Falling for a friend

Have you ever fallen in love/lust with someone who you'd previously considered "just a friend"? Do you think it's possible?

Various things on TSR and from people I know in real life have made me think about this topic. In the "looks or personality" thread, people have cited that they go for personality first, and two of my friends have recently got together despite the fact that neither of them had previously shown any romantic interest in the other.

The reason I'm curious about the whole phenomenon is because I just don't ever see it happening to me. I've never been friends with someone and just woken up and gone, "wow, he's hot" and developed a manic crush on them. For me, romantic feelings either develop pretty quickly for someone or they never arise at all. All my friendships with males are platonic and I don't fancy any of them at all, and I don't think that I'm ever going to start fancying them, and I don't think I would even if I were single. Everyone I've ever been out with, I've had a crush on before it reached the friendship stage.

So what do you lot think? Has it ever happened to you? And if so, what made you start thinking of them in a more than friendly light?

Reply 1

Barny

17

Maybe they just go out with mates in desperation? As in, they already know the person pretty well, cant be arsed to meet new people etc. ?

Reply 2

technik

13

F. Poste

Have you ever fallen in love/lust with someone who you'd previously considered "just a friend"? Do you think it's possible?

i think people are almost always friends with the person first. you dont often meet a random person off the street and instantly fall in love with them, though i guess it can happen occasionally.

Reply 3

fordeletionpurposesonly.

I've fallen for a friend before.

I think it was that I found myself missing them more and more when I wasn't with them - found myself really wanting to be with them and I felt happy when I was. They made me feel safe, comfortable and relaxed when I was around them without even knowing they did it. It didn't develop over night, it crept up on me without me even realising until it was too late! It was when I found myself wondering what their lips would feel like to kiss during a conversation that I realised I was pretty much screwed lol.

Let me tell you, it's never a good idea!!

Reply 4

fabulous_darling

15

I believe it could happen. As relationships between friends progress, you often discover new sides to people and over time they can just grow on you. As you spend more time together and become more familiar and friendly with people, something can just click and you gradually become more and more attracted. Like songs, usually when I hear something the first time I don't like it, but then over time I end up loving it. (Exception: Road to Amarillo, lol)

Reply 5

queenselphie

Have you ever fallen in love/lust with someone who you'd previously considered "just a friend"? Do you think it's possible?

yeah....kinda...sometimes it's because I've been trying NOT to fancy them, and suddenly I think "what the heck, why not?" and go for it :smile:

sometimes it's because they did some little thing that made me realise they were quite attractive

sometimes because they asked me out and I hadnt thought of them that way! :redface:

whichever it is, I think a friendship based relationship is probably going to be a better methord than meeting people in clubs and such like. Just make sure there definately *is* chemistry, because there needs to be that spark, or it'll just feel like kissing family (eww :frown:

)

Reply 6

F. Poste

OP

imasillynarb

Maybe they just go out with mates in desperation? As in, they already know the person pretty well, cant be arsed to meet new people etc. ?

This is exactly what I wonder!

technik

i think people are almost always friends with the person first. you dont often meet a random person off the street and instantly fall in love with them, though i guess it can happen occasionally.

I agree that cases of instant love don't happen often, but what I'm really wondering about is people who've settled into and established a friendship before feelings of physical attraction/love/lust start to appear! In the past, personally, I've always had some idea that I'm romantically interested before I get to know someone, hense why I am curious about people who've felt differently.

Reply 7

maz69

yep i have! it wasnt like i woke up one day thinkin "omg, he's hot". it was just a gradual thing! just random stuff like havin really long deep conversations, wantin to talk to him and meet up with him alot, missin him when we couldnt meet up, kinda realisin that he has qualities about him that im lookin for in a guy and then the fact that we didnt realise we liked each other till our friends pointed it out that we'd make the perfect couple and that we both liked each other more than friends but we were being blind and hadnt realised. also when we harmlessly flirt but you cant help thinkin "what if...."!!! dont know if this makes any sense but thats the best way i can describe it! hmmmm......

Reply 8

luce20

I've fallen for my friend who is actually my ex from over two years ago. Whenever we meet up again, sparks seems to fly but I know for sure that hes not prepared to do the long distant relationship! sob! I don't like him out of desperation and I do meet plenty of new ppl, its just something about him....

Reply 9

fordeletionpurposesonly.

F. Poste

I agree that cases of instant love don't happen often, but what I'm really wondering about is people who've settled into and established a friendship before feelings of physical attraction/love/lust start to appear! In the past, personally, I've always had some idea that I'm romantically interested before I get to know someone, hense why I am curious about people who've felt differently.

It happens, believe me it happens. It's hard to explain, but obviously you strike up a friendship with someone that you like to start off with, which lays a base for a good (non romantic) relationship with the person. For me it was when I realised that life was better for me when I was around my mate than when we were apart. I found myself longing to be with them. I didn't strike up a conversation with them because I thought "I really fancy you" it was just because I thought "I wonder what you're like?" and the friendship grew from there - do you know what I mean?

Reply 10

luce20

maz69

yep i have! it wasnt like i woke up one day thinkin "omg, he's hot". it was just a gradual thing! just random stuff like havin really long deep conversations, wantin to talk to him and meet up with him alot, missin him when we couldnt meet up, kinda realisin that he has qualities about him that im lookin for in a guy and then the fact that we didnt realise we liked each other till our friends pointed it out that we'd make the perfect couple and that we both liked each other more than friends but we were being blind and hadnt realised. also when we harmlessly flirt but you cant help thinkin "what if...."!!! dont know if this makes any sense but thats the best way i can describe it! hmmmm......

thats how it is with my friend..hes in leeds at the moment, graduating this, coming back to the area, but then i'm going off to uni this yr... but i know exactly what you mean!

Reply 11

fordeletionpurposesonly.

maz69

yep i have! it wasnt like i woke up one day thinkin "omg, he's hot". it was just a gradual thing! just random stuff like havin really long deep conversations, wantin to talk to him and meet up with him alot, missin him when we couldnt meet up, kinda realisin that he has qualities about him that im lookin for in a guy and then the fact that we didnt realise we liked each other till our friends pointed it out that we'd make the perfect couple and that we both liked each other more than friends but we were being blind and hadnt realised. also when we harmlessly flirt but you cant help thinkin "what if...."!!! dont know if this makes any sense but thats the best way i can describe it! hmmmm......

Makes sense :biggrin:

Did it work out between you two then?

Reply 12

technik

13

F. Poste

I agree that cases of instant love don't happen often, but what I'm really wondering about is people who've settled into and established a friendship before feelings of physical attraction/love/lust start to appear! In the past, personally, I've always had some idea that I'm romantically interested before I get to know someone, hense why I am curious about people who've felt differently.

might happen to be through random circumstance, eg a shared experience, even something bad like an accident.

if they live in the same flat for example, being together a lot might just lead that way.

etc etc

Reply 13

maz69

luce20

thats how it is with my friend..hes in leeds at the moment, graduating this, coming back to the area, but then i'm going off to uni this yr... but i know exactly what you mean!

awwww, so when he comes back ur gonna be away! thats a shame, dont worry though.... things have a habit of workin out! :smile:

Reply 14

maz69

red665

Makes sense :biggrin:

Did it work out between you two then?

yep, its absolutely fabulous! :biggrin:

Reply 15

luce20

maz69

awwww, so when he comes back ur gonna be away! thats a shame, dont worry though.... things have a habit of workin out! :smile:

aw thanks! He's back for his 21st in about 15 days and i'll be seeing him again..just have to see what happens i guess.

Reply 16

maz69

luce20

aw thanks! He's back for his 21st in about 15 days and i'll be seeing him again..just have to see what happens i guess.

good luck hun! just wear somethin really nice and revealing, he wont be able to resist! or you could always take advantage when he's pissed! lolzzzz...... :p:

Reply 17

luce20

maz69

good luck hun! just wear somethin really nice and revealing, he wont be able to resist! or you could always take advantage when he's pissed! lolzzzz...... :p:

lol.. ahh you see I've already planned ahead and bought the most gorgeous top, new shoes and jeans to wear, plus even knowing how im having my hair done! I should be doing work instead of thinking what i'm going to wear, I wouldn't be behind if I did! I think theres more chance of me becoming pissed before he does but I could always try!lol :biggrin:

Reply 18

happydinosaur

15

F. Poste

Have you ever fallen in love/lust with someone who you'd previously considered "just a friend"? Do you think it's possible?

Various things on TSR and from people I know in real life have made me think about this topic. In the "looks or personality" thread, people have cited that they go for personality first, and two of my friends have recently got together despite the fact that neither of them had previously shown any romantic interest in the other.

The reason I'm curious about the whole phenomenon is because I just don't ever see it happening to me. I've never been friends with someone and just woken up and gone, "wow, he's hot" and developed a manic crush on them. For me, romantic feelings either develop pretty quickly for someone or they never arise at all. All my friendships with males are platonic and I don't fancy any of them at all, and I don't think that I'm ever going to start fancying them, and I don't think I would even if I were single. Everyone I've ever been out with, I've had a crush on before it reached the friendship stage.

So what do you lot think? Has it ever happened to you? And if so, what made you start thinking of them in a more than friendly light?

Over the last few months I have fallen for a male friend of mine in a huge way!! To the point of obsession some of my friends might say...The thing is that we knew each other and were involved in a play but then didn't really see each other for a while and then we were involved in another play. At this point we became really good friends although only at rehersals and stuff. Then one day we were alone and I just felt the need to kiss him, I didn't but I realised looking back that I was kind of attracted to him from when I first knew him. I realised that I always wanted to be a closer friend of his when I didn't really know him...Now we are amazingly close friends, I seem to have fallen for him even more. It is a messy situation really because he knows I fancy him as he was told and it is big gossip but I don't think he realises how much I like him. Too scared to ruin the amazing friendship we have now though... :confused:

Anyway the point is that although I didn't realise at first how I was attracted to him, I think that I was when I look back...and think about when it was his birthday on a rehersal and someone suggested making him a birthday cake and I instantly said I would make it or the fact I took an awful lot of photos of him backstage!! :smile:

Reply 19

dappleddawndrawndauphin

3

I did. It was hell ! I can't pinpoint when it started but i fell hook line and sinker. Never told him though and it haunts me to this day :wink:

Falling for a friend

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