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Boyfriend.
Hello.
My boyfriend and i have been together for just over 18 months. We have always had a love/hate relationship. One day were completely content, the next its a bit like we hate each other.
However, he has always treated me (88%) of the time (lol) great. The other (12%) of the time we have had huge rows and got on extreemly badly.
Now we have been together this long, i feel our relationship is far less important to him than it originally was. We started off great, 'rocking each others worlds' so to speak.
Now however, i feel i come second to EVERYTHING else in his life. One of the main reasons we've stayed together this long (im fussy when it comes to relationships) is the romantic thoughtful gestures he used to make for the first.... year? Since then all the things that i love about him seem to have kind of gone down the pan.
He bought me a car for my boyfriend (spoiled?) and has always been extreemly generous on his own, without me asking him to buy me things etc. He has always made me feel wanted, loved and appreciated, but now, it seems like they have all disappeared. Much to my dislike. I feel that he has either gone off me, found someone else (bit extreme but ALWAYS a possibility) or something else.
We row alot, which i know he has almost caused him to end it between us, as he just cant live with it. Time and time again we have sworn to change, and we have, well I have but it seems his efforts to make this work are becoming less each day. I talk to him about it but he says he WILL make effort etc, but it seems he never does.
I know its a hard relationship to keep up as we are both busy, especially him, his brother is very reliant on him and i find this hard sometimes.
He's my first love, first PROPER boyfriend and ive given everything to him. I don't want this to end, and although you may think its helpful to tell me we should end it, its not a possibility at the moment as i don't want to be without him.
Thanks for reading sorry its long.
My boyfriend and i have been together for just over 18 months. We have always had a love/hate relationship. One day were completely content, the next its a bit like we hate each other.
However, he has always treated me (88%) of the time (lol) great. The other (12%) of the time we have had huge rows and got on extreemly badly.
Now we have been together this long, i feel our relationship is far less important to him than it originally was. We started off great, 'rocking each others worlds' so to speak.
Now however, i feel i come second to EVERYTHING else in his life. One of the main reasons we've stayed together this long (im fussy when it comes to relationships) is the romantic thoughtful gestures he used to make for the first.... year? Since then all the things that i love about him seem to have kind of gone down the pan.
He bought me a car for my boyfriend (spoiled?) and has always been extreemly generous on his own, without me asking him to buy me things etc. He has always made me feel wanted, loved and appreciated, but now, it seems like they have all disappeared. Much to my dislike. I feel that he has either gone off me, found someone else (bit extreme but ALWAYS a possibility) or something else.
We row alot, which i know he has almost caused him to end it between us, as he just cant live with it. Time and time again we have sworn to change, and we have, well I have but it seems his efforts to make this work are becoming less each day. I talk to him about it but he says he WILL make effort etc, but it seems he never does.
I know its a hard relationship to keep up as we are both busy, especially him, his brother is very reliant on him and i find this hard sometimes.
He's my first love, first PROPER boyfriend and ive given everything to him. I don't want this to end, and although you may think its helpful to tell me we should end it, its not a possibility at the moment as i don't want to be without him.
Thanks for reading sorry its long.
Reply 1
Hana_87
Hello.
My boyfriend and i have been together for just over 18 months. We have always had a love/hate relationship. One day were completely content, the next its a bit like we hate each other.
However, he has always treated me (88%) of the time (lol) great. The other (12%) of the time we have had huge rows and got on extreemly badly.
Now we have been together this long, i feel our relationship is far less important to him than it originally was. We started off great, 'rocking each others worlds' so to speak.
Now however, i feel i come second to EVERYTHING else in his life. One of the main reasons we've stayed together this long (im fussy when it comes to relationships) is the romantic thoughtful gestures he used to make for the first.... year? Since then all the things that i love about him seem to have kind of gone down the pan.
He bought me a car for my boyfriend (spoiled?) and has always been extreemly generous on his own, without me asking him to buy me things etc. He has always made me feel wanted, loved and appreciated, but now, it seems like they have all disappeared. Much to my dislike. I feel that he has either gone off me, found someone else (bit extreme but ALWAYS a possibility) or something else.
We row alot, which i know he has almost caused him to end it between us, as he just cant live with it. Time and time again we have sworn to change, and we have, well I have but it seems his efforts to make this work are becoming less each day. I talk to him about it but he says he WILL make effort etc, but it seems he never does.
I know its a hard relationship to keep up as we are both busy, especially him, his brother is very reliant on him and i find this hard sometimes.
He's my first love, first PROPER boyfriend and ive given everything to him. I don't want this to end, and although you may think its helpful to tell me we should end it, its not a possibility at the moment as i don't want to be without him.
Thanks for reading sorry its long.
My boyfriend and i have been together for just over 18 months. We have always had a love/hate relationship. One day were completely content, the next its a bit like we hate each other.
However, he has always treated me (88%) of the time (lol) great. The other (12%) of the time we have had huge rows and got on extreemly badly.
Now we have been together this long, i feel our relationship is far less important to him than it originally was. We started off great, 'rocking each others worlds' so to speak.
Now however, i feel i come second to EVERYTHING else in his life. One of the main reasons we've stayed together this long (im fussy when it comes to relationships) is the romantic thoughtful gestures he used to make for the first.... year? Since then all the things that i love about him seem to have kind of gone down the pan.
He bought me a car for my boyfriend (spoiled?) and has always been extreemly generous on his own, without me asking him to buy me things etc. He has always made me feel wanted, loved and appreciated, but now, it seems like they have all disappeared. Much to my dislike. I feel that he has either gone off me, found someone else (bit extreme but ALWAYS a possibility) or something else.
We row alot, which i know he has almost caused him to end it between us, as he just cant live with it. Time and time again we have sworn to change, and we have, well I have but it seems his efforts to make this work are becoming less each day. I talk to him about it but he says he WILL make effort etc, but it seems he never does.
I know its a hard relationship to keep up as we are both busy, especially him, his brother is very reliant on him and i find this hard sometimes.
He's my first love, first PROPER boyfriend and ive given everything to him. I don't want this to end, and although you may think its helpful to tell me we should end it, its not a possibility at the moment as i don't want to be without him.
Thanks for reading sorry its long.
Maybe he feels like you aren't putting in the effort either? Talk to him, tel him how you feel. Being honest about your feelings is the main stay of any relationship.
Reply 2
no it isnt helpful to end it, so dont.
the romantic cute gestures anyone makes at the start cant go on forever.
me and my ex had a similar thing, a love/hate relationship. i think it shows there's such intese emotion between you that you'd rather feel something negative as hate for each other rather than feel nothing. i think this has arisen as you are both getting bored in the realtionship as the initial intese love wears off, so you fight to put some fire back into it.
a sign that this is good is that when you argue, you fight and fight rather than ignoring each other for weeks on end.
there's nothing you can do, you can never go back to the romance of when you first met. the level of love in a long term relationship is different to htat at the start otherwise u'd wear yourself out. just show him u still care and you lov him and he'll understand
the romantic cute gestures anyone makes at the start cant go on forever.
me and my ex had a similar thing, a love/hate relationship. i think it shows there's such intese emotion between you that you'd rather feel something negative as hate for each other rather than feel nothing. i think this has arisen as you are both getting bored in the realtionship as the initial intese love wears off, so you fight to put some fire back into it.
a sign that this is good is that when you argue, you fight and fight rather than ignoring each other for weeks on end.
there's nothing you can do, you can never go back to the romance of when you first met. the level of love in a long term relationship is different to htat at the start otherwise u'd wear yourself out. just show him u still care and you lov him and he'll understand
Reply 3
If you don't want it to end you have to sit down and talk to him. Discuss all this. Talk about how you feel he treats you differently to how he used to. That's the one thing which can **** up any relationship - a lack of communication. It sounds obvious but he probably doesn't realise how you feel. 18 months is a long time and maybe he feels like he is under pressure slightly. You say you are second to EVERYTHING which really isn't right. Sit down and chat. Don't accuse him of anything just talk openly about how you feel and where you see things going and how you think your relationship has changed.
Sorry to hear, you're having difficulties with your b/f.
There are a couple things you could do, other than ending it, because it's clear you don't want to:
1. You said your b/f's brother was very reliant upon your b/f. I don't know the situation but maybe if you tried to get involved in the other aspects of your b/f's life that he focuses on, such as his brother. This may enable you to spend more time together and less time arguing...?
2. Take a break... maybe if you do he'll realise how much you really mean to him. The saying: "no-one notices what I do till I don't do it" comes into play here.
Hope this either helps and doesn't confuse you anymore...
There are a couple things you could do, other than ending it, because it's clear you don't want to:
1. You said your b/f's brother was very reliant upon your b/f. I don't know the situation but maybe if you tried to get involved in the other aspects of your b/f's life that he focuses on, such as his brother. This may enable you to spend more time together and less time arguing...?
2. Take a break... maybe if you do he'll realise how much you really mean to him. The saying: "no-one notices what I do till I don't do it" comes into play here.
Hope this either helps and doesn't confuse you anymore...
Hmmm well if both of you love each other or are serious enough about this, you WILL sit down and work this out. If he's not putting in the effort then tbh does he still actually wanna be with you? - as in, really be with you, rather than have a girlfriend as a feel-good factor? (btw sorry I'm really not trying to be harsh)
And if he doesn't wanna make it work, there is no point of you being with him. If this is the case and you decide to cling on anyway well you're the one who's gonna get hurt, simple as that really.
You gotta find out what he thinks, how he feels. If he wants to stay with you tell him he's gotta make it work - and you will too. And if he doesn't wanna be with you, end it - for your sake and his.
And if he doesn't wanna make it work, there is no point of you being with him. If this is the case and you decide to cling on anyway well you're the one who's gonna get hurt, simple as that really.
You gotta find out what he thinks, how he feels. If he wants to stay with you tell him he's gotta make it work - and you will too. And if he doesn't wanna be with you, end it - for your sake and his.
Thankyou everyone. Some really helpful advice! Im not sure how to quote something that someone else has said, but i really agree with lessthanthree that romantic gestures can ALWAYS happen, even if its as small as writing a note or making me something he knows i love etc.
I don't think all hope is lost in the relationship, maybe we've reached 'comfortable' stage and I need to put the spark back.
What do you think on seeing each other every day? Definate no no? It can get a bit much, its nice to always look forward to seeing him though...
I don't think all hope is lost in the relationship, maybe we've reached 'comfortable' stage and I need to put the spark back.
What do you think on seeing each other every day? Definate no no? It can get a bit much, its nice to always look forward to seeing him though...
if u want to quote someone hunni then click reply at the bottom of someones post.
definitely dont see him everyday. you'd get sick of the sight of each other. its good to have some space. then as u say, u look forward to seeing your partner again. maybe do something for him to put the spark back into your relationship...whether it be a pgift or a day out or something in the bedroom department...whatever u think he'll like.
good luck with everything hunni.
karen x
definitely dont see him everyday. you'd get sick of the sight of each other. its good to have some space. then as u say, u look forward to seeing your partner again. maybe do something for him to put the spark back into your relationship...whether it be a pgift or a day out or something in the bedroom department...whatever u think he'll like.
good luck with everything hunni.
karen x
Reply 9
Hana_87
SPAAACCCCCCCCEEEEEEEE 
Yeah i agree. Something i think he'll like... Hmmm... Anything sexual?
Yeah i agree. Something i think he'll like... Hmmm... Anything sexual?
Well you know him better than we do
As always I agree with <3, and think about this: if you work the problem out and things blossom up again, you'll feel pretty great about it knowing that you and him worked through a "tough" time together.Related discussions
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