Hate this shallow world Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#1
Im going to make this basic lol. Im in my 20's and guy have always blanked me and barely spoke to me because Ive never been pretty, Ive always had short hair and been a bit of a tomboy. At school Id speak to guys and they'd just not answer properly and not want to know me despite me lending them money and items in the past etc. Im not pushy Im very quiet so Ive just learned to enjoy being single and cope on my own so to speak.

Anyway since Ive grown my hair longer and curly and started to wear more feminine clothes Im getting a bit more male attention a few guys have asked if I want to go for a coffee and that I look amazing since 5 years ago and all that. Thing is I don't see why I should accept it Im still in a way annoyed at guys for not being attracted or giving me a chance, why should I have to look good? I don't bother about how a guy looks as long as he is clean, an healthy weight and has a good personality I'l give him a chance. Id be friends with guys who looked bad I wouldn't ignore them.

Its just so annoying.
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Destes
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#2
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Men are idiots, it's what we're best at.
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jennyng2000
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#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
despite me lending them money and items in the past etc
maybe i am reading this wrong, but you do realise lending people money is not a way to make friends? im not sure what to say about everything else, other than yes looks do make a difference, but so does personality, and the way you write sounds like you perhaps dont act in a way which causes guys to respect you?

i think that you shoudl do what makes you happy- so be mates or not with these guys approaching you on that basis

take care
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generalebriety
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#4
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Well, you said yourself you were a tomboy, but how many guys of that age want to associate with girls anyway? Guys = football, beer, sex, going down the pub and getting pissed. Girls = hair, shoes, gossip, curling up in front of a film with chocolate. Such are the stereotypes, and I'm afraid that at that age they're not too far wrong; I get on better with girls than guys, and always have done, but I'm in something of a minority there, because most guys I know want to be friends with people similar to themselves, and although I don't wish to perpetuate the stereotypes, I know no girls similar to the guys I'm thinking of. *shrugs* Sad fact of life - they were looking for girlfriends, and as you were a bit of a tomboy, that wasn't you, and now that you're not, it might be.

Luckily, now that you're in your 20s, there are guys out there who'll also happily just be friends with you - I'll bet a lot of it is their age and maturity rather than your hair.
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Anonymous #2
#5
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Yeah I know what you mean. I'll rage out and act unfeminine just cos it looks cool and different; then I'll put on a sweet smile and relax my shoulders, fit in and get more attention.

It sucks you have to be a certain way to get attention - but then it's still *your* attention. It's not changing and getting attention; you're just bringing out the best bits of you.
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Diaz89
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#6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Im going to make this basic lol. Im in my 20's and guy have always blanked me and barely spoke to me because Ive never been pretty, Ive always had short hair and been a bit of a tomboy. At school Id speak to guys and they'd just not answer properly and not want to know me despite me lending them money and items in the past etc. Im not pushy Im very quiet so Ive just learned to enjoy being single and cope on my own so to speak.

Anyway since Ive grown my hair longer and curly and started to wear more feminine clothes Im getting a bit more male attention a few guys have asked if I want to go for a coffee and that I look amazing since 5 years ago and all that. Thing is I don't see why I should accept it Im still in a way annoyed at guys for not being attracted or giving me a chance, why should I have to look good? I don't bother about how a guy looks as long as he is clean, an healthy weight and has a good personality I'l give him a chance. Id be friends with guys who looked bad I wouldn't ignore them.

Its just so annoying.

accept and stand them up
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Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
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(Original post by Diaz89)
accept and stand them up
thats not revenge as such they'd probably be glad I didn't turn up and quickly move on lol.
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Diaz89
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thats not revenge as such they'd probably be glad I didn't turn up and quickly move on lol.
nah, trust me, when you see a girl that wasn't attractive in the past and she is now, they become more desirable cause you'll be thinking "f*** why didn't i get to know her when she was the ugly nice girl" (not saying that you are). and btw if they had the courage to ask you for a coffee you must look really hot now!
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Cocoa
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#9
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aww sweetie - i think that all it is is that before you're in your 20s guys have a very stereotypical view of what a girl should be to be dateable AND you're in a much smaller area being in HS, but then when you get older, and they mature, you go away to uni or college where you meet like-minded people
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saucymare
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I was very much the same in school, but partly because i knew i wasn't into guys fullstop, but i refrained from any relationships with people in school and only had one relationship during my school years, which was a brief relationship, i concentrated on my studies, while my friends around me all got off with eachother, and others. And no big headedness or anything, but im actually the only one who passed my exams out of classes of 8-12 people during A Level years. Im not saying thats why people aorund me failed, just saying ignoring that side of things while in school, served me well. I wasnt bothered by what people thought of me, and often got bullied for my looks, my ways and such, no one in school knew i was gay, that would of just been another reason to bully me. I dress to please me, for comfort, rarely for looks unless theres a special occasion. if i happen to leave the house comfy and looking good, theres a bonus. I now have a partner and have had for coming up to 2 & half years, and still i dress for me.

If its the same people who ignored you, then i wouldnt accept any offer from them. If its new people who perhaps you didnt notice back then, never mind them notice you, then maybe consider it.
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sufiankane
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#11
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Because guys are pigs. I'll admit it straight away.
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lordbonney
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#12
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Whilst the comments about men being idiots are, of course, true, we do grow up in our late teens (not much, dont worry, bodily gases and nob jokes are still the funniest things known to man) so maybe its just people getting away from stereotypes?
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giella
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#13
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We as a species are led by our sight. It's only natural that we're going to be attracted by visual cues.
We're also sexual creatures. We look for signals that indicate sex as a possibility, which is a significant part in any intimate relationship. If you turn all those signals off, it's going to put people off.
People do value personality within a relationship. A meaningful one is not sustainable without it. Neither is a meaningful friendship. However, one attracts another by advertising it first. If it's someone you don't know, you're only going to attract them by getting their attention in the most obvious way possible: visual cues. Or if you're in a situation where you're forced to get to know the other person by circumstantial proximity to one another, you're going to want to know that progression into a relationship is an attractive prospect.
You say yourself that the world is shallow because people are only interested in appearance. You know full well that that's not the reason people stay in relationships. So obviously there's something more to this appearance lark. It's a huge part of why people are attracted to one another. Just because you don't want to do it makes it very easy to dismiss it as shallow. It's not shallow. It's something you should reasonably have to work on in order to be considered as a potential partner. Why should someone invest in something that you put no effort into yourself?
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