Who here (18ish) lives their lives based around their parents opinion? Watch

streetfighter5
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#1
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
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ok so im at uni, so obviously my parents arent here.
a lot of my friends do absolutely crazy stuff and dont tell their parents lol.
while in a way i envy this, i have just always shared good and bad with my parents, and whilst i want to have fun at uni and do the stuff all uni students get up to, i know i cant because i'd feel so guilty and would have to tell them.
this would then lead to an argument, which will lower my confidence, which will just lead to me doing even more crazy stuff i suppose.

i guess i just dont like the shame: eg. if for example i slept with someone tonight, and then my parents call me tomorrow to discuss uni or something, i would just feel so guilty because i'm in the "uni mindset" and not the "family mindset".
but the thing is i really really want to do this kind of uni stuff..

help!
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SuffocatedAnxiety
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Learn to draw the line between what your parents do and don't need to know. Personally I'd never ever talk to my parents about something like a one night stand.. I find it completely wrong.

Just do it and don't tell them. If you really feel that much "shame", then maybe it's something you shouldn't be doing anyway.
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streetfighter5
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(Original post by SuffocatedAnxiety)
Learn to draw the line between what your parents do and don't need to know. Personally I'd never ever talk to my parents about something like a one night stand.. I find it completely wrong.

Just do it and don't tell them. If you really feel that much "shame", then maybe it's something you shouldn't be doing anyway.
yeah perhaps, i have always had low confidence and in a way i always rely on their praise to keep my confidence levels up... so if i did something they disapproved of and they told me off, that would really hurt.
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NoHands
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meh, only really rely on what they think on one or two things really.

1) Money (theres no arguing with my dad - he sure knows his stuff)
2) Looking good in formal clothes (once again, dad + mum know their stuff)
3) Mowing the Lawn (my dad always does it faster than me he has a crazy cutting pattern going that im constantly trying to imitate without sucess).


op, figure out what things you thinkt hey are correct ina nd you are comfortable with, follow those and then use your own opinions and make your own decisions for the other things.
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streetfighter5
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(Original post by NoHands)
meh, only really rely on what they think on one or two things really.

1) Money (theres no arguing with my dad - he sure knows his stuff)
2) Looking good in formal clothes (once again, dad + mum know their stuff)
3) Mowing the Lawn (my dad always does it faster than me he has a crazy cutting pattern going that im constantly trying to imitate without sucess).


op, figure out what things you thinkt hey are correct ina nd you are comfortable with, follow those and then use your own opinions and make your own decisions for the other things.
i hope i can, but can i ask:

if you get up to a lot of "naughty" stuff at uni, when you're back at home sitting together in the lounge etc. and your parents ask you how is uni, won't you feel really awkward if you don't tell them? or is this just me:mad:
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NoHands
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(Original post by streetfighter5)
i hope i can, but can i ask:

if you get up to a lot of "naughty" stuff at uni, when you're back at home sitting together in the lounge etc. and your parents ask you how is uni, won't you feel really awkward if you don't tell them? or is this just me:mad:

well, i wouldnt tellt hem everything, although even if i did, i dont think they would care. really depends on your parents. mine are pretty liberal and have a good senso of humor, also im not afraid of talking/mentioning touchy issues. I wouldnt reallt feel awkwards though.

you are old enough to make your own decisions, and should not feel guilty afterwards. You cannot live your whole life acording to your parents and at some point of another you will do something that would dissapoint them, etc. the key i guess is to realise you do not have to live according to their opinions, etc. and that you dont have to act in a way such as to please them. If they were to get dissapointed, think of not telling them as doing them a favour.
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sdt
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Stop relying on other people's validation/approval for your own confidence.

Man up, do what the **** you like because you want to, not because your parents want you to. The problem isn't so much that you're not doing "absolutely crazy stuff", the problem is that you're not really exerting your own will.
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SuffocatedAnxiety
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(Original post by streetfighter5)
yeah perhaps, i have always had low confidence and in a way i always rely on their praise to keep my confidence levels up... so if i did something they disapproved of and they told me off, that would really hurt.
Sometimes though there will be something they disapprove of that is perfectly fine. Either due to age differences, different morals, or whatever.. but you should learn to judge things for yourself. You've got to be your own person at some point, and part of that is knowing what you believe in, not listening to others all the time.

Just go with your gut instinct if you're not sure, or ask for input from others, like mates. But do what YOU want.
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streetfighter5
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(Original post by SuffocatedAnxiety)
Sometimes though there will be something they disapprove of that is perfectly fine. Either due to age differences, different morals, or whatever.. but you should learn to judge things for yourself. You've got to be your own person at some point, and part of that is knowing what you believe in, not listening to others all the time.

Just go with your gut instinct if you're not sure, or ask for input from others, like mates. But do what YOU want.
ok well i was thinking of going up to a random girl in the halls near mine and asking her for sex cos i think she would say yes and i am quite desperate... however something tells me in the long term this would be bad
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SuffocatedAnxiety
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(Original post by streetfighter5)
ok well i was thinking of going up to a random girl in the halls near mine and asking her for sex cos i think she would say yes and i am quite desperate... however something tells me in the long term this would be bad
You're just going to go up and ask? Right. Well that might not work out, even if she is into you.

The idea of casual sex isn't bad, just perhaps don't be so blunt in your attempts to get it. If you have doubts, then think it through carefully. Just because you're desperate, it doesn't mean that casual sex is for you.
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streetfighter5
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lol ok thanks... that was just a bit of an extreme example, but it is not just that.

even if i do something at uni "a bit out of character" (i'm generally quite shy so anything that makes me seem more "confident" then i dunno, i guess i'm just scared of doing new things anyway.
sorry if i dont seem to be making any sense
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streetfighter5
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hmmm
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