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What do GIRLS expect from a Long Distance Relationship?
Basically, I am coming over to UK to pursue my studies come September 2005. I will be miles and oceans apart from my girlfriend. She is one girlfriend which I really appreciate, cherish and love and I certainly look forward to keeping this Long Distance Relationship ("LDR") going.
I do hope that I am able to make her feel comfortable and embrace by my love when I am over in UK as well as giving her the necessary assurance that my love for her is deep-rooted and that I will be faithful to her over these 3 years.
I think that girls understand girls better hence I was wondering if you girls could give me some valuable advice on the followings:
(a) What is your expectation on the part of your boyfriend if you have a LDR?
(b) What are the things that he should do in a LDR?
(c) What are the things that he should not do in a LDR?
(d) Anything in particular or special that he has done so far that made you very happy throughout the LDR?
Your advice will be very much appreciated and if you have anything to add that you felt it's necessary, do feel free to add it in. Thanks a million.
I do hope that I am able to make her feel comfortable and embrace by my love when I am over in UK as well as giving her the necessary assurance that my love for her is deep-rooted and that I will be faithful to her over these 3 years.
I think that girls understand girls better hence I was wondering if you girls could give me some valuable advice on the followings:
(a) What is your expectation on the part of your boyfriend if you have a LDR?
(b) What are the things that he should do in a LDR?
(c) What are the things that he should not do in a LDR?
(d) Anything in particular or special that he has done so far that made you very happy throughout the LDR?
Your advice will be very much appreciated and if you have anything to add that you felt it's necessary, do feel free to add it in. Thanks a million.
Scroll to see replies
(a) What is your expectation on the part of your boyfriend if you have a LDR?
right. If you are in love with her as you say u are, and if she feels the same about you, then the only expectation is that you try and keep each other a part of your lives. Regular phoencalls, letters etc. But you have to remember that you've got expect the same kind of effort from her as well.
(b) What are the things that he should do in a LDR?
Make her feel like she is still a part of your life, by sharing what you get up to with her. Also try and visit her regularly, or get her to visit you.
(c) What are the things that he should not do in a LDR? Obviously dont cheat, and dont forget to communicate! And when she tells her what shes been up to, if you feel jealous dont show it - because that will put a strain on the relationship if she doesnt feel you trust her
(d) What have your LDR mates do that made you really happy? Sorry, wouldn't know!
I hope it works out for you, but remember if it doesnt make sure you stay friends. You dont want to go back there in 3 years and feel like you've lost your friend as well.
right. If you are in love with her as you say u are, and if she feels the same about you, then the only expectation is that you try and keep each other a part of your lives. Regular phoencalls, letters etc. But you have to remember that you've got expect the same kind of effort from her as well.
(b) What are the things that he should do in a LDR?
Make her feel like she is still a part of your life, by sharing what you get up to with her. Also try and visit her regularly, or get her to visit you.
(c) What are the things that he should not do in a LDR? Obviously dont cheat, and dont forget to communicate! And when she tells her what shes been up to, if you feel jealous dont show it - because that will put a strain on the relationship if she doesnt feel you trust her
(d) What have your LDR mates do that made you really happy? Sorry, wouldn't know!
I hope it works out for you, but remember if it doesnt make sure you stay friends. You dont want to go back there in 3 years and feel like you've lost your friend as well.
(a) What is your expectation on the part of your boyfriend if you have a LDR?
To keep in contact with me, let me know what he's up to, etc but also to let me know that he's missing me. Not so much that it gets to be mandatory in every conversation, but it's nice to know sometimes!
(b) What are the things that he should do in a LDR?
Same as above, really! Keep in contact via texts, phone calls, letters. Visit me!
(c) What are the things that he should not do in a LDR?
Cheat! Also, I hated it at the start of our long distanceness when he would spend ages telling me how much fun he was having/how great it was at uni. I had to pretend that it was good he was enjoying it (which it was, don't get me wrong!), but I couldn't help feeling a bit left out of his life. Sure, let her know that you're happy and having a good time but don't overdo it!
(d) What have your LDR mates do that made you really happy?
I don't really understand this question, lol. Sorry!
From your point of view, make sure that she's putting in as much effort as you are: it's not fair if you're always the one to write the letter, call her, text her, visit her, etc. Don't feel that just because you're the one that's moved away it's your responsibility to make all the first moves & keep the relationship going!
Also: have you asked her what she wants now that you're in a long distance relationship? Everyone's different.
Good luck
To keep in contact with me, let me know what he's up to, etc but also to let me know that he's missing me. Not so much that it gets to be mandatory in every conversation, but it's nice to know sometimes!
(b) What are the things that he should do in a LDR?
Same as above, really! Keep in contact via texts, phone calls, letters. Visit me!
(c) What are the things that he should not do in a LDR?
Cheat! Also, I hated it at the start of our long distanceness when he would spend ages telling me how much fun he was having/how great it was at uni. I had to pretend that it was good he was enjoying it (which it was, don't get me wrong!), but I couldn't help feeling a bit left out of his life. Sure, let her know that you're happy and having a good time but don't overdo it!
(d) What have your LDR mates do that made you really happy?
I don't really understand this question, lol. Sorry!
From your point of view, make sure that she's putting in as much effort as you are: it's not fair if you're always the one to write the letter, call her, text her, visit her, etc. Don't feel that just because you're the one that's moved away it's your responsibility to make all the first moves & keep the relationship going!
Also: have you asked her what she wants now that you're in a long distance relationship? Everyone's different.
Good luck
Sarah7
(d) What have your LDR mates do that made you really happy?
I don't really understand this question, lol. Sorry!
I don't really understand this question, lol. Sorry!
Sorry, I have corrected the question. It should be
"(d) Anything in particular or special that he has done so far that made you very happy throughout the LDR?"
Sarah7
Also: have you asked her what she wants now that you're in a long distance relationship? Everyone's different.
Hmmm.. should I ask her? Will she feel that I do not understand her at all and need to resort to asking her?
I can't see why she should. Just say something along the lines of "Look, I really want this to work when I move, and to do that I need to know if there's anything in particular you want me to do?". She will probably just say the same as most on this thread: contact, etc.
As regards to your last question, that depends on what your main type of contact will be. I mainly text/ring my boyfriend, so it's nice when a letter randomly turns up. But if you're going to be writing to each other, perhaps ring her occasionally? (Although I know the costs of that may be unrealistic). Also, as you're moving a long way away, little surprise gifts occasionally would be nice as you're not going to be seeing her that often.
As regards to your last question, that depends on what your main type of contact will be. I mainly text/ring my boyfriend, so it's nice when a letter randomly turns up. But if you're going to be writing to each other, perhaps ring her occasionally? (Although I know the costs of that may be unrealistic). Also, as you're moving a long way away, little surprise gifts occasionally would be nice as you're not going to be seeing her that often.
lessthanthree
I just couldn't deal with a LDR >.<
long distance friendship, yes, but I rely on my boyfriend for more than just conversation.
long distance friendship, yes, but I rely on my boyfriend for more than just conversation.
i thought i'd be like that.... and i do really miss physical contact, last night we had an argument and were both crying down the phone and i would have done anything just for a hug... but we are in a LDR because when it came to going to uni, 300 miles didn't seem a good enough reason to split up.
anyway for the original questions- all in one paragraph really. i think the most important thing about ebign a in LDR is the fact you do have to make more effort- i love it when i get surpise letter or present from my bf. we've also found we have to know when we're next seeing each other- we basically plan our next weekend together while we're together- that way your always have something to look forward to and count down to (4 sleeps at the moment). you have to make more effort to include each other- it would be so easy just to become more distant because you feel you don't know anything about the others lives- don't be afraid to tell your other half the things that are getting you down as well as the good stuff.... and just make sure your time together is great (it's totally worth it and weekends together are so special)... i've also found that me and my bf are much more serious. looking to the future etc since going to uni
lou xxx
Ericz
Hmmm.. should I ask her? Will she feel that I do not understand her at all and need to resort to asking her?
yes! me and my bf didn't discuss it until the morning i left because we were so afraid the other would feel differently... which meant that all summer we were both expecting to be dumped (it's kinda funny now)
lou xxx
lou p
yes! me and my bf didn't discuss it until the morning i left because we were so afraid the other would feel differently... which meant that all summer we were both expecting to be dumped (it's kinda funny now)
lou xxx
lou xxx
Lol. Same here. We didn't discuss it and were both kind of expecting the other to say 'that's it, then' until a couple of days before he left for uni. How silly!
Kingslaw
If you ever need an example of what not to do, then just ask...
Thanks Kingslaw. Although I am relatively new in the forum, from your postings, I feel that you are one of those who are able to provide very good advice
Feel free to give a few examples.From the girls' postings, I have found some things which I have not given any thoughts to and should not be done. i.e.
jeni8686
(c) What are the things that he should not do in a LDR? And when she tells her what shes been up to, if you feel jealous dont show it - because that will put a strain on the relationship if she doesnt feel you trust her
Sarah7
(c) What are the things that he should not do in a LDR?
I hated it at the start of our long distanceness when he would spend ages telling me how much fun he was having/how great it was at uni. I had to pretend that it was good he was enjoying it (which it was, don't get me wrong!), but I couldn't help feeling a bit left out of his life. Sure, let her know that you're happy and having a good time but don't overdo it!
(c) What are the things that he should not do in a LDR?
I hated it at the start of our long distanceness when he would spend ages telling me how much fun he was having/how great it was at uni. I had to pretend that it was good he was enjoying it (which it was, don't get me wrong!), but I couldn't help feeling a bit left out of his life. Sure, let her know that you're happy and having a good time but don't overdo it!
Some food for thoughts for me i guess.
Ericz
Thanks Kingslaw. Although I am relatively new in the forum, from your postings, I feel that you are one of those who are able to provide very good advice Feel free to give a few examples.
Feel free to give a few examples.I only offer advice because me and my girlfriend are in a bit of a rough patch and its mostly my fault (I won't go into too much detail as I know she roams these boards from time to time and she understandably wouldn't be too happy if I blurted out a our personal problems
).lou p
we've also found we have to know when we're next seeing each other- we basically plan our next weekend together while we're together- that way your always have something to look forward to and count down to (4 sleeps at the moment).
*Sigh* But I will be in UK while she will be in Singapore. We won't be seeing each other until 9 months' over. Until then, I will be back in Singapore for vacation for ONLY about 3 months. Any good alternatives?
I really envy you. You lived so near to your boyfriend.
lou p
you have to make more effort to include each other- it would be so easy just to become more distant because you feel you don't know anything about the others lives- don't be afraid to tell your other half the things that are getting you down as well as the good stuff.... and just make sure your time together is great (it's totally worth it and weekends together are so special)... i've also found that me and my bf are much more serious. looking to the future etc since going to uni lou xxx
Hmmm.. I will tell her all about me. I will write a diary and will send my daily diary to her.. but I can't expect her to do that too right? I am happy if she would but it will be over-demanding of me to ask her to do it.
I am thinking what if she did not tell me what happen to her in her daily life, then I will become more distant to her because I do not know anything about her life. Do you think I can ask her in our MSN Conversation or through the phone? Would it give her the feeling that I am interfering with her life?
Ericz
*Sigh* But I will be in UK while she will be in Singapore. We won't be seeing each other until 9 months' over. Until then, I will be back in Singapore for vacation for ONLY about 3 months. Any good alternatives?
I really envy you. You lived so near to your boyfriend.
I really envy you. You lived so near to your boyfriend.
well you know you have those 3 months together... that's quarter of the year. you just have to look forward to it.
and me and my bf don't live that close... it takes about 4/5 hours.
Ericz
I am thinking what if she did not tell me what happen to her in her daily life, then I will become more distant to her because I do not know anything about her life. Do you think I can ask her in our MSN Conversation or through the phone? Would it give her the feeling that I am interfering with her life?
you won't be interfering... i love it when my bf rings me and just listens to my random stories about my day... just funny little things that happened. it makes me feel much closer if he knows those stupid things that happen.... me and my bf do much more of our serius talking on the phone/ msn than in person... when we're together we dont want anythign to spoilt it and it all seems so perfect.
lou xxx
kingslaw
I only offer advice because me and my girlfriend are in a bit of a rough patch and its mostly my fault (I won't go into too much detail as I know she roams these boards from time to time and she understandably wouldn't be too happy if I blurted out a our personal problems ).
).*nods my head* I understand and I certainly do appreciate your kind thoughts. Thank you.
Maybe next time if I were to land into your situations (keeping my fingers crossed), which I hope I won't, you could provide me with some remedies.
lou p
well you know you have those 3 months together... that's quarter of the year. you just have to look forward to it.
and me and my bf don't live that close... it takes about 4/5 hours.
well you know you have those 3 months together... that's quarter of the year. you just have to look forward to it.
and me and my bf don't live that close... it takes about 4/5 hours.
Yes, I believe that is the only alternative too. I shouldn't be too greedy but how I wish she could visit me for 3 months too, then we will have 6 months together, but it is not really possible.
lou p
you won't be interfering... i love it when my bf rings me and just listens to my random stories about my day... just funny little things that happened. it makes me feel much closer if he knows those stupid things that happen.... me and my bf do much more of our serius talking on the phone/ msn than in person... when we're together we dont want anythign to spoilt it and it all seems so perfect.
lou xxx
you won't be interfering... i love it when my bf rings me and just listens to my random stories about my day... just funny little things that happened. it makes me feel much closer if he knows those stupid things that happen.... me and my bf do much more of our serius talking on the phone/ msn than in person... when we're together we dont want anythign to spoilt it and it all seems so perfect.
lou xxx
So you mean to say, if a girl genuinely loves a guy, she will tell him about her day? So even if I asked her what happen today, she will be happy to tell me as well?
Ericz
So you mean to say, if a girl genuinely loves a guy, she will tell him about her day? So even if I asked her what happen today, she will be happy to tell me as well?
why wouldn't she? i'm not saying it's one of the signs of true love, it's just a nice couply thing to share little anecdotes about your day (like my bf rang me at lunch time while he was still in bed just so see what i was upto and i thoguht that was pretty sweet because he never usually rings during the day)... just ask her how her day was and then just listen
how long have you been together?
lou xxx
lou p
why wouldn't she? i'm not saying it's one of the signs of true love, it's just a nice couply thing to share little anecdotes about your day (like my bf rang me at lunch time while he was still in bed just so see what i was upto and i thoguht that was pretty sweet because he never usually rings during the day)... just ask her how her day was and then just listen
how long have you been together?
lou xxx
how long have you been together?
lou xxx
That is so sweet and thoughtful of him.
After hearing what you have said, I feel so much better. Nod, I will just ask her how her day was and then just listen.
We have been together for about 9 months. How about you?
Since I too am in a long distance relationship (though not as long as some on here) I thought I would add my two cents, hopefully without repeating what people have said.
(a) What is your expectation on the part of your boyfriend if you have a LDR?
Mainly just to be there for me, through phone calls and emails and the like, as well as letting me a part of his life while he's at uni, even though im not there to share it. Its not as demanding as it sounds and it is well reciprocated. I just think its important to keep up the communication in a LDR, which is probably the hardest part for some as it requires more effort than if you were both local.
Texts, emails, phone calls, small gestures such as cards or making a cd. Most of the time me and my boyfriend communicate via webcam over MSN while talking on the phone at them same time. We both have SKYPE which means free phone calls over the internet and for some it can be as cheap as 1p per minute to some mobiles (usually american or canadian). I'd highly recommend if you both have internet (and microphones are quite cheap) as its free and it means you can communicate far easier - it is probably this that has helped me get through my LDR the most, as i hate it when we dont have time to talk to each other.
(c) What are the things that he should not do in a LDR?
Apart from cheat I cant really think of anything. If i had to say something I would say make sure you don't ignore/dont pay enough attention while you are over here purusing your studies as that may create tension.
The letters that he sends me always cheer me up and in some ways mean more as seeing his feelings written down make the relationship feel more real, and in some ways more romantic. Also the little things he sends me in the post or the random texts i get throughout the day.
Anyway i hope the above as helped, and just remember that if you both really love each other it will work out.
(a) What is your expectation on the part of your boyfriend if you have a LDR?
Mainly just to be there for me, through phone calls and emails and the like, as well as letting me a part of his life while he's at uni, even though im not there to share it. Its not as demanding as it sounds and it is well reciprocated. I just think its important to keep up the communication in a LDR, which is probably the hardest part for some as it requires more effort than if you were both local.
(b) What are the things that he should do in a LDR?
Texts, emails, phone calls, small gestures such as cards or making a cd. Most of the time me and my boyfriend communicate via webcam over MSN while talking on the phone at them same time. We both have SKYPE which means free phone calls over the internet and for some it can be as cheap as 1p per minute to some mobiles (usually american or canadian). I'd highly recommend if you both have internet (and microphones are quite cheap) as its free and it means you can communicate far easier - it is probably this that has helped me get through my LDR the most, as i hate it when we dont have time to talk to each other.
(c) What are the things that he should not do in a LDR?
Apart from cheat I cant really think of anything. If i had to say something I would say make sure you don't ignore/dont pay enough attention while you are over here purusing your studies as that may create tension.
(d) Anything in particular or special that he has done so far that made you very happy throughout the LDR?
The letters that he sends me always cheer me up and in some ways mean more as seeing his feelings written down make the relationship feel more real, and in some ways more romantic. Also the little things he sends me in the post or the random texts i get throughout the day.
Anyway i hope the above as helped, and just remember that if you both really love each other it will work out.
How distant is your LDR Woggle?
Ericz
That is so sweet and thoughtful of him.
After hearing what you have said, I feel so much better. Nod, I will just ask her how her day was and then just listen.
We have been together for about 9 months. How about you?
That is so sweet and thoughtful of him.
After hearing what you have said, I feel so much better. Nod, I will just ask her how her day was and then just listen.
We have been together for about 9 months. How about you?
was only about 7 months when we went to uni... 13 1/2 now. (pretty scary that half our relationship had been a LDR)
lou xxx
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