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I think my friends anorexic..what do I do?

Hi, my friend has been losing weight for about 6 months, and she has gone down from a size 14 to I would say a 6. All she eats at school is one apple and then maybe a few crackers for lunch. When someone questioned her, she said it was fine cos she eats a big meal at home - but I dont believer her.
The fact is she also goes to the gym 3 nights a week and now she looks like she'll faint at any moment. Her skin has become dull and she looks gaunt and has become withdrawn.
One of her friends has asked her about it, but she just shes not doing it long-term, shes only doing it because shes scared of putting the weight back on. Even if her actions are only short-term shes still damaging herself isn't she? How can I get it through to her that she's unhealthier than she was before she started and needs help, if at all?

Reply 1

saz_1989

2

yeah that sounds like an eating disorder. if she wont listen to you then speak to a teacher or someone she trusts who she'll listen to.

speak to her parents

Yeah, I was going to say: if you know her parents I would consider talking to them. Unless you know that she doesn't get on too well with them - that has the potential to cause more problems. Definately sit down and talk to her but be prepared that she's likely to get very defensive about it if it is an eating disorder.

It's a tough situation to be in. Good luck x

Reply 4

viviki

14

Discuss a proper diet plan with her. I wouldn't speak to her parents behind her back unless you've spoken to her first.

Reply 5

Sarky

18

Whether she'll admit to it or not, she'd probably appreciate someone taking the time out to say they've noticed she's lost a lot of weight recently and you are worried about her. I'd be very careful about going to her parents without talking her first. Half the battle is getting her to admit she has a problem to someone rather than herself. Ask her what she would do if she were in your position.

Good luck.

Reply 6

Sarah7

1

Yeah, sorry, I meant go to her parents if she point blank refuses to admit that anything is wrong. And if you do decide that talking to her parents is all you can do, make sure that they are understanding, etc. I did a bit about EDs in Psychology, and one theory is that overbearing parents can cause the onset of anorexia so if she's ever said anything of the sort to you, I would leave it.

If you have a school psychiatrist at your school, it might be worth making an appointment with them. Not to tell them about your friend, and I would certainly keep her name out of it, but to ask for their professional advice on what to do. Just a thought!

Reply 7

_poptart_

OP

2

The thing is her parents have split up and her mum is on a cruise right now so it would be hard for me to talk to her!
I think a good idea is to just comment she has lost a lot of weight,and does she feel ok about it? Maybe that way she has a chance to open up or tell me to mind my own business.
She also has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, so maybe thats part of the problem as well? I might talk to a teacher/doctor at school and see what they suggest

Reply 8

annabellewalter

1

Does she see someone for OCD?

The last thing you should do is threaten her or make ultimatums....that means she'll back away as far as possible.

Reply 9

Lidka

13

You should have a word with a teacher, counsellor, her parents or her doctor, as the earlier these things are tackled the better. She might resent your interference (that's what she'll see it as) but it's for the best. Good luck, I hope it works out in the end. :biggrin:

Reply 10

Beekeeper

13

jeni8686

Hi, my friend has been losing weight for about 6 months, and she has gone down from a size 14 to I would say a 6. All she eats at school is one apple and then maybe a few crackers for lunch. When someone questioned her, she said it was fine cos she eats a big meal at home - but I dont believer her.
The fact is she also goes to the gym 3 nights a week and now she looks like she'll faint at any moment. Her skin has become dull and she looks gaunt and has become withdrawn.
One of her friends has asked her about it, but she just shes not doing it long-term, shes only doing it because shes scared of putting the weight back on. Even if her actions are only short-term shes still damaging herself isn't she? How can I get it through to her that she's unhealthier than she was before she started and needs help, if at all?

My friend used to be like that, she did ballet, the gym, and she went jogging. She also refused to eat any lunch because she thought it would have a detrimental effect on her appearance.
THEN, about 2 months, ago, she told the group she was stopping her ballet, and ALL OF A SUDDEN she just expanded! Shocks all around! And now everyones getting concerned because she's got a huge ass.

Reply 11

green_eyes

1

my friend was anorexic. just talk to your friend. she needs support and help from you and her other friends. tell her you are worried, i think it is better to get someone involved, maybe a teacher you trust if her mum isn't around. you shouldn't have to worry about this by yourself. my friend being anorexic affected me badly - mainly because i worry and panic. she won't get better overnight but she will get better. don't worry!

Reply 12

magiccarpet

2

i dunno. for maybe 3 yrs i had a massive fear of eating in public. seriously, i know its weird but i just found it soo embarrassing, and i just couldnt do it. i used to eat no breakfast as it made me feel sick, no lunch and nothing in the day as coulndt eat in public, and used to eat dinner at home.but really, my m8s were worried i was anorexic cos maybe for 3 yrs they knew me and never saw me eat. if they went to restaurants i'd drink but not eat, or not go.

however i looked ok, size 10, and definately didnt overexcersise like your mate.

i eventually ate gum, then apples, then now i can sort of eat things in small groups if i ignore everyone. if anyone else has this problem,, pm me :wink:

but yea ur mate might have wat i had, but sounds like she might be really ill. tell her mom

Reply 13

No Future

17

jeni8686

Hi, my friend has been losing weight for about 6 months, and she has gone down from a size 14 to I would say a 6. All she eats at school is one apple and then maybe a few crackers for lunch. When someone questioned her, she said it was fine cos she eats a big meal at home - but I dont believer her.
The fact is she also goes to the gym 3 nights a week and now she looks like she'll faint at any moment. Her skin has become dull and she looks gaunt and has become withdrawn.
One of her friends has asked her about it, but she just shes not doing it long-term, shes only doing it because shes scared of putting the weight back on. Even if her actions are only short-term shes still damaging herself isn't she? How can I get it through to her that she's unhealthier than she was before she started and needs help, if at all?

There are signs of an ED there, so yes it is possible that she has one.
If she has one...

EDs are terribly hard to deal with. You see, I know it's meant to be the "right thing" to go and tell a teacher/parent, as everyone has said, but if she finds out/realises, she could be very very upset/hurt about it. It will feel to her as if everyone is just trying to turn against her, force her to recover, make her "fat" etc.

If you talk to her, that could be less invasive. Maybe just talk to her about it first, before you go guns blazing to a third party?

She might very well deny it and pretend that she doesn't have an ED, which is quite a common reaction. She may or may not know herself that she has an ED, but may just not feel comfortable with admitting it to other people. Often an ED sufferer finds their disorder very humiliating and like some shameful secret. They feel exposed and vulnerable if other people find out.

On the other hand, she may feel better about someone caring/knowing/realising, even if she doesn't admit it to you.

Or, she may open up. I don't know. Or she may not have an ED, but there could be something else going on.

How long does she go to the gym for? If it's say 30 mins, three times a week, then surely it's not abnormal or anything?

The thing is, when people try to help others with EDs, they seem to think that the sufferer somehow just does not understand that not eating enough/vomiting/overeating is unhealthy. Often the sufferer does know, and feels patronised when told that they should eat more etc, because they already know this, and simply eating more is not the solution. EDs are very complex problems and changing eating habits will not make the psychological problems go away.

Though, maybe it could be beneficial for her to see a doc/therapist?

It's best also not to make too many comments about weight/food as EDed people are oversensitive about these issues and anything involving these is already overtuned in their minds. And don't tell her she looks "healthy" if she puts on weight, many EDed people find that upsetting and worry that they look fat, rather than healthy.

Reply 14

No Future

17

Also - I know as a friend you feel you should help, but sometimes there are things that friends can't help with, no matter how much they want to or care for their friend.

Reply 15

sugarplumc

1

I had some problems with food in the past. I was really depressed about a lot of stupid things in my life and not eating helped me cope. It was just a phase though, I was quite young (14) and just when I was getting over it and regaining some kind of normality, one of my friends reported me to pastoral care in school. I know they were well meaning, but they didn't even speak to me first and it resulted in a lot of embarrassment and distress for me and my parents, who were horrified that the school should find out about it before they did etc etc and it was all pointless because by that stage I was fine and now I'm stuck with all this dodgy mental health stuff on my school record.
So anyway, I know that's a totally different situation but honestly- speak to your friend before talking to anyone else about her behind her back. It sounds like she does have a problem, but by trying to help her you could make it all worse. I agree with whoever said that being subtle and speaking to her is the best approach. I don't know, it's a really hard situation, so go gently.

Reply 16

No Future

17

sugarplumc

I had some problems with food in the past. I was really depressed about a lot of stupid things in my life and not eating helped me cope. It was just a phase though, I was quite young (14) and just when I was getting over it and regaining some kind of normality, one of my friends reported me to pastoral care in school. I know they were well meaning, but they didn't even speak to me first and it resulted in a lot of embarrassment and distress for me and my parents, who were horrified that the school should find out about it before they did etc etc and it was all pointless because by that stage I was fine and now I'm stuck with all this dodgy mental health stuff on my school record.
So anyway, I know that's a totally different situation but honestly- speak to your friend before talking to anyone else about her behind her back. It sounds like she does have a problem, but by trying to help her you could make it all worse. I agree with whoever said that being subtle and speaking to her is the best approach. I don't know, it's a really hard situation, so go gently.

I agree. Do not go behind her back.

Reply 17

_poptart_

OP

2

lessthanthree

what's the situation like now? have you done anything further?

Well one of my friends actually spoke to her and she thanked her for caring about her, and promised to eat a bit more. Also her mum said something to her and apparently a teacher spoke to her about it as well, I think she'll sort herself out. Its not like she doesnt realise shes doing herself harm.
She said she'll continue to go the gym but will gradually eat more - shes still a bit scared of putting all the weight back on again :redface:

Reply 18

_poptart_

OP

2

yeah I will definitely keep an eye on her. We've got 2 weeks off til we go back to school now so hopefully i will see a difference when i go back to school :smile:

I think my friends anorexic..what do I do?

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