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Nightclub: Female, 22, and wondering why you're grabbing me...

Background. I recently moved away from home (... my parents) and decided to get a taste of nightlife, finally, at the ripe age of 22.

A question for all you decent guys out there.
What do you do to get a girl's attention at a club? I mean, I've met lots of men, but a lot of them are creepy (meaning they look lecherous, are much older than me, piss drunk...or something else unattractive). The last time I went out I had a guy grabbing my hand and offering me drinks even when I told him I didn't want anything (I don't drink) and he then went on to grab every other girl in the club.

Oh, and please tell me if there's something that generally scares off good guys and attracts the bad, I'd like to know if I might be doing it. [In terms of dress: I'm a classy girl, I don't need advice on that]

Questions for the girls.
How do you spot the decent guys? At one point I just ignored every single man around me because I just couldn't tell the good from the bad. A decent guy, for me, is one that backs off if I ask him to and understands if I'm not interested. If he's cute and a good conversationalist or a good dancer, even better. I'm just afraid of getting stuck with a dude who won't leave me alone, expects something or just wants to grind with me. I don't want to lead anyone on.

Lastly...what do I do when a guy's near me and looks like he's sort of/possibly dancing with me when I'm dancing in a circle of friends? Ideally, I'd love it if someone tapped me on the shoulder, introduced themselves and then politely asked me for a dance...but they don't seem to do that a lot (ever).

Reply 1

4x4

10

You make eye contact with them several times and smile when you have eye contact, then something usually happens if the guy is single and likes you.

Reply 2

Einstein Jr

8

well a club isnt generally the best place to meet "good" guys

Reply 3

Drewski

19

First mistake is going to a club.
People are there either purely to dance/get drunk or to pull. It's unfortunate, but it's the general truth.

Reply 4

Joanna May

15

I spot the decent guys by the fact that they aren't doing any of the things you describe. I don't think it's that easy to find a decent guy in a nightclub though, because either I'm drunk or they are. So their best manners aren't really showing through, and nor are mine. But in general, a decent guy would be one who respected boundaries (ie didn't walk up behind me and grab my arse or put an arm around me) and waited until I'd shown some interest in him before assuming he can take me away from my friends all night.

I ignore the guys who do the sneaky dancing behind you thing. They tend to be losers who are either just opportunists hoping to feel you up when you're not looking, or don't have the balls to introduce themselves. Neither of which I find attractive.

Reply 5

Prudy

15

ladyrea

Background. I recently moved away from home (... my parents) and decided to get a taste of nightlife, finally, at the ripe age of 22.

A question for all you decent guys out there.
What do you do to get a girl's attention at a club? I mean, I've met lots of men, but a lot of them are creepy (meaning they look lecherous, are much older than me, piss drunk...or something else unattractive). The last time I went out I had a guy grabbing my hand and offering me drinks even when I told him I didn't want anything (I don't drink) and he then went on to grab every other girl in the club.

Oh, and please tell me if there's something that generally scares off good guys and attracts the bad, I'd like to know if I might be doing it. [In terms of dress: I'm a classy girl, I don't need advice on that]

Questions for the girls.
How do you spot the decent guys? At one point I just ignored every single man around me because I just couldn't tell the good from the bad. A decent guy, for me, is one that backs off if I ask him to and understands if I'm not interested. If he's cute and a good conversationalist or a good dancer, even better. I'm just afraid of getting stuck with a dude who won't leave me alone, expects something or just wants to grind with me. I don't want to lead anyone on.

Lastly...what do I do when a guy's near me and looks like he's sort of/possibly dancing with me when I'm dancing in a circle of friends? Ideally, I'd love it if someone tapped me on the shoulder, introduced themselves and then politely asked me for a dance...but they don't seem to do that a lot (ever).

I don't. I generally hang around with my mates and have a good time. I never try to get a girls attention because I generally assume they would't be interested and would find it really creepy.

I don't think there is anything really that would scare off 'good guys' apart from dress, or if you've had a skinful and are crouched down pissing against a car, and TBH the creepy ones will probably be attracted no matter what you do.

Reply 6

Drewski

19

And, just curious, but first time in a club at the age of 22? What did you do while at school/uni?

Reply 7

TheCasual

2

As a rule I don't think you can find decent lads in nightclubs obviously there will exceptions to the rule. If I like the look of a girl then I try and make eye contact then gently smile at them not to overwelming

Reply 8

Davezk

12

I don't really try get with girls I just hang around my mates and have a laugh. I'm not the best looking guy in the world so just assume they'd think I'm some drunk weirdo so don't really bother unless it is appropriate to talk to them then I just chat to them randomly to get to know them for a bit then thats it.

Reply 9

noggins

19

Drewski

First mistake is going to a club.
People are there either purely to dance/get drunk or to pull. It's unfortunate, but it's the general truth.

This. Yeah, OP, try find a different club. That one sounds like ****kicker heaven. Maybe travel to a different town, if you go out with friends.

Reply 10

Davezk

12

ladyrea

At one point I just ignored every single man around me because I just couldn't tell the good from the bad. A decent guy, for me, is one that backs off if I ask him to and understands if I'm not interested. If he's cute and a good conversationalist or a good dancer, even better. I'm just afraid of getting stuck with a dude who won't leave me alone, expects something or just wants to grind with me. I don't want to lead anyone on.

Girls like you just aren't approachable. Be spontanious, don't write specifications like we have to fit them just to talk to you. At the end of the day, its not like every guy at a nightclub wants just one thing. A lot of people go to nightclubs who are decent, you just have to make a bit of effort to unveil that person rather than quickly dismiss them by ignoring them or telling them to go away.

Reply 11

Titanomachy

13

ladyrea

Background. I recently moved away from home (... my parents) and decided to get a taste of nightlife, finally, at the ripe age of 22.

A question for all you decent guys out there.
What do you do to get a girl's attention at a club? I mean, I've met lots of men, but a lot of them are creepy (meaning they look lecherous, are much older than me, piss drunk...or something else unattractive). The last time I went out I had a guy grabbing my hand and offering me drinks even when I told him I didn't want anything (I don't drink) and he then went on to grab every other girl in the club.

Oh, and please tell me if there's something that generally scares off good guys and attracts the bad, I'd like to know if I might be doing it. [In terms of dress: I'm a classy girl, I don't need advice on that]

Questions for the girls.
How do you spot the decent guys? At one point I just ignored every single man around me because I just couldn't tell the good from the bad. A decent guy, for me, is one that backs off if I ask him to and understands if I'm not interested. If he's cute and a good conversationalist or a good dancer, even better. I'm just afraid of getting stuck with a dude who won't leave me alone, expects something or just wants to grind with me. I don't want to lead anyone on.

Lastly...what do I do when a guy's near me and looks like he's sort of/possibly dancing with me when I'm dancing in a circle of friends? Ideally, I'd love it if someone tapped me on the shoulder, introduced themselves and then politely asked me for a dance...but they don't seem to do that a lot (ever).

Stop clubbing, then

Reply 12

wholenewworld

8

Drewski

First mistake is going to a club.
People are there either purely to dance/get drunk or to pull. It's unfortunate, but it's the general truth.

This.
You might be better off joining societies or sports clubs (if you are at uni that is).

Reply 13

felron09

Why would you go looking for a descent guy in a nightclub?( not saying there aren't any), just wondering who yor personal advisor is and how much he/she earns?

Reply 14

Aack

Einstein Jr

well a club isnt generally the best place to meet "good" guys

This.

Reply 15

Aack

Drewski

First mistake is going to a club.
People are there either purely to dance/get drunk or to pull. It's unfortunate, but it's the general truth.

This.

Reply 16

Aack

TheCasual

As a rule I don't think you can find decent lads in nightclubs obviously there will exceptions to the rule. If I like the look of a girl then I try and make eye contact then gently smile at them not to overwelming