out there that interests me.
If i discount uni and work, i maybe leave the house out of choice once or twice a week, and that is always for football, thats it. Im **** at meeting new people just because of my personality which doesnt help me out a lot. Ive got no friends in my local area because i went to school quite far away, noone in school keeps in contact because theyve either left for uni or they live too far away and ive no mates from uni. I really do hate my life. There are just no redeeming features.
Im bored, lonely and if im honest im probably depressed. Really stuck in a rut
The only thing that i possibly ever had in terms of a positive attribute was my intelligence, but i recently failed my uni exams so now im even without that /o\ I'd go as far as saying that im even tempted to leave my uni course. I cant seem to connect with anyone there and end up spending any time in between class on my own. The most extreme scenario was me sitting in the wintery cold weather on my own in the local park eating my lunch because i had noone to go with for lunch and felt too embarrassed to sit in somewhere in fear of being seen on my own.
I do work part time and have done so in the same place for 2 years, but its a similar thing. I have made no real friends from it. Hobby wise i have nothing, there is just nothing out there that interests me.
If i discount uni and work, i maybe leave the house out of choice once or twice a week, and that is always for football, thats it. Im **** at meeting new people just because of my personality which doesnt help me out a lot. Ive got no friends in my local area because i went to school quite far away, noone in school keeps in contact because theyve either left for uni or they live too far away and ive no mates from uni. I really do hate my life. There are just no redeeming features.
Im bored, lonely and if im honest im probably depressed. Really stuck in a rut
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
??
Reply 2
1) join a club or something to make friends?
2) do you live in halls? can you tag along with what your housemates do?
3) don't get the impression that people with friends never feel bored or lonely, sometimes i end up grabbing lunch on my own just cos my friends are busy
4) don't think people won't accept you if you suddenly make an effort. some girls on my corridor never go out but if they turned around and asked to come out with us and hung out with us a bit more we'd be really happy to spend time with them, we just think at the moment that they want to be left alone
just my initial thoughts.
2) do you live in halls? can you tag along with what your housemates do?
3) don't get the impression that people with friends never feel bored or lonely, sometimes i end up grabbing lunch on my own just cos my friends are busy
4) don't think people won't accept you if you suddenly make an effort. some girls on my corridor never go out but if they turned around and asked to come out with us and hung out with us a bit more we'd be really happy to spend time with them, we just think at the moment that they want to be left alone
just my initial thoughts.
Reply 3
hmm. sounds pretty hard, what year are you in?
and do you have any friends from football?
what do you think it is about your personality that inhibits your ability to make friends?
too withheld and shy, or just no good at first impressions?
and do you have any friends from football?
what do you think it is about your personality that inhibits your ability to make friends?
too withheld and shy, or just no good at first impressions?
Reply 4
12
Sorry to hear about it mate. You sound like the previous me! If you're in London (or nearby), let me know and perhaps we could try and cheer you up a bit? PM me if you're up for it.
Reply 5
where are you?
Reply 6
MichaelRM1991
hmm. sounds pretty hard, what year are you in?
and do you have any friends from football?
what do you think it is about your personality that inhibits your ability to make friends?
too withheld and shy, or just no good at first impressions?
and do you have any friends from football?
what do you think it is about your personality that inhibits your ability to make friends?
too withheld and shy, or just no good at first impressions?
Im 2nd year med, so a lot of people in my year, which in my case is a bad thing. And once again i *know* people from football, i even worked with a few of them for a few years, but i dont know them well enough to even have a contact number and message them or something, let alone expect them to let me tag along if they go out.
As for my personality. Quiet/shy, whatever. I guess thats what it is, or so ive been told anywy. That said i try to make an effort and talk to people, especially if they come to talk to me i have no problem having a conversation with them, even if it does sound a bit forced. Also, i seem to have a lot of trouble relating to "jock" type guys, i just never know what to say, and it puts me off a bit, as do groups of 3+ people esp with peple i dont knowand i tend just to sit and say nothing.
In my two years at uni, ive socialised with classmates once, after i happened to be in a group and someone mentined it was their b'day. The look i got when i actually showed up was one of shock. Sums everything up tbh.
Reply 7
neverknowingwhy
1) join a club or something to make friends?
2) do you live in halls? can you tag along with what your housemates do?
3) don't get the impression that people with friends never feel bored or lonely, sometimes i end up grabbing lunch on my own just cos my friends are busy
4) don't think people won't accept you if you suddenly make an effort. some girls on my corridor never go out but if they turned around and asked to come out with us and hung out with us a bit more we'd be really happy to spend time with them, we just think at the moment that they want to be left alone
just my initial thoughts.
2) do you live in halls? can you tag along with what your housemates do?
3) don't get the impression that people with friends never feel bored or lonely, sometimes i end up grabbing lunch on my own just cos my friends are busy
4) don't think people won't accept you if you suddenly make an effort. some girls on my corridor never go out but if they turned around and asked to come out with us and hung out with us a bit more we'd be really happy to spend time with them, we just think at the moment that they want to be left alone
just my initial thoughts.
1) ive been in lots of cllubs before but ive ended up with no real friends from it - the only guy i knew from a club situation has recently gone to germany for the year and i hadnt spoken to him in two years before that.
2) I live at home. And i know noone in my area, so cant even just "hang out" with people at nights.
3)I know thats the case, but im confident that they dont spend the majority of there time at home alone, and bored in that situation is very bored from a situation where the choice of doing stuff with other people is concerned.
4) I do try to make an effort, it just never seems to work out for me. I try to talk to people in uni, but everyone has their own clique. For example, after an exam we had to sit in a room for a few hours so i was chatting to a guy whod been in my class of 6 people for an entire semester, of two classes per week. At the end of it he asked me my name :/
Oh, and im in NI, thats as specific as im going.
Reply 8
I would most likely join a club with alot of social factors going for it.
Reply 9
lol...how can you say you have nothing going for you are a medical student just talk to non medical students about that... they will be well impressed especially girls!
Reply 10
have you conisdered counselling or doing a course in building confidence or something? your immediate negativity towards stuff needs addressing i think- i've been there and a change of attitude changes everything.
keep trying with clubs- i can't imagine how it is so difficult for you- i went to ballet class one week, chatted away to the other girls, got their email addys, added them on facebook, went out on a night out with them which was an organised dance social and now i have 5 friends. i'm not gloating but i'm just saying if you're proactive enough it isnt hard, most people like having new friends.
have you got any siblings? maybe you could go out clubbing with them or something to build up confidence?
any old friends from school you could catch up with?
tutorial group friends?
are you in the medic society? i hear they do socials and stuff...
4 more years is a long time to just live at home for with no friends, i hope you manage to find some people...
are you religious? i have a whole separate network of friends just from church.
i'm racking my brains here for ways to help you so dont take any of this the wrong way! i am tryin to be helpful
keep trying with clubs- i can't imagine how it is so difficult for you- i went to ballet class one week, chatted away to the other girls, got their email addys, added them on facebook, went out on a night out with them which was an organised dance social and now i have 5 friends. i'm not gloating but i'm just saying if you're proactive enough it isnt hard, most people like having new friends.
have you got any siblings? maybe you could go out clubbing with them or something to build up confidence?
any old friends from school you could catch up with?
tutorial group friends?
are you in the medic society? i hear they do socials and stuff...
4 more years is a long time to just live at home for with no friends, i hope you manage to find some people...
are you religious? i have a whole separate network of friends just from church.
i'm racking my brains here for ways to help you so dont take any of this the wrong way! i am tryin to be helpful
Reply 11
I often think about going to a GP or getting conselled, but im afraid id probably end up not telling them much making it a futile process.
my brother is the only sobling of going out age. We're totally different, so its a no-go.
At school, i had a small group of friends. Only school 'friend' still in the country, is a hermit who i only see a few times a year (lives20 mins away), he doesnt like meeting up much, even for lunch, cinema etc.
None from tutorial group really as our tutorial groups are 30+ people and often change every week.
I dont go to medical functions because i dont want to turn up on my own, i dont even know people well enough for them to ask if im going to these things.
And im not religious anymore.
And no, any musings are more than welcome, so dont worry abuot annoying me, you wont
my brother is the only sobling of going out age. We're totally different, so its a no-go.
At school, i had a small group of friends. Only school 'friend' still in the country, is a hermit who i only see a few times a year (lives20 mins away), he doesnt like meeting up much, even for lunch, cinema etc.
None from tutorial group really as our tutorial groups are 30+ people and often change every week.
I dont go to medical functions because i dont want to turn up on my own, i dont even know people well enough for them to ask if im going to these things.
And im not religious anymore.
And no, any musings are more than welcome, so dont worry abuot annoying me, you wont
Reply 12
ok well i'd totally give counselling a go- you dont always have to talk- i got to draw pictures once :P but still they can give you good advice- or you could look at some websites like need2know.co.uk thesite.org connexions etc, they always have good articles bout making friends and stuff.
could go out with your bro anyway, you might find you like each others stuff. and anyway when you do go out with people it's often to clubs that arent necessarily your thing so you may as well get some practice! and its about spending time with people not particularly loving it, i dont really like clubbing but i go just to be sociable.
some people really will give you the time of day- one girl came to our ball on her own and just stood there but i just went and asked her if she wanted to dance with me and my friends. i would never leave anyone out and im sure there are other people like me who would be happy to spend time with you. id def just go along, the worst that happens is you feel lame nd awkward but on the other hand it could be really good.
maybe at one of your tutorial groups you could just get chatting? doesnt matter if you dont see them again, it's good practice and the more you do it the easier itll become. you'll start making friend without trying! you could set yourself a challenge to meet one new person every week- you never know when you might bump into them again!
fair enough with the religion thing, it was worth a stab :P
could go out with your bro anyway, you might find you like each others stuff. and anyway when you do go out with people it's often to clubs that arent necessarily your thing so you may as well get some practice! and its about spending time with people not particularly loving it, i dont really like clubbing but i go just to be sociable.
some people really will give you the time of day- one girl came to our ball on her own and just stood there but i just went and asked her if she wanted to dance with me and my friends. i would never leave anyone out and im sure there are other people like me who would be happy to spend time with you. id def just go along, the worst that happens is you feel lame nd awkward but on the other hand it could be really good.
maybe at one of your tutorial groups you could just get chatting? doesnt matter if you dont see them again, it's good practice and the more you do it the easier itll become. you'll start making friend without trying! you could set yourself a challenge to meet one new person every week- you never know when you might bump into them again!
fair enough with the religion thing, it was worth a stab :P
Reply 13
I think we're getting our wires crossed with 'clubs'. Up to then i was refering to clubs and society style clubs - i dont think id ever go to a clubbing club expecting to make friends. My bro is only 17 as well plus id held fully accountable for all his actions by parents if we went together, plus i dont know his mates soid be on my own like a tool.
And i do try, as i said earlier i do make an effort, but i find that people either forget about me or just dont speak to me again. And i gaurantee if i did what you suggest for that girl id end up standing there all night on my own. Its happened before when i went out with work people once, i just ended up standing there and noone said a word to me all night, and thats with me 'knowing' them.
im resigned to the fact that im a loner.
And i do try, as i said earlier i do make an effort, but i find that people either forget about me or just dont speak to me again. And i gaurantee if i did what you suggest for that girl id end up standing there all night on my own. Its happened before when i went out with work people once, i just ended up standing there and noone said a word to me all night, and thats with me 'knowing' them.
im resigned to the fact that im a loner.
Reply 14
lol sorry i was switching between society clubs and clubbing clubs without specifying- i did mean societies for the most part. and i agree you cant make friends by going to clubbing clubs but it is good for building confidence.
don't resign yourself to being a loner. you have potential to be anyone- everyone does!
could you try volunteering? i met new friends when, through our uni's agency, a group of us went to an old peoples home every week to talk to them. and i have a whole group of friends from sat nights wen i go to feed homeless people.
you could try getting a new job- change can be good!
dont give up though, look on your union's website for things going on and things you could do.
and if people forget about you, remind them! if you can say "oh hi bob i remember you from last month wen we had that tutorial, omgsh how funny was the lecturer..." then theyll be really flattered that you remembered them and theyll think you're obv a caring person.
and another thought- on your facebook (assuming you have it, if not thats where your going wrong!) make yourself look really appealing. try and get some pics of yourself having fun and doing stuff, write a blurb about yourslef, something witty and interesting, join groups so it looks like you have lots of interests and then NETWORK as much as poss, write on people's walls and get chatting. i keep up with so many people through facebook. write witty statuses to catch peoples attentions. people wont forget you if they see your name pop up everyday!
don't resign yourself to being a loner. you have potential to be anyone- everyone does!
could you try volunteering? i met new friends when, through our uni's agency, a group of us went to an old peoples home every week to talk to them. and i have a whole group of friends from sat nights wen i go to feed homeless people.
you could try getting a new job- change can be good!
dont give up though, look on your union's website for things going on and things you could do.
and if people forget about you, remind them! if you can say "oh hi bob i remember you from last month wen we had that tutorial, omgsh how funny was the lecturer..." then theyll be really flattered that you remembered them and theyll think you're obv a caring person.
and another thought- on your facebook (assuming you have it, if not thats where your going wrong!) make yourself look really appealing. try and get some pics of yourself having fun and doing stuff, write a blurb about yourslef, something witty and interesting, join groups so it looks like you have lots of interests and then NETWORK as much as poss, write on people's walls and get chatting. i keep up with so many people through facebook. write witty statuses to catch peoples attentions. people wont forget you if they see your name pop up everyday!
Reply 15
I'm basically the female version of you, i know how you feel
Reply 16
Everyone on my facebook is old scholl people who, largely, are out of the country, and at best "people i know". Plus its a bit of a sad state if i have to use facebook to have friends tbh.
I used to volunteer in something similar to what you suggested - i hated it, i just never knew what to say and would often end up sitting there doing nothing getting bored.
A new job is out of the question atm, considering current economics plus the difficulty of finding a job that fits with my studies.
Your point on looking at the union website, im not totally sure what you mean, but again im not going to turn up on my own as id just end up standing there.
Once again, i also try talking to people about previous meetings, they just dont seem to care. Its a futile cycle.
I know it seems like im just pouncing on any suggestion you make, but im not, im just telling it how it is. Your suggestions are great, i just dont think theyd help in my situation.
I used to volunteer in something similar to what you suggested - i hated it, i just never knew what to say and would often end up sitting there doing nothing getting bored.
A new job is out of the question atm, considering current economics plus the difficulty of finding a job that fits with my studies.
Your point on looking at the union website, im not totally sure what you mean, but again im not going to turn up on my own as id just end up standing there.
Once again, i also try talking to people about previous meetings, they just dont seem to care. Its a futile cycle.
I know it seems like im just pouncing on any suggestion you make, but im not, im just telling it how it is. Your suggestions are great, i just dont think theyd help in my situation.
Reply 17
Anonymous
In my two years at uni, ive socialised with classmates once, after i happened to be in a group and someone mentined it was their b'day. The look i got when i actually showed up was one of shock. Sums everything up tbh.
In my two years at uni, ive socialised with classmates once, after i happened to be in a group and someone mentined it was their b'day. The look i got when i actually showed up was one of shock. Sums everything up tbh.
Is there no way you can try to put yourself in situations like this more? The more you go out the more 'normal' it will get and people will start inviting you along. They were probably shocked because you don't go out much and maybe they think you just don't want to which is why they don't bother asking you?
Reply 18
Hmmm, that was in the first semester way back in first year, about a month after wed started so theyd have had no idea what sort of person i am.
Going out more isnt feasible for two main reasons.
1) I live at home outside of town so unless i go with people round here its difficult to get home
2) and perhaps the most important reason, i have noone to go with.
Going out more isnt feasible for two main reasons.
1) I live at home outside of town so unless i go with people round here its difficult to get home
2) and perhaps the most important reason, i have noone to go with.
Reply 19
ah. I see why it must be difficult for you, especially doing medicine I don't suppose that leaves you with much time on your hands.
It sounds like it's a confidence problem though because you said you were quiet and shy and until you get over that I don't think there is much point in joining new clubs and stuff anyways cos you probably won't end up talking to anyone. I don't really know what to suggest to help you get over it though..
Is the area where you live/attend uni big?
How about moving out next year and just moving in with some random people who advertise the need for a new person to share a house? A bit daunting but at least you'd be 'out there'?..
It sounds like it's a confidence problem though because you said you were quiet and shy and until you get over that I don't think there is much point in joining new clubs and stuff anyways cos you probably won't end up talking to anyone. I don't really know what to suggest to help you get over it though..
Is the area where you live/attend uni big?
How about moving out next year and just moving in with some random people who advertise the need for a new person to share a house? A bit daunting but at least you'd be 'out there'?..
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