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Taking after and turning out like your parents
Ooh, look at me starting two threads in two days.. Most unlike me.
Do you ever feel, or have you ever felt, that you're turning into your parents, or that you are actually quite like your parents, even though you don't necessarily want to be? Naturally they have the major influence on our upbringing and how we turn out, but how far do you personally feel that they've influenced what you're like? Would you be happy to turn out like your parents? Or do you actively resist becoming anything like them? Any well-placed thoughts would be interesting
I'm not just interested in personality and physical traits, either.. I'm curious about whether you want to live the same kind of life that your parents lived. Do you want just what you had when you were growing up? Or do you want something radically different?
I'm not going to post about my own experiences right now because they're long and rambling and I don't want to discourage you all
I hope this is the right forum as well, to me "relationships" can be interpreted as family ones too, and I hope I'll get some slightly more thoughtful responses in here...
Do you ever feel, or have you ever felt, that you're turning into your parents, or that you are actually quite like your parents, even though you don't necessarily want to be? Naturally they have the major influence on our upbringing and how we turn out, but how far do you personally feel that they've influenced what you're like? Would you be happy to turn out like your parents? Or do you actively resist becoming anything like them? Any well-placed thoughts would be interesting
I'm not just interested in personality and physical traits, either.. I'm curious about whether you want to live the same kind of life that your parents lived. Do you want just what you had when you were growing up? Or do you want something radically different?
I'm not going to post about my own experiences right now because they're long and rambling and I don't want to discourage you all
I hope this is the right forum as well, to me "relationships" can be interpreted as family ones too, and I hope I'll get some slightly more thoughtful responses in here...Scroll to see replies
Recently I have changed my mind about my parents but generally speaking I think my parents are really wonderful. They have stayed together lovingly through thick and thin, they have done everything in their power to care for their children (unfortunately good intentions don't necessarily mean doing the right thing though). I will certainly give my children a lot more freedom than they have given me. It is a shame that such great people can emotionally neglect their children the way they have done to me - I will be the polar opposite of that!
I positively go out of my way to stop myself becoming like them because they think very differently to me, though sadly as much as I try, I notice little mannerisms and things that I've adopted from them. Luckily my parents gave me the freedom to think for myself, and I have completely different views on life to my parents. So in that respect I'm nothing like them.
due to genetics, and then living with parents for most of your early life, i think its pretty much inevitable that you'll mirror them in many ways and carry many of their opinions and methods with you. as for "resisting" or actively changing yourself to not be like your parents...i dont think thats really practical or feasible.
When I think about my relationship with my parents I am actually a little bit saddened. I am not very close to my mum, it isn't like we don't get on because we do but I really don't feel able to talk to her about my life. We never discuss relationships or anything like that. Today she took my younger brother out shopping to help him buy his girlfriend a present, I can't imagine that happening with me. When I was younger maybe I didn't want a close relationship like most teenagers but now it makes me sad. Last week I was in a play and I was with my friends beforehand, one friend well her phone went and it was her mum calling for a chat and to say she loved her and the other produced a post it note attached to her books from her mum just saying she would pick her up after the show and good luck. I was so jealous but then again I have a better relationship with my dad so I really wouldn't want to turn into my mum in the sense of not talking to my kids. But I can't help but feel that I have been brought up not to talk about anything so maybe I will be the same. After all everyone always says how I am turning into my mum. That annoys me as I don't want to be like my mum, I may look like her but I have always wanted to be a different person...
In other ways I seem to be turning out a lot like my dad in the sense that because I am close to him a lot of the things he likes in terms of films and music are being transfered to me...Sometimes we think the same or do the same things and like the same things becasue we live together and he has brought me up so yes I suppose that is why I mirror him..
In other ways I seem to be turning out a lot like my dad in the sense that because I am close to him a lot of the things he likes in terms of films and music are being transfered to me...Sometimes we think the same or do the same things and like the same things becasue we live together and he has brought me up so yes I suppose that is why I mirror him..
Okay, time for me to start rambling
I came to a fairly startling realisation the other week. Through all the time he was alive, me and my father never really saw eye-to-eye, and we argued frequently because he always wanted me to do things his way, and I was hell-bent on doing things my own way. Fairly standard teenage stuff, I think, but it always left me with the impression that me and my dad were like chalk and cheese- he lived quite a conventional life, did a standard job, valued safety and security. I think in most ways I'm the opposite- I'm creative and want to be a writer, and to me, an exciting and unpredictable life brings me more happiness, and I often throw caution to the wind and enjoy going out on a limb and am positive that whatever mistakes I make, I'll be happy in the end.
A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend, and I had a bit of a go at him because I felt like he wasn't taking a chance with his life, and that he was accepting mundanity in order to be safe rather than giving things a go and getting a shot at happiness. It was only a while later that I realised I had handled the situation exactly the same way as my dad, because I was dictating to my friend based on how I lived my life. It was shocking as I hated the way my dad talked to me when I grew up. The feeling that I wasn't THAT different to him was quite jarring. On the other hand, I knew he did this because the way he lived worked for him, and he wanted the same for me because he loved me, and it was because I cared for my friend that I was trying to get him to do things as I do.
I guess the reason I wonder about the ways in how I'm like my dad is because he died a month and a half ago, and.. it's like I'm the future of him, you know? I look in the mirror and I see a lot of what he looked like in me. We have the same nose and eyes and thick, reddish-brown hair. I definitely look more like him than my blonde mother.
Right, I think that's a large enough dose of my thoughts.
I came to a fairly startling realisation the other week. Through all the time he was alive, me and my father never really saw eye-to-eye, and we argued frequently because he always wanted me to do things his way, and I was hell-bent on doing things my own way. Fairly standard teenage stuff, I think, but it always left me with the impression that me and my dad were like chalk and cheese- he lived quite a conventional life, did a standard job, valued safety and security. I think in most ways I'm the opposite- I'm creative and want to be a writer, and to me, an exciting and unpredictable life brings me more happiness, and I often throw caution to the wind and enjoy going out on a limb and am positive that whatever mistakes I make, I'll be happy in the end.
A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend, and I had a bit of a go at him because I felt like he wasn't taking a chance with his life, and that he was accepting mundanity in order to be safe rather than giving things a go and getting a shot at happiness. It was only a while later that I realised I had handled the situation exactly the same way as my dad, because I was dictating to my friend based on how I lived my life. It was shocking as I hated the way my dad talked to me when I grew up. The feeling that I wasn't THAT different to him was quite jarring. On the other hand, I knew he did this because the way he lived worked for him, and he wanted the same for me because he loved me, and it was because I cared for my friend that I was trying to get him to do things as I do.
I guess the reason I wonder about the ways in how I'm like my dad is because he died a month and a half ago, and.. it's like I'm the future of him, you know? I look in the mirror and I see a lot of what he looked like in me. We have the same nose and eyes and thick, reddish-brown hair. I definitely look more like him than my blonde mother.
Right, I think that's a large enough dose of my thoughts.
hrm, my parents are like the more conservative version of me,
they taught me a lot about acceptance and kindness, but I don't think they practise what they preach enough. I like to think I'm more liberal than them - that Im more understanding about differences whereas they are sometimes intolerant to extremes I cant believe, considering they are educated, sweet people, who are usually my role models.
they taught me a lot about acceptance and kindness, but I don't think they practise what they preach enough. I like to think I'm more liberal than them - that Im more understanding about differences whereas they are sometimes intolerant to extremes I cant believe, considering they are educated, sweet people, who are usually my role models.
sparklyteacosie
But I can't help but feel that I have been brought up not to talk about anything so maybe I will be the same. After all everyone always says how I am turning into my mum. That annoys me as I don't want to be like my mum, I may look like her but I have always wanted to be a different person...
I definitely am hearing what you're saying... Personally, for me, the worry is that I am going to have a relationship like my parents'. Pop psychology tells us that we learn our habits from them and will have relationships just like them.. but I don't want the relationship my parents had. They were silent and just seemed to co-exist and avoid each other until they eventually separated three years before my dad died. I want something entirely different for myself, when I marry I want it to be forever, unless things turn really sour. I can't help but worry I've learned bad relationship habits.
I guess I'm the suck up of the family - I do what my parents want, I take onboard their mantras and mannerisms; and in return, I think they afford me more dignity and respect than my rebel of a younger sister. My dad is pretty conservative, and I tailor my in-house behaviours to this, one-hundred per cent.
I would really hate to have a turbulent relationship with my close family members; and I sometimes sacrifice my own personal beliefs for the sake of an enhanced relationship. Although to be fair, I rarely come cross swords with my parents - they're pretty reasonable.
I would really hate to have a turbulent relationship with my close family members; and I sometimes sacrifice my own personal beliefs for the sake of an enhanced relationship. Although to be fair, I rarely come cross swords with my parents - they're pretty reasonable.
F. Poste
I definitely am hearing what you're saying... Personally, for me, the worry is that I am going to have a relationship like my parents'. Pop psychology tells us that we learn our habits from them and will have relationships just like them.. but I don't want the relationship my parents had. They were silent and just seemed to co-exist and avoid each other until they eventually separated three years before my dad died. I want something entirely different for myself, when I marry I want it to be forever, unless things turn really sour. I can't help but worry I've learned bad relationship habits.
My parents seem to co-exist. They aren't the kissing and cuddling type of couple in front of us (the kids) again like other peoples parents and I do think this has effected my attitude towards relationships and also the not being able to talk about my boyfriend with them. I have just seperated from my boyfriend yet I just don't feel able to even tell them..I'm hoping they will figure it out although they probably won't as he is never around anyway (he is at uni). I really do hope when I am in my 40's and married I am not like them. Again this is my mum more than my dad. My dad will sit infront of the tv and say wow shes hot or something when someone comes on so that is a start really..but my mum is just so closed. I think that is because of her parents you know...worrying it seems to be genetic!!
sparklyteacosie
My parents seem to co-exist. They aren't the kissing and cuddling type of couple in front of us (the kids) again like other peoples parents and I do think this has effected my attitude towards relationships and also the not being able to talk about my boyfriend with them.
I'm sorry, but this reminded me of a fantastically funny Red Dwarf quote:
Holly: You've got your basic dimensions, right, length, breadth, depth and time. The fifth dimension is co-existing realities, two bodies who share the same space but are unaware of each other's existence.
Rimmer: Sounds like my parents in bed.
kingslaw
I'm sorry, but this reminded me of a fantastically funny Red Dwarf quote:
Holly: You've got your basic dimensions, right, length, breadth, depth and time. The fifth dimension is co-existing realities, two bodies who share the same space but are unaware of each other's existence.
Rimmer: Sounds like my parents in bed.
Holly: You've got your basic dimensions, right, length, breadth, depth and time. The fifth dimension is co-existing realities, two bodies who share the same space but are unaware of each other's existence.
Rimmer: Sounds like my parents in bed.
hehe..Great quote
F. Poste
Do you ever feel, or have you ever felt, that you're turning into your parents, or that you are actually quite like your parents, even though you don't necessarily want to be? Naturally they have the major influence on our upbringing and how we turn out, but how far do you personally feel that they've influenced what you're like? Would you be happy to turn out like your parents? Or do you actively resist becoming anything like them? Any well-placed thoughts would be interesting
I'm not just interested in personality and physical traits, either.. I'm curious about whether you want to live the same kind of life that your parents lived. Do you want just what you had when you were growing up? Or do you want something radically different?
Do you ever feel, or have you ever felt, that you're turning into your parents, or that you are actually quite like your parents, even though you don't necessarily want to be? Naturally they have the major influence on our upbringing and how we turn out, but how far do you personally feel that they've influenced what you're like? Would you be happy to turn out like your parents? Or do you actively resist becoming anything like them? Any well-placed thoughts would be interesting
I'm not just interested in personality and physical traits, either.. I'm curious about whether you want to live the same kind of life that your parents lived. Do you want just what you had when you were growing up? Or do you want something radically different?
Hmm, difficult one! I think I am turning into my parents in a lot of ways - I'm quite like my mum emotionally - and I'm just as much of a walkover as she's always been - she keeps trying to get me to break the trend! With my dad, I clash with him quite a bit atm, which I think signals that I'm just as independent-minded and argumentative as he is! I do hope I'm as good parents as they are though - they have always been very loving and supportive - although I do hope I'm a tad more communicative than they are at times! I hope my relationship lasts as long as their's has, and that I live a similar kind of lifestyle. but I hope I can avoid their politics - they're right wing and I don't think I am! So am being quite strong on that atm by telling them that just 'coz they're Tory doesn't mean I have to be!
sparklyteacosie
My dad will sit infront of the tv and say wow shes hot or something when someone comes on so that is a start really..but my mum is just so closed. I think that is because of her parents you know...worrying it seems to be genetic!!
:dito: with mine.
My parents are really superficial I feel. They give most of their importance to looks. My dad chose my mum without even having spoken to her - cuz he wanted a trophy wife. Both of them'd rather me be with a dumb insensitive but good looking celebrity-type person that they can show off to everyone, than me having someone who actually would care about me.
when I see myself in photos the older I get the more I find myself looking like my mother. this horrifies me because I do not think my mother has aged well, though she used to be extremely pretty before she had kids. personalitywise I really really don't want to be like my mother because where she's nice and gets on well with people and makes friends easily she's very deferring and timid, easily manipulated by men, and unadventurous.
I'm not really like any of my family which leads me to believe I am adopted.
I may as well have been cloned from my mother...
unfortunately i didn't get her nose though, which is aristocratic, but instead I was lumped with my grandma's hehe
Personalitywise we are scarily alike which kind of freaks me out cos she can actually be quite nasty and inconsiderate, and she's a bundle of neuroses - I swear she'd be better suited to being a hermit Me in 30 years time...terrifying!!
I still think I'm "nicer" and a bit less cynical (though not much) than she is though. My brother in turn is like a clone of my dad. Greedy, stupid ... hehe i don't really mean that but hey.
unfortunately my mum is now - steroetypically
- trying to live vicariously through me. She was the best in her school at English but her dad was an alcoholic and she was fat with low self esteem and apparently these things combined to make her a nervous wreck, so having scored full marks in her mock English A level and gained the joint best GCSE results in her school, she did b*gger all for her A levels and got a B, an E and I can't remember the other. She was meant to be a "cert" (ha not that such a thing exists ) for oxbridge but after that none of her teachers would speak to her and her dad was really disappointed in her and told her she may as well get a job in a shop. She got a place at a v good london uni cos she clicked with the interviewer, but left after 5 days cos she couldn't hack it... Now she keeps telling me I'll end up dropping out like her cos I can't look after myself 
On the one hand, she seems to want me to do badly to prove that she is better. On the other hand, she wants me to do well to fulfill her dreams and so that she can show off to her friends about it.
Made the mistake of deciding to apply to Cambridge. Mum told me not to and so did dad, but now that they've come around to the idea she's getting obsessive which is putting me off applying as I probably won't get in and she'll get all disappointed
omg I've waffled on for long enough i'll shut the hell up now sorry!
unfortunately i didn't get her nose though, which is aristocratic, but instead I was lumped with my grandma's hehePersonalitywise we are scarily alike which kind of freaks me out cos she can actually be quite nasty and inconsiderate, and she's a bundle of neuroses - I swear she'd be better suited to being a hermit
Me in 30 years time...terrifying!!I still think I'm "nicer" and a bit less cynical (though not much
) than she is though. My brother in turn is like a clone of my dad. Greedy, stupid ... hehe i don't really mean that but hey. unfortunately my mum is now - steroetypically
- trying to live vicariously through me. She was the best in her school at English but her dad was an alcoholic and she was fat with low self esteem and apparently these things combined to make her a nervous wreck, so having scored full marks in her mock English A level and gained the joint best GCSE results in her school, she did b*gger all for her A levels and got a B, an E and I can't remember the other. She was meant to be a "cert" (ha not that such a thing exists ) for oxbridge but after that none of her teachers would speak to her and her dad was really disappointed in her and told her she may as well get a job in a shop. She got a place at a v good london uni cos she clicked with the interviewer, but left after 5 days cos she couldn't hack it... Now she keeps telling me I'll end up dropping out like her cos I can't look after myself On the one hand, she seems to want me to do badly to prove that she is better. On the other hand, she wants me to do well to fulfill her dreams and so that she can show off to her friends about it.
Made the mistake of deciding to apply to Cambridge. Mum told me not to and so did dad, but now that they've come around to the idea she's getting obsessive which is putting me off applying as I probably won't get in and she'll get all disappointed
omg I've waffled on for long enough i'll shut the hell up now sorry!
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