Do Long Distance Relationships work at our age?

I've just started a relationship with a guy I've known for a while, and things are going great. The thing is - I don't know if it can possibly last because I live in Newcastle and he lives in Essex. We are absolutely indentical people - we like all the same things and are wired exactly the same - we scare people when we're together! - but we are hardly ever going to get to see each other. Next year he is going to Cambridge and I am going to Oxford, and it will be easy enough to meet up in London, but until then, I'm not sure.
So, was wondering about people's thoughts on this?
Thanks

Reply 1

IB student uk

6

I have been in quite a few long distance relationships, similar distances to yours, I was with my last boyfriend for 18 months but we had to break up because we just didnt see eachother enough. We would both be in the same area next year, but i found it to hard at the moment.
I also do sport whereby there are alot of relationships within the sport. people come from all over scotland, england and wales. Some of the relationships have lasted for ages and seem to work for them, others have broken up because of the long distance. I guess it depends.
You never know, you might be able to pull through it. good luck x :smile:

Reply 2

Beekeeper

13

hmm i live in North Yorkshire, and i've had two long distance relationships. One in Berkshire, one in Herts. Although they were both unusually strong relationships, they didn't materialise after a 3 month threshhold. IT's quite difficult when the only contact you can have for at least a week, is a telephone call... We decided to finish the relationship, but we made an agreement that we would promise to meet up again this september when i go to uni, because he's also going to a London uni, long distance relationships are too much hard work...

Reply 3

thefish_uk

14

feefifofum

I've just started a relationship with a guy I've known for a while, and things are going great. The thing is - I don't know if it can possibly last because I live in Newcastle and he lives in Essex. We are absolutely indentical people - we like all the same things and are wired exactly the same - we scare people when we're together! - but we are hardly ever going to get to see each other. Next year he is going to Cambridge and I am going to Oxford, and it will be easy enough to meet up in London, but until then, I'm not sure.
So, was wondering about people's thoughts on this?
Thanks

Have you ever met him?

Reply 4

blissy

15

Yes of course they can. It depends on the people, not their age. I really hate it when people assuming things about relationships because of age e.g. people of 30 who get engaged after 5 months are generally accepted, people of 20 who get engaged after 2-3 years are generally viewed with a bit of reservation.

edit: there's a bus that goes between Ox and Cam - my friend and her bf were at the separate unis and it worked out fine :smile:

Reply 5

Sarky

18

I'm in a LDR and me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 3 years.

Reply 6

Create

2

feefifofum

I've just started a relationship with a guy I've known for a while, and things are going great. The thing is - I don't know if it can possibly last because I live in Newcastle and he lives in Essex. We are absolutely indentical people - we like all the same things and are wired exactly the same - we scare people when we're together! - but we are hardly ever going to get to see each other. Next year he is going to Cambridge and I am going to Oxford, and it will be easy enough to meet up in London, but until then, I'm not sure.
So, was wondering about people's thoughts on this?
Thanks

Yes, they can work. At the end of the day it's about how committed you are to each other and how much you want to be with each other. If you both want to be with each other, no matter what because your feelings are that strong for one another, it'll work. If your feelings are that strong, you won't want to be with anyone else anyway. It's not easy, of course it's not, and you have to work at it, and you'll get frustrated that you can't see him on occassion, but it's something that I think, if you can get through, makes you incredibly strong as a couple.

Looking at your case in particular, yes, it's a new relationship, but you've got some time between now and September/October. Why not just give it a go, see how things work out, and evaluate the realism and logisitics nearer the time, once you've established a relationship and more concrete feelings for each other. Logistics-wise, you'd definitely be able to meet up at weekends and stuff, you just have to both be prepared to make the effort and above all to want to make the effort.

Good luck! x

Reply 7

Mishael

2

I started going out with my boyfriend at 15, and I'm still with him two and a half years later. He lives 70 miles away (100 when he's at uni in Durham) and I get to see him once a week at the weekends (usually only for a few hours).

It's been really hard and in some ways it hasn't become any easier. Lessthanthree's right, you end up yearning for physical contact after a few days, and it's extremely frustrating when you can't get it. But it can work if you want it to enough.

Then again, if it was only every two weeks I got to see him, or every month, I'm not sure things would have worked out between us. There are limits, I think.

Reply 8

Feefifofum

OP

16

thefish_uk

Have you ever met him?

Yeah, we went on a course together last summer (that's where we met) and got on really well, and we've met up (as friends) a couple of times since. Recently we've both been getting very flirty and eventually he asked the question. And I did say Yes as I like him loads and we get on so well, I just don't know if it can ever develop into anything serious. I agree that next year we will be abvle to see each other most weekends, but until then.... Well, I'm going down in a couple of weeks, we can talk about things then. Bring on the 4 hour train ride :frown:

Reply 9

Feefifofum

OP

16

Just realised that sounded like I didn't want to go - I REEEEALLY do, it's just a don't like long train journeys. Does anyone?

Reply 10

lou p lou

2

i hate train journeys, but the 4 1/2 trip to my bfs doesn't btoher me (the journey home is not quite so good though)... i'm about 300 miles from my bf and it works out we see each other about every 3 weeks/ 4 times a term... i am a very physical person and at leats once a day i really feel like i could do with one of my bfs hugs... but the times we have together are worth every moment apart and nmothing else seems important then. communication is the key, you have to make more effort to include the other person- me and my bf spend at least an hour on the phone every day, send texts, speak on msn all the time etc... and there's always the hope of summer

lou xxx

Reply 11

Angel_Cake

2

lou p

i hate train journeys, but the 4 1/2 trip to my bfs doesn't btoher me (the journey home is not quite so good though)... i'm about 300 miles from my bf and it works out we see each other about every 3 weeks/ 4 times a term... i am a very physical person and at leats once a day i really feel like i could do with one of my bfs hugs... but the times we have together are worth every moment apart and nmothing else seems important then. communication is the key, you have to make more effort to include the other person- me and my bf spend at least an hour on the phone every day, send texts, speak on msn all the time etc... and there's always the hope of summer

lou xxx

An hour a day???!!! :eek:

Your phone bill must be loads!!

Reply 12

Feefifofum

OP

16

We speak on msn rather than on the phone normally cos its sooooo expensive if not. plus texting him uses up all my money anway...

Reply 13

Carelesswhispers

1

By long distance i thought u meant LONG distance. My best friend has been going out with her boyfriend for nearly two years but since August last year he's been at Harvard, whilst she's been here in England. It is working, so far though, bcos they are still vvv close but she is now fancying a old friend but will still keep it going with her boyf. Depends on the ppl i guess but at our age i wouldn't go for it myself

Plus u say ur identical, in my case identical hasnt worked at all, after all they do say opposite attract but equally i guess u have to have some common ground in the first place?

Reply 14

Ericz

1

lou p

i hate train journeys, but the 4 1/2 trip to my bfs doesn't btoher me (the journey home is not quite so good though)... i'm about 300 miles from my bf and it works out we see each other about every 3 weeks/ 4 times a term... i am a very physical person and at leats once a day i really feel like i could do with one of my bfs hugs... but the times we have together are worth every moment apart and nmothing else seems important then. communication is the key, you have to make more effort to include the other person- me and my bf spend at least an hour on the phone every day, send texts, speak on msn all the time etc... and there's always the hope of summer

lou xxx

hmmm.. this is certainly a very good piece of advice for me.

Unfortunately I can't return to Singapore to see her about every 3 weeks/4 times a term.

This is what I intend to do:

1. Meet her on MSN as much as I can
2. SMS her everyday
3. Call her once in a while
4. Write a letter to her every month
5. Send my daily diaries to her, writing in there the things I did, the people I am with etc.
6. Get her a small gift every month
7. Go back to Singapore every year for 3 months

Do you think that will do, to keep our long distance relationship strong when I come over to UK to further my studies?

Kindly give me more advice on how to keep my girlfriend secured and happy.

Reply 15

xx_ambellina_xx

14

feefifofum

I've just started a relationship with a guy I've known for a while, and things are going great. The thing is - I don't know if it can possibly last because I live in Newcastle and he lives in Essex. We are absolutely indentical people - we like all the same things and are wired exactly the same - we scare people when we're together! - but we are hardly ever going to get to see each other. Next year he is going to Cambridge and I am going to Oxford, and it will be easy enough to meet up in London, but until then, I'm not sure.
So, was wondering about people's thoughts on this?
Thanks

in my experience, having tried it twice, it doesn't work....however it may be different for you.

Reply 16

Mishael

2

Ericz

hmmm.. this is certainly a very good piece of advice for me.

Unfortunately I can't return to Singapore to see her about every 3 weeks/4 times a term.

This is what I intend to do:

1. Meet her on MSN as much as I can
2. SMS her everyday
3. Call her once in a while
4. Write a letter to her every month
5. Send my daily diaries to her, writing in there the things I did, the people I am with etc.
6. Get her a small gift every month
7. Go back to Singapore every year for 3 months

Do you think that will do, to keep our long distance relationship strong when I come over to UK to further my studies?

Kindly give me more advice on how to keep my girlfriend secured and happy.

I really don't think there is any hard and fast way to ensure your relationship will survive. If you keep up the communication and make sure you feel a part of one another's lives, that's all you can really do. The rest is down to how much you love one another, how well you can cope apart, how well you can resist temptation and, I think, a large dose of luck. :smile:

Reply 17

Flicker

13

Angel_Cake

An hour a day???!!! :eek:

Your phone bill must be loads!!

this is where contract phones come in :smile:

my boyfriend and i each have 500 free minutes a month, and they're basically all used on each other! it's annoying he doesn't have a landline as we have free calls on the housephone to landlines...ah well.

we find that though that often we'll go for about 3 or 4 days when we're both busy and thigns overlap so we only get 10 minutes to talk here and there, then we'll have a mammoth phone call one evening, but it all works out fine. :smile:

Reply 18

khil

15

Depends how committed you are and how much you want it to work.

Like the case with my ex-youth leader, she and her boyfriend were in different unis, and now they're happily married. My parents were living in different countries for about a year - they were married, obviously, when they were apart - and their marriage wasn't affected by the distance.

It's gonna be hard but if you both want it to work, I don't see why a bit of distance will make it fail.

Reply 19

staylor

2

MY friend says:

staylors friend

No i doent work it costs a fortune you never see each other and never get any intermate time why bother lots of fish in the sea thousands of grains of sand on a beach ect look all around you there are peolpe to hAVE a relationship everywere so dont get tied up in somthing that aint going to work.

Obviously, punctuation isnot his strong point.

Do Long Distance Relationships work at our age?

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