I don’t think this is healthy... Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#1
I’m not 100% sure what the purpose of posting this is, perhaps just to get it off my chest.

I find that people (family, friends, acquaintances) feel very much at ease with me and open up a lot about their personal issues. Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered that people consider me to be trustworthy and reliable, but over the years I’ve found the frequency and extent to which people confide in me is unnatural. This week I became aware of the fact that every single day I was being someone’s rock, sorting them out and picking them up. The sort of thing you would occasionally expect to do for someone close to you when they find themselves in a bad situation (a very normal and acceptable thing to do on occasion). I really, really don’t want to sound unkind. I don’t mind helping people out, it’s what friends/relatives are for after all. But I’m starting to feel that all I’m ever doing is fixing people’s problems, constantly having to listen, constantly having to be someone’s shoulder to cry on, constantly having to be strong for others and convincing them that everything’s going to be ok. It’s starting to take a toll on me. And to be frank I have a lot of issues of my own to deal with. I don’t want to sound like a drama queen, honestly I’m really quite a laid back person and rarely go off on one like I’m doing right now. It’s just I’m getting really fed up. I don’t mind at all being there for people, but just to a normal/healthy extent.

Anyway, sorry for ranting on! For obvious reasons it’s not something I can discuss with anyone I know. What do you make of my situation and do you have any suggestions? Does anyone else have a similar experience?
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Anonymous #1
#2
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#2
I’m not 100% sure what the purpose of posting this is, perhaps just to get it off my chest.

I find that people (family, friends, acquaintances) feel very much at ease with me and open up a lot about their personal issues. Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered that people consider me to be trustworthy and reliable, but over the years I’ve found the frequency and extent to which people confide in me is unnatural. This week I became aware of the fact that every single day I was being someone’s rock, sorting them out and picking them up. The sort of thing you would occasionally expect to do for someone close to you when they find themselves in a bad situation (a very normal and acceptable thing to do for a friend/relative). I really, really don’t want to sound unkind, I don’t mind helping people out, it’s what friends/relatives are for after all. But I’m starting to feel that all I’m ever doing is fixing people’s problems, constantly having to listen, constantly having to be someone’s shoulder to cry on, constantly having to be strong for others and convincing them that everything’s going to be ok. It’s starting to take a toll on me. And to be frank I have a lot of issues of my own to deal with. I don’t want to sound like a drama queen, honestly I’m really quite a laid back person and rarely go off on one like I’m doing right now. It’s just I’m getting really fed up. I don’t mind at all being there for people, but just to a normal/healthy extent.

Anyway, sorry for ranting on! For obvious reasons it’s not something I can discuss with anyone I know. What do you make of my situation and do you have any suggestions? Does anyone else have a similar experience?
reply
Anonymous #2
#3
Report 9 years ago
#3
Hmm... I've had very similar experiences. I find it easy to underline the prime factors in peoples' problems, I listen unconditionally, and am very sociable to start with. It just seems that everyone is prepared to unreservedly pour out their problems to me to whatever extent I'm prepared to listen to them.

It can be annoying sometimes, as it feels nobody wants to give anything back to you in your friendships and relationships. But it's also vastly rewarding. It allows one to build up a catalogue of how the human pysche operates, and affords one a broad understanding of how to cope with and solve interpersonal problems. You also end up making one helluva lot of friends, and that of course allows one to be choosey (quality over quantity!).

On the flipside, one becomes readily disillusioned and disappointed with people. It's now almost become the holy grail of friendship and relationships that I find someone who's emotionally resilient and doesn't need my counselling somehow, and alas, they're few and far between.

Anyway, enough ranting. I just wanted to say you're not alone!
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#4
Report 9 years ago
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If people are inclined to confide in you, can you isolate the behaviour you display which would make people do so?
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Anonymous #3
#5
Report 9 years ago
#5
i have a similar experience
for years i've been what you are
it's sort of become less now because i need to concentrate on my life
even in primary school people told me about their problems
and to this date, there are 2 or 3 people who tell me about their family and money problems etc.
it's quite flattering i know, but sometimes i feel that my life is crap too!
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#6
Thanks for the feedback
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#7
Report 9 years ago
#7
I understand your situation but has any taking advantage such as.. example: someone asking you to help their essay or fill in your work shift or something knowing that your a person who would do anything because your considered trustworthy and reliable?? Sometimes its good to know who your real friends are and also you deserve better. Its called "Self-Respect"

Saying "no" doesn't make you a bad person, just as long you have a good reason to make it sound like your not For me, life is so busy. I assume your will be too. But there is a limit and same for everything else.

Thanks for sharing, its good to see you don't have to bottle this up inside you.
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