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how easy is it to stay friends with your ex
Hi, I split up with my ex boyfriend ages ago, and i saw him for pretty much the second time since we'd split up a week ago (he went to uni so thats why i dont see him that regularly). The other time I had seen him was at a party when i was with my new boyfriend - needless to say we didnt really talk!
However after the party I text him, because i wanted to keep in touch with him, but he didn't text back!!
Now I saw him just recently in a pub, and first his mate came up to me and said that my ex still wants to be friends, which is a bit rich after not bothering to text back. But then he came up to me and said the reason why he never text back was because he didnt want to get on the wrong side of my new boyfriend (who I have now split up with).
Basically we spoke for a while and we both promised to stay mates, after all we were together for a year and you cant just forget that.
But since I saw him at the pub he hasnt text me since and Im not sure whether its because he cant be bothered or maybe hes waiting for me to text him???
I know this is a long post but what i need some advice on is how do i go about trying to strike up a friendship with him again? we were so close and now i cant even write a text message to him without getting confused!!
However after the party I text him, because i wanted to keep in touch with him, but he didn't text back!!
Now I saw him just recently in a pub, and first his mate came up to me and said that my ex still wants to be friends, which is a bit rich after not bothering to text back. But then he came up to me and said the reason why he never text back was because he didnt want to get on the wrong side of my new boyfriend (who I have now split up with).
Basically we spoke for a while and we both promised to stay mates, after all we were together for a year and you cant just forget that.
But since I saw him at the pub he hasnt text me since and Im not sure whether its because he cant be bothered or maybe hes waiting for me to text him???
I know this is a long post but what i need some advice on is how do i go about trying to strike up a friendship with him again? we were so close and now i cant even write a text message to him without getting confused!!
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Reply 1
Ok, i think u can be friends with ur exes, but only once you have both got past the hurt stage.
You need to be proactive if u want this to work, just text him about something casual and just talk about random stuff for a while. light conversation until you work out where the boundaries are is a good way to go.
You need to be proactive if u want this to work, just text him about something casual and just talk about random stuff for a while. light conversation until you work out where the boundaries are is a good way to go.
Reply 2
hrm, it is a hard thing, staying friend's with ex's
I've had 3 different examples of it
1: I went out with a guy, we broke up, I tried to be friends but he wouldnt be friends because he thought I was still in love with him
we eventually became friends again gradually, slowly and gently --- some people can only handle it this way, so they dont get alarmed in the end, we went out agiain, 3 years after the first time, and when we split up again we were both far more mature people and arranged to be friends from the start
2: the guy was an idiot. thus we did not stay friends. Sometimes this is the best thing, even for two mature people.
3: we agreed to be friends from the start -we'd been together 4 years, and the point of us breaking up was to end things while we still liked each other, because when we were together, all we did was argue. it would have defeated the point if we hadnt then stayed good friends!
my point is this: it's different everytime, and staying friends with an ex isnt always for the good. I think in your situation I'd wait a little longer, and take things slowly and carefully. You've got all the time in the world.
I've had 3 different examples of it
1: I went out with a guy, we broke up, I tried to be friends but he wouldnt be friends because he thought I was still in love with him
we eventually became friends again gradually, slowly and gently --- some people can only handle it this way, so they dont get alarmed in the end, we went out agiain, 3 years after the first time, and when we split up again we were both far more mature people and arranged to be friends from the start2: the guy was an idiot. thus we did not stay friends. Sometimes this is the best thing, even for two mature people.
3: we agreed to be friends from the start -we'd been together 4 years, and the point of us breaking up was to end things while we still liked each other, because when we were together, all we did was argue. it would have defeated the point if we hadnt then stayed good friends!
my point is this: it's different everytime, and staying friends with an ex isnt always for the good. I think in your situation I'd wait a little longer, and take things slowly and carefully. You've got all the time in the world.
lessthanthree
[are you in a position to meet up?] just make it a casual "just wondered how you're doing" type thing...and if he gets back, he gets back. :\
yeah the only reason why i saw him was because he is down from uni, I dunno. I told him I felt hurt that he didn't text back and he said sorry. Its just weird cos he said he definitely wanted to stay friends and to keep in contact but he then doesnt do what he says!!
Reply 4
well for me its not to easy the 3 gF's i've head i've not seen ever again but i know one of them will be going to a party i be gogin to soon , but ideal i would of like to staid in contact at least
Reply 5
well for me its not to easy the 3 gF's i've head i've not seen ever again but i know one of them will be going to a party i be gogin to soon , but ideal i would of like to staid in contact at least
is that my sister you refer to? at my 21st next month?
welcome to TSR btw
now it will eat your life.lessthanthree
well, there could be a couple of reasons for that
a) he's not over you
b) he's too busy with his new life to bother with you
c) he does want to be friends; he didn't have any credit and it slipped his mind
d) he's just saying he wants to be your friend to keep you happy.
:\
a) he's not over you
b) he's too busy with his new life to bother with you
c) he does want to be friends; he didn't have any credit and it slipped his mind
d) he's just saying he wants to be your friend to keep you happy.
:\
a) hes the one that did the dumping so i doubt it!
b) cos hes back from uni and he lives in the sticks nowhere near any of his mates so I doubt he is doing all that much.
c) he has a contract phone with free messages so prob not
d) hmm.. i dunno cos even his mate came up to me first and told me he still wanted to be mates, so its obvious he spoke to his mate about wanting to stay friends with me.
oh I dunno, i think i have to wait for him to text... i really cant be bothered to make all the effort each time!
Reply 8
queenselphie
is that my sister you refer to? at my 21st next month?
welcome to TSR btw now it will eat your life.
welcome to TSR btw
now it will eat your life.yep that 1 , don't c u invite your ex to your party though lol
Reply 10
jeni8686
yeah the only reason why i saw him was because he is down from uni, I dunno. I told him I felt hurt that he didn't text back and he said sorry. Its just weird cos he said he definitely wanted to stay friends and to keep in contact but he then doesnt do what he says!!
I might be wrong so feel free to ignore me but if I am honest sometimes people say they want to stay friends after a break up just to make the whole pain/heartbreak and getting over someone a little bit easier. Like I said though it isn't always the case!!
Reply 11
jeni8686
Ta! I swear to god men are the most complex creatures ever!
nah, it is definately us...its just we get us!lol.
Lana
I'm trying to be friends with my ex but it's hard. I feel ignore by my current. Men!
yup, makes you wonder why we bother with men in the first place, and now my other ex boyfriend who was a complete d-i-c-k is now texting me like were the best of mates, even though he treated me like crap.
jeni8686
yup, makes you wonder why we bother with men in the first place, and now my other ex boyfriend who was a complete d-i-c-k is now texting me like were the best of mates, even though he treated me like crap.
Lana
One of my ex said he didn't want to kids and wanted no ties. Now his going out with a girl a six month old. The worst about him dumping me was he told my other bf to dump me now that f*** up. He's a di-ck.
he obviously hasnt grown up yet, so do u mean you wanted kids with him or u hav kids already? Im a bit confused lol. Either way youre definitely better off without him!!
Well it seems like you've had a lucky escape to be honest. I read your other thread, is this the guy who you thought you were over?
I really feel like guys arent worth the trouble, the one boyfriend who actually treated me well and made me feel happy now wont even friggin text me!
I really feel like guys arent worth the trouble, the one boyfriend who actually treated me well and made me feel happy now wont even friggin text me!
Reply 18
lessthanthree
well, there could be a couple of reasons for that
a) he's not over you
b) he's too busy with his new life to bother with you
c) he does want to be friends; he didn't have any credit and it slipped his mind
d) he's just saying he wants to be your friend to keep you happy.
:\
a) he's not over you
b) he's too busy with his new life to bother with you
c) he does want to be friends; he didn't have any credit and it slipped his mind
d) he's just saying he wants to be your friend to keep you happy.
:\
i completely agree!
i was with my first "serious" girlfriend for close to 2 years, and we are still close friends to this day. we broke up almost exactly 3 years ago. i think it was helped by the fact we both started to drift apart a little and decided together to finish it. i suspect those who break up in big fights or after cheating have more difficulty even speaking afterwards let alone being friends.
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